depression

**Stephan** · 01-09-2005, 11:25 PM

I am going through a time right now...it is going to be pretty hard to explain but I have to get it off my chest because it is messing with my head bad... I ended my first cycle about 2 months ago... it was tes e 500mg a week and deca 250mg a week I ended the clomid a few weeks ago...when it comes to girls I get really depressed... I use to be pretty bad into drugs a couple of years ago like oxy's and h... I went through a christian rehab program and I was in there for about 8 months... I got out in june so I have been clean for a year and 3 months... Well I started messing around with the juice not long after I got out of the program...I guess I was looking for something to make me feel better about my self...Iim not sure what void I was trying to fill... But now I feel like a need a girlfriend...its like a physical craving....its not just about the sex...its actually more emotional...and I think this is being caused by the steroids because it is almost unbearable... its like when I across a pretty girl I feel like im in love with her... and then when I start talking to her and she stands me up it gets me really low I mean really depressed to the point to where I cant go to sleep...and this has happened with several girls recently...then I start thinking why cant I get a girlfriend and I get really down... I dont know what my problem is but its really getting out of hand im almost to the point to where I am going to go talk to a psychologist... Can AS do this to you...and how can I help this because I feel like the loneliest person in the world.... My cousin is 15 and she has this friend that is 14 I mean this girl is smoking hot she has the perfect ass and she is stacked....she dresses really sexy and she could easiely pass for 20, by the way im 20... And I feel like I love her... Iv only hanged out with her a few times but its like I cant control myself... I could go to jail if I were to touch her but its like she is so hot I cant controll my self.... I think this is being caused by the AS but im not sure

***Mr. Sparkle*** · 01-09-2005, 11:31 PM

I will be PMing you in a sec....

**slacker** · 01-09-2005, 11:35 PM

14 is a little young, just play it cool the right girl will come around and then your feeling of love will be mutual. But i would stay away from the 14 year old, shes a temptation you dont need around you, you can get in serious sh.t for her being that young.

**slob** · 01-09-2005, 11:42 PM

put her on lay buy.
just treat her nice and resist the urge to bang her until she's legal.

**Be Real** · 01-09-2005, 11:44 PM

I know how you feel about the 14 year old bro. There are some 14 year olds here that look 20 and I like sweet innocent girls and thats hard to find and when they are 14 they are usually sweet and innocent and I find that attractive as hell but still man you gotta resist the urge and realize tehre are plenty of women 18 and above out there. Just try not to get yourself in any trouble.

**cardiodan** · 01-10-2005, 12:00 AM

Steroids are drugs man. Not trying to be an ass, but dont you see you havent recovered and are going in circles by injecting yourself? Youre not leaving the world of drugs by injecting steroids, your condition is just worsened.
Toughen up a bit. Since you are dead set into messing with things that alter you mentally and chemically, find things that will take your mind off of things such as depression when you are faced with them, it is what I do. I for example run for 60 minutes with rocknroll blasted on the earphones cold weather rainy weather doesnt matter, the worse the better.
In your case however, go out to a movie, and try to get a date. Sooner or later youre bound to get one, and once you do, your depression will be alleviated. Hey, got rejected 20 times? So what? At least you got one date.
Think of it that way if you have a problem with rejection.
Keep your head up, and away from drugs, you have no business with them anyway IMO.

**marka** · 01-10-2005, 12:03 AM

Originally Posted by Stephan

I am going through a time right now...it is going to be pretty hard to explain but I have to get it off my chest because it is messing with my head bad... I ended my first cycle about 2 months ago... it was tes e 500mg a week and deca 250mg a week I ended the clomid a few weeks ago...when it comes to girls I get really depressed... I use to be pretty bad into drugs a couple of years ago like oxy's and h... I went through a christian rehab program and I was in there for about 8 months... I got out in june so I have been clean for a year and 3 months... Well I started messing around with the juice not long after I got out of the program...I guess I was looking for something to make me feel better about my self...Iim not sure what void I was trying to fill... But now I feel like a need a girlfriend...its like a physical craving....its not just about the sex...its actually more emotional...and I think this is being caused by the steroids because it is almost unbearable... its like when I across a pretty girl I feel like im in love with her... and then when I start talking to her and she stands me up it gets me really low I mean really depressed to the point to where I cant go to sleep...and this has happened with several girls recently...then I start thinking why cant I get a girlfriend and I get really down... I dont know what my problem is but its really getting out of hand im almost to the point to where I am going to go talk to a psychologist... Can AS do this to you...and how can I help this because I feel like the loneliest person in the world.... My cousin is 15 and she has this friend that is 14 I mean this girl is smoking hot she has the perfect ass and she is stacked....she dresses really sexy and she could easiely pass for 20, by the way im 20... And I feel like I love her... Iv only hanged out with her a few times but its like I cant control myself... I could go to jail if I were to touch her but its like she is so hot I cant controll my self.... I think this is being caused by the AS but im not sure

I have too deal with depression almost every week....and Im 32.....I recommend seeing and trusting a good psychologist...they really can make a differance...I see one once a month........I still deal with getting down all the time....but I am better prepared to deal with it. The upside, is that people who get depressed are usually bright people, that require living to their fullest potential in order to be happy. Some very succesfull and high-achieving people, suffer from clinical depression. The girl issue, is very typical, I used to be dependant on woman at an early age.........as I look back, it really got out of hand, from wasting many years of my life with the wrong girls, and always wanting more....3 somes, different girls on the same day,etc, it was like a drug, really.........through therapy, I learned that you must learn to be happy by yourself, without being dependant on someone else, before you can expect a relationship to work. Its a constant battle, but you can control it. See a shrink, and control this problem from the root....which is not your feelings for this girl by the way.

**dive_kid** · 01-10-2005, 12:04 AM

not to sound like an ass, but I might suggest some
professional help. and ya got the right idea.....young girls are hot, but dont touch

**Jackman** · 01-10-2005, 12:12 AM

hey bro your not alone. you got a pm

**Stumbo** · 01-10-2005, 01:26 AM

I suffer from depression too man, try to find somthing to keep yourself busy, a hobby of some sort. For me it was building speakers, sounds weird but i really enjoyed it.

Tough times never last, but tough people do.

***the original jason*** · 01-10-2005, 03:57 AM

have you tried going to an NA meeting?? some self discovery is needed for sure, you will meet like minded people. I have suffered for years with myself, i am a recovering addict 10 years clean from drink and drugs and disagree that juice is just something to use to continue your addiction IF and this is a big IF if, you have worked on yourself and feel comfortable with who you are. I spent 5 years in recovery totally free from everything including drink before i used juice, and to be honest, I feel ok with it, recovery is personal, its about feeling ok in your own skin so you can enjoy yourself, fuk what anyone else thinks if you feel ok. I still have periods of difficulty especially around beautiful women, however from my experience, I know that its not gonna make me feel better, however doesnt stop me wanting it!!. I have just come to realise that even if I do get it, usually the ones I get obsessed with as you have described are trouble, then usually the ones who i dont, well they want me and im not interested!! its a viscous circle and its about finding a balance, however for people like us, addicts, balance is a weird word, cos there isnt one!!

I think most of us on the board, not just addicts and people into juice suffer from some form of addiction, body disorder which may constitute itself in an attempt to change physical appearance, however manifests from inside and emotional state, its a disease you have bro, you need help, you cant manage alone but you can arrest and live a happy life if you get help, if you need more help drop me a pm im happy to share my experiences and guide you in right direction

peace

remember what most people say here, is just an opinion, and we all know they are like ars3holes, everyone has one!! most people have not been there, and dont understand, dont listen to the a55holes who will post stuff like, its about will power, and pull yourself together, and so on, those are totally irrelevant points, take care

**Stephan** · 01-10-2005, 08:27 AM

I just wanted to thank everyone for responding to my post and giving me advice... And yes I use to go to NA but there are alot of people in there that glorify there drug use and it just seems like it makes things worse, every once in a while ill stop by one...everyone in there is just really negative plus I quit smoking over a year ago and its like fog room in there... I think that my problem is that im not completely surrendering to God and I still wont to do things my way... I just have to come to that point to where I can give everything to God and let him take it away from me its just that I continue feeling like I need a girl in my life but what I think that feeling really is that feeling that I need a girl is the need for God... But im just stubborn

**BIGPAPAPUMP77** · 01-10-2005, 08:30 AM

Good Luck Bro.......your Definitly Not Alone When It Comes To Depression....one Day At A Time

**GetinBig** · 01-10-2005, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by cardiodan

Steroids are drugs man. Not trying to be an ass, but dont you see you havent recovered and are going in circles by injecting yourself? Youre not leaving the world of drugs by injecting steroids, your condition is just worsened.
Toughen up a bit. Since you are dead set into messing with things that alter you mentally and chemically, find things that will take your mind off of things such as depression when you are faced with them, it is what I do. I for example run for 60 minutes with rocknroll blasted on the earphones cold weather rainy weather doesnt matter, the worse the better.
In your case however, go out to a movie, and try to get a date. Sooner or later youre bound to get one, and once you do, your depression will be alleviated. Hey, got rejected 20 times? So what? At least you got one date.
Think of it that way if you have a problem with rejection.
Keep your head up, and away from drugs, you have no business with them anyway IMO.

Very good post bro..

Stephen, Man bro just chill out. You pm me all of the time. Asking questions. Why didn't you say anything about this? You will find the one that is good for you. It might take some time and some girls standing you up but you will find her.

Get rid of the 14yr old. Don't even hang out with her.. It is just jail bait..

You will be fine just give it some time..

GB

**kafabe** · 01-10-2005, 08:45 AM

Its tough, I am two years 6 months clean from diluadid and oxy. I only had a two month stint on them, but it was the worst thing I have ever been throught in my life. I do not think roids are by no means anything like the drugs at all. But I know that for the first year clean, I tried to replace the drug addiction with a sex addiction, that took even longer to get away from than the drug addiction. But you hit the nail on the head when you said God. If you believe in God and having the relationship with him is on your mind, then there is no doubt that is your solution. I am a firm believer in God and he is what helps me through each day. Go to church, I am finally up to going every sunday and wednesday, I am no saint by no means but going to church every time helps keep my mind off the negative and focus on the positive. Just my two cents hope it helps, PM me if you need any help.

**Pale Horse** · 01-10-2005, 08:48 AM

Stephan..........IMO NA & AA are a poor substitute for what I feel is most important. Your personal relationship with Christ. Press yourself into service at your church and surround yourself by genuine Christians. You will find relief in your salvation. Just like they say at the meetings you get out of it what you put into it. WORK on your faith, it will not let you down.

I can relate I have gone thru everything you have and are going thru.

**Benches505** · 01-10-2005, 09:51 AM

The best thing that can happen if you mess with the 14 year old is a jail sentence. The worst thing is a crazy father coming after you with a shotgun! There are so many women out there, just be calm and not desperate and one will come your way.

**ceasar250** · 01-10-2005, 02:32 PM

First and most importantly I think you need to get yourself right mentally before you do anymore gear. The up and down hormone levels will definently make you feel depressed, especially Clomid PCT. It basically turns you into a chick for a month or so. Second, if you are depressed now you will be really depressed after the 14 year old's parents decide to press charges against you. They don't treat child sex offenders good in the pen. Good luck, get some help.

**m1514** · 01-10-2005, 04:37 PM

Not to be a thread stealer, but I thought I was the only one with these problems. On AAS Im always up and down, especially since my fiancee left me almost 2 years ago, thats when I started juicing. I always feel better after going to Church, it seems the worse you feel about yourself the more you will get out of Church services. Anyhow, keep your chin up, your not alone on this even though it feels like it. It will get better, but maybe dont start anymore cycles till you have it under some control. My first cycle I was all sorts of pissed off for the whole 10 weeks I was on it. Ex fiancee stuff, etc, but you can harness the rage if you will and put it to good use in the gym. Actually I kinda miss those workouts, crazy. Peace.

**bignatt** · 01-10-2005, 04:49 PM

Stephan i am usually a pretty big pimp but there are times when i hit lows like real lows and i dont get any action or even meet any chicks at all i think that things go in cycles and when i hit the real lows i feel exactly the same i think to myself maybe there is something wrong with me and maybe this or maybe that am i ugly? but i take that negative energy and put it into the gym and although i am still sad sometimes i go and get some ugly ass broad and it makes me feel better for the moment but i feel sick afterwards just remember that things happen for a reason and to not turn to drugs or nasty chicks its not you man its just the way things go even the best lookin guys have there off times pm me if you need to talk or whatever

**skiing** · 01-10-2005, 04:50 PM

I wish you the best man.

**D_B_rooking** · 01-10-2005, 04:56 PM

yea man your not alone... haha trust me your not alone....I found out a couple of years back that the more you get up and get off your ass and do **** the more people you meet, the easier people become to talk too and the more friends you have ,, the more women youll get without trying.. its like it will come to you.. just keep yourself busy bro and it will all work out

**Swifto** · 01-10-2005, 05:08 PM

dont feel alone, u must occupy urself and that will help, good luck

**king-scan** · 01-10-2005, 05:19 PM

You are not alone bro, Take care

**MrMondodondo** · 01-10-2005, 05:32 PM

Try different meetings and get Professional help.
You have potentially serious issues and this is a GREAT place for support NOT
the help that you should seek. Many suicides every year because of misunderstandings of addictions and depression.

By the way their are a GREAT MANY priests sober in AA etc...............
But, whatever works for you is the main thing.

Good Luck
Keep us informed

**m1514** · 01-10-2005, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by MrMondodondo

Try different meetings and get Professional help.
You have potentially serious issues and this is a GREAT place for support NOT
the help that you should seek. Many suicides every year because of misunderstandings of addictions and depression.

By the way their are a GREAT MANY priests sober in AA etc...............
But, whatever works for you is the main thing.

Good Luck
Keep us informed

Yeah, I best not here that this is any way headed toward suicide. Ive been on too many of those already with my job. (fire department)

***the original jason*** · 01-11-2005, 09:55 AM

And yes I use to go to NA but there are alot of people in there that glorify there drug use and it just seems like it makes things worse, every once in a while ill stop by one...everyone in there is just really negative plus I quit smoking over a year ago and its like fog room in there

well bro you have choices, NA is working for millions of people world wide, there will always be people who glorify their drug use, however if you stick around you will see what happens, stick with the winners, the best thing about NA is you can take what you want and leave the rest, find a no smoking meeting! I am pretty sure if all meetings were glorifying using, then NA would fold, and it hasnt, so my guess is that just your justification for not facing reality, if you go to NA you have no choice, just take your body and your mind will follow, we do recover despite ourselves.

Stephan..........IMO NA & AA are a poor substitute for what I feel is most important. Your personal relationship with Christ. Press yourself into service at your church and surround yourself by genuine Christians. You will find relief in your salvation. Just like they say at the meetings you get out of it what you put into it. WORK on your faith, it will not let you down.

I can relate I have gone thru everything you have and are going thru.

Sorry, I didnt knock the church, if that works for you fair play, so please dont knock NA, any spiritual form of recovery is gonna be better than your current state of mind, so whatever works, personally I have found that having faith in something/someone is what i need most, however it has NOTHING to do with religeon. Most people in NA have had some clean time in religeon, however all of them found it only worked for a period of time before they returned to using.

peace

**MrMondodondo** · 01-11-2005, 10:10 AM

Great stuff TOJ.
Try AA if NA isn't your thing.....
These programs are helping millions everyday. Both programs work if you work em.

Peace Bro.

**groverman1** · 01-11-2005, 11:00 AM

Bro sounds like you have an addictive personality, I have to be careful to keep mine in check especially when times are tuff. We all know PCT and AS can mess up the hormones and when some people are borderline with a chemical imbalance it can reeck havoc to one. I can only say stop and think out the decisions you make because it can have life altering consequences. Find something positive and keep at it, it will look up bro.

**gripex** · 01-11-2005, 11:28 AM

I support you in your depression but lusting a 14 year old is f'ing sick and illegal. Anyone who agrees with him about a 14 year old being hot is a f'ing skinner to. No diff between an 8 year old, or a 14 year old. Also not acting on your urges because its illegal is right out of it, if it was legal you would go for her? You should be shot.

**djboots** · 01-11-2005, 12:24 PM

[QUOTE=Stephan]I am going through a time right now...it is going to be pretty hard to explain but I have to get it off my chest because it is messing with my head bad... I ended my first cycle about 2 months ago... it was tes e 500mg a week and deca 250mg a week I ended the clomid a few weeks ago...when it comes to girls I get really depressed... I use to be pretty bad into drugs a couple of years ago like oxy's and h... I went through a christian rehab program and I was in there for about 8 months... I got out in june so I have been clean for a year and 3 months... Well I started messing around with the juice not long after I got out of the program...I guess I was looking for something to make me feel better about my self...Iim not sure what void I was trying to fill... But now I feel like a need a girlfriend...its like a physical craving....its not just about the sex...its actually more emotional...and I think this is being caused by the steroids because it is almost unbearable... its like when I across a pretty girl I feel like im in love with her... and then when I start talking to her and she stands me up it gets me really low I mean really depressed to the point to where I cant go to sleep...and this has happened with several girls recently...then I start thinking why cant I get a girlfriend and I get really down... I dont know what my problem is but its really getting out of hand im almost to the point to where I am going to go talk to a psychologist... Can AS do this to you...and how can I help this because I feel like the loneliest person in the world.... My cousin is 15 and she has this friend that is 14 I mean this girl is smoking hot she has the perfect ass and she is stacked....she dresses really sexy and she could easiely pass for 20, by the way im 20... And I feel like I love her... Iv only hanged out with her a few times but its like I cant control myself... I could go to jail if I were to touch her but its like she is so hot I cant controll my self.... I think this is being caused by the AS but im not sure

[/QUOTE

Well i feel for ya i to am a recovery drug addict and go to N.A. when i got of drugs i became even more depressed due to such a change in life style. i have suffered with being bi-polar since i was young and depression was always and issue. i was supposed to be on meds but i refused to take them. well now that i have got right with god and went and seen my doctor (shrink). things have been alot better, i take well-butren for depression and depacote as a mood stablizer and it works great. Now as far as taking juice and being a recovering addict you are walking a fine line. The people in my program totally dissagree with taking steroids, but i have not had any problems yet. but as i said its a fine line so be carefull. not to sound to religous but try to find a higher power and things will change, also get to a phycaitrist and tell him whats up they love to right perscriptions. dont forget to tell them about your drug problem so they stay away from narcotic type drugs.

good luck

**c5529** · 01-11-2005, 12:42 PM

hang in there and you will get through this...I've suffered with depression for years, and there is a tremendous amount of help out there.....Like several people have said, go find a good therapist..make sure it's a person who you are comfortable with, and don't be afraid to try some of the medications that are available for depression. I take Celexa 40 mgs per day and it has done wonders for me...Most importantly, realize that you are not alone -- depression is a terrible disease, but it is VERY treatable...Hang in there and don't be shy about sending me, or anyone else on this site, a PM...Again, I've been through many of the same things you described and you can get past this....Also, stay off the steroids until you've taken care of yourself... they will just complicate everything for you right now......

BTW, you say that you've only been around this 14 year old girl a few times...there is no way that you love her.....love takes time....You are in lust with her, which is completely different....do not pursue this with her....There is nothing good that will come from it Bro.....

You say that you "need" a girlfriend -- I know I'm stating the obvious, but that is not the way to approach a relationship.....Again, Bro, take care of yourself first, and your relationships will be dramatically better as a result...again, I've been there and know what you're going through.....