suicidal can anyone relate or help???

[irondiezl3]

i was stupid and had a stupid dealer and myfirst and only cycle was rediculou i was injectiong and swallowing everything under the sun. you name it i was taking it. and i tokk it all for 9 months straight no breaks. my dealer got busted and i was left with no post cycle and cold turkey from everything to nothing. i have been angry, suicidal, emotional, bipolar, and most of all gained so much fat that now at 5'9 weight 250 all fat no muscle. i fit in a bcup bra i hav actually developed real tits just like a woman not just the size but shape. my stomach is so insanely huge i look unnaturally deformed. ive tried everyhing u can imagine to drop weight. i was skinny before this also. i never once had a weight problem. reduced calories diets pills anything u can think of ive tried and no matter what chest stomach and fat keeps on coming. and my emotions are sooo out of wack. i havent had a steroid in me for a year now. i tried the stuff online for post cycle didnt do a damn thing. ive tested my blood 3 times always normal test levels normal, est levels normal. im currently on the waiting list to see a endocronologist i dont know how muchlonger i can live life. i dont want to be here if this is what i have to be like.how can this happen ive never heard of this happenening to someone before. what do i do? try steroids again see if that fixes it? am i gunna have to take them forever now? my doc wont help me cuz my blood doesnt show anyting but everyone has noticed everyone friends family know sumthin is wrong too they can see they were sceptical at first like most who read this will be but living seeing me eveeyrday they finally saw it. idk what to do. ill do anything to be myself again. has anyone ever had this problem ever or know of anyone. does anyone have a solution.? incase anyone wants to know im 24 5'9 as stated and now at 250 pounds. if anyone knows what might help please please let me know.

[Big]

So sorry to hear that bro. I recommend getting yourself some counseling to help you work through these issues, see the doc for possible solutions to the medical side of things, and try to keep a positive attitude. You can bounce back from this, and life is worth it.

[Merc..]

Sorry to hear about all your trouble !!

So all your blood work has come back normal ( as far as testosterone levels , estrogen )?

You mention bi polar .. Have you been diagnosed bi polar ??

Have you ever been on any type of meds ( antidepressants or anything like that??))

From what your describing it sounds more like a mental condition and if this is the case a doc should be able to help you to start feeling better..

It will get better ... Hang in there .. If you ever need to talk or before you ever do anything to hurt yourself PLEASE pm me ..

Also there is a couple of protocols to try to reverse gyno that you can try .. so there is always HOPE... Hang in there and keep your head up...


Merc.

[irondiezl3]

well its nice to hear your apologies especially since its my dumb u know what that got me into this. no before this i had no mental issues at all. i was never sad and never had any problems. everything ive complained about was non existant before i started sticking needles. yes test and estrogen levels were right where they should be and i looked over them with him they were normal my creatine was very high but that still wouldnt cause any of this and its hard to understand how this can be so severe or even realistic since from what i know its unheard of. the only thing i can think of is maybe im a freak case where u would see on tv or something that im just that unlucky and thats what steroids did to me just like the guy whos arms exploded because i dont know what else to do or call it and my doctor says there is nothing he can do. idk i just cant believe doing that could have permanently destroyed me this bad.

[irondiezl3]

by the way i didnt explaine myself properly and im sorry my puncuation is so bad but im not talking about being suicidal im talking about my body morphing to such an extreme.

[Expat]

well its nice to hear your apologies especially since its my dumb u know what that got me into this. no before this i had no mental issues at all. i was never sad and never had any problems. everything ive complained about was non existant before i started sticking needles. yes test and estrogen levels were right where they should be and i looked over them with him they were normal my creatine was very high but that still wouldnt cause any of this and its hard to understand how this can be so severe or even realistic since from what i know its unheard of. the only thing i can think of is maybe im a freak case where u would see on tv or something that im just that unlucky and thats what steroids did to me just like the guy whos arms exploded because i dont know what else to do or call it and my doctor says there is nothing he can do. idk i just cant believe doing that could have permanently destroyed me this bad.

It's not going to be easy, I won't lie to you. But make that call in the morning for an evalution and get the ball rolling.

Let us know, and keep us updated.

[Merc..]

well its nice to hear your apologies especially since its my dumb u know what that got me into this. no before this i had no mental issues at all. i was never sad and never had any problems. everything ive complained about was non existant before i started sticking needles. yes test and estrogen levels were right where they should be and i looked over them with him they were normal my creatine was very high but that still wouldnt cause any of this and its hard to understand how this can be so severe or even realistic since from what i know its unheard of. the only thing i can think of is maybe im a freak case where u would see on tv or something that im just that unlucky and thats what steroids did to me just like the guy whos arms exploded because i dont know what else to do or call it and my doctor says there is nothing he can do. idk i just cant believe doing that could have permanently destroyed me this bad.

The man whos arm exploded( Greg Valentino ) used dirty syringes and did all kinds of dumb stuff ( have you seen the HBO document on this ??) ?

If you told your doc how you feel and he said he cant help you FIND ANOTHER DOC NOW !!!! That is absurd that he told you that.

And dont do any other steroids .. Its not your solution ..

Have you seen a psychiatrist about this yet ??


Merc.

[Big]

The man whos arm exploded( Greg Valentino ) used dirty syringes and did all kinds of dumb stuff ( have you seen the HBO document on this ??) ?

If you told your doc how you feel and he said he cant help you FIND ANOTHER DOC NOW !!!! That is absurd that he told you that.

And dont do any other steroids .. Its not your solution ..

Have you seen a psychiatrist about this yet ??


Merc.

bump, great reply

[irondiezl3]

once again im sorry what i ment by him is the way that big body reacted and how now his arms are deformed. i ment that as ike a cross reference. as far as my doctor goes i know when i told him i used steroids it was like i was speaking egyptian to him it was obvious he has no education on them. he thinks bottom line my blood came normal that im normal. but this is something in my heart mind and body i know AND other people around me know is not the case. i know i can feel it that something is wrong i know sumthin is not right with my system. as far as a mental doc im afraid to do that. for 2 reasons they will think i did steroids so i must have emotional issues which is no the case at all. i did steroids because i was uneducated and didnt know they would cause any harm to me like i said i kno it was a dumb thing to do but i wasnt a dork who wanted to get big i wasnt a angry person i wasnt even an obsessed boybuilder. i didnt know anything about them. so im afraid a mental health doc will diagnose the wrong thing and also especially because like how it sounds just like here that its in my head and i just have mental issues which is completely not the case. u wold have to know me before and after and really have to see me to understand i guess. maybe i can try a different doctor though.

[crazyhorse666]

Everyone's got problems bro and sometimes they just get to you. hang in there,Im sure your doc will help you out.

[Expat]

i was stupid and had a stupid dealer and myfirst and only cycle was rediculou i was injectiong and swallowing everything under the sun. you name it i was taking it. and i tokk it all for 9 months straight no breaks. my dealer got busted and i was left with no post cycle and cold turkey from everything to nothing. i have been angry, suicidal, emotional, bipolar, and most of all gained so much fat that now at 5'9 weight 250 all fat no muscle. i fit in a bcup bra i hav actually developed real tits just like a woman not just the size but shape. my stomach is so insanely huge i look unnaturally deformed. ive tried everyhing u can imagine to drop weight. i was skinny before this also. i never once had a weight problem. reduced calories diets pills anything u can think of ive tried and no matter what chest stomach and fat keeps on coming. and my emotions are sooo out of wack. i havent had a steroid in me for a year now. i tried the stuff online for post cycle didnt do a damn thing. ive tested my blood 3 times always normal test levels normal, est levels normal. im currently on the waiting list to see a endocronologist i dont know how muchlonger i can live life. i dont want to be here if this is what i have to be like.how can this happen ive never heard of this happenening to someone before. what do i do? try steroids again see if that fixes it? am i gunna have to take them forever now? my doc wont help me cuz my blood doesnt show anyting but everyone has noticed everyone friends family know sumthin is wrong too they can see they were sceptical at first like most who read this will be but living seeing me eveeyrday they finally saw it. idk what to do. ill do anything to be myself again. has anyone ever had this problem ever or know of anyone. does anyone have a solution.? incase anyone wants to know im 24 5'9 as stated and now at 250 pounds. if anyone knows what might help please please let me know.

Have you told anyone this? like your physcian, family member? Please go back and see your Dr. tell him how you are feeling, he may suggest medication that would help you get your head in a better place. Hang in there, what has happened to you phisically did not happen over night...niether can you change it over night, but you need to get your head straight. Right now you may feel overwelmed and think you can't overcome this...but guess what...

YOU CAN!!!

You have age on your side, that is a big plus for you (believe me I know) and their is help out there, but you must let your Doctor know what your feelings are. There are wonderful meds out there now that will change the way you look at your situation>>Make the first step tomorrow morning and let us know how you are. Feel free to pm me anytime!!.

[taiboxa]

i hate this shit..
dont use hormones as a scape goat.
you obviously have issues.
possibly bipolar..
and ur using an internet steroid forum as a source of advice for such an issue as this...

you know what you need.. REAL HELP.. go see a professional.. start with a psychatrist.. or atleast a psychologist (SOMEONE WHO CAN ACTUALLY GIVE YOU QUALIFIED ADVICE) i gurantee you there are FAR MORE UNDERLYING FACTORS than.. your hormones.

[Merc..]

oh and that greg valentino dudes arms are deformed because he had a hematoma form ( from using dirty needles )..


Merc.

[irondiezl3]

taiboxa who the hell do u think you are talking like that. you dont know me im not looking for advice im looking for expirence. this forum can produce much more results than a doctor can. steroids are illegal ILLEGAL doctors dont use the same ones people here have. you have no idea what you are talking about and even if i did have mental issues thats the wrong way to come accross someone who did. for all u know im a crazy lunatic and im already on the way to your house and ud believe that if everytihng you just posted was your true beliefs. think before you speak moron

[taiboxa]

taiboxa who the hell do u think you are talking like that. you dont know me im not looking for advice im looking for expirence. this forum can produce much more results than a doctor can. steroids are illegal ILLEGAL doctors dont use the same ones people here have. you have no idea what you are talking about and even if i did have mental issues thats the wrong way to come accross someone who did. for all u know im a crazy lunatic and im already on the way to your house and ud believe that if everytihng you just posted was your true beliefs. think before you speak moron

and god.. alcohol and ciggerettes are a much safer alternative because they are LEGAL!
seriously experience ? u wanna know wat suicidal and bipolar people did to cope?
well i can gurantee you that the majority of them that have any type of success rate WENT TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL.. or they held the knot close to their head.. to me you are just another online persona.. so i care not which you choose.

[Amorphic]

sorry to hear bro, as everyone said, keep your head up high and seek help if needed.

[BAG0529]

Hey brother, I personally do not agree with Taiboxa's responses, just due to the fact, we don't know you. So personally, I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Clearly though, you do sound depressed, so the first thing you should probably do is find a family physician that will prescribe you the appropriate anti-depressant. Once you start feeling a little better you will begin to think more clearly and not so irrationally. Don't let one physician prevent you from overcomming this obstacle in your life. Get the help you deserve! With medication, what you feel are are major problems, will seem much less catastophic.

Keep in mind, with today's advancements in medicine, almost anything can be helped, including your minor issues.

You will overcome this, just due to the fact you are asking for help. That is the first step!. Get your help, then help yourself!

Get back to us and keep us posted on your progress
Good luck!

[BAG0529]

Hey brother, I personally do not agree with Taiboxa's responses, just due to the fact, we don't know you. So personally, I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Clearly though, you do sound depressed, so the first thing you should probably do is find a family physician that will prescribe you the appropriate anti-depressant. Once you start feeling a little better you will begin to think more clearly and not so irrationally. Don't let one physician prevent you from overcomming this obstacle in your life. Get the help you deserve! With medication, what you feel are are major problems, will seem much less catastophic.

Keep in mind, with today's advancements in medicine, almost anything can be helped, including your minor issues.

You will overcome this, just due to the fact you are asking for help. That is the first step!. Get your help, then help yourself!

Get back to us and keep us posted on your progress
Good luck!

[will_work]

sorry bout that good luck bro....

[PEWN]

[dt1974]

Ya you need to see a regular physician ASAP at this point. I get suicidal periods too, but not really steroid related. It will pass, but see a doctor and try to keep exercising, either aerobic or anaerobic.

[taiboxa]

i still dont understand fully wat EMO is? wtf does it MEAN?
does it mean EMOTIONAL? or is it like? an abbreviation?
i hate being outta the cool circle.

[taiboxa]

ROFL omg..
and i thought i was insensitive.

[Amorphic]

this threads starting to get quite the audience

[bpm1]

i have dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life so i know how ur feeling, i even attempted suicide once(please dont ,it was an awful experience, and i spent a day in the state mental ward an experience i never want again).on a side note some mental illnes does not exibit till late teens even early 20's so dont be too sure that ur prob is related to the steroids , i can say this confidently due to the fact that ur levels r normal.i do belive issues from roids r those that exibit because of low test levels other than that i cant see wat lasting effects would come from the steroids.please do see a professional and by that i mean a phsychiatrist, peace bro dont do anything rash or hasty u will regret it i promise, things always improve from where u r, u can only go up and u will

[PEWN]

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 20 (16 members and 4 guests)
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no shit..... 20 member reading... thats cwazy..

[taiboxa]

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 20 (16 members and 4 guests)
pewntang, BAG0529, bpm1, dt1974, ecto9, eightball17, Expat, ftony, Idunno, irondiezl3, longhorn814, Nickster#1, RaidersFan, scottish, txaggie07, will_work_for_dbol


no shit..... 20 member reading... thats cwazy..

HOW THE HELL did you not include me...

[Merc..]

HOW THE HELL did you not include me...

or me


merc.

[PEWN]

the only time i ever got depressed was on accutane ... but i was no were near offing myself..... life is to beautiful ............. any person that commits suicide or claims that they are going to is a *****.... and honestly looking for attention.... real men live life and dont give up.... sorry im not a suicide help line receptionist..... and dont blaime juice for this.... get your ass on a treadmill .... and put the fork down.... ( not flamin at him, speaking on a broad basis towards people that think they cant )

[taiboxa]

the only time i ever got depressed was on accutane ... but i was no were near offing myself..... life is to beautiful ............. any person that commits suicide or claims that they are going to is a *****.... and honestly looking for attention.... real men live life and dont give up.... sorry im not a suicide help line receptionist..... and dont blaime juice for this.... get your ass on a treadmill .... and put the fork down.... ( not flamin at him, speaking on a broad basis towards people that think they cant )

meh i used to make this statement all the time in all suicidal posts.. on ar.. lol
i think its the cowards way out in every situation..

but.. you will always get the same responses
1) YOU DONT KNOW ME MAN!!! you dont know wat its like!!!
2) Its BRAIN chemicals.. chemicals that make him IMBALLANCE and suicidal.. its not his fault he wants to off him self

personally i find great entertainment in laffing at people who are so incompetent they cant even off themselves properly.. im mean.. come ON how hard can it be!?
plus its like throwing chlorine in the gene pool.. but thats just me.. i have never been a sympathetic one.. i dont want it and i dont wanna give it..
you wanna cheer me up when im feeilng depressed.. GIVE ME A BLOW JOB.. not an "Awww im sorry for your hard ships"

[ftony]

meh i used to make this statement all the time in all suicidal posts.. on ar.. lol
i think its the cowards way out in every situation..

but.. you will always get the same responses
1) YOU DONT KNOW ME MAN!!! you dont know wat its like!!!
2) Its BRAIN chemicals.. chemicals that make him IMBALLANCE and suicidal.. its not his fault he wants to off him self

personally i find great entertainment in laffing at people who are so incompetent they cant even off themselves properly.. im mean.. come ON how hard can it be!?
plus its like throwing chlorine in the gene pool.. but thats just me.. i have never been a sympathetic one.. i dont want it and i dont wanna give it..
you wanna cheer me up when im feeilng depressed.. GIVE ME A BLOW JOB.. not an "Awww im sorry for your hard ships"

Ya tai,i bet if you lost your post count you would go straight 4 the razor....lmao

[will_work]

taiboxa you wer right

[PEWN]

darwinism at its best..

[taiboxa]

darwinism at its best..

lol i used to have those lil snippets emailed to me all the time.. but wow some of em are just like..
HOW IS SM STILL ALIVE.. i figured he woulda been mentioned in one of them by now...

[cuse140]

i was stupid and had a stupid dealer and myfirst and only cycle was rediculou i was injectiong and swallowing everything under the sun. you name it i was taking it. and i tokk it all for 9 months straight no breaks. my dealer got busted and i was left with no post cycle and cold turkey from everything to nothing. i have been angry, suicidal, emotional, bipolar, and most of all gained so much fat that now at 5'9 weight 250 all fat no muscle. i fit in a bcup bra i hav actually developed real tits just like a woman not just the size but shape. my stomach is so insanely huge i look unnaturally deformed. ive tried everyhing u can imagine to drop weight. i was skinny before this also. i never once had a weight problem. reduced calories diets pills anything u can think of ive tried and no matter what chest stomach and fat keeps on coming. and my emotions are sooo out of wack. i havent had a steroid in me for a year now. i tried the stuff online for post cycle didnt do a damn thing. ive tested my blood 3 times always normal test levels normal, est levels normal. im currently on the waiting list to see a endocronologist i dont know how muchlonger i can live life. i dont want to be here if this is what i have to be like.how can this happen ive never heard of this happenening to someone before. what do i do? try steroids again see if that fixes it? am i gunna have to take them forever now? my doc wont help me cuz my blood doesnt show anyting but everyone has noticed everyone friends family know sumthin is wrong too they can see they were sceptical at first like most who read this will be but living seeing me eveeyrday they finally saw it. idk what to do. ill do anything to be myself again. has anyone ever had this problem ever or know of anyone. does anyone have a solution.? incase anyone wants to know im 24 5'9 as stated and now at 250 pounds. if anyone knows what might help please please let me know.

Have you had your thyroid checked out? That can cause both massive weight gain, and mood disorders. I'm not a doctor, but i do work in the mental health field, and have seen this countless times. I believe you said you are 24? Thats a prime age to develope mental disorders. Perhaps the gyno was caused by no pct protocol, and the mental aspects of your problems may be something that you would have developed anyways. All this can be controlled with medications. It makes a night and day difference.
Like i said, not a doc...but i suggest you see one.

[topnotch]

tai and pewn, you all need to chill out w/ this dude..seriously you dont know everyone's situation, and at least the guy has made the first step to getting help...there are points in people life, where suicide becomes real to them...i've had that myself...sometimes, it's like an easy way out it seems...when i got to that point, i kept family on my mind, and things like that...it's the only way i made it through...the comments and things you are making on here is unacceptable...when you have someone at this point, they dont need someone on here pushing them even farther...you always give good advice on everythign i read, but about this you need to back off.

[topnotch]

iron, hang in there man...like some of these guys told ya...things will get better...nothing is worth ending your life over...see a doctor, or professional mental health care doctor...this could have been due to the roids in some way, or could have been a prior problem you were unaware of...if your family doc won't help, then like someone else said..find a new one..just remember it all will work out in the end, and you will get better...if you need to talk just pm me anytime man...take care

[taiboxa]

help.. on an online steroid forum?
im not exactly the most LOGICAL of souls.. this is a well known fact.. but if i was suffering with an issue as large as suicide.. searching for advice here would be the last on my list. SURE being anonymous is great and makes it easier but what will it accomplish.. BOUT THE SAME THING AS GOOGLING "SUICIDE Advice/Expereinces"

If this "person" really is on the verge of suicide.. then its apparent he has ALREADY ACKNOLWEDGE IT and ITS PRESSENCE, thats JimDandy like sour candy.. but what he needs to do next is FIND A PROFESSIONAL .. which has been stated NUMEROUS times...
SURE everyones life is WORSE than EVERYONE ELSES.. just like OMG THIS IS THE WORST HEADACHE I EVER HAD! then the next time u have another headache OH GOD THIS IS THE WORST HEADACHE I EVER HAD.. (see a pattern?) .. the past is always easier than the present and the future is always non existent or its so overwhelming it becomes the present (i.e. like OMG i got an exam comming up in 3 weeks mY LIFE is hectic right now!)

if someone is going to off them selves.. thats swell i just hope they realize how bad they are going to hurt those who ACTUALLY care about them...

sometimes THE TRUTH HURTS..
almost 90%+ of the time suicide is for attention.. if you want attention BE ENTERTAINING LIKE ME...
if u really wanna just be a fuxin coward, tear up the hearts of your loved ones and jump ship.. dont make a scene... just do it and make it quick.

[topnotch]

have you ever had suicidal thoughts? like i said, i was at that point not long ago, and it had nothing to do about wanting attention...that was the last thing I wanted...it was something i actually wanted to keep secret, but there was nights i held a gun in my hand...it's not about whose life is worse or any shit like that...but if he took a cycle like he did, then no pct, it's a possibility that could have something to do w/ it, and coming here could be beneficial...like you said, the anonymous part helps a lot, b/c i would be the same way...im not tryin to be a jerk or anything, but take it easy on the guy...if he's at that point, joking around and saying the things you did, isn't good to say to him...if you have no better advice then ignore the thread and let the others who have tried to help keep doin their jobs.

[taiboxa]

have you ever had suicidal thoughts? like i said, i was at that point not long ago, and it had nothing to do about wanting attention...that was the last thing I wanted...it was something i actually wanted to keep secret, but there was nights i held a gun in my hand...it's not about whose life is worse or any shit like that...but if he took a cycle like he did, then no pct, it's a possibility that could have something to do w/ it, and coming here could be beneficial...like you said, the anonymous part helps a lot, b/c i would be the same way...im not tryin to be a jerk or anything, but take it easy on the guy...if he's at that point, joking around and saying the things you did, isn't good to say to him...if you have no better advice then ignore the thread and let the others who have tried to help keep doin their jobs.

see .. when u have reclusive suicidal tendencies and your suicide is NOT ANNOUNCED thats different in my eyes.. i still think its the lowest of actions but not as bad as using suicide as a tool for attention.
very very rarely are hormonal fluctuations even REMOTELY RELATED to suicide.. its a whole different batch of chemicals involved even though they do affect neurtransmitters to an extent..
otherwise we would have chicks committing or attempting suicide once a month...

its an internet forum.. if i want to voice my oppinion on something as trivial as prada's love life .. or something as significant as someones suicidal contemplations.. i WILL.. its up to those around me to distinguish what they want to read and what they want to ignore..

if you are going to say AWW poor you .. you have suicidal tendencies and its not your fault.. your just screwed up in the head.. or Your life is so ruff.. then you better give the same treatment to manson and ted bundy .. THEY TOOK LIFES and MADE OTHER PEOPLE HURT.. so go show them some sympathy as well.