Truth About Your Mods

[PURE ADRENALINE]

I will make this as short as I CAN.

I also hope it will stay up as a sticky for some time but that is up to the mod.

Okay last week or so I crashed my car. Bad staples in my head and could not remember anything.

I also take an anti-depressant med as well as ADD med in the AM.

Long story short when I got home I did not remember most if not all of the day.

To sum it up and did something’s to my house and wife that has made me so very ashamed. I do not remember think god as it would kill me but in the midst of it all we dropped our daughter. She had a huge bump on her head.

I was arrested and taken to jail. Was given no medication or depression that I have to take daily of I get shakes and withdraws. So needless to say after 3 days or so I was emotionally fucked! 1

Anyway after finally being released at 2:00am in the rain.well storm i think...i found a place to slepp for the night.


Why do you care? Why am I posting this?


Well once I had realized the charges and that I could no longer hold my baby girl for some time if not ever I got fucked up.

Went to my bank.took out what money was in a persoanll account and paid all her bills for over 2 months.

Then I decided I really just wanted to go to sleep.due to all the shit in me which i will not say but again anyway i tried to run into something and ended up totalling my car.

The shock made me sick, think GOD as I was about to OD.

A guy came behind for no reason and helped me get my car out, as he knew I had done several MILES of damage to the roads and signs.


I was sick or hours..Again the bodies way of saying too much.

Okay so here is my point for the few if any that is still reading.


Below is PM I got from Friends.. Mods.vets.SM.everyone.

I wabt you to read then and se what kind of family this board has.

I took the names out incase they feel this is not a good post.

Here is the PMS:




Hey PA

Just a quick PM to say good luck with it all bro, I, ve been there myself and it looks like I’m going to be doing it all over again pretty soon.stay positive and no matter what the x throws at you she's your daughter and nobody and nothing will ever have the right to take that away from you. You will always be her father and that’s more important than anything else in life.

Take care and anything I can do to help just ask





FIRST of all - if I ever hear of you pulling that s**t again - I will beat you to death myself!!!!!!!! What the heck does it matter about testing if you try to off yourself? Don’t sit there and tell me how much you care for that child when you aren't thinking AT ALL what something like that would do to him - you CANNOT AVOID THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But you can work through it - Its just like hitting those heavy reps - hell yes it hurts but you cant quit, you just have to grit your teeth and push harder - why? Because you want the end result more than you care about the pain.

Get rid of all that crap - that is the first thing that they could test for - she will say you are a druggie zonked out on painkillers - don’t let her have the satisfaction of being right and explain to your child why "daddy is a loser". As for anavar - no worries, it dissipates pretty quickly - the Decca is the problem - it can be detected for a loooooooong time (why I never use it). you might can get a friendly dr to give you a script for it - online docs will do it for a fee - then you have a med reason, no worries. But if you get to feeling sorry for yourself - you wont only lose physical possesion of your child - you will lose their respect as well - dont give the woman the satisfaction.




Oh man I have no idea what to say. I am so sorry. Bro take care of your personal life. I will remember you in my prayers. Keep your head up bro. I know it is hard right now, but please hang in there.




Drop me a line if there is anything I can do. Keep in touch and if you need , I'll give you my phone number. Sorry that shit like that has to happen. My luck right now isn't so good either




Sorry to hear it bro. I hope everything gets better for you very soon. I have no direct experience with your present dilemmas but if you want to talk or anything please let me know. I am always willing to listen and hope I can be of some help. I am far too familair with depression adn the like (not sure if you ever read my posts on all the disorders I have been diagnosed with), so I might be able to offer some constructive advice in that regard. If it means anything, I can completely sympathize with what you mean when you say you are scared to be alive. I hope it all gets better real soon bro. Best of luck to you and hope to hear from you.
__________________


To all of you think you and yesy i wa a weak fool for not thinking of my family.

(I just ned to vent and some how thank those who really took the time to say it will be okay.

Also i have now been to several apointments and theropy. i do believe me wife was scared for her life and this is thruely my fault.

I can only hope I can save what i have lost.

Thanks for reading this bros...PA
__________________

[OGPackin]

PA bro!! I was wondering why i havent seen u around in a bit?!? Now i know why. Maaaaan thats a hellava story bro! Im sorry that shit had to go down like it did!! I remember when i was having some anger issues in the begining of my cycle and u helped me out. If u need to talk or just vent bro u can PM me anytime!! I hope everything works out for the best! Keep ur headup bro and dont let it take u down.

OG

[Vegas Kid]

Sorry to hear all that.

It just shows you that we are a family here at AR and people look out for eachother no matter what the problem is. Good luck to you and I'm sure we can all help you get over it.

[Pheedno]

Hey bro, I didn't know of anything going on with you. We have never spoken, but none the less, I'm sorry I could not offer support when it was needed the most. I wish the best for your future bro, and I hope things get worked out for you and your child. I do not have children of my own, but the understanding of pride, love, and respect for that child does not escape me.
Pain is inevitable in this world we live in, but suffering is our option. Keep your head up bro, and know that things can and will get better.
Peace be with you.

Pheedno

[Sam_the_Ripper]

GOOD luck PA, everything will be alright, its just a matter of time

[BE_STRONG]

PA,

Best of luck to you! I hate to hear of people having problems in their family life. Family is the most important foundation you can have, the rest is all replaceable and mostly bullshit anyways! Stay clean, stay focused and repair the damage bro! Good luck bro!

[kizer_soce]

You know I got your back bro....keep in touch and more importantly, take care of yourself bro.....we will talk soon.

[Butch]

PA...keep that up high. You need a lot of self respect right now. We are all here for you and we wil all do what we can to help. Just keep a positive outlook on life. Whatever happens can be dealt with. Not having a father can't!

Best of luck to you my brother. I am pulling for you!

[reli]

just remember man dont feel sorry for yourself dont give up i am not writing slogans here for you but thats the truth if you dont get a grip of you and fight back then you willbe freefalling to the rock bottom
best of luck now you are on your own

[Cycleon]

I am sorry to hear that this happened but glad to hear that you are still among the living! Be well and take the time to get things in order. We are here if you need us and hopefully our words will come to you when you need them most.

There are greater evils than losing physical possesion of your daughter, though it may not seem so now. This thing you can do, however - Become the man that she can be proud to call her father, even if you are not permitted to act as daddy. And though you may not warm her with your arms, you can still warm her heart, she knowing that you loved her enough to overcome.

May your choices in the future be blessed with more wisdom than those made in the past and favor be given to you from friends, enemies and strangers alike.

CYC

[the original jason]

bro sorry to hear about all that going down must be a bad space to be in but all the support you have had from these bros says alot. I have really been down and out bro and you know it cos I have shared some of my personal stuff on the board.

There is some level of street bullshit and ego to get through but when you find the genuine bods who are about and like the people who sent the pms you have got something special, you just got to let allow urself to be carried by the spirit of the other people. Dont let that fucking horrible character defect false pride get in the way cos right now you need some direction and there are some good bros who will really go out of there way to give it to you so make sure u accept it! no one is gonna give u a bum steer and u got to know that cos of what u wrote.

Start to think positive get ur feelings out cry, feel the pain, admit to yourself what hurts so fucking much that freaks u out. Then you can start to change it from there. If you need any help bro dont dont be to big to ask


from someone whos been there
peace

[djdjdjddjon]

gotta love the mods...hope everything works out/gets better, take care of yourself

[rangerdudeleads]

hope you get better bro

[Tedmax195]

I don't know you, it takes alot of guts to put up a post like that basically pouring out your heart like that, i feel happy that you felt comfortable and have faith in this board that you are willing to tell us things like this. i really hope this all works out in the end for you, you seem like a good person, i hope these responses you recieve will help you deal with the pain you are feeling. i'm pulling for yah bro.
Good Luck In The Future.
Tedmax195

[JP1570]

Damn bro, I didn't realize all that had happened. I know what it's like to think you've fucked up your life completely, but all you can do now is start putting the pieces back together. Don't hesitate to pm or email me if ya need someone to talk to. Keep us posted on how everything is going. I know you're a good, honest guy and I'm sure you'll pull through this bro.

[FHSAA CHaMP]

I know how you are feeling, bro. I had to leave some of my close family members back in my country to come here to the US. A couple died trying to get here after me, and some were even killed while I was still in the country. The best thing you can do is be the best man you can be. Do whatever it takes to tell your daughter you love her, and be a man she is proud of. Make sure she knows you love her. I would do anything just to be able to tell my lost family members that I loved them. Just like Pheedno said, "Pain is inevitable in this world, suffering is an option." If you ever need anything bro, feel free to contact me. Good luck.

[ATruePlaya02]

Damb bro, all I can say is I'm sorry, And we are all here for you bro. Take care brother.

[nuke]

PA I dont know yuo either, but youre on the boards and I know I feel the love. I have a 2year old girl myself and I know how yu feel.
Dont be selfish and leave that girl alone !!!!!! Dont do it bro....

Little girls need their dads, she will go after what she knows and thats you ! ( I hope that made sense !!)

GOD BLESS BROTHER !!!

[PaPaPumP]

PA--

You've been so helpful with advice and such right from the first time I ever spoke to you. You have a very kind and giving heart, and hopefully your spouse(ex) will realize this. If you ever start to feel down, just think of your girl and I know that will help you through the hardest of times. One thing to remember about all of this is, the worst is over. Every day is going to get better and better, and soon enough, you will be able to put all of this behind you. Take all the time you need. We will all be here when you return, and we wish you a safe and speedy recovery! All the best.

PPP

[McBain]

Good luck bro. Just keep your eye on the prize, you can do it. Best of luck, McBain

[thegame01]

hey bro i am sorry to hear about all the shit that went down.Glad to see your still with us and make the right decisions for your daughter ,please.

Our mods are awesome and thats why i love this site .
It's like my second familly .

[budman_z71_24]

Hang in there P.A. it may seem like the end of the world right now, but it will get better, It always does. I also went down a really bad road at one time with drugs and alcohol and was really depressed all the time, but I'm clean now and feel a whole lot better about myself and my achievements. Just do whats right for your daughter and never stop loving her and she will come to you.



God Bless you and your daughter

[Jayflex]

Just goes to show, you will always have a family here at AR. Good luck bro, and keep your fuckin head up will ya.

[Big Rush]

PA...what can I say bro...you've been there from the beginning for me helping me out and giving me sound advice...your a damn good bro and I know everything will work out for you in the end...you know you can always PM or e-mail me if you want...take care bro

Peace

Big Rush

[pump man]

sorry to hear all that bro,hang in there,good luck THIS IS THE PLACE TO BE ,man i love this fu*king board.damm there is so many people on here that care abuot people the have never even met and mit not ever but the love and careing is here man WOW this is the shit!!!!!!

[PURE ADRENALINE]

Shit i am at work so i can not lose control with emotions right now.

All i can say is thank you all.

And once again there are a few of you that have reminded me how fucking stupid and weak i was to let go and maybe cause my Daughter to grow ** without a father.


That will never happen !!!


My duaghters name is Jordan , and I keep a picture with me everyday !!!!
I wish you could se her smile you would just wonder how in the hell i could risk her !!



Thanks You all !!!

[Cali]

PA, my heart goes out to ya. A friend of mine told me something once that her Sociology instructor said to her...."God only gives his most precious of children the most difficult of trials." You're probably feeling pretty precious right now, but know that we're all here for ya.

Good luck and hopefully Jordan will get to be with her daddy again soon.

[tripleV]

wow i just read this and do not frequent this forum all that much, i have to say that i got shivers reading this, and i feel for you PA, im sorry you had to go thru it all, im sorry for the consequences, you sound like a good , caring guy, i hope all goes well for you from now on........