Listen to your body and your mind.
I hate the use of steroids and everything that is attributed to them. I was a user of steroids and a promoter. I loved the way they made me feel and the way they made me look. I started using them in March of 2001.I started at a weight of 193 lbs and a height of 5 10.I instantly rocketed up to 225lbs and lowered my body fat. I was in heaven. Little to say that if I knew what was to come next I would have never started.
In January of this year while on cycle I ran into a block wall. I started vomiting feeling anxious and nauseous and really acting weird. I had problem with my vision my hearing and always felt a little off. I went to the doc and had multiple blood tests done. They all returned flawless with no problems. Due to the vomiting they found that I had a hustle hernia. Confused I stopped taking the long acting steroids I was on like sustanon , decal ,and cyp. In exchange I started using some faster acting and less permanent steroids like fina , prop and wistrol. Within days I started feeling somewhat better and less tense but still I didn’t feel right. At the time I stopped the longer acting esters and switched to shorter ones I was about 240 lbs. Within a few weeks I lost about 20 pounds but really I still looked good. Just a lot leaner. Feeling better I continued my cycle until one day in July.
I woke up with incredible abdominal pain and the passing of a lot of blood. Scared shitless I went to emergency. I was put on morphine and an I.V. and monitored for the day. The following day I was given an endoscopy and they found that I had bowel inflammation and an ulcer. I have done a lot of research and both can be attributed to steroid use. I survived the hospital and was sent home. Little to my knowledge did I know that the withdrawal from the steroids and the other drugs would be so bad. I had mood swings ranging from crying to yelling. Very awful. My anxiety was so bad I couldn’t even go out in public. I was scared shitless. With time however my symptoms got better and I returned to work and to using steroids. I continued using shorter acting esters with little side effects. Some anxiety and some depression but nothing I couldn’t handle. I discontinued there use 4 weeks before my hernia operation and used some hcg to get the boys going again. During my surgery and after I felt great . Feeling good I decided to give deca and sus another shot. I continued feeling good until about 10 days after my first shot.
I was sitting at home on the couch and It just hit me. The most awful anxiety and feeling of helplessness. I was crying because I was unsure about the feelings I was having. I had not a thing to worry about but for some reason I was scared. I have never felt so depressed in my life. It is hard to explain the feeling of hitting rock bottom depression. For those of you that get anxiety and panic attacks you can relate. I felt that dying would feel better than what I was going through. But on the other hand that was not a choice but an example of how helpless I was feeling. I have recently gone home to live with parents and ride this out. It is clear that steroids don’t react well with me and that I must never do them again. I am not telling any of you to stop taking steroids but just be smart about because who knows how you might react to it tomorrow. I was addicted to steroids and thought I needed them to uphold my image. But if I have to put myself and my family through this again It might be the last time. Please if you notice these side effects do yourselves a favor and quit.
