My wife is a C**T

[clhp20]

I need to vent. I am 35 yrs old, and am in recovery for an Alcohol problem.. almost 60 days clean...

If anyone knows anything about AA, you know that there are the 12 steps.

Steps 8 and 9 are,

8) Made a list of all ppl that we have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all

9) Made direct amends to such ppl wherever posible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Ok, now with that said. I made amends with her for some of the crap i did..I asked her if she could forgive me.. she says yes.. So therefore, we can now move forward.

Well the past few days she has done nothing but criticize me about upcoming things as if i am that same person i used to be.

Today she says that she was going to a late lunch until around 5:30 or so with her co-workers and an account rep that they haven't seen in about a year.. I was like ok.. Well 5:30 comes around and no wife. ok 6 comes around and no wife.. 7 comes around and no wife and no call. Now i am getting fricken pissed...8 comes around and she calls, telling me that she is at her mothers. Well needless to say i was pissed.. So i told her WTF why couldn't she call, i told her that i had plans to go to a meeting tonight at 8.( which i missed, and i was suppose to pick someone up at 7:15 to go). She says she was sorry and that she didn't know that i had plans. Well i can understand that. but shiit, i was assuming from what she told me yesterday. that she would be home around 5:30, so i could just tell her then. She tells me that she isn't coming home anytime soon cause she was drinking at wherever they were( which to mention she never told me) and that she didn't want to come home smelling like alcohol and ruin what i have accomplished so far. I was like fcuk that shiit. Her coming home smelling like alcohol is not going to make me go out and drink, her bulllshiit is. not calling, not coming home when she said. the constant bitchin. I am getting really ****ing tired of this shiit. I think that i am going to leave her.. I just got out of a 21 day rehab.. so i am going to have to get a job, and get some sort of stability before i can do that..otherwise i will be on the street and sleeping in my car.

Ever heard that song, You ain't much fun since i stopped drinking? Well that is how i feel. Not that she was fun even while i was drinking, but she made it tolerable when she wasn't bitchin about something. the only way to shut her up was to stick a meat stick in her arse or face.. which wasn't very often, I have completely lost interest in her. I have started playing the field trying to pick up other chicks..

Here is the hit though, i have 3 kids with her, they mean the world to me.. They love me with everything. They were going nuts when i was in rehab..

I just can't take it anymore.. I do love her, but i just can't live with her, and can't take the bitchin and naggin anymore.. I am going to go ballistic..

I know that i should talk to her about all this, but when i do, you know woman, she turns the tbls, and starts bitchin about what i have done or what i haven't done. I can't stand the arguements.

anyway, i am rambling, Thanks to anyone who reads this, and to anyone that replies.. I just need to vent this to someone since i can't talk to her about it..

[XxElitexX]

wow bro. I have no comment on this. Good luck with everything.

[ironpumpindoc]

sounds rough man, best of luck whatever you do, maybe some marriage counseling?

[Lozgod]

Did you do the steps with a sponsor? It takes years to get through the steps. Recovery doesn't happen in 60 days. It takes about a year alone to write a 4th step.

[MrMondodondo]

So, your drinking has caused years of grief and now 60 days later all is supposed to be grand. READ THE BOOK! It's like this 10 years of drinking in a relationship takes 10 years at least to get to even. That trust that was destroyed takes years to come back. Howmany times have you done just this sort of thing to her. Go to meetings, get a job, pray your azz off, and live humility. Then you might have a shot at long term sobriety. No offense but you just ran into a hardcore AA mutha F*cka!

You wanna chat like for real PM me I'll give ya my number. I've been sober a long time and married 16 years with 3 kids!!! So, I have EXPERIENCE not just bullsh1t opinions!

Mondo.

[clhp20]

Howmany times have you done just this sort of thing to her.

What is it you mean exactly?

What i am saying is she is controlling, there is more to this story then i shared. She is mean, she argues for no apparent reason, when i got out ( rehab) she says that there is no smoking in the house, and said that she knows that i am smoking in the den ( where the computer is), i told her yes, but i don't do it all day like she claims. and the kids are gone, no one is home and the window is open, mind you this talk was at 2:30 in the morning after she comes to bed, and wakes me up, not on purpose. This morning. she talks about it again, so i tell her, for someone that bitches about smoking in the house once in a while, she doesn't seem to give a **** when she is driving in the car with ALL the kids..Needless to say she STFU.

I am striving for long term sobriety, and unfortunately she is not part of that.. or can't be if i continue on this path. Selfish program, it's all about me now, i need to leave.. If i don't we will end up splitting up anyway.


She says that she wants to get help also for her issues, she wants to go to Al-Anon.. 3 weeks that i have been back, not once has she mentioned going. When i bring it up, she says the same thing, i want to go, and i will go.

I have done steps 1-3, 4 is going to be hard... I have not found a sponser yet, haven't had enough meetings to find one. I do have a temp sponser though.

Pretty harsh there, but i think you could be my sponser, I need someone to call me on my ****, and tell me what the fuuck it's all about.

Oh, we have only been married for 3 yrs.

[Lozgod]

You can not do the steps without a sponsor. A sponsor guides you from step one. So you may think you did 1-3, but that is nothing but self-will. Get a sponsor.

[MrMondodondo]

Bro,

Not the place for this ufortunately. You have issues, we all do. Pm me! I'll give you my number and we can chat. No need to air laundry here. Also, program on anonymity. Nevermind, I'll PM U.

[Sierra_Breeze]

I'll just say ......good luck and leave it at that.

[znak]

So, your drinking has caused years of grief and now 60 days later all is supposed to be grand. READ THE BOOK! It's like this 10 years of drinking in a relationship takes 10 years at least to get to even. That trust that was destroyed takes years to come back.

Amen.

Wish Mondo was around when I needed someone. Give him a call. His advice might not be what you want to hear, but it is right on!

Good luck

ps-- 60 days later, you still are the person you used to be, face up to it.

[Chemical King]

I've had a few problems with the drink in my life and im only 25. And yeah it was, i thought down to the female in my life at the time who was to blame. But now when I sit hear and chat about it I know it wasn't her fault or anyone elses that I was drinking to much. Its was my own insecuritys that drove me to it. The same insecuritys still exist in me but I deal with them differently now. I confront them and the problem causing the insecurity and more often than not it turns out I have no reason to be insucure its just me and my paranoid personality.

My point is this, you need to hunt down the root of your problems and deal with it, in your case it is your wife. Now I cant tell you what to do with your life so I wont but I will say this : If she's not with you 110%, then she's against you and if she's against you then you dont need it.

just my take on this.

[bluethunder]

The reality is you both need to come clean and you are dealing with yours but she is failing her part. Take care of yourself FIRST because you will never be able to help her AND be there for your children until you do. By going around looking for girls is not the answer and will only make things worse. Do not put her through that because that in itself will make her continuely drink. Give her respect best you can and by doing that you give yourself some dignity which will help you more than anything. Get counseling asap and if need be you are going to divorce. Many people think that counseling is trying to get people to stay together, no so. The counselor may recommend separation for the good of the whole family. Your kids need you and if both of their parents are drunk they will follow in your footsteps. Lead by example your the man in the relationship, it's time to be one. Good luck, not all days are going to be sunny but in the end your kids are going to remember you did it for yourself and them and that is sunny.

[zuke]

well, there's always two sides to every story... best of luck bro

[cj1capp]

im a friend of bill w as well, 11 years clean and sober now except for my health /growth aids.bro check in with your sponser read the big book and read as bill sees it. it took me 9 programs and five years of my life to at least have some sanity in my life. as for the wife there are groups of co-depents that may help her . And **** the wife if she is late you should have made that meeting 90 meetings in 90 days. after the meeting you could talk about respect for each other ,like making phone call and the like. Your recover comes first and if you dont know that , well maybe you havent hit bottem yet. Good luck!!!

[mohawkman]

i also have a drinking problem i have ben married 15 years divorced once for 6 months and remarried to the same girl i am 41 and been an alchaholic since i was 25 and a pot head before that. i have been sober only 3 months ,but duiring this three months i have experienced alot of mood swings sometomes i have changed my mood 180 degrees from one day to the next.i dont go to aa because im antisocial and am comfortable only with a few close friends.but my point is maybe you might be experiencing mood swings as well.im not saying you are i dont know you, but maybe you are.imo it would be wise to give this pleanty of time before leaving your wife to see if this is how you really feel.you ca pm me if you like.
good luck
Mohawk

[darmadoc]

Isn't it recommended that you make no major changes in your life during the first year of sobriety?

[Pale Horse]

Yes it is, good observation. It sounds like your wife is giving you some payback, not very mature of her but that's the way I see it. Believe it or not some codependants have a hard time dealing with their spouse clean and sober and they try subconsciously to sabotage it.

They hated you the way you were but they knew you then, now you are turning into someone totally different. Plus it turns into a control issue with them, they now are armed with facts about your disease and in the female fashion beat you over the head with your character defects at every opportunity. Let's face it women are just plain viscious, no way around it.

If she can't not drink especially now when you are right out of rehab she either has a problem herself or is saying fvck you to YOU and your sobriety. Suck it up, as long as she isn't cheating or snorting the money get a sponsor, get to meetings, get close to God, he is where you will find peace.

I prayed to God over 13 months ago and promised him I quit drinking, and with his Grace I have done it. I have a spiritual approach, meaning church not AA

I understand more than you know, I divorced my first wife because of these same issues, she is still a bitch to this day

[stayinstacked]

alot of your frustration could also be do to the fact you havent had alcohol in awhile and your probably going nuts.

[Pale Horse]

No his wife is an azzhole IMO but he needs to deal with it for now by chillin. Once you make a conscious decision not to give a **** about her you will be amazed (not hating , just not caring), I have done this in my current situation just in the past month or so and it has worked wonders. I simply just don't care...........it's wonderful.

[MrMondodondo]

I'm tired, but DO NOT DO sh*t but work on your own Sobriety for a year. Things change a lot when the drink is gone and you start to change. You have done a lot of damage and it takes years to repair. BE patient. I have seen the worst situations rectified.

Mondo

[clhp20]

Wow, thought this thread was over with.. I am very glad to hear all of you speak, and knowing that there are others that feel/ or have been through this, Makes it that much easier.

Thanks everyone for your imputs, and rational thoughts.. I was deep there for a minute. When it comes down to it, she is one of the reasons i decided to get clean.

Still in shock that so many ppl on this board have gone through this. It's kinda like.weird to be on a place where everyone is trying to be healthy, You just wouldn't think that there are ppl like that here. It takes all kinds i guess.


I really appreciate the comments

You are all the best of Bro's even though i don't personally know any of you...

[bolic]

women are like children, and the ones that are not like children, are nuts. point and blank nothing in between.

the men that think women are smart are dead wrong. they dont think as deep as we men do. remember they are like children.

dont get me wrong i love them but i treat them like such.

[Geeezer]

JUst remember,Stay clean....
ONE Day At a time,One Hour at a time, if need be Bro
Get a sponsor as soon as you can.
Good luck Bro

[mudslinger]

60 days clean, good 4 u, and keep doing what your doing. When I sobered-up, the word divorce came up more the 1ST year sober than in all our preveous years. Some times we go our own ways, I'm happy to say with a lot of focusing on my own problems, rather than on hers , that I'm married to the most wonderful person I could have met.( it took about 3-4 years to figure this out, thanks to some good friends)
To thine own self be true.

[TreNgoD]

she should be supporting you not gettin drunk and stayin out all night. Do you think she is lyin and cheatin on you. Her story sounds weird to me, but you know that there are lots of better lookin chicks out there.. If i was you I would stick it out until you got a job and a place to live then leave her. That dosent mean you cant start finding a replacement now, sounds like you are already lookin... gl man

[mudslinger]

Remember clhp20, no major life dicisions the first year dude!!!

[Chemical King]

You could always take her out and talk about it over a drink !!

Sorry dude had to get that one in.

[DrWoody]

I have been in the program for years aswell bro,and anyone with any a few years of sobriety knows that the number one reason an alcoholic slips is because of resentment,it written clearly in the big book.And right now you have a s h i t load of resentment for your wife.....not good.Concentrate on YOU!! Stay close to other members,and pray to GOD.GOD is awesome and you need to talk to him about this.My phone number is also avaible to you if you need to talk,just pm me.

I'd like to say hello to all the other members here to.Take care bro's

[darmadoc]

Also, for some people, the higher power doesn't need to be God. Don't let that throw you off.

[jc3]

I have tried all the programs. I really hated sponsors. I feel that if you can be really honest with yourself you can do it. In AA, I have also found that speaking in the group meetings helps me to figure sh*t out. If you hear yourself saying something crazy, its a little harder to make up a good reason to do it anyway.

PS...Just about all women are c*nts..nothing you can do about it...hahahaha

[SpinalTap]

its mean of her to go drink while she knows you are trying to quit. its smiliar to smoking, both people should quit together. dont leave her if you have kids....just get counseling for both of you.




and try listening to music

[lex57]

hey bro you have to think of 2 things also.... how hard is it going to be to leave your family?.........harder than staying with them? i dont think so, i had to dry out big time one time i was on a HARDCORE 2 year bender seriously, and coming off of everything saved my life bro. but it was an emotional rollercoaster at first. but after that your head is clear and you can see what you did. time heals all wounds bro so give it time.......

[West Coast All Star]

Ok. a bit of a hijack here, but there can only be on dynamite on the board. I have cornered the market.

[bedrock]

Here is what I tell a newcomer to AA, in order of importance.
1. Go to meetings, if your new, everyday.
2. Get a sponsor, now ! And work the steps with him just as it is done in the Big Book.
3. Your sobriety is number 1, you can't control ANYONE only how you react to them. You take care of your sobriety and the rest will come.
4. It gets better.

On a side note, Make an effort to educate yourself on what Al-anon is, http://www.alanon.org.za/ Then make a copy of the Al-anon meeting schedule in your area and stick it on the fridge, when she asks you about it, explain what it is and that you looked it up for her cause you thought it might help her with YOUR problem, not hers. You have to swallow your pride at first, but if she goes and sticks with it she will prolly see that she also has some issues. You both need help bro.

[Pale Horse]

ex57 be Kip

[clhp20]

she should be supporting you not gettin drunk and stayin out all night. Do you think she is lyin and cheatin on you. Her story sounds weird to me, but you know that there are lots of better lookin chicks out there.. If i was you I would stick it out until you got a job and a place to live then leave her. That dosent mean you cant start finding a replacement now, sounds like you are already lookin... gl man

Well, i have my reservations on her cheating. But i also understand the ppl she works with, all males. All not married ( not single ) They are younger then we are and her. Don't think she is cheating. But there is somethings that make me wonder.

I just have to give a shout out to ppl here that posted... You are all a big help

Sometimes i get out of the groove so to speak, Start that "STINKIN THINKIN"

I went to rehab on Feb 3,2005 got out Feb 24,2005 alittle over 2 months clean now, have had the urges to drink, nothing major though. Luckily i have a good friend that is in "sally" right now. He is a big help when i need a little extra motivation.

[Pale Horse]

clhp, always feel free to shout out here for help, I do as well as many others, as you say it really can help when you need some solid advice. One thing about this board is that it blows away the musclehead myth that we are all idiots. Some of the sharpest most intelligent bros I know anywhere are on this board, it is a gift of God for me and I don't say that lightly.

[clhp20]

clhp, always feel free to shout out here for help, I do as well as many others, as you say it really can help when you need some solid advice. One thing about this board is that it blows away the musclehead myth that we are all idiots. Some of the sharpest most intelligent bros I know anywhere are on this board, it is a gift of God for me and I don't say that lightly.

AMEN brotha

[STONES2]

I could go on forever about this subject an would love every minute of it,

I am one of those so called white knuckling dry drunks that many (not all) AA faniticals find pleasure in telling me how I am going to fail and have been now failing for almost twenty years because I don't go to aa meetings and do the 12 step program.

Even though I have either seen most of them go back to drinking (relapsing) or doping more than once.

My suggegestion is simply this, how bad do want something and how hard are you going to work for it , If you love your wife and children and of course your self then stop. If you are just a whining little imature ass as was I when I stopped it will seem impossible,

It is our job as men to lead our familys out of destruction, the events that you are struggling with are what the rest of the world has dealt with, with out drugs and alcohol.

If I seem uncompassionat It is because I belive truth is far more important to us to grow.

May God give you the strength to perserver.

Twostones

[Benches505]

AMEN brotha

He hasn't posted for well over a month. Hope all is going well with you Bro!