Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend of 4 Years?

[Superhuman]

Thanks in advance for the advice everyone....
Okay, I've been with my girlfriend - lets call her "Jane" - for about 4 years. We met in the middle of our sophomore year in high school and have been together ever since, with the exception of a 5-6 month break we took (I was having trouble being faithful). She is the sweetest girl I have ever met, but she is very attached which isn't necessarily a bad thing. She's cute, I'd give her a 7/10, a 9 when she dresses up. We've been through alot and have stuck together. We love eachother very much and at one point we seriously thought about marriage! We are both 19 right now. Oh, and she has an amazing body. She works out probably once a month when she joins me and she would be able to place in a fitness/figure competition, no joke.

Here are the only problems I have with her...
1. Now I only find her attractive when she dresses up, showers, puts makeup on etc.

2. I find it very hard to stay faithful, I have cheated on her numerous times, even though I hate myself afterwards and say I won't do it again.

3. WE ARE ONLY 19 and I feel like it's way too soon for a relationship this serious and I need to go discover who I am and have fun. The problem is I am afraid that if we break up I won't ever find a girl that loves me as much as she does, and if I come back to her she will be taken.

4. Even though she is very nice, sweet, selfless, and thoughtful, she is not very smart sometimes - meaning she's not very good at speaking, especially in public or in front of strangers, and I can never have a deep conversation about anything intellectual. When I talk about something with any depth to it she is more like a parrot: she repeats everything I say and nods her head. I have dreams of being very wealthy and very famous and there is no way she could hold her own in the limelight.

As many of you have read in a thread I posted a week ago, I recently told her that I had cheated on her and I told her that I was going to make a decision about our relationship: FOREVER OR NEVER. Either I need to be committed to her for the rest of our lives or break up with her. If I break up with her she said she would not wait for me.

What Should I DO?? I love her so much and we have been together through so much. She even moved down to Georgia to live with me from halfway across the country. She has no family in the South or friends, she moved here just to be with me and live with me! This is the hardest decision of my life and I really need some help here.

When I got arrested, she was there for me. When I was sick, she was at my side. When we lost a football game, she was there for me. When I did my first BBing competition, she was there for me the whole time. She dealt with my mood swings, she painted me with tanner, everything. We also have great sex. I just wonder if I'm ready for this kind of commitment or if I should go out and have fun and find her later in life.

[USfighterFC]

ahh the joys of life. Just wait till your first divorce. Everyone has gone through this experience before bro. To be honest I can't tell you what to do just as nobody could tell me what to do. You're young so yeah you have PLENTY to learn about life, either way no matter how this situation plays out your gonna learn somethin that will suck lol.

[USfighterFC]

Tough break for her she sounds like a great girl

[SwoleCat]

Only you can really answer this bro. Seems like you are a bit superficial w/the make-up issue, public speaking, etc. Those in love work through those things and looks aren't all that matters. Again it's too hard to give advice, so remember the everything happens for a reason, so you'll have to let nature take it's course.

Good luck!

~SC~

[USfighterFC]

Only you can really answer this bro. Seems like you are a bit superficial w/the make-up issue, public speaking, etc. Those in love work through those things and looks aren't all that matters. Again it's too hard to give advice, so remember the everything happens for a reason, so you'll have to let nature take it's course.

Good luck!

~SC~

Exactamundo....couldnt agree more.

[USfighterFC]

It's all about youth when it comes to this.

[Superhuman]

Yeah, I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I'm at the point right now that I don't even care how I feel - I just want to do well in school and keep growing. I want her to be happy, with or without me. Part of me feels like she deserves better than me and that even if it hurts her now it will be better in the long run. My heart is telling me to stay with her, but my mind is telling me to take it easy and live my own life first.

[HORSE~]

Damn bro you just descibed my dream woman!!

I would say if you can't or do not want to stay faithful you should call it off..
That way she can get on with her life!!

As far as you bro if you arn't read to seatle down at 19 no one can blame you for that just don't keep stringing this poor girl on....

[stayinstacked]

Thanks in advance for the advice everyone....
Okay, I've been with my girlfriend - lets call her "Jane" - for about 4 years. We met in the middle of our sophomore year in high school and have been together ever since, with the exception of a 5-6 month break we took (I was having trouble being faithful). She is the sweetest girl I have ever met, but she is very attached which isn't necessarily a bad thing. She's cute, I'd give her a 7/10, a 9 when she dresses up. We've been through alot and have stuck together. We love eachother very much and at one point we seriously thought about marriage! We are both 19 right now. Oh, and she has an amazing body. She works out probably once a month when she joins me and she would be able to place in a fitness/figure competition, no joke.

Here are the only problems I have with her...
1. Now I only find her attractive when she dresses up, showers, puts makeup on etc.

2. I find it very hard to stay faithful, I have cheated on her numerous times, even though I hate myself afterwards and say I won't do it again.

3. WE ARE ONLY 19 and I feel like it's way too soon for a relationship this serious and I need to go discover who I am and have fun. The problem is I am afraid that if we break up I won't ever find a girl that loves me as much as she does, and if I come back to her she will be taken.

4. Even though she is very nice, sweet, selfless, and thoughtful, she is not very smart sometimes - meaning she's not very good at speaking, especially in public or in front of strangers, and I can never have a deep conversation about anything intellectual. When I talk about something with any depth to it she is more like a parrot: she repeats everything I say and nods her head. I have dreams of being very wealthy and very famous and there is no way she could hold her own in the limelight.

As many of you have read in a thread I posted a week ago, I recently told her that I had cheated on her and I told her that I was going to make a decision about our relationship: FOREVER OR NEVER. Either I need to be committed to her for the rest of our lives or break up with her. If I break up with her she said she would not wait for me.

What Should I DO?? I love her so much and we have been together through so much. She even moved down to Georgia to live with me from halfway across the country. She has no family in the South or friends, she moved here just to be with me and live with me! This is the hardest decision of my life and I really need some help here.

When I got arrested, she was there for me. When I was sick, she was at my side. When we lost a football game, she was there for me. When I did my first BBing competition, she was there for me the whole time. She dealt with my mood swings, she painted me with tanner, everything. We also have great sex. I just wonder if I'm ready for this kind of commitment or if I should go out and have fun and find her later in life.

Listen man, your thought process about this whole thing is ****ed up. You might not think it is now, but you'll learn later on in life. I read your post last week as well, your looking for somebody who doesnt exist. Nobody is perfect, and I'm sure if she wanted to she could turn the tables around and point out every single little negative thing about you and your personality as your doing by analyzing her lately. The grass isnt always greener on the other side man, especially this day and age. Nobody over a long period of time looks as sexually tempting as they did when you first met them, get used to it. Not everybody is as smart as you, or as good of a speaker, but at least she listens to you and tries to agree with you and sound like she's interested in what your saying. Give me a ****ing break, "no way she could hold her own in the limelight?" Dude, there are people out there that could talk about something and you wouldnt have a ****ing clue, and you may be the one nodding your head and keeping quiet feeling like a dumbass. It doesnt always have to do with how smart somebody is but how much knowledge they have in a particular area. Oh yeah, and the part where you told her that you've cheated on her in the past, and now you have to make a decision as to wether it's FOREVER or NEVER, a few words of advice. Make a ****ing decision already and quit dragging the shit out, it sounds like this poor girl is getting her heart ripped out and stomped on by the way your doing shit. And you cant tell yourself forever or never, you never know what'll happen down the road, and your thought process will be different when you mature more. And what the **** makes you so perfect anyways, sounds like you were the one who went to jail, not her. Nobody is 100% bro, you have to find the 80% and in time the 20% will fall into place. From my experience, any girl that stands by your side when your getting ready for a show and your miserable, thats love. Good luck

[Superhuman]

Listen man, your thought process about this whole thing is ****ed up. You might not think it is now, but you'll learn later on in life. I read your post last week as well, your looking for somebody who doesnt exist. Nobody is perfect, and I'm sure if she wanted to she could turn the tables around and point out every single little negative thing about you and your personality as your doing by analyzing her lately. The grass isnt always greener on the other side man, especially this day and age. Nobody over a long period of time looks as sexually tempting as they did when you first met them, get used to it. Not everybody is as smart as you, or as good of a speaker, but at least she listens to you and tries to agree with you and sound like she's interested in what your saying. Give me a ****ing break, "no way she could hold her own in the limelight?" Dude, there are people out there that could talk about something and you wouldnt have a ****ing clue, and you may be the one nodding your head and keeping quiet feeling like a dumbass. It doesnt always have to do with how smart somebody is but how much knowledge they have in a particular area. Oh yeah, and the part where you told her that you've cheated on her in the past, and now you have to make a decision as to wether it's FOREVER or NEVER, a few words of advice. Make a ****ing decision already and quit dragging the shit out, it sounds like this poor girl is getting her heart ripped out and stomped on by the way your doing shit. And you cant tell yourself forever or never, you never know what'll happen down the road, and your thought process will be different when you mature more. And what the **** makes you so perfect anyways, sounds like you were the one who went to jail, not her. Nobody is 100% bro, you have to find the 80% and in time the 20% will fall into place. From my experience, any girl that stands by your side when your getting ready for a show and your miserable, thats love. Good luck

you're right bro. that meant alot to me, thanks. I know she loves me and I KNOW I'm not perfect. I could go up to her right now and get on my knees and tell her how much I love her and that I will give 100%, but I'm afraid I might cheat on her again, or that it won't last and I'll feel this way again.

[Alex2]

I only can say you are the only person who can take this decision. However, from the way you described her, once you break with her she will be taken in no time and you won’t get the chance to go back to her.

I passed through similar experience several years ago and I wanted to go back to her three months after I broke up but she was taken, forever!

Do you know any other girl that is as loyal and sweet as her? Is there any other (better) girl in your mind?

[Superhuman]

Right now, I don't know any girl like her. I just have the feeling sometimes that there is someone out there better for each of us.

[fatale]

deja vu! I feel like my Significant Other feels the same thing towards me. Everything you just said mentions! Weird!
Anyways you keep on saying your love your gf but say afterward that your afraid that your going to cheat again. WTF! Is obvious you dont love her and do not appreciate anything that she has done for you.

Your quote "Right now, I don't know any girl like her. I just have the feeling sometimes that there is someone out there better for each of us"
Translation: I am going to stick with her for now till I find someone better


Your gf doesn't deserve you at all! You cheated on her so many times and announce in public that she's so dumb that she can't even handle a normal conversation. OUch!

[USfighterFC]

well if thats you in your avatar than your significant other is retarded

[Superhuman]

deja vu! I feel like my Significant Other feels the same thing towards me. Everything you just said mentions! Weird!

what a coincidence, huh?!?

[USfighterFC]

It's her bro dont fall in the trap, she tracked you down to AR.

[stayinstacked]

well if thats you in your avatar than your significant other is retarded

Now you dont know that for sure yet, might be a brown bagger, hehehhehe. J/k

[stayinstacked]

It's her bro dont fall in the trap, she tracked you down to AR.

No shit, I just thought of that myself!!

[USfighterFC]

Now you dont know that for sure yet, might be a brown bagger, hehehhehe. J/k

LMAO

[ascendant]

you've gotten a lot of good advice in here so far. hopefully you're taking a lot of it to heart. i'm going to state my opinion, however, remember it is just an opinion of mine based off of my personal beliefs and my personal experience in finding my wife...

to put it simply, you're not ready to be with "the one" yet, therefore she can't be her. until you're ready within, you won't find that one "without" if you know what i mean.

if you believe in what is called a "twin flame" or what is misconstrued by most people as a "soul mate", which considering you seem to be trying to decide if she's "the one", you are in some shape or form, then you must realize that until you're ready emotionally, mentally, etc, you will not meet that person. you each go through other relationships and experiences to prepare you for each other. with the conflict you're in right now, i can tell you this girl is not the one for you.

i know letting go can be hard, especially with a girl like you have. however, in my experience, when you meet "the one", there's no questioning it. words can't explain how me and my wifes relationship worked out, but i can tell you it was effortless with no struggle or conflict whatsoever. that's not to say we haven't had a couple arguments throughout the years, but i think that's pretty innevitable. just as you have conflicts within yourself, you will have conflict with your partner, but the conflict should never involve being with them or not.

it may be hard, but i feel you should let her go. in time, it will be the best for you both. have fun, enjoy life, and when you're ready to find that one special one, it will happen. just know it won't happen when you just feel like it happening. i 'thought' i was ready for about 10 years until i found my wife. it takes time, but when you find her, you'll know without question she's the one. good luck bro and all the best.

[Superhuman]

It's her bro dont fall in the trap, she tracked you down to AR.

damn, I sure hope not!

[USfighterFC]

deja vu! I feel like my Significant Other feels the same thing towards me. Everything you just said mentions! Weird!
Anyways you keep on saying your love your gf but say afterward that your afraid that your going to cheat again. WTF! Is obvious you dont love her and do not appreciate anything that she has done for you.

Your quote "Right now, I don't know any girl like her. I just have the feeling sometimes that there is someone out there better for each of us"
Translation: I am going to stick with her for now till I find someone better


Your gf doesn't deserve you at all! You cheated on her so many times and announce in public that she's so dumb that she can't even handle a normal conversation. OUch!

Yes I'd have to agree with her all the way on this one. It sounds like you being somewhat selfish and just keeping her around till someone better comes along. Honestly its the worst thing to possibly to to a girl is have her around for the time being and toss her when you get bored. I did that once when I was 19 to a girl and I tell you this right now, I wish more than anything in this world that I could have a second chance with this girl. I lost something so great to me because of my immaturity and I still think of this girl all the time that how much she impacted me. You dont know what you got until its gone bro mark my words with that one

[stayinstacked]

you've gotten a lot of good advice in here so far. hopefully you're taking a lot of it to heart. i'm going to state my opinion, however, remember it is just an opinion of mine based off of my personal beliefs and my personal experience in finding my wife...

to put it simply, you're not ready to be with "the one" yet, therefore she can't be her. until you're ready within, you won't find that one "without" if you know what i mean.

if you believe in what is called a "twin flame" or what is misconstrued by most people as a "soul mate", which considering you seem to be trying to decide if she's "the one", you are in some shape or form, then you must realize that until you're ready emotionally, mentally, etc, you will not meet that person. you each go through other relationships and experiences to prepare you for each other. with the conflict you're in right now, i can tell you this girl is not the one for you.

i know letting go can be hard, especially with a girl like you have. however, in my experience, when you meet "the one", there's no questioning it. words can't explain how me and my wifes relationship worked out, but i can tell you it was effortless with no struggle or conflict whatsoever. that's not to say we haven't had a couple arguments throughout the years, but i think that's pretty innevitable. just as you have conflicts within yourself, you will have conflict with your partner, but the conflict should never involve being with them or not.

it may be hard, but i feel you should let her go. in time, it will be the best for you both. have fun, enjoy life, and when you're ready to find that one special one, it will happen. just know it won't happen when you just feel like it happening. i 'thought' i was ready for about 10 years until i found my wife. it takes time, but when you find her, you'll know without question she's the one. good luck bro and all the best.

Solid advice right there!!! Yeah, thats the most important thing, you cant rush it. It wont happen when you want it to, you cant really make it happen

[Superhuman]

you've gotten a lot of good advice in here so far. hopefully you're taking a lot of it to heart. i'm going to state my opinion, however, remember it is just an opinion of mine based off of my personal beliefs and my personal experience in finding my wife...

to put it simply, you're not ready to be with "the one" yet, therefore she can't be her. until you're ready within, you won't find that one "without" if you know what i mean.

if you believe in what is called a "twin flame" or what is misconstrued by most people as a "soul mate", which considering you seem to be trying to decide if she's "the one", you are in some shape or form, then you must realize that until you're ready emotionally, mentally, etc, you will not meet that person. you each go through other relationships and experiences to prepare you for each other. with the conflict you're in right now, i can tell you this girl is not the one for you.

i know letting go can be hard, especially with a girl like you have. however, in my experience, when you meet "the one", there's no questioning it. words can't explain how me and my wifes relationship worked out, but i can tell you it was effortless with no struggle or conflict whatsoever. that's not to say we haven't had a couple arguments throughout the years, but i think that's pretty innevitable. just as you have conflicts within yourself, you will have conflict with your partner, but the conflict should never involve being with them or not.

it may be hard, but i feel you should let her go. in time, it will be the best for you both. have fun, enjoy life, and when you're ready to find that one special one, it will happen. just know it won't happen when you just feel like it happening. i 'thought' i was ready for about 10 years until i found my wife. it takes time, but when you find her, you'll know without question she's the one. good luck bro and all the best.

you are probably right. one thing is though, I have never been this close to anyone before, EVER. my parents divorced at an early age, I've never been in one place for more than 3 years and I've never even made true friends that I could share everything with. I've had problems letting people in you could say and seeing who I really am. I have done that with her, I opened up to her completely and she knows my weaknesses, she knows everything. If I leave her I know I will be upset - I'm not an emotional person really but I know after a week or so when it hits me I will be a wreck. I have shared the last 4 years of my life with her! I just made a new thread showing my transformation... she was with me from the very beginning. So this is very hard to do.

[fatale]

damn, I sure hope not!

yes its me, now that they all know. I have to kill you!

[USfighterFC]

you are probably right. one thing is though, I have never been this close to anyone before, EVER. my parents divorced at an early age, I've never been in one place for more than 3 years and I've never even made true friends that I could share everything with. I've had problems letting people in you could say and seeing who I really am. I have done that with her, I opened up to her completely and she knows my weaknesses, she knows everything. If I leave her I know I will be upset - I'm not an emotional person really but I know after a week or so when it hits me I will be a wreck. I have shared the last 4 years of my life with her! I just made a new thread showing my transformation... she was with me from the very beginning. So this is very hard to do.

You have never been this close to anyone ever cuz your 19 years old. You significant others will always be closer to you than anyone. The first one is always the hardest in most cases...not in mine but in most. I guarantee you it will be hard when you break it off. In one week you will be so sorry you did it but thats life buddy....everyone and their mothers go through it.

[Superhuman]

yes its me, now that they all know. I have to kill you!

haha, Lord knows I probably deserve it!

[Thug Nasty]

Meh, you could always flip a coin, and if you later think it was the wrong decision, it's the coins fault, not yours. Kidding. I'd say just relax and everything will naturally fall in place. Everyone worries too much about the little things.

[fatale]

haha, Lord knows I probably deserve it!

well atleast you got that right! Just be honest with your gf and stop with your mumbo jumbo.

[USfighterFC]

mumbo jumbo

[Superhuman]

okay... no more mumbo jumbo!!!

[ascendant]

you are probably right. one thing is though, I have never been this close to anyone before, EVER. my parents divorced at an early age, I've never been in one place for more than 3 years and I've never even made true friends that I could share everything with. I've had problems letting people in you could say and seeing who I really am. I have done that with her, I opened up to her completely and she knows my weaknesses, she knows everything. If I leave her I know I will be upset - I'm not an emotional person really but I know after a week or so when it hits me I will be a wreck. I have shared the last 4 years of my life with her! I just made a new thread showing my transformation... she was with me from the very beginning. So this is very hard to do.

hey bro, i could relate to a lot of what you said at your age as well. i was never close with my parents either, though it was for much different reasons. i used to be quite dependent on relationships when i was younger, and had a very hard time letting go, even if i knew it was the right thing to do.

as far as being upset, i can pretty much guarantee you will be. however, you need to look at the whole situation as a learning experience. as i look back at all my past relationships prior to my wife, i can see how each one taught me things that kept me from running into the same brick walls with her. it's a matter of letting go, reflecting and learning, and moving on.

i spent 4 years with one woman and when we broke up, i was devastated. i went into a pretty bad depression for about a month. i had thought i'd never find anyone better either. that's how many people think after breaking things off in a long-term relationship. but, you find that there's always plenty more women out there.

though it may be difficult, there is still the possiblity of you two remaining friends. usually, some distance at least for a while right after seperating is needed though to create a detachment on that level. however, if you can end things on a good note and manage to keep in touch, there's no reason to have to completely lose her. remember though, from then on, it's just friends. you may however prefer that, as then when you sleep with other women, you no longer have the guilt of having cheated on her. less guilt for you, less pain for her, and everyone wins.

[cfiler]

If you have to question the relationship, then it's not worth saving imo. If you loved her, you would not be asking this question. Dump her, and find "miss right."

[toofatbuilder]

im sorry, i didnt read everyone elces posts but.... dump her bro. trust me, if you cant be faithful with her now, you never will be.... im terrible with a lot of things, but as far as psychology of people, relationships and childhoods....im very good. you have to make your own choice in this, but its going to come to bad things if you stay. why invest more time in someone when you know it wont last.

[nirish_mark20]

just by reading ur last paragraph at the very beginning, i can tell you love her and appreciate what she offers. however, if you cant be faithful then in my opinion you dont love her enough to want to be wih forever. its a tricky one, however you are as everyone has been sayin, still young, there are other people out there, justw hatever decision you make, dont dwell on anything and wonder, juts get on with things ot the way u decided in the end.

good luck bro!

[Oki-Des]

You already made your decision, you are just looking for a little help in following through. First, dont look for reasons you may not want to be together. Even if she were perfect in every way for you, it would be difficult for you to stay together. I am an old man and traveled the world. I have been fortunate enough to have been with women from all over the world. I usually do not tell my stories as they are often too much for the average person to beleive. Anyway, the fact that you already cheated on your girlfriend is just glance into the future. That desire will never go away. I am 36 now and could not even think about getting married yet. Call me imature and selfish, but as long as I am not deceiving another person, I am allowed to be. Once you get married, you will have that guilty feeling you have now. AND YOU SHOULD! If you put yourself in a commited situation, you are expected to be that person. You are not guilty for cheating, you are guilty because you are not the person you are pretending to be. That is what is causing your problems. You already know what you want to do, becasue you are doing it; which is having sex with other women. Since you know what you want to do, and you are already doing it, why give yourself the guilty feelings by pretending you are something you dont want to be. If you are 19, happy and wanted to get married, I would say congradulations. But in all reality you should be thinking about learning more about the world. Its a cool place and you should go check it out while you still can!
When I was your age, I flew to Australia for the summer and walked all the way up the East Coast. I spent three months meeting people and got hooked. After college I moved to Japan and travelled through about 40 Countries over the next seven years. I now own a successful medical device manufacturing company. All I can say is, thank god I had the courage to leave the only sense of securuty I had when I was younger. Its tough, but wholly cow, its worth it!
On a final note, your girlfreind will never be more attractive to you than she is today. And in case any ladies are reading this- We are even grosser animals, so beleive me, as time passes they dont like what we look like either.

[Mizfit]

i read a few lines and can say break up with her

[Superhuman]

i read a few lines and can say break up with her

i see everybody else's reasoning, but why do you say to break up with her?

[BullDogg20]

If you cant be faithful at least give her the respect by breaking up with her.

[DamnYouMSN]

heres what i think...IMO why would you be in a relationship if you're just going to cheat on her??? i would just end it before you end up hurting her more.