Horrible Anxiety/Depression on cycle

[Fernande]

Hey, been doing test p, mast p and been on for a year now.

I have 3 previous cycles to this one and they have all ended in the same way. After about 6months or so, all of a sudden i start feeling like crap.

Usually when i use steroids i become very confident, everything around me is awesome, life is really enjoyable.

But now i can't almost go outside, even if i do, i feel dead and empty inside. There is no point in anything.


This kinda sucks, i've felt this way now for almost 6months ever since i crashed my e2. Some days i feel fine, then the next day back to feeling like shit again. It's wierd because some of the fine days, i wake up in a rush, sun is shining and i walk outside and just feel aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh and i laugh and smile at everything and feel awesome.

The day after, back to feeling complete shit again.

I've tried quitting the arimidex only going to high in estrogen, bloating all over. Then i've tried moderate doses etc. No matter how i dose the AI i can't seem to snap out of this.

My protcol on the AI side have not been very stable, so i'm most likely in a little e2 roller coaster to be fair.

I'm wondering could there be something else that is fucked up? I can almost feel something is not right in my body like i'm sick and that there is something majorly wrong, i just don't know what it is.

I don't have the economy to spend money on private labs checking every little thing since that would cost me hundreds of dollars.

There is the option of quitting but i really would like to stay on forever even if it makes me die at 40 it would be worth it, so long as i can feel that good all the time.

[Fernande]

Truth be told, i'm so devastated by not being able to figure this out i've considered suicide alot of times, that's really how bad i feel, my life is just slipping away and i don't enjoy anything, it's such a waste of living.

[Phoenixphysique]

Hi

The biggest flaw in this entire scenario is you did not provide a single document or regurgitation of any blood work . If you're not doing your blood work with your doctor or even a lab or clinic , you have no idea what is happening . Now it seems to me you're having trouble dosing your AI as mentioned and likely you're using it way too high . The reason you're having a roller coaster ride with your emotions is because your estrogen is all fucked up , you're using a non suicidal AI by the way i'd like to point out . You're likely crashing and rebounding your estrogen non top and , yeah , i imagine that feel's pretty fucking bad . I will tell you what i tell my clients

get your fucking blood work or you have no business using steroids
use the correct health supplements and protocols in place to nourish the body and our hormonal function and balance
find an AI that works for you and learn how to dose it ( not everyone works well with arimidex , some of my guys use arimidex , some use aromasin , some use letro and some use nothing )
stop blasting gear that aromatises to things that affect you more than others , stop stacking them also , there are many many paths to the waterfall , i assure you
check your diet and your internal health before blaming something , especially when you don't even have blood work to go off of
deal with the fact you hold water on a cycle and estrogen as well this water is helpful , to a degree of course ... if it affects your blood pressure and such , then sure , this obviously isn't beneficial but some is

hopefully this helps , you said you are broke so i am not even going to offer my services , i would prefer you spend that money on blood work if you have to go outside your doctor , that or at least change your AI and buy a new 1

[Fernande]

Hi

The biggest flaw in this entire scenario is you did not provide a single document or regurgitation of any blood work . If you're not doing your blood work with your doctor or even a lab or clinic , you have no idea what is happening . Now it seems to me you're having trouble dosing your AI as mentioned and likely you're using it way too high . The reason you're having a roller coaster ride with your emotions is because your estrogen is all fucked up , you're using a non suicidal AI by the way i'd like to point out . You're likely crashing and rebounding your estrogen non top and , yeah , i imagine that feel's pretty fucking bad . I will tell you what i tell my clients

get your fucking blood work or you have no business using steroids
use the correct health supplements and protocols in place to nourish the body and our hormonal function and balance
find an AI that works for you and learn how to dose it ( not everyone works well with arimidex , some of my guys use arimidex , some use aromasin , some use letro and some use nothing )
stop blasting gear that aromatises to things that affect you more than others , stop stacking them also , there are many many paths to the waterfall , i assure you
check your diet and your internal health before blaming something , especially when you don't even have blood work to go off of
deal with the fact you hold water on a cycle and estrogen as well this water is helpful , to a degree of course ... if it affects your blood pressure and such , then sure , this obviously isn't beneficial but some is

hopefully this helps , you said you are broke so i am not even going to offer my services , i would prefer you spend that money on blood work if you have to go outside your doctor , that or at least change your AI and buy a new 1

Thank you very much for this post can't thank you enough.

You're right of course, labs is the only way to sort this thing.

I really apritiate your post i will try lower my Ai abit more before i go test my levels again.




My last E2 was looking like this.

350mg Test P week
day1-8 : 0.2mg arimidex EoD
day9-11: 0.4mg arimidex eod
Day12: standard e2 test: 24pg/ml


Since i increased 3 days prior, i can't really say where my levels would have been on 0.2 eod. Not very clever i know.
I took two doses of 0.4 on day 9 and day 11.


From what i have gathered since it's a standard e2, i should at least try and aim for 35 pg/ml.


But i can't figure out what would be a good dose.

Atm i'm doing 0.3mg EoD at 350mg week.

Doing 0.15mg EoD i bloat and look like i've gained 20pounds in the face.

At 0.25mg EoD i seem to loose all water.

[Chrisp83TRT]

Are you running test p and mast p as a cycle or are you “cruising” or doing TRt with these compounds ?

[Pmft]

Dude it seems you suffer from a large amount of depression. Perhaps youre being too critical of yourself when you describe your bloat. Alot of people who use AAS do so because they are overly critical of themselves.

Due to your severe depression and lack of any pleasure in life, i think you need to see a doctor and get a complete physical and tell him or her how you feel. Your depression may not even be AAS related. Is there a mens clinic or TRT clinic that is knowledgeable about these issues in your area? I travel 6 hours to another state to see my TRT doc.

Certainly Theres a way for you to come up with some money to see a doctor. Work a few more hours, cut back on spending, ask friends or parents, take advantage of a lonely girl.

Either way suck it up and do something about it. Life is too short to go around feeling suicidal. You say you'd rather be dead at 40 than stop AAS? Why? Do you have the genetics to be a bodybuilding legend? I doubt it so its not worth dying over. Get your mental health problems taken care of.

Sent from my LGL84VL using Tapatalk

[cousinmuscles]

Hey, been doing test p, mast p and been on for a year now.

I have 3 previous cycles to this one and they have all ended in the same way. After about 6months or so, all of a sudden i start feeling like crap.

Usually when i use steroids i become very confident, everything around me is awesome, life is really enjoyable.

But now i can't almost go outside, even if i do, i feel dead and empty inside. There is no point in anything.


This kinda sucks, i've felt this way now for almost 6months ever since i crashed my e2. Some days i feel fine, then the next day back to feeling like shit again. It's wierd because some of the fine days, i wake up in a rush, sun is shining and i walk outside and just feel aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh and i laugh and smile at everything and feel awesome.

The day after, back to feeling complete shit again.

I've tried quitting the arimidex only going to high in estrogen, bloating all over. Then i've tried moderate doses etc. No matter how i dose the AI i can't seem to snap out of this.

My protcol on the AI side have not been very stable, so i'm most likely in a little e2 roller coaster to be fair.

I'm wondering could there be something else that is fucked up? I can almost feel something is not right in my body like i'm sick and that there is something majorly wrong, i just don't know what it is.

I don't have the economy to spend money on private labs checking every little thing since that would cost me hundreds of dollars.

There is the option of quitting but i really would like to stay on forever even if it makes me die at 40 it would be worth it, so long as i can feel that good all the time.

Forget this. You do not have a good understanding of how the AAS work. You should not stay on for half a year for a long list of reasons. Come off, do a PCT and get bloods 6-8 weeks after you finish your PCT and hope you can recover and not need TRT.

Regarding suicidal thoughts, just the fact that you mention this is a sign that you should resolve these issues first before you touch AAS again. Week professional help first and foremost.

[cousinmuscles]

Hi

The biggest flaw in this entire scenario is you did not provide a single document or regurgitation of any blood work . If you're not doing your blood work with your doctor or even a lab or clinic , you have no idea what is happening . Now it seems to me you're having trouble dosing your AI as mentioned and likely you're using it way too high . The reason you're having a roller coaster ride with your emotions is because your estrogen is all fucked up , you're using a non suicidal AI by the way i'd like to point out . You're likely crashing and rebounding your estrogen non top and , yeah , i imagine that feel's pretty fucking bad . I will tell you what i tell my clients

get your fucking blood work or you have no business using steroids
use the correct health supplements and protocols in place to nourish the body and our hormonal function and balance
find an AI that works for you and learn how to dose it ( not everyone works well with arimidex , some of my guys use arimidex , some use aromasin , some use letro and some use nothing )
stop blasting gear that aromatises to things that affect you more than others , stop stacking them also , there are many many paths to the waterfall , i assure you
check your diet and your internal health before blaming something , especially when you don't even have blood work to go off of
deal with the fact you hold water on a cycle and estrogen as well this water is helpful , to a degree of course ... if it affects your blood pressure and such , then sure , this obviously isn't beneficial but some is

hopefully this helps , you said you are broke so i am not even going to offer my services , i would prefer you spend that money on blood work if you have to go outside your doctor , that or at least change your AI and buy a new 1

Why, what an excellent opportunity to make some extra cash huh, someone completely clueless messing with multiple hormones who explains they are suicidal, now that is a desperate guy who would easily hand over some cash... But oh wait look at all your expertise, and your virtuous consideration of blood work... LMAO!!!

[hammerheart]

You ever tried how you feel on a TRT dose of Test? Prop is not really suitable for the purpose and also probably why you experience such dips and high in functioning and mood, especially in the regards of E2 management.

[Fernande]

Why, what an excellent opportunity to make some extra cash huh, someone completely clueless messing with multiple hormones who explains they are suicidal, now that is a desperate guy who would easily hand over some cash... But oh wait look at all your expertise, and your virtuous consideration of blood work... LMAO!!!

Well thing is, i know it is something wrong with my cycle.

Since i've had moments where everything works great and im pretty much in la la land. I'm confident, can pull chicks from any night club with ease. Suffer from no depression nor anxiety.

I almost feel like im in heaven. And even still i get these days, just the other day i woke up just like this.

There is no depression, no anxiety, i feel like a rock star, strangers even approach me on the street just to make conversation. And i know it's because i seem to be feeling so good, that theyre just drawn to me.


Then, the next day, i feel like complete shit, i don't even wanna go outside, nothing is fun, i feel like death.

I can handle this with ease, i'm a pretty strong person.

But having it like this for 6 months, and me never ever being able to figure out what is wrong, slowly i lose hope and slowly i get drained to the point where i feel just fukin hopeless and consider just ending this shit.

I don't wanna live like before i started using. I was just like iam now more or less. I hated my life until the day i met steroids , it was the first time i ever truly been happy.

So ofc i wanna try and sort this rather than come off to something i know for sure is going to be bad aswell.

[Fernande]

You ever tried how you feel on a TRT dose of Test? Prop is not really suitable for the purpose and also probably why you experience such dips and high in functioning and mood, especially in the regards of E2 management.

True but i do inject prop ED just to get more steady levels, it's the same fluctuation as doing test e, e3.5d.

But perhaps it's to shaky for me, thing is in the past, i've done ED prop with ease, and felt like a star every day absolutely loving life.

I just dont understand why i feel like such a wreck now?

[hammerheart]

True but i do inject prop ED just to get more steady levels, it's the same fluctuation as doing test e, e3.5d.

But perhaps it's to shaky for me, thing is in the past, i've done ED prop with ease, and felt like a star every day absolutely loving life.

I just dont understand why i feel like such a wreck now?

What about the mast? You tried getting off that?

It sounds like it's all about E2 management the more you go unbalanced the worse it gets. Not even pinning Test P ED will give you stability in levels, and 50mg is way over the line for the purpose you intend it for.

Try a simpler protocol where you won't need any AI? Test E 2x weekly not more than 75mg x 2?

[Fernande]

What about the mast? You tried getting off that?

It sounds like it's all about E2 management the more you go unbalanced the worse it gets. Not even pinning Test P ED will give you stability in levels, and 50mg is way over the line for the purpose you intend it for.

Try a simpler protocol where you won't need any AI? Test E 2x weekly not more than 75mg x 2?

I haven't tried coming off the mast. And my best cycles has been when i was on only test, truth is, ever since i started using mast the first time, i didn't really feel that good on cycle. But i just stuck with it anyway.

I've been considering that maybe it's been because the mast has made my e2 levels crash and that is why i didn't feel as good on mast.

You are right, a lower dose of test and doing enanthante perhaps ED would be absolutely best.

Perhaps i should just do 200mg wk test E ED and come off the mast completely.

[Fernande]

Well actually

Test P ED fluctuation in levels: 36%
Test E 2x week fluctuation in levels: 38%

So Test P ED is actually more stable levels than test E 2x week.

[hammerheart]

I haven't tried coming off the mast. And my best cycles has been when i was on only test, truth is, ever since i started using mast the first time, i didn't really feel that good on cycle. But i just stuck with it anyway.

I've been considering that maybe it's been because the mast has made my e2 levels crash and that is why i didn't feel as good on mast.

You are right, a lower dose of test and doing enanthante perhaps ED would be absolutely best.

Perhaps i should just do 200mg wk test E ED and come off the mast completely.

Mast won't crush E2 levels but it's a functional estrogen antagonist. Maybe it's making the E2 (the actual steroid helping with your well-being) less effective on the CNS. Ditch it and see if you feel better.

I do personally pin Test E daily.

[Fernande]

May i ask you guys.

My e2 lab with 24pg/ml. How much do you think the level could have been prior to adding 0.4 eod the last 3 days prior to test? I know its impossible to say but could you make a rough estimated guess?

Maybe you have better experience in how e2 levels fluctuate than me.

How fast do levels drop after adding a higher dose?

[Fernande]

Mast won't crush E2 levels but it's a functional estrogen antagonist. Maybe it's making the E2 (the actual steroid helping with your well-being) less effective on the CNS. Ditch it and see if you feel better.

I do personally pin Test E daily.

You're right, mast might be blocking estrogen in some way, im to little informed to know.

Will probably move over to daily E in the future aswell, rather have those levels as steady as possible.

Lets see, no mast, lower dose of test, no ai. Might be a good shot.

[Mooseman33]

no love from me.

you run these compounds like a fool, while saying a couple hundred dollars prevents you from getting medical help. You are everything wrong with AAS.

You need to go see a doctor now, primary and shrink. Enough with trying to figure this shit out on your own, you do not have the ability and have already brought up suicide.
go get help, who cares if you put urself in debt, do it, get better.

stop treating ur body like a fvcking science project. dont listen to anyone who says anything other then go get help now. fvck what anyone else says here, you need help young brotha.

[Pmft]

Well said.

no love from me.

you run these compounds like a fool, while saying a couple hundred dollars prevents you from getting medical help. You are everything wrong with AAS.

You need to go see a doctor now, primary and shrink. Enough with trying to figure this shit out on your own, you do not have the ability and have already brought up suicide.
go get help, who cares if you put urself in debt, do it, get better.

stop treating ur body like a fvcking science project. dont listen to anyone who says anything other then go get help now. fvck what anyone else says here, you need help young brotha.

Sent from my LGL84VL using Tapatalk

[Fernande]

no love from me.

you run these compounds like a fool, while saying a couple hundred dollars prevents you from getting medical help. You are everything wrong with AAS.

You need to go see a doctor now, primary and shrink. Enough with trying to figure this shit out on your own, you do not have the ability and have already brought up suicide.
go get help, who cares if you put urself in debt, do it, get better.

stop treating ur body like a fvcking science project. dont listen to anyone who says anything other then go get help now. fvck what anyone else says here, you need help young brotha.

Thanks man.

Problem is this ain't nothing a shrink can help me with. Sure if i get some valium or perhaps some other drug i may get rid of the anxiety but i rather find the solution to why the steroids are causing this since i know they are the cause and also the solution to geting rid of it, without having to depend on drugs.

I don't drink or do any substances and rather keep it simple. Also people take their Lifes every day, in africa there a children dying every second, since i started this thread several hundred children has died from lack of water in africa.

If i would kill myself the world will keep going fine without me.

Anyway, i rather fix this problem and i do apritiate any help and advice ive gotten so far, and i also apritiate your post, so thanks man

[cousinmuscles]

Well actually

Test P ED fluctuation in levels: 36%
Test E 2x week fluctuation in levels: 38%

So Test P ED is actually more stable levels than test E 2x week.

Incorrect, propionate has the sharpest rise and sharpest fall of all esters. Propionate does very little in keeping you "afloat", while enanthate keeps a large amount of residual which will ensure a minimum level. The real issue is not this but in real life pinning daily is a real hassle, if you plan on doing this endlessly. That is an extreme dependency. Another extreme dependency you are putting yourself in is relying on bathtub brews of AAS which you have no clue what they contain. Or if they will contain what the previous batch did.

no love from me.

you run these compounds like a fool, while saying a couple hundred dollars prevents you from getting medical help. You are everything wrong with AAS.

You need to go see a doctor now, primary and shrink. Enough with trying to figure this shit out on your own, you do not have the ability and have already brought up suicide.
go get help, who cares if you put urself in debt, do it, get better.

stop treating ur body like a fvcking science project. dont listen to anyone who says anything other then go get help now. fvck what anyone else says here, you need help young brotha.

Agreed, and,

Thanks man.

Problem is this ain't nothing a shrink can help me with. Sure if i get some valium or perhaps some other drug i may get rid of the anxiety but i rather find the solution to why the steroids are causing this since i know they are the cause and also the solution to geting rid of it, without having to depend on drugs.

I don't drink or do any substances and rather keep it simple. Also people take their Lifes every day, in africa there a children dying every second, since i started this thread several hundred children has died from lack of water in africa.

If i would kill myself the world will keep going fine without me.

Anyway, i rather fix this problem and i do apritiate any help and advice ive gotten so far, and i also apritiate your post, so thanks man

stop avoiding the issue and trying to find a reason to justify what you are doing. You have no clue what your supraphysiological test levels are doing, or your masterone, or your guesswork of estrogen with a non sensitive test (after you even admit you didn't even take the AI consistently). Just stop it, it is a train wreck, and you are avoiding the real problem. Whether children die in Africa or some other BS excuse, makes absolutely no difference.

I'd be willing to bet you are making your problems worse.

[Couchlockd]

You been running mast for a year no wonder why you have anxiety cuz you know what you're doing your body is killing you and you can't lie to your subconscious

[Fernande]

Incorrect, propionate has the sharpest rise and sharpest fall of all esters. Propionate does very little in keeping you "afloat", while enanthate keeps a large amount of residual which will ensure a minimum level.

38,76 divided by 59,8 = 64,8% = 35.2% difference fluctuation.

28,51 divided by 45,7 = 62,3% = 37,7% difference in fluctuation.

It is basic math. With ED prop you inject every 24hours wich is 50% of the active half life.

With E3.5D Enanthate you inject every 84 hours wich is 70% of the active half life.

[Fernande]

You been running mast for a year no wonder why you have anxiety cuz you know what you're doing your body is killing you and you can't lie to your subconscious

Will running a low dose mast for a year fuck you up somehow? I've heard of guys running it for years on their own little trt regimens without problem.

[Fernande]

I can sense that my CNS is somehow in overload. I have this constant underlying agression that i can't sustain in civilised society, like i want to go to war but i have to be a nice little guy walking around with flowers.

I'm wondering if perhaps my DHT and Test levels are to high for me to handle. Perhaps i should just quit the masterone and try a lower dose of test.

[Mr.BB]

Ffs, steroids are just a few of the hormones inside our bodies. Stop thinking everything is related to androgenic hormones.

Stop the dumb ass gear usage, and start therapy if you are unable to help yourself (which most ppl are).

There are hundreds of hormones transmitting information around in our bodies, don't be a prisoner of a couple of those. It's not how it works, your depression is something different.

[tarmyg]

Hey, been doing test p, mast p and been on for a year now.

At what dosage and how often have you been injecting?

[Fernande]

Ffs, steroids are just a few of the hormones inside our bodies. Stop thinking everything is related to androgenic hormones.

Stop the dumb ass gear usage, and start therapy if you are unable to help yourself (which most ppl are).

There are hundreds of hormones transmitting information around in our bodies, don't be a prisoner of a couple of those. It's not how it works, your depression is something different.

Well this all started when i crushed my e2 down to single digits. And you can read about people like that that they all feel terrible and basicly feel suicidal.

[Fernande]

At what dosage and how often have you been injecting?

ED injections, 350mg test, 200mg mast weekly

[tarmyg]

ED injections, 350mg test, 200mg mast weekly

For one year straight?

[cousinmuscles]

38,76 divided by 59,8 = 64,8% = 35.2% difference fluctuation.

28,51 divided by 45,7 = 62,3% = 37,7% difference in fluctuation.

It is basic math. With ED prop you inject every 24hours wich is 50% of the active half life.

With E3.5D Enanthate you inject every 84 hours wich is 70% of the active half life.

Incorrect, you have never seen the pharmacokinetics graphs, enanthate keeps high 3 days post injection http://www.fertstert.org/article/S00...16)44543-7/pdf

Enanthate also leaves lots of residual esterified test, so that while 600mg would bring you at ~4000 ng/dl, at peaks, seven days post injection it will be just under 2400 https://www.physiology.org/doi/pdf/1...01.281.6.E1172

It's just facts

Will running a low dose mast for a year fuck you up somehow? I've heard of guys running it for years on their own little trt regimens without problem.

Yeah keep relying on your bros telling you what is fine.

I can sense that my CNS is somehow in overload. I have this constant underlying agression that i can't sustain in civilised society, like i want to go to war but i have to be a nice little guy walking around with flowers.

I'm wondering if perhaps my DHT and Test levels are to high for me to handle. Perhaps i should just quit the masterone and try a lower dose of test.

Or seek professional help.

[Chrisp83TRT]

You're right, mast might be blocking estrogen in some way, im to little informed to know.

Will probably move over to daily E in the future aswell, rather have those levels as steady as possible.

Lets see, no mast, lower dose of test, no ai. Might be a good shot.

Daily E ?

I feel like you made another thread that was similar to this and to be honest , people were trying to help you there as well and you are now here.
You need to see a doctor. Like a therapist.
Personally if you understood how AAS works you wouldn’t have done the protocol you have been on.

Of coarse you feel better on gear ... it’s why most people jump on it.
But it means shit if you don’t do it in a healthy and correct way.
Moral of the story.... actually listen to people here this time instead of doing the same dumb shit

[Pmft]

I think this whole thread is a joke. These are the dumbest statements ever.

I can sense that my CNS is somehow in overload. I have this constant underlying agression that i can't sustain in civilised society, like i want to go to war but i have to be a nice little guy walking around with flowers.

I'm wondering if perhaps my DHT and Test levels are to high for me to handle. Perhaps i should just quit the masterone and try a lower dose of test.

Sent from my LGL84VL using Tapatalk

[Chrisp83TRT]

ED injections, 350mg test, 200mg mast weekly

No wonder you are a fucking mess. You have no idea what you are doing.
LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE HERE THAT WILL GIVE YOU GOOD ADVICE and seek professional help

[Fernande]

For one year straight?

Yes.

[Mr.BB]

Well this all started when i crushed my e2 down to single digits. And you can read about people like that that they all feel terrible and basicly feel suicidal.

All in your head. I had e2 at zero several times, did not make me suicidal or depressive.

Keep seeking excuses for your depression and you will have a hard time finding solutions.

[Fernande]

Incorrect, you have never seen the pharmacokinetics graphs, enanthate keeps high 3 days post injection http://www.fertstert.org/article/S00...16)44543-7/pdf

Enanthate also leaves lots of residual esterified test, so that while 600mg would bring you at ~4000 ng/dl, at peaks, seven days post injection it will be just under 2400 https://www.physiology.org/doi/pdf/1...01.281.6.E1172

It's just facts

Yeah keep relying on your bros telling you what is fine.

Or seek professional help.

I read both links. They say nothing about what we talked about. Only that enanthate and cypionate seem to be equal. That Enanthate keeps high 3days after injection says nothing at all.

I stay with my argument that ED prop injections are more stable and less fluctuating than e3.5d enanthate injections, unless you can show some evidence that the half life of enanthate actually is longer than 5 days by any certain mechanism.

[Fernande]

Daily E ?

I feel like you made another thread that was similar to this and to be honest , people were trying to help you there as well and you are now here.
You need to see a doctor. Like a therapist.
Personally if you understood how AAS works you wouldn’t have done the protocol you have been on.

Of coarse you feel better on gear ... it’s why most people jump on it.
But it means shit if you don’t do it in a healthy and correct way.
Moral of the story.... actually listen to people here this time instead of doing the same dumb shit

So what am i doing wrong and what would be the correct way of doing it? im all ears trust me

[Fernande]

All in your head. I had e2 at zero several times, did not make me suicidal or depressive.

Keep seeking excuses for your depression and you will have a hard time finding solutions.

Not in my head, alot of people report the same thing even though some people also report haivng low E don't seem to do anything at times. I guess it depends on how long you stay low and how low you are.

[Fernande]

No wonder you are a fucking mess. You have no idea what you are doing.
LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE HERE THAT WILL GIVE YOU GOOD ADVICE and seek professional help

I am seeking professional help, however i can't go to a trt clinic since there are none where i live. So i come here for help.

What else am i going to do, jump off cold turkey and go to the hospital? They will prescribe me SSRI and send me home, not an option.