Good morning everyone, 43 years old, 1.80.
I would love to get back on the road (I love bb so much, follow nutrition and workout) but right now I'm unloaded and down and now I'll explain why.
Before the covid I trained as a natural and I never thought of using AAS but a friend and trainer of mine advised me and minimized the issue..
The first two cycles and pct everything ok (I was always under the granmo per cycle) then when I stopped due to the pandemic I took a multidose (on the advice of my trainer) of tn Pharma bulk mix..
Drostanolone Enanthate 100mg/ml
Trenbolone Enanthate 150mg/ml
Testosterone Enanthate 200mg/ml
Boldenone Undecylenate 200 mg/ml.. after a short time I started having very strong anxiety problems (panic attacks) and psychomotor agitation but I didn't stop, I started taking benzodiazepines because I thought it was all psychological and I went on.. when I took the multidose bulk mix in the cart I also took cut mixes and after disconnecting the other one I started with this one (Nand Phenyl Propionate 75mg/ml
Trenbolone Acetate 75mg/ml
Stanozolol 75mg/ml
Drostanolone Propionate 150mg/ml)..
I'm aware now (not before) because I blindly trusted my coach that you shouldn't take all these esters together but the damage has now been done..
Gerd, anxiety skyrocketing and I can't train anymore, I'm always agitated.
At that time I was engaged and in love with a woman and I looked after my elderly father, in short the woman left me after I discovered her betrayal and she disappeared and my father lay in a hospital bed and died after a few months.
I spend the worst period of my life with a very strong depression and I stop working out, I start taking anafranil and lorazepam for lunch and dinner and although I start to gain weight like a balloon my head is better, I easily switch off the antidepressant but not the benzodiazepines.
I really want to go back to training seriously with a little push (text only?) but I'm scared because:
1- I happened to get angry and feel chest tightness for days and I got scared.
2- I don't know if now that I'm less anxious but I still take benzodiazepines they could affect the text or a possible cycle of AAS.
3- Right now I'm down because I'm no longer like before (on +16 hp at 12 bodyfat) now I'm flaccid, muscleless and unmotivated.
Can anyone help me ☺️

I used google translate sorry