Stats
24yo, 5'11
185lbs at 15%bf

been lifting for 5 years on and off but only in the last year have i became nutritionally aware.. god that's almost 4 years wasted without having my diet in check, even though i made some gains (a solid 15lbs since i was ~160lbs when i started and was very skinny/lean)

Life Goal
190-195lbs at 10%bf

diet in check: i now count my calories and macros every day on myfitnesspal.com, i know how many calories i need to gain/lose 1lbs in 1-2 weeks, and i eat very healthy with lots of protein and carbs coming from whole foods

routine in check: just came off a PHAT routine, which was my most fulfilling bulk ever, i am now cutting back down the bodyfat which will probably bring me down to 175-180lbs, depending when i decide to bulk again

i am prone to hairloss, already lost a bunch, but i am on finasteride, minoxidil, nizoral shampoo, and healthy vitamins from my multi, and obviously i want to minimize this loss since i look horrible with a buzzcut/bald head

to reach my goals i will need to lose 10lbs bodyfat and gain 15-20lbs of lean muscle mass

here's the thing: i don't feel like working out another 5 years to do all this, my youth is slipping away since i'll be a quarter-century years old soon, and i'd like to be jacked during my remaining youth, but if i cycle, i know i will get hooked, and if i get bad side effects and then need to get off this AAS to which i'm hooked, it will suck

if you tell me, you're too young! i'll say ok fine
if you tell me, you're immature and your reasons aren't at the right place! alright please explain to me, smack me to reality
if you tell me, go back to the gym and bulk! ok, then at what point is it possible to reach 195lbs at a lean 9-10%bf naturally? how would i know my lean natural limit isnt 185lbs and that i actually can't reach my life goal?

need help on this life dilemma