
Originally Posted by
crazyhorse666
I no I dont no you at all. but it seems like you are one of the few that I can turn to. I had a very wild lifestyle the last 7 years and I got out of it and every thing seemed to be going allright for awile.
THEN LIKE A TON OF BRICKS ALL ME WILDEST DREAMS CAME TRUE!!!!---------- NO SHIT! I got the biss I been after for 5 years really got my lifting and lifesyle strait and Im very profitable. My wife witch has been my best friend forever and my complete soul mate has never seemed so far away and not close to me.She works road constuction and is gone all summer,witch happened right when i took over my biss.
I have never been so busy or cunsumed by my own biss that it seems like every time I can talk to her is the wrong time.(I want to talk to here so bad about my problems, but she just dosent have time or I dont and things just keep pushing us farther apart(i no it sounds bad but its allways ends up being a completly wild loud crazy night or a huge fight at the bar witch I hav to break up and i cant here her when she calls and all I can tell her is that i love her and I will talk to her tomorrow, I text her that i love her 2 times a day)also just so you no I work every single day of the week like 7 hours at least.
Its not that hard when you are the one watching your biss grow like a recovering anerexiea boy on steriods. Im haven the tou***st part of my life and all my dreams have come true! I got all my goals in the last 3 years. I completey stop useing rec drugs and drinking for the longest time, then I atcully hit my own goal at a body wieght (205 at 10%bf),started at 175lbs and 14%BF and passed it in my first year of training! evreything is just to good to be true.
I got a pocket full of cash,food,a little time,supplaments,biss,and lots of people that love me! sounds pefect right yea thats what I thought but its the completly diffrent thing. Every day I am faced with some of the toughfest choices I have ever made. But its like no matter what I do more is expected of me and Im allways pushing harder. So Im ok for awile than I start drinking alittle.
Than I see that I can party so much harder than alot of people, and be so entertaining to everyone that its like im god it 20 mins to everyone around me! (I am in now way being cocky it just seems like people look up and cling to me no matter what I do) So I push it cause the crazyer I get the more money I make and the more groupies(groupies are like fake friends That spend money to try and inpress you) I have. I take it so far that I dont even no what to do with the money any more(I dont make millions, just when I ant sleeping,bartending,lifting it dosent leave much time to spend money)Im am not a dick ether you could ask any person who has ever meet me and they would all say that I would help them in any time of need.
The biss has completely blown are exspentasions away,and 10 months ago this was a guy that all he had was a wild attiude some wieghts in his basment, and no money at all! No every person in the area comes to party,tries to **** me(some of the hotest girls every to walk the plantet),or out do me!Im not going to lie to you, I have cheated on my wife for the first time since we been maried and its making me go ****ing insane.(This is between you and me cause I dont no what the **** is going on in my own head) (she dosent no)I just dont no what I should do any more.
(I get very depressed when I think about what i did to her----very very depressed) But at the same time she acts completely diffrent to me. She dosent hardly talk to me for 2 mins a day.(witch is the same thing she did back in the day when she was ****ing around on me, like 4 years ago before we were married.We were so perfect just a few months ago before she went to work.
I made here so happy, and I was so happy with her. I bought here new fourwheeler and a jetski witch I have never bought her anything like that other than rings, jackets and little things like pants . Tonight was my birthday and she never even said anything not a word about it, we have been together for almost 7 years) I love her more than god loves his people but it dosent feel like she feels the same anymore.
All I want to do is get back to normal, but its like my hole life style is like driving the fastest car you have ever seen ****ing sreaming wide open into the dark with no lights. ALL I DO IS OWN A BAR! nobody even comes there till I get there.Everything is centerd around me. Then wonce I am there all hell breaks lose. the bar is packed every single night and all they want is me to party with them!!(Its like buckcherry and THE CRUE every night!)
Dont get the wrong idea all i got is a small bar witch has like 30 stolls and a good jukbox,in a small town with a restrant. And Im the one that got into this thinking I could do it better than anyone, well I was so right and now im starting to regreat it. training is going good so far(training can only go so good when your geting wasted everynight nomatter whether you are lifting every day and eating like you should be) Im cutting right now I got like 4 weeks left and Im still ahead of my goals.(trying to get to 8% BF Im like at around 10%) I will abbsulotly not start a cycle till I get my shit sorted out.But its the hole point of my life goals of being a compition bodybuilder (WITCH I HAVENT EVEN COMPETED YET) and doing well at it.
My goals every year are to be bigger stronger and more involeved in promoting the sport.Just so you no the only resone I havent competed is that I feel at my hight 6'1 I should at least be 210 ripped.I absalotly cant stand being made fun of.(when I was young I was picked on teribly bad).
Im not even close to that right now(like If i was ripped I would probley be 190lbs) the weird thing is when I never had any money,food or secsess I allways seemed to get my shit and workout harder than ever! Now I got everything I COULD EVER WANT AND I dont no what to do with myself!!! I understand that you probley dont have a anser. but i just needed to get this off my chest cause its really driving me insane,and I dont vent to people that
I see often! Please tell me what your feelings on this are? and dont be telling all your bros about this,I really have way more friends that dont no shit about anything opinons than I want.
P.S. I have wrote this to all the people That I truly look up to or that are living the life that I desirer or wish I could have back.