I found this halirious and has to share it. Enjoy
: A cake shake. I'd take heavy cream and put it in an industrial
blender. I'd throw sugar, protein powder and three to five whole eggs
in there. On top of that I'd take a big f**king huge layered slice of
Country Epicure - a three layer chocolate cake - and I'd mix that in a
blender and I'd drink it. That's about six thousand calories in that
one shake alone.
TB: (laughs)
GV: You think I'm kidding ya? I was throwing bananas in there, yogurt.
One time I threw a f**king whole cooked chicken in it. So think about
the nuclear explosions that were going on inside me from that shit.
TB: You're crazy!
GV: But let me show you how good that worked: in one month I gained a
pound a day. I gained thirty pounds in one month.
TB: Yeah, but you must have been a fat bastard.
GV: I was more like a fat f**k. Anyway, these things would tear my
stomach up. One day I downed one of those before I had to drive my
school bus. And as I was sitting there driving it hit me and I knew I
had to go or I would shit the seat of the bus. But thank God I drove
retarded kids. They were special handicapped kids. They weren't aware
of what was going on; they would just sit there with their heads
bobbing back and forth.
So this one time I pulled the bus over on the side of the road. I ran
in the back of the bus and I put newspaper on the floor. I kept
watching them as I blasted away onto the newspaper. They had no idea
what was going on. They were just nodding their heads back and forth. I
took the paper, threw it out the window, and went back to driving the
kids home.
TB: Couldn't you have just found a rest stop or something?
GV: I never would have made it. Look, let me tell you something. I have
a ten second window. Either I shit or that's it. A year ago I was on
vacation with my two children. We were at a smorgasbord when a shit
bubble hit me. I told my kids to wait for me outside the bathroom in
the parking lot. It was a race: what was going to happen? Either I was
going to shit my pants or I was going to make it to the bowl.
So I get into a stall, and I'm wiggling back and forth doing a shit
dance trying to get my pants off. I kind of bent over and it happened-I
blasted! But I totally missed the toilet and I shit all over the feet
of the guy in the stall next to me. He was an old man. I heard him
scream, "Ahhhh!" and he punched the side of the stall. Boom! I said,
"Jesus Christ, I'm sorry." It was like mud, diarrhea pudding. He jumped
up out of the booth and was cursing me, "You son of a bitch!".
When I went outside my kids were like, "Dad, did you do something? A
guy came running out of the bathroom cursing with no shoes or socks
on." He had thrown his shoes and socks in the garbage. I told my son,
Paul, "You're not going to believe it, I shit all over that guy's
feet."
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funny
Originally Posted by Prada
