Fear of dependency

**Jedi1337** · 01-11-2015, 09:17 AM

I wanted to make an open and honest post about some concerns ive had recently.

I did my first cycle about 9 months ago. I was coming out of a bad breakup with my (ex)wife-to-be and my life was in pieces. I got on a sust course and, well, I had the wildest time of my life. Before the breakup I was a very content, happy person but with sporadic depression but quite a bit of anxiety.

After my cycle i didnt do PCT. I felt the positive mood effects of the sust for at least 3 months after my last pin, and then it started to dip and i felt my anxiety coming back. With a job interview around the corner and with 3 months having passed, i had the perfect excuse to get back on the sust. This time I did a 250mg pin.... 6 weeks later another 250mg pin.... and 4 weeks later 125mg pin. It has been 5 weeks since that last pin.

Steriods for muscle growth hasnt really worked for me - i get lazy and, well, I get severe ED/anorgasmia sides. My main purpose, in the second cycle and now, is the mood enhancing benefits. I play harder, Im better at my job and i enjoy life more - Im less irritable and alot more sociable.

I know that, in the long run, a life like this is not sustainable. I can feel the test calling me and, well, ive pretty much decided to start another course in a few months when I go to vegas. In my mind i can feel myself trying justify my behaviour - "its only small doses", "I could think of it as TRT", or "ive had anxiety for years - its time to have some fun". The bottom line is, though, I am only kidding myself and this could be addiction.

In truth, its almost like i havent come off the test for 9 months since, without PCT, the effects last alot longer (or so it feels that way).

Im worried about dependency and i wanted to get some of you guys thoughts.

**< <Samson> >** · 01-11-2015, 09:24 AM

None of this makes any sense. From your pinning schedule, to anything else stated.

I'd suggest going a MD getting some BW and going from there. Possibly along with a psychological evaluation - none of this makes any sense & it seems like you're looking for something that is not there.

**Buster Brown** · 01-11-2015, 10:07 AM

The idea behind cycling is to avieve a goal and get off. You are becoming psychologicaly dependent and would do better getting some counseling. I am going through a very rough time in my life and counseling helps ....medicating (which is what you are doing) will not. Pick yourself up bro, get back on track and set some goals.......cycle when you are ready too responsibly.

**MotoLifter** · 01-11-2015, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by Buster Brown

The idea behind cycling is to avieve a goal and get off. You are becoming psychologicaly dependent and would do better getting some counseling. I am going through a very rough time in my life and counseling helps ....medicating (which is what you are doing) will not. Pick yourself up bro, get back on track and set some goals.......cycle when you are ready too responsibly.

This!!^^^^^^^^^^

OP you are headed down a very dangerous road if you don't address the underlying problem at hand. In my opinion psychological dependency is a much more dangerous phenomenon than any physical dependency I have seen. The body can be fixed (usually), the mind is always thinking and if it's working against you, unfortunately most of the people I have known have lost that battle. Best of luck to ya man. Hope it all works out for you.

Moto

**Jedi1337** · 01-11-2015, 10:30 AM

well it does make sense.

I went on a 600mg cycle for 12 weeks at the beginning with no PCT. I abstained for 3 months. Then i did 3 seperate pins over the course of another 12 weeks or so. In this second "cycle" i was really looking for the minimum dose that would keep me elevated mood-wise. While this might seem unusual, I have read a lot of people getting mood-enhancing effects from AAS either as part of their body-building regime or on TRT. Irritability is, afterall, a symptom of low test and something i have always had a problem with.

What i have found remarkable is the length of time that sustenon has its effects on me. I know Decanoate is a long lasting ester, but even today, 5 weeks after my last pin, I can feel the effect.

**Jedi1337** · 01-11-2015, 10:32 AM

Thanks.

Well it helps to get your opinions. Bit of a reality check really.

**Jedi1337** · 01-11-2015, 12:23 PM

I just did a graph of half-lives for the 4 component esters of sust. Basically, with 1 250mg pin of test, your blood test levels will be above normal physiological levels until about day 57 (normal being 7mg as this is what is produced in an average male daily). Therefore it is feasible to subjectively feel the effect of higher test right up to this point.

So approx 3 weeks and ill be in the doghouse.

**Buster Brown** · 01-11-2015, 12:40 PM

The point is that you aren't following the correct protocol for trt and you really need to do a proper pct, get bloodwork done two months later and see where you are at.

**jimmyinkedup** · 01-11-2015, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by Buster Brown

The point is that you aren't following the correct protocol for trt and you really need to do a proper pct, get bloodwork done two months later and see where you are at.

This and the mere fact that you are considering an emotional dependency does exist for you merits some self evaluation in that area. This honestly may not be for you or perhaps medically supervised trt is in order. This is no joke. You are messing with hormones with powerful physical as well as psychological effects, nothing to be taken lightly.