Number One Idiot of 2002
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison
control enter. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not
harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she
gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her
that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Number Two Idiots of 2002
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the
plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed
a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was
inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
Number Three Idiot of 2002
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny
in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America
and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he
handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man
said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in
line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
Number four Idiot of 2002
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign. ( Though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about!
)
Number Five Idiot of 2002
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He
told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license.They arrested the robber two hours
later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!
Idiot Number Six of 2002
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.
Idiot Number Seven of 2002 Arkansas
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw
a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he
lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of plexiglas. The whole
event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.
Give him his sign.
Idiot Number Eight of 2002 Ann Arbor:
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The
clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Sign please.
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