In the name of journalistic integrity, I fully admit to being a life-long Red Sox fan, having attended my first game before I could walk and probably having averaged 15-20 games a year during most of my childhood. That being said, I have, over the years, noticed a *very* disturbing trend in baseball. Putting aside for a moment the fact that it does seem possible to buy a championship and not arguing that as the disturbing trend (hell, Manny makes more than any Yankee, so the sox are trying to do the same...they just don't have pockets deep enough), the "disturbing trend" of which I speak is a phenomenon I have dubbed the "Woodworks Theory of Accomplishment and Cognitive (dis)Association". Simply put, this theory argues that, while there exist "real" Yankees fans for sure, between 80-95% of their fan base is comprised of individuals who are not only "true" Yankees fans, but not even true "baseball fans" who come out of the woodworks when the Yankees are doing well. This 80-95%, my colleagues and I theorize, are individuals attending second rate schools or holding second rate jobs in either of which case, they must daily confront not only their insignifance and inability to act upon "the sytem" (but rather to be acted upon as incapable subjects), but the inescapable fact that their positions in life are fairly solidified with no real hope of rising above their situation. Through cognitive association with The Yankees and a corollary cognitive disassociation with their lives, these individuals are allowed to temporarily escape from these realities in much the same way a drug addict might use his "fix" to escape from similar stark realities.
As these people are in dire need of immediate help, my colleagues and I have identified several telling characteristics that can allow you to diagnose someone in your life as a TAYF (Temporary Association Yankee Fan). It is imperative that you familiarize yourself with this list.
*TAYFs, if in the 22-30 year old range, as a good majority are, invariably covered their boyhood rooms with Michael Jordan posters. This is yet another frightening example of the desparation these people exhibit in attempting to somehow associate themselves with "the best".
*During the 1985 Pats versus Bears Superbowl, these individuals, though not from Chicago, rooted for the Bears and sung along to the "Superbowl Shuffle" simply because it was the "safe bet", both in terms of the Vegas odds and the chance of positive cognitive association.
*A TAYF will, almost without fail, cite Tiger Woods as his favorite golfer.
*If a TAYF is asked to name his or her five favorite films, at least four these films are certain to have been "tops at the box office" for an absolute minimum of one week. It is more likely the case that at least three or four of these films are among the top 100 grossing films of ALL time, such is the TAYF's pathetic desire to be associated with anything purported to be "better".
*Very often, TAYFs are the same people who incessantly wear Nikes.
*TAYFs are often known to garner most of their fashion accessory sense from whatever the film of the moment is. Take sunglasses for example. A TAYF, due to his insecurities, likely wore the T2 glasses in 1992, Matrix glasses in 2000 and so on.
*Hailing from New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, etc, the TAYF will attempt to rationalize themselves as a RYF (Real Yankees Fan) through some sort of weak connection to NYC. Common are such claims as "My dad grew up in the Bronx" or the even weaker "My Dad went to college in NYC". Those truly grasping will point to the fact that "their cousin is from Albany" in a pathetic attempt to somehow associate themselves with NYC so that they can therefore rationalize their association to the Yankees in a way that doesn't force the id or ego to confront it's own illusions.
*Perhaps the most revealing action that betrays one's "TAYFness" is the vocality of "cheering". The TAYF rarely cheers for the Yankees so much as he cheers for the demise of the Yankee's opponent. A deeper examination reveals why this is so; it's a classic example of the very self-loathing which leads to the TAYF condition. Despite all the psychological illusions in the world, a TAYF can never 100% believe that he is one of life's winners, as the reptilian portion of the brain refuses to allow such internal contradictions without a resulting schizoprhenia (which many TAYFs eventually exhibit, claiming to be from NJ when the Devils or Nets are winning). Thus, by vociferously jeering the other team and cheering for ITS misfortunes as opposed to the Yankees' fortunes, they are essentially, in the only way they can without admitting their own worthlessness, jeering themselves and their positions in life by enacting out those fantastical actions on the opposing team. To make it clear, a RYF says "Way to go Yanks!!! Clutch hitting boys!!!" while a TAYF says something to the effect of "Red Sox suck!!! The curse is alive!!". In actuality, the only curse is the curse of diminished genetics the possess or inordinate amount of lead paint chips they consumed as toddlers.
*In communications, such as a message board, RYFs (and indeed "real" fans of any team) will voice support for their team independently and not in reaction to the praise of other teams or recent actions. A RYF would have, back in June or July, been in the lounge or the sports area of a forum such as this extollinng on the virtues of the Yankees as opposed to the TAYF, who makes his or her first real post on the subject after they clinch a World Series berth. (AR members beware, as we have identified several such TAYFs on this board...let us try to get them the help they need).
Reply With Quote
Don't playa hate, maybe next year fellas, maybe next year muahahahahahaha Yankees baby!
Originally Posted by ross3814
