Will I ever feel strong again? Feeling depressed

**raw bslaya** · 10-22-2014, 01:51 PM

I am halfway through my fourth week of PCT after running 500mg test e for 10 weeks.

I pulled 515lb deadlift at end of my cycle, belt less. Since my last pin I have only lost about 5lbs, keeping ~20lb. Today I was doing deadlifts and had a very difficult time getting 425 up. I did 425x5 reps belt less but it felt like my back was rounding on every rep, very slow coming off the floor. I have also noticed some lower back fatigue during squats - it just doesn't feel as tight/strong as it used to at the bottom causing me to nearly fall forward. I know you will experience some loss of strength post cycle, however, I felt better than I do now even before cycling. I am kind of depressed about this. Will I ever feel normal again...?

**efiles123** · 10-22-2014, 02:00 PM

You r at the toughest point of pct. hang in there and let the recovery begin.

**RangerDanger830** · 10-22-2014, 02:20 PM

Be sure to continue eating the same amount of calories as you were on cycle as well. I see a lot of guys lower back down to TDEE during PCT and that can contribute to this. You can also be psyching yourself out knowing you aren't on cycle anymore. It's just water under the bridge, keep trucking.

**raw bslaya** · 10-22-2014, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by RangerDanger830

Be sure to continue eating the same amount of calories as you were on cycle as well. I see a lot of guys lower back down to TDEE during PCT and that can contribute to this. You can also be psyching yourself out knowing you aren't on cycle anymore. It's just water under the bridge, keep trucking.

I added a weight gainer shake every day on top of my implemented diet. I have barely lost any size, mostly water weight. I just feel really shitty all kinds of aches and pains and weak.

The best way to describe it: before I do any working sets on deadlifts I feel like I have already done a full lower back workout. It's really loose and I can't seem to drive with my hips because my back gives out... Same with squats, even on warmup reps at the bottom I lean forward cause my back seems to be caving. Its not an injury... just feels shitty

**Mr.BB** · 10-22-2014, 08:25 PM

What PCT are you taking and have you taken HCG during cycle?

**raw bslaya** · 10-22-2014, 09:35 PM

Originally Posted by Mr.BB

What PCT are you taking and have you taken HCG during cycle?

I pinned 500iu HCG per week from first pin until ~5 days before PCT.

After last Test E pin I ran some prop until ~5 days before PCT (100mg EOD).

Took arimidex 0.5mg EOD also up until a few days before PCT.

PCT:
Clomid 100/100/50/50
Raloxifene: 120/60/60/60
DAA: 0/0/3/3/3/3

Took 300mg clomid, 180mg raloxifene on day 1, 150mg clomid on day 2, etc.

Also taking 5000iu Vit D, 5000mg Vit C, Super Concentrate Fish Oils, 20g Leucine and 10g creatine per day

**raw bslaya** · 10-23-2014, 10:02 PM

couldn't even work out today... just feeling hella weak!

**workoutho** · 10-23-2014, 10:42 PM

stay in there man. I read your cycle post and those are some awesome results. Best of luck and looking forward to hearing about the recovery.

**< <Samson> >** · 10-23-2014, 11:44 PM

Know them feels

A big portion is mental

Been there & done that. I'm not gonna lie - it was a decision to stay "on" or never cycle again. I stayed on - but, my issues were present pre cycle. They just got about 10x worse at about week 3-4 of PCT.

You get BW pre cycle?

**Bi6 7omo** · 10-24-2014, 02:10 AM

I just finished pct 2 weeks ago, i was feeling down last week of pct. Couldn't be bothered with work but i pushed through and now I'm 2 weeks after pct and I'm back to myself again. Wood in the mornings. Planning my next blast in the spring. I don't think it was too bad like samson said a big part of it is mental.

**jdc91gt** · 10-24-2014, 03:24 AM

Three things, my friend: 1) Hang in there, as this is the toughest stretch and the readjustment of your natural hormones affects your moods and thoughts; 2) I would suggest not even trying to lift the same weight post cycle because you will break down some of your hard earned gains (you don't have the same test flowing through your system) and you'll then be prone to injury; and 3) Realize and accept that you're not going to keep your peak strength at end of the cycle.

Realize many of us have gone through the post-cycle blues. It's part of it and it will end. In some, it manifests in loss of libido. Some have little problems. We are all different. Try to stay positive because we're here to support you on the forum.

Best of luck!

**raw bslaya** · 10-27-2014, 10:51 PM

Appreciate the comments guys, once again had a terrible chest day today, I bombed out on a weight that I could do before cycle (bench press)...... not sure what the deal is there as I am still up 20lbs and around the same bf%.

When will my lifts stop going down and start going up again? I really want to run madcow's 5x5 strength program but not sure if I should wait a bit or what? Cause it seems I'm steadily declining in strength by the day. Also noticed a lot more injuries since starting PCT, shoulder aches, wrist aches, knees have tendinitis... ugh

**< <Samson> >** · 10-27-2014, 11:49 PM

Hormones are like a sine wave

If you're going the PCT route just keep your focus on anything but

**raw bslaya** · 10-28-2014, 11:09 AM

ordered some knee sleeves and new wrist wraps hopefully they will help.

**PistolPete33** · 10-28-2014, 11:41 AM

It will take another few weeks in most cases to start feeling human again. We go from major highs during our cycles to major lows then they commence. Do what you can and things will level back out and you'll feel fine again.

**thewarrior8845** · 10-28-2014, 04:43 PM

you're going to be fine raw, just hang in there. dont miss workouts, i know you're feeling shitty but get in the gym a do your best. in a month or two you'll be back to your old self.

**Honkey_Kong** · 10-28-2014, 10:08 PM

Go get yourself a deep tissue massage. It'll make you feel better.

**5x10** · 10-28-2014, 10:26 PM

Originally Posted by raw bslaya

Appreciate the comments guys, once again had a terrible chest day today, I bombed out on a weight that I could do before cycle (bench press)...... not sure what the deal is there as I am still up 20lbs and around the same bf%.

When will my lifts stop going down and start going up again? I really want to run madcow's 5x5 strength program but not sure if I should wait a bit or what? Cause it seems I'm steadily declining in strength by the day. Also noticed a lot more injuries since starting PCT, shoulder aches, wrist aches, knees have tendinitis... ugh

Don't expect to keep your strength of size
Your levels are probably less than what you started with ATM
I suggest cutting back on the # of reps and weight, make it to the gym, and push through this low point
It's what makes cycling difficult

**PistolPete33** · 10-29-2014, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by 5x10

Don't expect to keep your strength of size
Your levels are probably less than what you started with ATM
I suggest cutting back on the # of reps and weight, make it to the gym, and push through this low point
It's what makes cycling difficult

I totally agree. At the end of my last blast I hit a wall. I had zero motivation and I struggled thru my workouts. Some cases I did literally half of what I was doing prior. After about 2 weeks of that I started getting my energy and motivation back. Now, I'm more motivated than ever and making awesome gains off cycle. Hang in there it gets easier.

**Honkey_Kong** · 10-29-2014, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by PistolPete33

I totally agree. At the end of my last blast I hit a wall. I had zero motivation and I struggled thru my workouts. Some cases I did literally half of what I was doing prior. After about 2 weeks of that I started getting my energy and motivation back. Now, I'm more motivated than ever and making awesome gains off cycle. Hang in there it gets easier.

You can always use some stimulant pre-workouts to give you that energy you need to make it through. Motivation is another story. But having a workout partner might help. At least then you'd have somebody to push you through.

**zempey** · 10-29-2014, 06:44 AM

I felt like crap too during the end of PCT, had injuries that felt worse, etc. Try and switch up your routine a bit, focus less on the higher weight lower reps and get back to 10-12 rep ranges with lighter weights for a few weeks. Give your body a break and let it heal and get used to the limited hormones, plus driving a ton of blood into the muscle will help heal it. I never got my peak strength back, but I am stronger than before cycle, so be patient and keep at it.

**raw bslaya** · 10-29-2014, 09:31 PM

Thanks for all the comments guys, this forum is great.

I haven't missed any work outs yet but hopefully I start seeing the light soon. I've been done PCT for almost a week now. Running DAA 3g/day as a support. I have zero libido and plan on going out this Friday for some Halloween fun but I don't even think I could take down a girl if I wanted to right now lol. Anyone have a rough idea when my libido should be back? Also I notice that my muscles are a lot sorer after workouts now, usually within 8 hours or less after a workout. This only used to happen in the past if I skipped a week of working out and even then I generally wouldn't get sore until 1 or 2 days later. To make matters worse I'm under heavy stress from school right now as I'm in graduate level engineering, damn this blows

**Bonaparte** · 10-29-2014, 10:20 PM

Why did you use ralox for PCT?
You should run 20mg of Nolva for a few weeks.

**zempey** · 10-30-2014, 05:48 AM

As far as libido, you just have to wait it out, could be just as much mental as physical. Get some Viagara for insurance and find a sweet piece of ass and plow the shit out of it, that will help kick start your libido. I am sore after workouts too, sucks that the juice makes you feel so good but only lasts a short amount of time throughout the year. Make sure you keep your diet on point, that will help get your head back in the game.

**TheTaken** · 10-30-2014, 09:25 AM

I've never pinned before, but i've done my fair share fo pro hormone cycles, same thing happens... crazy excited highs on and you get low when off. Weights and overall size goes down. One thing i've done to combat this is to change the rountine up a few weeks into pct. I still wanna get all the benefits from the cycle after its over, but when the weight goes down so dramatically and i'm feeling small and weak, thats when I change up the rountine and focus on more "accessory" lifts, and trying slim up. Make the situation work in my favor. I decrease the weights, and increase the reps, tempo, and rest periods between sets to keep my mind in the game and focused. Its a nice trick, keeps you on ur toes, and the high reps and short rest periods really create an insane pump. Also you get to foucs on things you weren't so focused on on-cycle. Give it a shot man, whats there to lose.

**raw bslaya** · 10-30-2014, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by Bonaparte

Why did you use ralox for PCT?
You should run 20mg of Nolva for a few weeks.

I was worried about gyno from estrogen rebound as I am quite prone to it. I know ralox is not as effective at restarting the HPTA but that's why I went with the relatively high clomid dosages.

**brazuka** · 10-31-2014, 02:23 AM

Just from reading the title the answer to your question is you were enhanced. You came off so you are no longer enhanced, on top of that your hormones are all messed up trying to regulate themselves to a normal level. Quite simple but try to stay positive keep that depression thing out of your mind bro. Worst thing to feel ever

**raw bslaya** · 11-03-2014, 10:50 PM

approaching 2 weeks post PCT, I feel like I may be coming back to normal.. still too early to tell

**ojm3** · 11-03-2014, 11:00 PM

hang in there man

**< <Samson> >** · 11-04-2014, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by raw bslaya

approaching 2 weeks post PCT, I feel like I may be coming back to normal.. still too early to tell

Sounds about right bro

It takes time, a lot more for some than others

I talked a to a few guys that never even ran PCT & felt fine - how? I have no clue

Only thing I know is that I felt pretty much just like what you're describing, if not worse.

**frighteous** · 11-04-2014, 01:48 PM

get some 5htp and maintain a healthy diet, you'll be fine.

**frighteous** · 11-04-2014, 01:48 PM

and dont be a dickhead to the ol lady.

**raw bslaya** · 11-04-2014, 09:32 PM

Originally Posted by < <Samson> >

Sounds about right bro

It takes time, a lot more for some than others

I talked a to a few guys that never even ran PCT & felt fine - how? I have no clue

Only thing I know is that I felt pretty much just like what you're describing, if not worse.

Going to try some heavy lifting some time in the next few days! I've taken 2 or 3 weeks off heavy, heavy lifting as I was just feeling disgustingly weak and it was leading to all kinds of aches and pains. Hoping it goes well and I don't feel like a ****ing weak school girl. I had a sudden libido increase on Saturday where I felt like going out to the bar to take one down lol haven't felt like that for a month or two. Right now I'm feeling slightly neutral in the libido department but I feel like I may be slowly coming back..I'll get bloods at the 4 week post pct mark, so another ~2 weeks.

**raw bslaya** · 11-05-2014, 04:52 PM

Did heavy deadlift work today and felt the strongest I've been in a month or so. Is it normal for your strength to drop off the radar immediately after cycle and then mostly come back?

**Stosh_112** · 11-06-2014, 04:50 AM

Ull be rockin in a coucple weeks, cant expect to lift max lbs from peak of cycle during pct. But give urself credit. ur still hittin the weights during pct, even though it feels like a chore now. were as 25-40% of guys drop everything and hide out till next cycle... Kepp hittin it with what u got, no need to break records on pct. If all else fails and BW n libido dont come back a few weeks after pct. Do a pct restart. pin 500iu hcg twice a wk for 2 weeks after last hcg pin hit another clomid 100/50/50, Nolva 40,20,20 and u should be good by xmas.

**raw bslaya** · 11-08-2014, 08:37 PM

Im feeling pretty decent again (knock on wood). The loose feeling in my lower back is almost gone now and I feel stronger on deads and squats! woo!!!!!!

**shimbashi** · 11-11-2014, 06:26 AM

Libido will come back dont stress over it...my last cycle of test prop really gave me a great high mentally and physically but when I came off my libido and abilty to perform in the sack were gone...I think I was ok 4 weeks after pct finished or thereabouts...I was stressing big time
Its funny I did a cycle 15 yrs at age 25 and had no libido issues..and didnt even do a pct...this last time round I did everthing right pct , AI etc and crashed hard..body fat was at 20% which may have been the culprit
In any case I never want to experience that crash again so not sure if I will cycle again.

**shimbashi** · 11-11-2014, 06:27 AM

Libido will come back dont stress over it...my last cycle of test prop really gave me a great high mentally and physically but when I came off my libido and abilty to perform in the sack were gone...I think I was ok 4 weeks after pct finished or thereabouts...I was stressing big time
Its funny I did a cycle 15 yrs at age 25 and had no libido issues..and didnt even do a pct...this last time round I did everthing right pct , AI etc and crashed hard..body fat was at 20% which may have been the culprit
In any case I never want to experience that crash again so not sure if I will cycle again.