Three days into the cycle, my nipples began to itch: onset of Gynomastia. Dump enough testosterone into your body and your system counters by upping its oestrogen output, which leads to a build-up of breast tissue. After long-term use, it can get so bad that some users require surgical breast reductions. I woke up on the morning of day four and nearly had a heart attack at the sight of myself in the mirror. My nipples were the size of milk bottle tops, stretched smooth as the skin of a balloon. The skin had formed into swollen pouches that looked like the rubberised nipples on a baby's bottle. I appeared to have breasts. Pendulous, malformed breasts.
Or was I just chubby and still out of shape? I didn't know. I gave them a jiggle. I couldn't tell if it was fluid build-up or actual flesh. Could a person grow new flesh overnight? I didn't want tits - it went against the purpose of the exercise. I gobbled twice my daily allotment of anti-oestrogen medication. A week's worth of double Nolvadex doses got the gyno under control.