Issues with gf,need some help

**batlin** · 02-10-2009, 09:11 AM

Hey all, am in a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do..
Girl and I have been together for a year now.. she kinda just moved in with me over time.. (she still has her apartment but pretty much lives here with even a lot of her furniture here) so her lease is up in 2 months and here you have to give 60 day notice.. well.. in the past few months I have been having second thoughts about it and not really sure if I want her to cancel her lease.. because well.. I am not 100% sure anymore... So the other day she brings it up that she has to cancel her lease and that we should "figure out if we are going to break up" and said if she doesn't cancel her lease we are over and she will go back to living in her apartment. She knows I am having second thoughts... so ever since then she has had the flu and has turned into a major bitch (am I wrong in assuming your true colors come out when your sick or stressed? ) anyways.. I really know I need to just have a talk with her but she has been sick so I feel that with her pretty much bed ridden that would be a messed up thing to do, and then V day is coming up and honestly i don't really feel like doing anything for it..
What do I do? How do you go about breaking up with someone that lives with you? I'll be honest I do still care about her and do love her and don't want to hurt her, but at this point I am just not ready for that sort of commitment!

help please?
K

**Jfew44** · 02-10-2009, 09:49 AM

Tell her that as much as you care about her, you still need your own space at this point in your life. Or man up and make the commitment!

***T-MOS*** · 02-10-2009, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by Jfew44

Tell her that as much as you care about her, you still need your own space at this point in your life. Or man up and make the commitment!

^^^ Agreed

How old are the two of you?

Sounds like she already feels you are breaking up, and she has NO security with you, so....do the above.

Is it just cold feet? Are you gonna regret losing her when you hear she is sleeping with someone new?

Relationships suck...............Good luck

**Matt** · 02-10-2009, 09:55 AM

Is she a good cook??

***T-MOS*** · 02-10-2009, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by MAD MATT

Is she a good cook??

Thats not what he is really asking...he wants to know if she is really really good in bed???.....lolol

**Matt** · 02-10-2009, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

Thats not what he is really asking...he wants to know if she is really really good in bed???.....lolol

You can read me like a book lol...

**batlin** · 02-10-2009, 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

^^^ Agreed

How old are the two of you?

Sounds like she already feels you are breaking up, and she has NO security with you, so....do the above.

Is it just cold feet? Are you gonna regret losing her when you hear she is sleeping with someone new?

Relationships suck...............Good luck

I am 30, she is 27... She wants kids right away, and I am not ready for kids yet.. yes I do have major commitment issues.. but lots of things have been sprouting up..
ie: she is very selfish.. she smokes.. (i dont smoke and hate smoking, in the beginning it wasn't an issue but since we have been together she has gone form 1 cig a day to at least a pack a day) she is a major pot smoker.. like every day... and Can she cook? eh.. sometimes... he he...
I am no aloud to hang out with people unless she is with me.. We had tickets to see Ron White the other day.. she was sick.. and i had my friends going.. she didnt want me to go since she wasn't able to do.. I don't agree with that.. So I went anyways and she got pissed
Basically, I need the best way to end things....
We did break up once back in march ( i broke up with her) for a month but we got back together.. I was actually very happy when I was broken up with her till i found out she was dating again.. then i got jealous... but of course isnt that normal?
Thanks all

**run_n_fool** · 02-10-2009, 10:06 AM

Sounds like you know what you have to do. Just tell her you love her dearly but you are in different places and you do not think it is fair to her to make her wait for you to be ready b/c you are not sure you ever will be.

**ckyass** · 02-10-2009, 10:06 AM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

^^^ Agreed

How old are the two of you?

Sounds like she already feels you are breaking up, and she has NO security with you, so....do the above.

Is it just cold feet? Are you gonna regret losing her when you hear she is sleeping with someone new?

Relationships suck...............Good luck

Said like a true champ

***T-MOS*** · 02-10-2009, 10:11 AM

Well we are just hearing your side of things, but sounds to me she is a bit immature and has some issues.

Let her move back in her place, see if you two can remain friends or date and spend some time working on each others issues and go from there.

If its over , its over, let her go and move on

**batlin** · 02-10-2009, 10:16 AM

Thanks all, much appreciated...
SO how long do I wait, do it now? after V-day? she is sick now and pretty depressed about it...
Also, how does it work.. do i just kick her out, she she stay here till she can move her shit out, do i help her move her shit?

**binder** · 02-10-2009, 10:22 AM

do they not do a month by month lease thing? a lot of places do that here after you've completed your first year.

that is a hard situation. after a year you should be able to sit down and talk to her about it. just make sure it's double sided "in case you or I need space" so it's not just "i need space" and that will make her have the idea that she still has a place to go if she gets pissed at you.

**T_Own** · 02-10-2009, 12:01 PM

if she is gonna say that to you i wouldn't have that.. if you can't make it work over something like an apartment after only a year together i would hate to see what happens when you go to get married or have kids

**Zino** · 02-10-2009, 12:04 PM

By the way you described her you really dont seem too into her. And even though you're supposed to not try to change someones I thin the other person shoudl realize they need to stop doing something that really bothers you such as the smoking.

My advice. Watch the break up and take notes, build a fort in the living room.

**J-Dogg** · 02-10-2009, 12:06 PM

I was talking to a friend of mine, and if you can't handle smoking, don't date a smoker.

I told her, if I had a stack of applications for girls, the first thing I'd do is throw out the smokers.

If she is 27, and still smoking, she is not going to quit.

She sounds like she does not trust you, maybe a little needy.

If you don't want to be with her, you have to accept that she is going to move on. If you want space, let her have it too.

P.S.
Don't take girl advice from me.

**Kratos** · 02-10-2009, 12:11 PM

sounds simple to me: kill her

**MMArmour** · 02-10-2009, 12:17 PM

Very controlling and insecure are the flags I see poking up. Some of the same shit im dealing with in my current relationship. its unhealthy. either find a way to talk it out or drop her. I think in your case it sounds better to get out now.

**zimmy** · 02-10-2009, 12:34 PM

i'm telling you man...if these things are bothering you now... just wait till you live together. I had an apartment that i wasn't using for a year WHILE i lived at my girl's house. And the second the apartment was gone she freaked out cus it became real to her and all the things she was "letting go" (in reality just not communicating) became unbearable. In the end we love each other and worked everything out but if you are feeling doubts already... it's a clear sign.

**xlxBigSexyxlx** · 02-10-2009, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by Kratos

sounds simple to me: kill her

***T-MOS*** · 02-10-2009, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by batlin

Thanks all, much appreciated...
SO how long do I wait, do it now? after V-day? she is sick now and pretty depressed about it...
Also, how does it work.. do i just kick her out, she she stay here till she can move her shit out, do i help her move her shit?

How you handle this depends on your true feelings for her. If you dont' hate her then why would you just kick her out?

Have a talk with her, you both already think its over so be adults about it. Tell her you feel its best to end things as you are in different places in your lives, tell her you love her, and she can take as much time as needed to move back into her place and help her move if you care enough to.

No need to end things badly if she didn't do anything directly to screw you over like cheat on you or abuse you.

JMHO

**Matt** · 02-10-2009, 01:03 PM

Tell her you bat for the other team, that will do it. But before you do, take pictures of her naked and pm them to me....

**gst528i** · 02-10-2009, 01:14 PM

Tell her she turned you u gay.... end of story

**ghettoboyd** · 02-10-2009, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

How you handle this depends on your true feelings for her. If you dont' hate her then why would you just kick her out?

Have a talk with her, you both already think its over so be adults about it. Tell her you feel its best to end things as you are in different places in your lives, tell her you love her, and she can take as much time as needed to move back into her place and help her move if you care enough to.

No need to end things badly if she didn't do anything directly to screw you over like cheat on you or abuse you.

JMHO

well said bro and solid advice.

**fit4ever** · 02-10-2009, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by batlin

Hey all, am in a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do..
Girl and I have been together for a year now.. she kinda just moved in with me over time.. (she still has her apartment but pretty much lives here with even a lot of her furniture here) so her lease is up in 2 months and here you have to give 60 day notice.. well.. in the past few months I have been having second thoughts about it and not really sure if I want her to cancel her lease.. because well.. I am not 100% sure anymore... So the other day she brings it up that she has to cancel her lease and that we should "figure out if we are going to break up" and said if she doesn't cancel her lease we are over and she will go back to living in her apartment. She knows I am having second thoughts... so ever since then she has had the flu and has turned into a major bitch (am I wrong in assuming your true colors come out when your sick or stressed? ) anyways.. I really know I need to just have a talk with her but she has been sick so I feel that with her pretty much bed ridden that would be a messed up thing to do, and then V day is coming up and honestly i don't really feel like doing anything for it..
What do I do? How do you go about breaking up with someone that lives with you? I'll be honest I do still care about her and do love her and don't want to hurt her, but at this point I am just not ready for that sort of commitment!

help please?
K

There is never a perfect time or place to address the things in your life that make you unhappy.

**jakk9011** · 02-10-2009, 01:50 PM

By the way you describe her, she is either bad news, or you don't like her much anymore and you are painting her in a really bad light.
You are obviously not happy with her smoking nor do you seem to like her clingyness...
I agree with above posts... there is never a perfect time.. Man up and let her go.

***T-MOS*** · 02-10-2009, 02:09 PM

Hey Batlin, make sure you come back and let us know what you decided and how it went>

Good Luck

**Matt** · 02-10-2009, 02:10 PM

^^ yeah and some pics...

**batlin** · 02-10-2009, 02:24 PM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

Hey Batlin, make sure you come back and let us know what you decided and how it went>

Good Luck

Thanks all, much appreciated on all the advice... All none of my friends like her and have been telling me I need to drop her a long time ago.. but I will be honest, I love the girl.. and as of a few months ago things were wonderful.. yea there was the smoking etc.. but i was able to look past that.. but when other things creep up.. you tend to see things that you would look past.. Things that never bothered me now make me crazy...
*sigh* I just don't really want to hurt her.. I think she has been realizing things haven't been right in the past week and she has been more lovey dovey. (which isn't necessarily a good thing when she has the flu!) Honestly If she would stop smoking, and stop the pot smoking.. i think things would be better... but.. i dont see that happening considering I have told her over and over again I will not marry a smoker and I WILL NOT raise kids with a smoker... yet she doesn't do anything....

*sigh*

Thanks all.. Ill definitly let you all know what happens..

**RuhlFreak55** · 02-10-2009, 02:33 PM

ummmm everyone is crabby and shitty when they're sick and you shouldn't judge someone for that

***T-MOS*** · 02-10-2009, 02:42 PM

Maybe there is another way you can help her realize about the smoking. after all it is an addiction and a hard one to get over, but maybe with your support she can make an effort to quit.

Maybe just taking some time apart will make you both see things differently and she will realize how serious you are about the smoking thing. I understand your feelings I am the same way and have tried to date smokers, and it never works, YUK, its disgusting

**batlin** · 02-10-2009, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

Maybe there is another way you can help her realize about the smoking. after all it is an addiction and a hard one to get over, but maybe with your support she can make an effort to quit.

Maybe just taking some time apart will make you both see things differently and she will realize how serious you are about the smoking thing. I understand your feelings I am the same way and have tried to date smokers, and it never works, YUK, its disgusting

Yup Specially since she ALWAYS has to drive so she can smoke while we go places!!! ugh...

**KatsMeow** · 02-10-2009, 03:15 PM

It doesn't sound like you are too into her, and she has every right to be a Biotch when she has the flu, she's sick and you should be making her some chicken noodle soup. But instead you are stressing her out with being unsure about the relationship. So I vote that she finds someone who knows he wants to be with her and someone that will take care of her when she's sick. And someone who would want to do something with her for Valentines day.

**KatsMeow** · 02-10-2009, 03:17 PM

P.S. I'm sick with the flu right now too...

**FallenWyvern** · 02-10-2009, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

I was talking to a friend of mine, and if you can't handle smoking, don't date a smoker.

I told her, if I had a stack of applications for girls, the first thing I'd do is throw out the smokers.

If she is 27, and still smoking, she is not going to quit.

She sounds like she does not trust you, maybe a little needy.

If you don't want to be with her, you have to accept that she is going to move on. If you want space, let her have it too.

P.S.
Don't take girl advice from me.

Haha

**batlin** · 02-10-2009, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by KatsMeow

It doesn't sound like you are too into her, and she has every right to be a Biotch when she has the flu, she's sick and you should be making her some chicken noodle soup. But instead you are stressing her out with being unsure about the relationship. So I vote that she finds someone who knows he wants to be with her and someone that will take care of her when she's sick. And someone who would want to do something with her for Valentines day.

Hey In my defense I have been waiting on her hand and foot, working from home in the time that she has been sick so I could help her and take care of her...
And why does she have a right to be a biotch when she is sick? dont bite the hand the feeds!

**thegodfather** · 02-10-2009, 03:37 PM

Please do not take offense to what I am writing...I think that you need to find the source of your own indeciveness before moving forward. You should be at the point where you can make these decisions without asking the opinion of a forum full of strangers. In all likelyhood, as the past on this forum has proven, the OP will usually do what they intended to do in the first place, ignoring all advice given, and rightly so.

**KatsMeow** · 02-10-2009, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by batlin

Hey In my defense I have been waiting on her hand and foot, working from home in the time that she has been sick so I could help her and take care of her...
And why does she have a right to be a biotch when she is sick? dont bite the hand the feeds!

Well I'm happy that you are taking care of her while she is sick. But yeah, when you don't feel good and then you are putting pressure on her then she is going to be a grouch butt, it's normal.

**DSM4Life** · 02-10-2009, 04:44 PM

Originally Posted by batlin

Hey In my defense I have been waiting on her hand and foot, working from home in the time that she has been sick so I could help her and take care of her...
And why does she have a right to be a biotch when she is sick? dont bite the hand the feeds!

***RAGE*** · 02-10-2009, 04:46 PM

I asked DSM about girl problems and he told me to turn gay .....so if you are having women problems just turn gay and you will no long have a problem....I did not read this thread....

***T-MOS*** · 02-10-2009, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by KatsMeow

P.S. I'm sick with the flu right now too...

I'm on my way with homemade chicken soup

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