nolvadex and depression

**want2bulk** · 01-07-2004, 12:23 PM

Can anybody verify if Nolvadex can really cause depression or add to it? I was on a cycle of test cyp and deca and I was taking 20mg of Nolvadex EOD. I think there were some other things that triggered the depression because it started in October. I didn't start taking Nolvadex until mid-late November. My episodes of depression worsened over time. I never did **** and I treated my girl like crap. I had almost no self esteem. She moved out because I pushed her down ... I feel sooooooo horrible cuz that's not like me. Anyways, I'm going to see a doctor about it today and I just wanted to get your input before I talk to him. I hope I can feel better about myself and I hope to God I can get my girl back...somehow, someway. I scared the **** out of her though. Pray for me bros! Thanks.

**DocHoliday** · 01-07-2004, 01:23 PM

What was the cycle you were on? Sounds like your HPTA was shut down pretty hard. I doubt it had anything to do with the Nolva but the cycle. Did you get the depression when you started the cycle in October?

Give us more info.

Doc

**simplyjakked** · 01-07-2004, 01:41 PM

did the depression come before or after the cycle? if your a woman pushing punk maybe you should be putting any chemicals in your body at all!

**want2bulk** · 01-07-2004, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by simplyjakked

did the depression come before or after the cycle? if your a woman pushing punk maybe you should be putting any chemicals in your body at all!

The depression started before the cycle. I had just moved and found out that my job was closing down. I HATED my living situation and had a lot of stress in my life. I just simply asked if the nolvadex can cause, or add to, depression. I wouldn't call myself a woman pushing punk. Most of the time she would slap me for something, I just took it. Maybe you should read up on depression and see what it's all about. I haven't put any chemicals into my body since I pushed her. It made me realize something was wrong and that's why I just got back from the doctor. I got some anti-depressants and will be talking to a counselor soon. It's not like I pushed her down with the intent to hurt her. We were having a little argument and I wanted to make up before she went to work so I was blocking the doorway. She tried to shove me out of the way so I gave her a push back. She had a bag weighing at least 10 pounds in her hand that she tripped over...that explains why she nearly did a 360 when she fell. I think if I pushed her will all my might, she would've fallen straight back. Every girl that actually KNOWS me, can't believe this happened. Most girls think I'm an awesome guy and I know I am too ... that's why I'm doing something about it. I don't need insults from guys on the computer ... they don't impress me.

**Devourer** · 01-07-2004, 05:07 PM

we all make mistakes. at least you recognized yours and are actively trying to fix the problem that created this.

**toolman** · 01-07-2004, 05:30 PM

Originally Posted by anadrol devourer

we all make mistakes. at least you recognized yours and are actively trying to fix the problem that created this.

Well said anadrol ! You realized it was the wrong thing to do and you should remember how badly it made you feel.

However, the fact that she is slapping you is also unacceptable. Domestic violence is wrong no matter who is doing the hitting. If she did not want to recognize this, then your better off without her.

The chemical balance of the brain that results in depression is a complicated thing. I do not think the Nolva caused it but the gear you took absolutely could. Escpecially if you were experiencing it before your cycle. The great news is that depression is 100% treatable no matter how bad you think you may have it. See a psychiatrist and they will determine what anti-depressents, if any, you may need. Stick around and you will be aamazed to see how many guys in here are on antidepressents. There is no need to suffer through it so get the help and enjoy!

**want2bulk** · 01-07-2004, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by anadrol devourer

we all make mistakes. at least you recognized yours and are actively trying to fix the problem that created this.

Thanks for seeing that. I know I'm not a bad person and am actually very against violence with women. That's why I feel so bad and I can't believe this happened. I'm just hoping for the best and praying that I can have another chance with her. I'll make the best out of it.

**want2bulk** · 01-07-2004, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by toolman

Well said anadrol ! You realized it was the wrong thing to do and you should remember how badly it made you feel.

However, the fact that she is slapping you is also unacceptable. Domestic violence is wrong no matter who is doing the hitting. If she did not want to recognize this, then your better off without her.

The chemical balance of the brain that results in depression is a complicated thing. I do not think the Nolva caused it but the gear you took absolutely could. Escpecially if you were experiencing it before your cycle. The great news is that depression is 100% treatable no matter how bad you think you may have it. See a psychiatrist and they will determine what anti-depressents, if any, you may need. Stick around and you will be aamazed to see how many guys in here are on antidepressents. There is no need to suffer through it so get the help and enjoy!

You're dead on, Toolman. Domestic violence in unacceptable regardless of who did what. There was a few times where she slapped me and I did absolutely nothing about it except sit there and take it. I knew she was upset and I know she loved me. She just has a temper but it's something I put up with because I love the girl. The only reason I even started to juice again was because my self esteem got sooooooo low and so did my sex drive. In the past, they always helped my self esteem and definitely helped the "tool" work better. I did see the doc today and got on an anti-depressant called Lexapro. They said I could talk to a counselor or just use family and friends. I think I'm gonna give a psychiatrist a shot just to see what kinda insight he/she can give me. I love this girl so much, that's why I wanted to kill some prick that was threatening her a while back ... something about smashing her face in the concrete! Not cool and that's why I made a 25 minute drive in 15 minutes ... he'd only fight me in his front yard. What a doucher. I never wanted to hurt her, but I did. I just wish I could take it all back. Just wish me luck and hope everything turns out the way I want it to. Thanks bros!

**James Bond** · 01-07-2004, 05:54 PM

Anyway, coming off a cycle like yours and taking nolvadex absolutely CAN improve your tendence to depression episodes. Take care.

**want2bulk** · 01-07-2004, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by James Bond

Anyway, coming off a cycle like yours and taking nolvadex absolutely CAN improve your tendence to depression episodes. Take care.

Yeah, that's one thing I'm worried about. I'm going to take Clomid as well. I'm done juicing for now, and quite possibly forever. I'm just going to take Nolva and Clomid for the next two or 3 weeks just so I can get my body back to normal. Hopefully my anti-depressant will keep down the depression that Nolvadex can cause. I have 2 10ml vials of EQ, some QV Deca , and some test cypionate that I'll be getting rid of. Sorry guys, I won't sell.

I gotta do the right thing for me and destroy it. I don't think it was the root cause of my problems with this girl but anything that can harm my relationship is gone. I used to have confidence before I started juicin ... I think this therapy will help get me get that confidence back. I used to be tiny and have confidence! What the hell is the deal with that??? By the way, does anybody else recognize a problem with her slapping me??? I know I pushed her and that was wrong but at least I am doing something about it. At least I feel horrible and am making sure it never happens again. She slapped me and never showed any remorse. I know I may have upset her sometimes and that's why she slapped me but other times she just lost her marbles. Who would forget about a girl like this? Who would fight for her? I love her too much so I gotta fight. I hope this doesn't get too off topic but anywhere I can talk to people, it helps. Thanks guys!

**James Bond** · 01-07-2004, 06:42 PM

lack of confidence is all about depression.
Run nolva or clomid to get your hpta right back but don't forget both can make your depression worse. It's justa matter of time: your body's out of hormonal balance and it's gonna take some weeks to be back in shape.
Be strong in these next days and your confidence will be soon back.

**toolman** · 01-07-2004, 07:12 PM

Regular docs have no place prescribing anti-depressents. See the specialist, a Psychiatrist. You wouldnt go to a GP to do your bypass surgery. Unlike counselors, etc. A Psychiatrist has gotten through Medical School, then additional training. They are far more qualified to determine what is the best anti-deppresent for you.

As for the girlfriend, it doesn't matter how mad she got, if she is a hitter and shows no remorse, she has a problem. When you are well again, you should see this. If she hits you when losing her temper, imagine what she will do to your kids. Dump her.

**want2bulk** · 01-07-2004, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by toolman

Regular docs have no place prescribing anti-depressents. See the specialist, a Psychiatrist. You wouldnt go to a GP to do your bypass surgery. Unlike counselors, etc. A Psychiatrist has gotten through Medical School, then additional training. They are far more qualified to determine what is the best anti-deppresent for you.

As for the girlfriend, it doesn't matter how mad she got, if she is a hitter and shows no remorse, she has a problem. When you are well again, you should see this. If she hits you when losing her temper, imagine what she will do to your kids. Dump her.

I guess when I say counselor, I do mean psychiatrist. I called to set up an appointment with one today but I couldn't get in until mid February. I'll do some more calling around cuz I'd like to get started right away. The doctor's office that I went to today has seen a family member of mine and really helped them out ... that's why I decided to go. It wasn't covered by my insurance so the visit alone cost me $230!!! They told me it would be around $100 which is BS, but I guess if I can be myself again, I'll do whatever it takes.

On the subject of the girl, she didn't start hitting me until we moved in together and I didn't push her until we moved in together. I don't think it's the fact that we were living together, I think it's that we lived with a third roommate. Three is company and somebody always gets in the middle. This girl and I basically lived together at her old apartment and didn't have any problems like this. I think she was kinda in my shoes then ... she never went out, was always sad, could never stay up late with me, and had a few people close to her die. She felt like she was gonna have a nervous breakdown, but you know what, AT LEAST I WAS THERE FOR HER! That's the only thing that's gonna kill me ... I know I scared her but with all I've done through, I think I deserved the right to be heard and supported through this. But you're right, maybe she does have a problem. There were many times when we would have a confrontation but I would talk calmly and quietly while all she wanted to do was yell. I was always the one coming to her after an argument ... I always had to kiss up to her. I hope she wouldn't hit our kids. She loves kids and so do I. She always tells me I'd be a good dad. She sees how much little kids like me and how much I like them. I say "our" kids because that's how serious I was about this girl ... I did want to marry her and have kids in a few years. As for dumping her, unfortunately she dumped me after I pushed her. I don't turn my back on her because I care, but for some reason, hers is always getting turned on me.

**vapors1** · 01-07-2004, 09:11 PM

Though the $$$ seems high, it's well worth it! Totally agree with Toolman! Let a specialist do their thing. I did and who would have thought that after a few tests and visits I've got a chemical imbalance! Wellbutrin XL is now one of my new best friends! No shame in seeing a shrink! Good luck!
K

**want2bulk** · 01-07-2004, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by vapors1

Though the $$$ seems high, it's well worth it! Totally agree with Toolman! Let a specialist do their thing. I did and who would have thought that after a few tests and visits I've got a chemical imbalance! Wellbutrin XL is now one of my new best friends! No shame in seeing a shrink! Good luck!
K

I'm gonna make sure whatever psychiatrist I talk to is covered by insurance. All I have to do is pay $20 per visit, for up to 20 visits. I think I should be in pretty good shape because I've only been feeling like crap since early October. It definitely worsened with time as every little unfortunate event would add to my depression. Letting it all build up inside and never talking about it definitely didn't help either. I'm at least seeking help only 3 months after it started which isn't too bad considering some people wait years. They say the sooner you get help, the sooner you're back to normal. I wrote my EX a letter telling her that I want to get help and I want her to support me. She put it back in my mailbox at my apartment a couple days later. She kept the CD I made but put a picture of us in the envelope. What the hell gives? I know I scared her but doesn't she know I got a little freaked out when she hit me? I was there when her friends and family weren't. I was her everything. Now when I need her, she's gone. I did push her but don't I deserve to at least be heard? She won't even call me or let me tell her how I feel face to face. I'm going through a lot of **** and I guess if she truly loved me, she'd be there. I think her family might have something to do with it. I'm sure she has voices in her head telling her to move on and forget about it. I had that all the time when she left me before and broke my heart but I made my own decision and never looked back.

**DocHoliday** · 01-08-2004, 02:59 AM

I want to say goodluck fighting the depression. I do not think the cycle or nolva are directly responsible.

Acknowledgement is key, and you’ve got that. I think though, realizing your follies can also bring you down.

Some say time heals, and some say time does not heal. I believe that time just gives relief.

Best of luck. Everyday above ground is a good day my man.

Doc

**want2bulk** · 01-08-2004, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by DocHoliday

I want to say goodluck fighting the depression. I do not think the cycle or nolva are directly responsible.

Acknowledgement is key, and you’ve got that. I think though, realizing your follies can also bring you down.

Some say time heals, and some say time does not heal. I believe that time just gives relief.

Best of luck. Everyday above ground is a good day my man.

Doc

Thanks man. I'm doing a good thing by acknowledging the problem, as you mentioned. Nobody told me to get help and nobody forced it upon me ... I took matters into my own hands and am doing something about it. It's a shame that some people around me don't realize that, like the girl. I wouldn't be doing all this if the relationship didn't matter. I believe time will bring relief and healing. I'll just keep on going and hope everything turns out for the better.

**DocHoliday** · 01-08-2004, 11:54 AM

Chin up!

**BUYLONGTERM** · 01-08-2004, 12:06 PM

What a great thread. I love to see bro's helping a guy out! We really do have great members!

Anything we can do bro, let us know!

BLT

**want2bulk** · 01-08-2004, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by buylongterm

What a great thread. I love to see bro's helping a guy out! We really do have great members!

Anything we can do bro, let us know!

BLT

It is awesome that you guys are helping me out with advice ... it helps a ton. I have the whole story posted up in the AR Lounge if you guys wanna check it out. It's very long but I'd love some responses. She has put me through a lot of pain before. I know I scared her by pushing her a few times but I wasn't the only one being violent at times. She just looks at it like I'm way bigger than her so I can't do anything. Trust me, I don't WANT to touch her like that and that's why I'm getting help. I can be the nicest guy in the world when I'm feeling good about myself. Anyways, if you guys check out my other post and respond, that'd be great. I just want to know what you guys think I should do and what you would do if you were in my shoes. I love her to death and think about her all the time.

**DocHoliday** · 01-08-2004, 12:29 PM

Get in the habit of thinking one step ahead. Just as you know you’re becoming enraged think of another move that will place you with the upper hand. Like chess, plan it out, feel where things are going.

It’s tough, but it’s a great way to stay level headed and much less stressed.

I'll see about the ar lounge thread

doc