Steroids after age 50

[rob69]

Hi there! Is it possible to take steroids when you past the 50 years?

What kind of steroids would be the best on that age?

When i was 40 years i did some steroids like enanthaat en dbol .

It is now 6 years ago and i want to do it again..

Greetz

Rob

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[i_SLAM_cougars]

You should definitely be taking steroids if you’re 50+, as your body’s natural hormone levels have plummeted. It’ll be hard to preserve much less gain lean muscle tissue without them.

[rob69]

Ok thnx! I will Let you now when or wich cycle it would be...

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[GearHeaded]

at your age steroid use can be beneficial and used to help prevent diseases and anti aging.. just because of your age alone docs can prescribe you Test, Deca , Primo, and HGH (I've had these all prescribed).

[charger69]

at your age steroid use can be beneficial and used to help prevent diseases and anti aging.. just because of your age alone docs can prescribe you Test, Deca, Primo, and HGH (I've had these all prescribed).

As long as your not in SoCal with conservative dr’s.


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[charger69]

I’m almost 53. There are a few things the young ones did not mention. Depending on how aggressive you go, monitor BP cholesterol and liver at a minimum.
I am finding that the older I get, the more it effects them. Never had issues with bp before. Now I do.


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[Cuz]

If i make it that long you can bet ill be eating anavar and winstrol daily with a healthy dose of test and hopefully gh!!

[rob69]

I never had a crash after a cycle for 12 weeks with test e and anavar / dbol . Always the test at 500 mg a week. The anavar i take for 6 weeks at 60 mg. The crash was not so bad, but that was almost 6 year ago. Thats why i ask of the 50 years and the crash maybe longer.

I was thinking now for a cycle at 12 week test and anavar again. I hope to get lean muscle and get a Lot of strengt.

Now i am 90 kilogram en 12 procent

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[GearHeaded]

I never had a crash after a cycle for 12 weeks with test e and anavar / dbol . Always the test at 500 mg a week. The anavar i take for 6 weeks at 60 mg. The crash was not so bad, but that was almost 6 year ago. Thats why i ask of the 50 years and the crash maybe longer.

I was thinking now for a cycle at 12 week test and anavar again. I hope to get lean muscle and get a Lot of strengt.

Now i am 90 kilogram en 12 procent

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your 50 . theres no need to ever worry about a crash again. no pct ever again. when you get on gear you simply stay on from now on or revert to TRT

[kelkel]

I'd suggest starting with full blood work. Odds are you're a candidate for hormone replacement. It's a great first step to get dialed in with TRT then cycle away without ever having to worry about pct.

[< <Samson> >]

Met a real cool 56 year old dude the other day - the guy looks better than me, no joke - leaner & heavier @ my height


Had to ask him a bunch of shit - guy started lifting hard along with juice when he was 50


His .o2 was that "we"(most of us at least) are jumping on at too early of an age

[Obs]

If I live to be 50 I will have jacked arms and do burnouts in my wheelchair because I will be on all kinds of crap.

[GearHeaded]

Met a real cool 56 year old dude the other day - the guy looks better than me, no joke - leaner & heavier @ my height


Had to ask him a bunch of shit - guy started lifting hard along with juice when he was 50


His .o2 was that "we"(most of us at least) are jumping on at too early of an age

this makes no sense to me . if he is jacked at 56 years old after 6 years of lifting and juicing .. then surely he would be much more jacked after 20 years of lifting and juicing had he started earlier . heck he could be a dexter Jackson had he started earlier.
makes no sense why he is attributing his good results from starting later in life rather then earlier

[GearHeaded]

I took my first steroid injection at 17 years old (I'm now 42). but it ended up bad and I took a near decades long break before starting again.. had I stuck with it all those years since 17, I'm sure I would have a way way more impressive physique then I have now.

[i_SLAM_cougars]

I took my first steroid injection at 17 years old (I'm now 42). but it ended up bad and I took a near decades long break before starting again.. had I stuck with it all those years since 17, I'm sure I would have a way way more impressive physique then I have now.

Thats what i’m Saying. That 10-11 year break I took from gear was the stupidest thing I ever did.
If I’d have had a “Gearheaded” to guide me when I was 17 i’d be a fucking worldstar right now. Now I’m just an old man trying to run up the down escalator

[GearHeaded]

Thats what i’m Saying. That 10-11 year break I took from gear was the stupidest thing I ever did.
If I’d have had a “Gearheaded” to guide me when I was 17 i’d be a fucking worldstar right now. Now I’m just an old man trying to run up the down escalator

you'd look like your Avi .. pretty sure he started young

[GearHeaded]

if my 20 year old son told me he wanted to be a bodybuilder,, I wouldn't have him take AAS to start though. I'd have him starting with HGH and Insulin , even though those are often times considered advanced and used later on.. then I would add in a few other growth factors. then I would add in a possible SARM.. then I would add in an anabolic . then , possibly years later, we would move on to using Test . most guys and most online advice has this completely ass backwards though.
they start with test only.. then they go to anabolic steroids ,, then they add in a SARM.. then they add in growth factors. then lastly they revert to GH and Slin.

[Family_guy]

if my 20 year old son told me he wanted to be a bodybuilder,, I wouldn't have him take AAS to start though. I'd have him starting with HGH and Insulin , even though those are often times considered advanced and used later on.. then I would add in a few other growth factors. then I would add in a possible SARM.. then I would add in an anabolic . then , possibly years later, we would move on to using Test . most guys and most online advice has this completely ass backwards though.
they start with test only.. then they go to anabolic steroids,, then they add in a SARM.. then they add in growth factors. then lastly they revert to GH and Slin.

Hmm this is very interesting. Why start with the GH and slin?

[GearHeaded]

Hmm this is very interesting. Why start with the GH and slin?

no down regulation of androgen receptors , no hpta shutdown , only enhanced recovery and cell building .. which is all you really need when young and androgen levels are already naturally high.
plus hyperplasia is more likely to happen when younger. you can get way more hyperplasia benefits from gh and slin (thus iGF) then you can from AAS.

so get those cellular benefits from growth factors when your young, don't put down natty androgens, and then later on when you do use AAS you'll be way more responsive and have way more tissue to 'blow up'

[i_SLAM_cougars]

you'd look like your Avi .. pretty sure he started young

Fortunately we both skipped the same amount of leg days

[Obs]

I took my first steroid injection at 17 years old (I'm now 42). but it ended up bad and I took a near decades long break before starting again.. had I stuck with it all those years since 17, I'm sure I would have a way way more impressive physique then I have now.

Thats what i’m Saying. That 10-11 year break I took from gear was the stupidest thing I ever did.
If I’d have had a “Gearheaded” to guide me when I was 17 i’d be a fucking worldstar right now. Now I’m just an old man trying to run up the down escalator

I thought I was the only one...

Stopping gear and lifting... Wth was I thinking!
This is proof kids cant make life altering decisions for shit.
"No... F them steroids lifting and strange vaginer. I am gonna sign my life away to this bitch I cant stand and have kids."

You know I distinctly remember my family telling me steroids were bad. Hell they still do.

Dont remember one of them saying getting married young and having kids would screw my life up.

[charger69]

Actually, Remember how steroids started. They were medicine to treat certain ailments. Then people like Obs got ahold of the. And started abusing them. LOL


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[Test Monsterone]

if my 20 year old son told me he wanted to be a bodybuilder,, I wouldn't have him take AAS to start though. I'd have him starting with HGH and Insulin , even though those are often times considered advanced and used later on.. then I would add in a few other growth factors. then I would add in a possible SARM.. then I would add in an anabolic . then , possibly years later, we would move on to using Test . most guys and most online advice has this completely ass backwards though.
they start with test only.. then they go to anabolic steroids,, then they add in a SARM.. then they add in growth factors. then lastly they revert to GH and Slin.

If I ever have kids I hope they don’t turn out like me at all. I wouldn’t want my kids being self obsessed and never satisfied. I’d rather they be happy with however god made them and live a longer more fruitful life. The last thing I’d want to see is my son taking steroids .

[Test Monsterone]

I thought I was the only one...

Stopping gear and lifting... Wth was I thinking!
This is proof kids cant make life altering decisions for shit.
"No... F them steroids lifting and strange vaginer. I am gonna sign my life away to this bitch I cant stand and have kids."

You know I distinctly remember my family telling me steroids were bad. Hell they still do.

Dont remember one of them saying getting married young and having kids would screw my life up.

I didn’t get married or have kids and I’m no happier than you. I realized a long time ago that no matter what happens in my life or what I have, Eventually I level out at my baseline of misery lol.

[Obs]

I didn’t get married or have kids and I’m no happier than you. I realized a long time ago that no matter what happens in my life or what I have, Eventually I level out at my baseline of misery lol.

Yes but bigger is always better.

[GearHeaded]

If I ever have kids I hope they don’t turn out like me at all. I wouldn’t want my kids being self obsessed and never satisfied. I’d rather they be happy with however god made them and live a longer more fruitful life. The last thing I’d want to see is my son taking steroids.

well the reason why steroids exist and why they are prescribed to aging men, women, and even children.. and used in anti aging clinics, etc.. is because they help promote a longer more 'fruitful' life.
steroids prevent and treat a host of different diseases and medical conditions. and are life extension medicines for the most part

the whole idea that steroids were invented just for bodybuilders to get jacked and abuse them is totally false. if my kids have access to and are in need of steroids, then I'm all for it.
no different then anti biotoics.

do you want your kids sick and having to take anti biotics , of course not. but if they are going to help for whatever condition they have or need to be used for some reason or another , then heck more power to them.

thats like saying you'd hate to see your kid, who has cancer, take a drug that cures cancer . why wouldn't you want him to take a drug thats going to help ?


most steroids are life saving medicines and anti aging drugs.. the idea that they get classified with heroin, cocaine, and other rec drugs is total BS imo.
you can't be a 50 year old woman with osteoporosis and go to an anti aging clinic and get prescribed cocaine, but she can easily get prescribed some Deca , Primo, or Anavar . nothing wrong with that.
most AAS are the safest and most advanced healing drugs on earth. people who don't take them are missing out on lots of benefits

[GearHeaded]

also if my kid wanted to be a bodybuilder or look like one .. me saying that I wouldn't want him to take AAS would be just the same as me saying I would not want him to eat healthy, optimize his nutrition, and train properly. why would I want anything other then optimal for him in all aspects of his goal

of course I would want him to do things legally and responsibly , just like I would want him to do with his diet and training . but to just bluntly think that optimized diet and training are good, but optimized hormones and super supplements are somehow bad, I don't agree with.

theres nothing inherently evil about the creatine molecule found in meat, and theres nothing inherently evil about a testosterone molecule found in a bottle of test.. if my kid could get some benefit from either of those molecules, then thats fine. neither molecule is either good nor bad

[Test Monsterone]

well the reason why steroids exist and why they are prescribed to aging men, women, and even children.. and used in anti aging clinics, etc.. is because they help promote a longer more 'fruitful' life.
steroids prevent and treat a host of different diseases and medical conditions. and are life extension medicines for the most part

the whole idea that steroids were invented just for bodybuilders to get jacked and abuse them is totally false. if my kids have access to and are in need of steroids, then I'm all for it.
no different then anti biotoics.

do you want your kids sick and having to take anti biotics , of course not. but if they are going to help for whatever condition they have or need to be used for some reason or another , then heck more power to them.

thats like saying you'd hate to see your kid, who has cancer, take a drug that cures cancer . why wouldn't you want him to take a drug thats going to help ?


most steroids are life saving medicines and anti aging drugs.. the idea that they get classified with heroin, cocaine, and other rec drugs is total BS imo.
you can't be a 50 year old woman with osteoporosis and go to an anti aging clinic and get prescribed cocaine, but she can easily get prescribed some Deca , Primo, or Anavar . nothing wrong with that.
most AAS are the safest and most advanced healing drugs on earth. people who don't take them are missing out on lots of benefits

You were talking about a 20 year old taking steroids for bodybuilding. I’m not talking about people who are sick and as far as I know, I don’t know any 50 year old women with osteoporosis on this forum. I’m all for my hypothetical kids taking whatever is required for optimal health. Hell, even if my sons levels were medium-low (like mine were when I started at age 32), I’d gladly get them for him and inject him myself. But if he was a healthy 20 year old with already normal-high levels, I wouldn’t be cool with it. Steroids are not like Vitamin C and Fish oil, they have drastic effects on one's long term health, both mentally and physically. AN average 20year old kid knows nothing about hormones and is not yet mature and responsible enough to handle them. Dude at 20 I was a raging lunatic as far as my emotions. A girl would break my heart, I’d be damn near suicidal or read to kill someone. Add steroids to that... or god forbid going through PCT. pff.

All the guys I know that took steroids/pro hormones in their teens or early 20s are all fucked up now. A lot of them turned to pain killers and other drugs. Their minds are all screwed up. There are a few intelligent ones who didn’t end up like that, but the intelligent ones are far and few.

also if my kid wanted to be a bodybuilder or look like one .. me saying that I wouldn't want him to take AAS would be just the same as me saying I would not want him to eat healthy, optimize his nutrition, and train properly. why would I want anything other then optimal for him in all aspects of his goal

of course I would want him to do things legally and responsibly , just like I would want him to do with his diet and training . but to just bluntly think that optimized diet and training are good, but optimized hormones and super supplements are somehow bad, I don't agree with.

theres nothing inherently evil about the creatine molecule found in meat, and theres nothing inherently evil about a testosterone molecule found in a bottle of test.. if my kid could get some benefit from either of those molecules, then thats fine. neither molecule is either good nor bad

Come on man, you’re a smart guy. You think taking supraphysiological doses of exogenous hormones is the same thing as eating healthy? And what is training properly? Training properly is doing mostly cardio with moderate weights here and there. That’s healthy. Being a gym rat and pounding plates and drinking chemical shakes all day is not healthy and never was. Most of what we do on this forum is not healthy and never was. I can admit to myself that I’m not doing the right thing by my health by taking even 50 mg over 150 mg/week TRT. But you cannot tell me or anyone in general that taking steroids, outside of what is medically prescribed is advantageous in the long term. That’s with all due respect, because you are an ocean of knowledge for most of us. I’m just keeping it real...

[GearHeaded]

its just my opinion - but I think with drugs (steroids , growth factors, etc) you can make yourself a stronger, healthier, better version of yourself. you can optimize many aspects of your life . you can be more "super human". you will live a longer happier and more productive life. you will be optimized. your recovery will be optimized, your nutrient assimilation will be optimized , etc etc..

but of course, that comes with responsibility and knowledge and dedication. just like anything in life , too much of a good thing can turn into a bad thing very quickly.
same with AAS usage. I think if used properly it can make you 'super human' and live a longer stronger life. but a couple bad mistakes and not knowing what your doing, it can turn out bad.

but just because it can be abused and mistakes can happen with drastic consequences does not mean the whole topic is bad..
just like people die every year from alcohol poisoning every year, yet alcohol is not necessarily bad. people get shot and die from guns every year, but guns are not necessarily bad.. heck people die from drinking too much water in one sitting, but water is not necessarily bad.

when used properly. most things in life are beneficial. Steroids are not bad. when used correctly they can make your life way better, healthier, more productive, etc etc..

why wouldn't I want those benefits for my kids if they chose to go that route ?

why wouldn't I want to enjoy a glass of wine with my 25 year old daughter over dinner . but alcohol kills people .. bs . people kill themselves. most everything in life is good and beneficial when used properly . so are steroids imo

[Test Monsterone]

I agree with what you’re saying for the most part, but what we say and what we do are two different things. I’m just as guilty as any of us on here for being bitten by the roid bug. We all have vices, and if taking more steroids than a doctor would prescribe me is my vice, so be it. But what I won’t do is lie to myself that I’m taking it for physical health purposes at that point. I’m taking it for vanity reasons, self esteem improvement, as a hobby, and because it helps me see better results. I said it before on here that one thing I had in mind when I began was how it was going to benefit me mentally - and it has. It doesn’t matter how healthy I am at 70 if I don’t reach 70, so for me it’s worth it.

[GearHeaded]

I agree with what you’re saying for the most part, but what we say and what we do are two different things. I’m just as guilty as any of us on here for being bitten by the roid bug. We all have vices, and if taking more steroids than a doctor would prescribe me is my vice, so be it. But what I won’t do is lie to myself that I’m taking it for physical health purposes at that point. I’m taking it for vanity reasons, self esteem improvement, as a hobby, and because it helps me see better results. I said it before on here that one thing I had in mind when I began was how it was going to benefit me mentally - and it has. It doesn’t matter how healthy I am at 70 if I don’t reach 70, so for me it’s worth it.

I agree with the vanity thing . but heck thats part of life. we do things to better our life and enjoy it. thats what life is..

heres a huge vanity thing for me (un related to my physique) .. but years ago when I first got on AAS, I went from being a very straight laced conservative guy (married with kids and businesses etc.), to chasing after hot women and brining them into bed with me and my wife.
all those threesomes would probably not of happen had it been for the mental change steroids made.

to some people that could be bad. it could be good. idk . but thats a 'vanity' thing that I sure the heck enjoyed and got a lot out of . and thats all that matters at the end of the day . your own personal enjoyment and fulfillment

[Obs]

I took steroids at 20 and my mind aint fucked up

[bethdoth]

I always worked out, but started on HRT at 50. After a few years I started doing a couple tren A cycles a year to keep lean. Now at 58 I am built pretty good. Could be a percent or two body fat less, but overall pretty thick and lean IMHO. My advise is like charger and Kelkel said do labs and keep an eye on your inside not just outside. i would also add injuries seem to come easier so pay attention to your joints and ligaments, recovering is harder. If you go to the over 40 forum I think I have a few pics in there.

[< <Samson> >]

this makes no sense to me . if he is jacked at 56 years old after 6 years of lifting and juicing .. then surely he would be much more jacked after 20 years of lifting and juicing had he started earlier . heck he could be a dexter Jackson had he started earlier.
makes no sense why he is attributing his good results from starting later in life rather then earlier

How does this not make sense?


Who gives a shit about how jacked you looked for 20 years if you atart at 25 & pop your back at 45?




A guy who I used to workout with for years just blew his back - he's 43, made me look small - started in his early 20's



Exacty what the older dude said - we want it now, asap - we can't wait & build slow(and he is no diff). . . . I got to my own max potential within 3 years, blasting all year - going from a flabby 170 to a hard af 200. . . . That would take a decade to achieve without massive ammounts of sauce. . . . . And, this is how most of really do roids. . . . One cycle, life long




The whole generation we're in is completely wrapped up in the too far too fast lifestyle








But, what do I know

[GearHeaded]

How does this not make sense?


Who gives a shit about how jacked you looked for 20 years if you atart at 25 & pop your back at 45?




A guy who I used to workout with for years just blew his back - he's 43, made me look small - started in his early 20's



Exacty what the older dude said - we want it now, asap - we can't wait & build slow(and he is no diff). . . . I got to my own max potential within 3 years, blasting all year - going from a flabby 170 to a hard af 200. . . . That would take a decade to achieve without massive ammounts of sauce. . . . . And, this is how most of really do roids. . . . One cycle, life long




The whole generation we're in is completely wrapped up in the too far too fast lifestyle








But, what do I know

well starting at 20 and making it to 90 is ideal ..


look , when your 25 years old all you care about is 25 , not 40 and not 20 .. so you might as well do everything as optimal as you can to make the most out of your being 25 . when your get to 50 , make the most out of being 50. thats all you can ever do . yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised

this guy started training at 50 and he looks great at 56 . thats awesome.
but who knows what he may of missed out on being a loser pussy ass little bitch in his 20s and 30s. it no longer matters. all he has left is today and its good he is making the most of it. but if he could go back in time and be 35 again, why wouldn't he also chose to make the most out of it then as well.

his idea about being a "late bloomer" is not necessarily noble in any way to me . basically he's just saying he was a loser most his life and didn't get his shit together until he turned 50. which is good for him now ,, but he cut his old self short

[Obs]

I been doing trees for years.
Big boring story.

Its hands down the most dangerous occupation you will find. I grew up logging but never had training of any kind in it or climbing.

I taught myself and developed my own methods.

My biggest problem starting out was that people would look at me personally and think, "One guy... This guy.. Is gonna take this enormous tree down and not crush my house then haul it all away? Ya right..."

My only way in was to undercut everyone big time and I wasn't making shit.
Fast forward a few years and people are evading my eye contact. They see confidence and someone with bigger arms than anyone they know or have seen with veins running down them and quelling all their fears before they can even express them.

They feel insecure to have anyone else do it. Now I get outbid by others and still wind up being chosen.

Success is 99% confidence.

Aside from that my bloodwork naturally was shit.
I should have never stopped using.
Being an insecure depressed piss on will kill you quicker than AAS.
If I had continued living the life I was it was over.

I used to sit in my barn on the attic steps and cry praying God would give me the opportunity to make more of myself. I was trapped in a place I did not belong pissing away potential on a disgusting leech of an ex wife.

AAS was the boost I always needed. Its just one small aspect of the big picture.

Everyone who ever did something new and great was cast out as dangerous and stupid.

We have airplanes, rockets, and lightspeed communication because someone had the balls to put aside safety and make it happen.

Optimization is life.
If we arent sticking our necks out or taking chances in progression we might as well go back to cave dwelling.

[Test Monsterone]

Priorities change, especially after a health scare. I had one at age 26 and I stopped lifting for about 4 years. I had lifted since age 14 before that, consistently. Never missed a week, even on vacation. I never thought I would stop lifting but once I did, I found myself doing other things; working on my music more, reading more, etc. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. Now that I’m back to working out, I look at it differently. I know that what I believe now, or the way I live my life now, may not be the way I always live my life. Its true when we’re younger we only think of today. I look at other men in my family who never were into hardcore lifting like I was, and I don’t consider them weaker. Shit my dad makes more money than I’ll ever make. Everyone got different priorities. Doesn’t matter what you do in life as long as you enjoy it and do it and it doesn’t impact others lives negatively. Maybe when you’re 25 you don’t care about 50, but when you’re 50 you damn sure care about 55.

[Obs]

I think the whole argument boils down to, "What do you want?"

If you want something exceptional you wont get it being safe.
You are not safe.
You will never be safe.
You may die tomorrow.
Assess and act and act with all you got or you wont get it.

[< <Samson> >]

well starting at 20 and making it to 90 is ideal ..


look , when your 25 years old all you care about is 25 , not 40 and not 20 .. so you might as well do everything as optimal as you can to make the most out of your being 25 . when your get to 50 , make the most out of being 50. thats all you can ever do . yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised

this guy started training at 50 and he looks great at 56 . thats awesome.
but who knows what he may of missed out on being a loser pussy ass little bitch in his 20s and 30s. it no longer matters. all he has left is today and its good he is making the most of it. but if he could go back in time and be 35 again, why wouldn't he also chose to make the most out of it then as well.

his idea about being a "late bloomer" is not necessarily noble in any way to me . basically he's just saying he was a loser most his life and didn't get his shit together until he turned 50. which is good for him now ,, but he cut his old self short

Point made, for sure


It's just tough for me to see people around me fall one after the next - and, so far - it's all self caused, and everyone is pre 50. Seeing someone in their mid 50's being alive & intact is a mile stone arounf these parts

[Obs]

Priorities change, especially after a health scare. I had one at age 26 and I stopped lifting for about 4 years. I had lifted since age 14 before that, consistently. Never missed a week, even on vacation. I never thought I would stop lifting but once I did, I found myself doing other things; working on my music more, reading more, etc. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. Now that I’m back to working out, I look at it differently. I know that what I believe now, or the way I live my life now, may not be the way I always live my life. Its true when we’re younger we only think of today. I look at other men in my family who never were into hardcore lifting like I was, and I don’t consider them weaker. Shit my dad makes more money than I’ll ever make. Everyone got different priorities. Doesn’t matter what you do in life as long as you enjoy it and do it and it doesn’t impact others lives negatively. Maybe when you’re 25 you don’t care about 50, but when you’re 50 you damn sure care about 55.

My priorities never changed.
I changed for people around me that I shouldn't have and the hardest lesson I ever learned was that you cannot be what someone else wants you to be.

Since I was a boy I longed to be self employed and king shit. I put that away and played the giving up my dreams for people who threw it back in my fucking face. I wasted a decade of my life teying to be everyones desire.

That decade was a worse strain on my body than AAS will ever dream of being. I had to lose it all and be under felony indictment before I learned what my middle finger was for.

I started living my life my way and my most successful years have been since then.

Everyone doesnt need or want what I do and most are content with minimal effort and minimal achievment.

I was never like that.
When I was employed the top seat at the company had to be mine. When I got home I wasn't sitting on the couch watching football or screwing with cars etc.
I was striving in every way I could think of to stop being someones hired bitch and be my own man.

It took years and cutting shitty people entirely out of my life before I got there. Now I have an iron grip on what I want and I will die before I lose it.