I've been a member of this board for a couple months now. In that time I've read hundreds of posts and benefited from everybodys advice. I'm glad I've found this site. Normally I would feel strange posting relationship issues on a public message board but I need some input....
I was in a relationship for 7 years. I loved the girl and still do. I put a ring on her finger and we even purchased a house together. We met in highschool and stayed faithful to each other the entire time (with the exception of a 2 week break up) We have so many great memories together but I began to notice that she has control issues. At first I thought it wasn't too bad and people were exagerating. When we moved in together, for a very brief time, It got worse. She wanted to see her friends and not mine. She would complain that we don't do anything but when I asked her to do stuff she would refuse. She didn't want me going to parties or to the bar or she would give me shit for it. Most family holidays were spent with her family. And when I was studying for school she would keep me on the phone until she was ready for bed, despite the fact that I had to get up super earyly. She messed with my head pretty bad. After realizing that she would not compromise I asked to postpone our wedding.
The problem is I didn't feel an emotional connection with her. I still find her attractive, but I just never felt intellectually connected. Shes intelligent but we seem to have grown apart somehow. I also started to see how controlling she was. I wanted to wait till I finished school to purchase a house and get married. She persisted and at the time it felt right so I decided to buy the house. And she began planning the wedding, by herself for the most part. 3 months prior to our wedding date I began to freak out and feel like she wasnt the one for me. I felt like I would be living a lie. Sure, I could have a beautiful girl willing to cook and work lots of hours, but at the same time I would have to live life her way or face arguing constantly, which I grew tired of.
After asking to postpone she told me to go see a counselor and come back when I knew what I wanted. She became irrational, stubborn, and extremely angry. She told me she does not want me back in the house or she will change the locks. She won't talk to me and if she does its nothing but her blaming me for shit and calling me an asshole. She goes out to the bar all the time, which she never used to do. She says that shes over me and wants me to leave her alone. I told her I just wanted to talk and I never meant to hurt her, i just needed more time before we got married. She said that I had my chance and were done. She also told me I should leave her alone. This has been going on for over a month.
Now the war begins. I am paying half of the mortgage, taxes, etc. for her to live in the house. This needs to end. Here are how the numbers play out. She put down 15, ooo. I paid the closing cost of 7,500. We split the mortage 50/50 each month. Our home was purchase for 220,000 as a fixer upper and now, 9 months later it will probably go around 260,000. Our names are both on the title. She thinks I'm just going to take my name off and give her the house. Fu*K that! I didn't invested over 15,000 and countless hours into this place for her to hang out with her friends. I do not want to contact her any more, she is nuts. I would prefer to have a third party intervene. As I metioned before she's irrational. What options do I have? What would you guys do in my situation, any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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Originally Posted by justinandrews7
