Men vs. Women

[daman1]

1.NAMES
> >
> > If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call
>each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
> >
> > If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer
to
>each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
> >
> >
> >
> > 2.EATING OUT
> >
> > When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
$20,
>even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller
>and none will actually admit they want change back.
> >
> > When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
> >
> >
> >
> > 3.MONEY
> >
> > A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> >
> > A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
>sale.
>
> >
> >
> >
> > 4.BATH ROOMS
> >
> > A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
>razor,
>
>a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
> >
> > The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A
>man
>
>would not be able to identify most of these items.
> >
> >
> >
> > 5.ARGUMENTS
> >
> > A woman has the last word in any argument.
> >
> > Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
> >
> >
> >
> > 6.CATS
> >
> > Women love cats.
> >
> > Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
cats.
> >
> >
> >
> > 7.FUTURE
> >
> >
> >
> > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> >
> > A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> >
> >
> >
> > 8.SUCCESS
> >
> > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
> >
>&g t; A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> >
> >
> >
> > 9.MARRIAGE
> >
> > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> >
> > A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
> >
> >
> >
> > 10.DRESSING UP
> >
> > A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
>garbage,
>answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
> >
> > A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
> >
> >
> >
> > 11.NATURAL
> >
> > Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> >
> > Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
> >
> >
> >
> > 12.OFFSPRING
> >
> > Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
>dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret
>fears and hopes and dreams.
> >
> > A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
> >
> >
> >
> > 13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> >
> > Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people
>remembering the same thing.
> >
> >
> >
> > AND FINALLY.....
> >
> > A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
> >
> > An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted
>to
>concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack
asses, and
>pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
> >
> >
> >
> > "Yep,"the husband replied, "in-laws."
>

[Commando_Barbi]

Cute. Glad to see you are typing in english now. You OK?

[daman1]

Cute. Glad to see you are typing in english now. You OK?

Ahh I'm still here. Just been having a rough past week. Had my brother's burial Friday. So I'm trying to keep half-way sane. Thank you for asking

[Commando_Barbi]

Sorry about your Brother. I know how you feel when it comes to loss. Any time you need cheered up, just shoot me a PM and I'll do my best.

C.B.

[bermich]

LMAO. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house


My condolances to you and your family.

[Mr. Death]

> > 6.CATS
> >
> > Women love cats.
> >
> > Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
cats.

I really do love cats .

[Da Bull]

I really do love cats .

THat's the onlt piece I didn't care for,but all else was funny.

Sorry for your loss bro.....my heart goes out to you and your family.

[Testify]

9.MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

Isn't that the truth.

I also like the one about the "short people." LMAO!

I'm sorry to hear about your loss bro. I can't imagine how you must feel, but you can always come here and talk about anything.

[Vidooch]

LOL. that was a very funny read bro.

my heart also goes out to you and your family