A Big Problem..

[Zapp]

Got a very big problem here. For the past 4 months I have been dating a woman that I really care about. The first problem is that she lives 50 miles away. I have been dealing with that by going to see her on Tuesday's, Thursday's, and every weekend, so I am actually seeing her 5 days a week. Everything is working good as far as that goes. The other problem is that she wants me to stop body building. She says working out is fine, but getting up there and strutting around in your panties showing off is another. She told me tonight if I cared about her I would put my show off that I am planning to do in Aug. and never compete again. She has never worked out a day in her life, so she doesn't understand anything about it. She is one of those that is genetically gifted. She told me a couple of weeks ago she would support me in doing this, but now she is saying how stupid it is. She also says that a 37 year old man's priorities should be on something other than lifting weights. I have told her about how important it is to me, but it doesn't do any good. Like I stated earlier, I really care and have feelings for her, but I'm not sure if we are gonna make it. Have any of you had to deal with this before?

[zimmy]

Bah...always great when girls belittle your goals... honestly...i don't do long distance...not enough time in the day / life. Dun't know how you feel about her ...but seriously...if she doesn't support something you love, or atleast understand you are still going to do it after an objection...then she doens't really care all that much about you.

[Pooks]

She's clamping down on you bro.
I think she feels u'd be very skillful at changing diapers.

[chest6]

Thats not a good sign. She is trying to change you. Doesn't seem like it would last to me from what you just told me. Distance, plus she sounds controlling and is trying to change you. Both are never good.

[l2elapse]

eh it works both ways yo, which is better...having her and working out still and continue to further your body...or lose her to join some competitions

[SnaX]

Zap, you seem like a down to earth guy who is very understanding, and her saying this is causing alarms to go off in your head , then something has got to be wrong. correct?

There is definately an issue here. This woman is not accepting you for who you are, in that she doesn't care much about what is important to you. And for her to put something as serious as love on the line for just a simple hobby you enjoy, is showing she is not what would be cinsidered an examplery partner. "If you love me you wouldn't bodybuild", is just a foolish, controlling, and hurtful thing to say.

I understand how strong your feelings are, and the force that is pulling against you here, so I'd like to state some questions:

Will her doing this now, cause her to do this more in the future?( In that she will make you give up the things in life you enjoy doing? More and more so everytime?)

Is this the kind of person you could see yourself with in the long run?
(The quality of this type of relationship will be...?)

I will tell you this.... when viewing her as someone that you could "see yourself with", it makes it hard for you to make decisions. Because the weight of "long-term" can heavily out-weigh a simple passion or hobby.
I suggest taking this one day at a time. As the situation presents itself, make your decision for the time you are there. The "right now" of the moment, because this event is taking place in the present..don't worry about the future, it will work itself out. If she says she wants you to give it up, and you don't want to, then simply say, "no". If SHE truely loves YOU, then she won't let a simple thing like bodybuilding get in the way.


The ball is in your court. A decision like this is difficult because of any negative or positive consiquences you may be expecting. You could think of it as she is "testing" you to see what kind of a man you are. Someone who stands up for himself, and respects himself, or if you will fold under the pressure of a controlling woman. (Don't you want a woman who respects you as well?)

I don't feel that you have done anything wrong. She is definately in the wrong. I hope you make the right decision for yourself.

[BARLOW]

tell her " well i guess you just dont care about me enough to try to take my love away from me"

[bor]

Don't give up your DREAMS for no-one! Especially a girl, you'll just end up hating her...

[toofatbuilder]

dude, tell her.... you started seeing me knowing what i do. what makes things different now? dont change for anyone. if you arent doing anything harmful to youself or others then i say enjoy.

[PROTEINSHAKE]

Never change WHO you are....Its ok to compromise in a relationship as we all know..But NEVER change something that makes you happy--you will only regret it later.Is she just insecure about you up on stage in trunks & all the women looking at you or is it that she wants more time for herself?? Turn it back around on her.....If she cared about you enough,she would support you 100%--no excuses,even if she doesnt agree with it 100%. Bottom line bro..DONT EVER STOP DOIN WHAT YOU LOVE, NO MATTER WHAT. not to sound like a dick but theres a good chance she'll be gone someday & you will have stopped bodybuilding......how ya gonna feel then?? good luck bro.

[goose]

Is she OK with you using AAS?

[Timm1704]

[QUOTE=getnjakked]Is she just insecure about you up on stage in trunks & all the women looking at you or is it that she wants more time for herself?? QUOTE]

im guessing she just finds the whole concept of standing on a stage, in trunks, flexing and posing, a complete waste of time, egotistical, the epitome of vanity and apparent insecurity. for many who are not into this sport, this is how they see it im afraid. these are not my thoughts, i would like to compete one day in the future, just to see what it takes to get in contest condition, and to be able to say that ive done it atleast once. there is a saying in professional wrestling, which is rather apt in illustrating my point: "For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is good enough"

[Mizfit]

how long have you been lifting? and how long has she been in your life? to me someone who truly loves you would value anything you try to excel in as long as it doesnt affect your health and quality of life

[slob]

i would absolutely snap if i was with a girl and she said that to me.
i would show her the door right then and there.
Don't ever change something you love for someone else. You are your own man zapp, don't take that crap.

[Snowcat]

I see it this way : If you really really want her in your life , then you shouldn't mind to make some changes on your life ( until certain point). but if it botters you a lot, then maybe the reality is that you don't want to sacrifice your body building and there is your answer. Plus you know.. the best relationships are those ones where each shares or at least celebrates the other's interests; other wise it will eventually become boring.

[Mizfit]

I see it this way : If you really really want her in your life , then you shouldn't mind to make some changes on your life ( until certain point). but if it botters you a lot, then maybe the reality is that you don't want to sacrifice your body building and there is your answer. Plus you know.. the best relationships are those ones where each shares or at least celebrates the other's interests; other wise it will eventually become boring.

I think she is asking him to give up more than a little.. but your right about being with someone who shares an interest

[RA]

If she cares she would not try to stop you from something your passionate about. (unless its self destructive which bodybuilding isnt)

[Homeguard]

If she cares she would not try to stop you from something your passionate about. (unless its self destructive which bodybuilding isnt)

Gotta agree with the guys on this one. Would you stop her doing something she enjoyed???? If you answer "no", then why should somebody stop you.

[biglouie250]

"She told me tonight if I cared about her I would put my show off that I am planning to do in Aug. and never compete again."

If she cared about you she would never ask you to stop doing something you loved. Pose the question to her "would you give up (insert her fav thing here) for me?" obviously you dont want her to give up whatever she likes but it may get your point across.

[copenhagen]

agreed, if she cared about you then she would accept and support your intrests, it seems like she is just looking for a way to cause problems in the relationship. bottom line: any woman that makes you choose is not the one you want. she is selfish bro.

[Carlos_E]

Got a very big problem here. For the past 4 months I have been dating a woman that I really care about. The first problem is that she lives 50 miles away. I have been dealing with that by going to see her on Tuesday's, Thursday's, and every weekend, so I am actually seeing her 5 days a week. Everything is working good as far as that goes. The other problem is that she wants me to stop body building. She says working out is fine, but getting up there and strutting around in your panties showing off is another. She told me tonight if I cared about her I would put my show off that I am planning to do in Aug. and never compete again. She has never worked out a day in her life, so she doesn't understand anything about it. She is one of those that is genetically gifted. She told me a couple of weeks ago she would support me in doing this, but now she is saying how stupid it is. She also says that a 37 year old man's priorities should be on something other than lifting weights. I have told her about how important it is to me, but it doesn't do any good. Like I stated earlier, I really care and have feelings for her, but I'm not sure if we are gonna make it. Have any of you had to deal with this before?

She is trying to control you. She probably feels threatened or is jealous of the attention you get when you compete. I had an ex pull the same shit on me. "If you loved me you would not compete." If she loved you she would see how important it is to you and not try and take that away from you. Like I said, it's about control. You should not have to change yourself to be with someone.

[firmechicano831]

I agree with carlos. Follow your dreams and goals and if she doesn't believe in them leave her.

[MAJOR25]

I good girl will always support you in anythings as long is not getting in shit with cops. She should trust you if you are getting attention from other girls, unless you are doing something that you are doing to make her think like this. Without trust there is nothing. I have someone that supports me in anything that I want to do. She is alwasy there for me. This is y I lover her.

This is just my experience. Everybody is different.

[Panzerfaust]

Got a very big problem here. For the past 4 months I have been dating a woman that I really care about. The first problem is that she lives 50 miles away. I have been dealing with that by going to see her on Tuesday's, Thursday's, and every weekend, so I am actually seeing her 5 days a week. Everything is working good as far as that goes. The other problem is that she wants me to stop body building. She says working out is fine, but getting up there and strutting around in your panties showing off is another. She told me tonight if I cared about her I would put my show off that I am planning to do in Aug. and never compete again. She has never worked out a day in her life, so she doesn't understand anything about it. She is one of those that is genetically gifted. She told me a couple of weeks ago she would support me in doing this, but now she is saying how stupid it is. She also says that a 37 year old man's priorities should be on something other than lifting weights. I have told her about how important it is to me, but it doesn't do any good. Like I stated earlier, I really care and have feelings for her, but I'm not sure if we are gonna make it. Have any of you had to deal with this before?

Let me tell you something now, tell her to go **** herself and go to the gym. Seriously, i am nowhere near in the kind of shapoe as you guys that "show" but i got a pretty damn good idea what it would take to get there and believe me, having a woman **** with your mind and your lifestyle is a one way trip to hell.

Stop and ask yourself this, what would you do if you did not have bodybuilding in your life? Add that woman on top of your answer and there you have it.

Drop her and go to the gym. Nothing worse than a bitch saying one thing one week and another week singing a different tune. **** that noise.

[Zapp]

I appreciate all of your advice. The subject of me bodybuilding hasn't come up in the past few days, but I'm sure it won't be long before it does. I have made up my mind that if it comes down between bodybilding and her.....she will have to go. You guys are right, I'm not giving up something I love to do just because she doesn't like it. I will be sure to keep yall updated. Thanks again.

[Mizfit]

I appreciate all of your advice. The subject of me bodybuilding hasn't come up in the past few days, but I'm sure it won't be long before it does. I have made up my mind that if it comes down between bodybilding and her.....she will have to go. You guys are right, I'm not giving up something I love to do just because she doesn't like it. I will be sure to keep yall updated. Thanks again.

good luck hun

[Carlos_E]

I appreciate all of your advice. The subject of me bodybuilding hasn't come up in the past few days, but I'm sure it won't be long before it does. I have made up my mind that if it comes down between bodybilding and her.....she will have to go. You guys are right, I'm not giving up something I love to do just because she doesn't like it. I will be sure to keep yall updated. Thanks again.

You need a woman to love you for who you are. Not for who she wants you to be.

[spound]

She is trying to control you. She probably feels threatened or is jealous of the attention you get when you compete. I had an ex pull the same shit on me. "If you loved me you would not compete." If she loved you she would see how important it is to you and not try and take that away from you. Like I said, it's about control. You should not have to change yourself to be with someone.

BINGO!!!