Can someone help me find my bodys anabolic/catabolic ratio?

[nhl1]

Alright, well I've posted here a lot before, and done years of research as well. Since i've started using aas (heavily) about 2 years ago, I've always been cocerned with being a bulker. Test, deca, dbol, eq, primo, winny, I've tried em all, and yes I know those arent all bulking compounds.

But anyways, i was never concerned with bf% really because all I wanted was strength. And I was strong, 6'0" 242 lbs, could military press 100 pound dumbells in each hand 10 times on 4th set. Could Dumbell press 130 pounders 8 times on my fourth set. Anyways, I was strong...

And it was never hard to do, Id load up on test and deca, eat everything I could get my hands on, and be strong as hell. But now, I just dont want it. My body cant handle being that big, its too much work, and its too much maintenance. hell, I was having sleep apnea because my chest was so big I couldnt sleep at night.

So what I want now is good strength, nice vascularity, and great definition. I have a good diet, its clean, I'll detail for ya if you like. I have good workouts, proper amounts of rest, decent cardio and I'm on a cycle I like.

So... everything should be going smoothly right? Well, its not. Why? Because I can't find the right ratio. I eat too much, ez up on the cardio, and I just start getting the puffy bloat.

But, I pickup on the cardio a bit (riding my bike to the gym) easing down on the calories, going for a couple more reps instead of higher weight, and all of a sudden, its like instead of burning fat my body eats the muscle that I have instead of going for the fat.

Has anyone else had trouble with this? Its SOOOOO HARD to find the exact ratio, and its like once I find something thats working well my body figures it out and then within a few days it does back to being a beotch again.

Stats
29 years old
6'00
the scale ranges anywhere from 225 to 235 everyday. Yes, I know, VERY WIERD, my body is like a vagina when it comes to water weight, no offense ladies, I don't know what to do about it.
15% bf today
Im also running 6-oxo at 300mg a day for estrogen and water, and yes, the stuff works, Ive seen what happens when I stop taking it.

Cycle - 300mg Test e wk / 300mg primo a week

And here is my log for what I ate today

Monday, Aug 11, 2008
-------------------------
awake 10 am

1 bowl kashi fiber and protein cereal with milk - 16 gm protein, 4 gm fat, 150 cal
1 fruit cup - 50 cal
1 scoop protein and water and CEM NO Blast - 24 mg protein, 1 gm fat, 80 cal

1 turkey sandwich with chz and baked chip - 20 gm protein, 10 gm fat, 200 cal

WORKOUT - calfs, shoulder, tricep, 1.5mile ride up hill to gym, 1.5mile downhill home, pedaled up 4 hills for about 8 min riding afterwards

1 post workout shake with protein and CEM Cell Mass - 25 mg protein, 100 cal
1 side veggies - 100 cal
1 boca chx - 10 gm protein, 5 gm fat, 120 cal

1 lean cuisine fish, 18 gm protein, 8 gm fat, 220 cal

2 beef enchilada, 20 gm protein, 15 gm fat, 350 cal

1 turkey sandwich with chz and baked chip - 25 gm protein, 12 gm fat, 250 cal

1 protein water - 25 gm protein , 100 cal

1 pre sleep protein shake, 30 gm protein, 150 cal

Kashi bar, 7 gm protein, 5 gm fat, 140 cal

ENTIRE DAY

215 gm protein, around 65 gm fat, 2010 calories --- NOT VERY MUCH

Computer time before laying down, 1:50 am

[nhl1]

Also, all my milks are fat free, My cheeze is lowfat, I take multivitamins everyday, and I take a borage/flish/flax pill about once every 3 hours.

[T_Own]

i just read the diet part, which definitely needs work. first, you should include carb numbers, they are very important too. it looks like a lot of your carbs are sugars which isn't good. also, half your protein comes from shakes, you should only have one or two (pwo and another time) in my mind, and get the rest from food

[nhl1]

Right, well, thats just a one day example. For example my luin cuisine had rigatoni noodles in it, my kashi bars have carbs, as do my cereals, and I often eat a good portioned size of pasta every other day or so. And believe me, if I could eat more I would, but youll notice I had 5 meals of meat in which provide protein sources, only I didn't go wild on the portions. Do you think I should just double the meat intake on those portions and that would probably bring in another 100gm protein a day? I was thinking something along those lines. Like I said, its just hard to find the right balance.

FYI I know there is no such thing as a anabolic/catabolic ratio - at least i dont think there is lol! - I just thought its an appropriate way to explain my dilema.