In our last episode, I took Rassis to the DMV to get his drivers license. There, we busted out some kettlebells and boombox and got our lift on, Coleman the"got test" Rottweiler terrorized the whole ****ing DMV, and eventually Rassis took his written examination and drivers test. The drivers test was conducted by a nerdy looking man w/ thick glasses named Mr.Dickson. We scared the shit out of Mr. Dickson as we became engaged in a full out road rage incident w/ some teenagers in a Mercedes, involving speeds in excess of 100 mph. We finally had no choice but to force feed Mr. Dickson some of our magic Kool-Aid kool burst/horse serum solution, which instantly brought up his test levels and turned out the coolness in him. All 3 of us wandered into a tit bar after bottoming out the car over some train tracks, and it was there that Mr. Dickson ****ed his first female stripper, and by the end of the day gave Rassis a passing mark and couldnt thank us enough as he hugged us goodbye.
Sorry it's been awhile guys, but we've been really busy lately getting ready for the big Easter Sunday Ampoule hunt that we conducted down at the park. We put it on to give half of the money we earned from it to kids w/ Muscular distrophy. Well, it didnt quite go as planned. The deal was, that each bodybuilder paid $50 to enter the hunt, and we hid a bunch of plastic eggs full of steroid ampoules throughout the city park. The initially planned, peaceful event, soon turned into a scene that could only be comparable to a clip from the movie Braveheart.
Rassis and I awoke that Sunday morning around 6:00am. The morning routine was the usual, we ate our 30 eggs and grits, paid the neighborhood kid $10 to jerk off the dog(It calms him and keeps him from eating my furniture) and watched a little TV. It was getting close to 8:00am and we had to be down to the park to set up for the big ampoule hunt. Rassis grabbed the picnic tables and chairs, and I gathered the amps,food,drinks, and megaphone. Last, we threw Coleman in the back seat of my car and we were off like a prom dress. The day was beautiful, couldnt have been better. The birds were chirping, it was sunny and cool, and the lake at the park glistened as it reflected the sunlight off it. "Son of a bitch!!! I yelled. This park should have been vacant this morning, what the **** is this church bus full of God damn Koreans doing down here? They're gonna **** up the whole day!!!" There appeared to be about 50 Koreans setting up tables and easter decorations among the park, and they were totally in the way." Hold up Stacked, we goin' take care of dis'. Hey nigga!!!! Rassis yelled across the pond. I said "Hey nigga, who say you can set yo' shit up here today!!? The people turned around in shock as they looked at Rassis who stood strong in his overalls and stocking cap. Then an older gentleman who looked like the preacher walked over and confronted Rassis. "We ask no trouble from you, black man!! What the **** you say? shouted Rassis. Listen chinaman, we gots dis mutta****a' reserved today, so yall best pack up yo' shit and carry on, fo' I stomp a mudhole in yo' ass!!! Again the man spoke."We want no trouble from you, black man." And then Rassis grabbed him by the throat and brought him face to face and in a growl like tone said "then you get yo ass in that bus, and get the **** outta' here!!" The man quickly gathered up the decorations and his people and left. As he pulled off he shouted out the window "we have police on you two, we call police!!" Whatever, **** him. So we spent the next hour hiding plastic eggs full of juice around the park. I had some really good hiding spots too, a couple up in trees, and a few hidden in some flower beds. It was going to be a great hunt. Rassis set up the food and drinks and we waited about 20 minutes for the participants to finally arrive. A TON of guys must have got word about the hunt, because we had about 200 cars show up full of bodybuilders. Alot of guys from the gym, some amateur competitors, and a good handfull of IFBB pros. They all filled out their waivers and registrations, had some food and drinks, and soon the hunt began. The hunt became serious business. Some of the guys put battle paint on their faces, showed up with shields and weapons, a few with tazers. What was 10 minutes before a freindly conversation amongst chips and soda, now turned into the beginning of a war amongst a bunch of juiced up junkies. I stepped out in front of the crowd with my megaphone and began the speech. "We once knew of a man who was 7' tall, 400 lbs. What shall a man go through to make himself a man? Tis it endless injections? Tis' it, the pain of the prop? Tis' it BLOOD,SWEAT, AND TEARS!!! Then the crowd of bodybuilders yelled "YEAH!!!!!" which was so loud it echoed across the sky. "Well my freinds, President Bush is cracking down on our steroid usage!! Some men have gone as far as drinking horse serum for an extra lb. of muscle nowadays, because this hypocrit, yellow bellied, no good son of a bitch has taken away about 15 labs. Labs we rely on!! "YEAH!!!! as they shouted in anger again. So, here is your chance my freinds. There are about 500 eggs spread across these fields, full of thy anabolic substance. So, it's yours for the taking,"YEAH!!!" may the best man win, "YEAH" and lets show this son of a bitch Bush.....that he can never.....TAKE OUR FREEDOM!!!!! And it was on. A field full of 280 lb monsters trampled across the plains in search of hidden amps. Some were stabbed and slashed by others, some choked out, others tazered. The green grass soon turned red with blood, and every time an egg was found the man raised it up with a smile on his face as big as the Grinch's. Ronnie Coleman smashed people left and right w/ an old police batton, screaming "YEAH BUDDY!!" he had the majority of the eggs in his basket. As he beat people senseless in a fit of drug seeking rage he screamed "Aint nuttin to it but to do it, gotta get the eater eggs ARGGGHHHH!!!" From the other side of the pond appeared about 10 guys beating on one. It was Nassier El Sonbatty who lay on the ground amongst severe blows to the head. He moaned in pain as the others yelled at him. "Your a ****ing has- been, your nothing, your nobody!!! Get his ****ing eggs guys!!! and they took his eggs and lay him to die right there on that Sunny morning at the park. Sounds of metal amongst metal pierced through the trees as these guys fought with blades. I had never pictured the hunt to be like this, but I let it go on since it was for kids with MS. Then a shitload of cops and swat team came storming in to rain on our parade. They got on they're megaphone and yelled "This is the police, everybody on the ground face down. Nobody did much or even paid attention because they were too pre occupied with beating the shit out of one another. And then out came the K-9's into the field. Coleman began going apeshit, growling and pulling on his chain. The chain finally snapped and he began attacking the dogs one by one w/ fierce bites to the neck. "Git em Coleman, git dem' mutta****az!! yelled Rassis. Coleman let off bites and snips that only Kujo could dream about. Dead dogs and men lay bloody, shots became fired, and the sky turned black w/ vultures. The once peaceful park became a battlefield.
To be continued.....................
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