Married and wanting out.

[Mase33]

Anybody else in this situation. I have been married for 4 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and our second one due any day now. I am having feelings that I just dont want to be married to her anymore but I feel like I am staying in the relationship for the kids. She was a completely different girl when we were dating. Thats why i married her.

[FireGuy]

Counseling first, if that doesnt work get out. Staying for the kids isnt doing her or the kids any favors. I would really give 100% to some serious counseling first and see if you can fix things. Marriage is a lot of hard work, before looking at her faults ask yourself if you are doing everything you need to be yourself. Fixing yourself works miracles in changing the way others treat you.

[*RAGE*]

Counseling first, if that doesnt work get out. Staying for the kids isnt doing her or the kids any favors. I would really give 100% to some serious counseling first and see if you can fix things. Marriage is a lot of hard work, before looking at her faults ask yourself if you are doing everything you need to be yourself. Fixing yourself works miracles in changing the way others treat you.

agreed

[scerpico22]

Counseling first, if that doesnt work get out. Staying for the kids isnt doing her or the kids any favors. I would really give 100% to some serious counseling first and see if you can fix things. Marriage is a lot of hard work, before looking at her faults ask yourself if you are doing everything you need to be yourself. Fixing yourself works miracles in changing the way others treat you.

this is an excellent post and the OP should read this closely, there is a lot of very, very good advice here.

[Mase33]

thats true. i am just struggling right now trying to figure out if i am still "in love with her" or i just love her. Afterall she is the mother of my children

[*RAGE*]

I hate my wife right now and want to kill her more then I like her.......women suck..

[Hunter-S-Thompson]

is there any such thing as married and happy anymore? always hearing talk like this is why half of why I broke up with my ex fiancé... how is she different now what's changed?

[FireGuy]

is there any such thing as married and happy anymore? always hearing talk like this is why half of why I broke up with my ex fiancé... how is she different now what's changed?

I am married to the absolute best woman in the world and couldnt be any happier. It is possible if you find the right one and are willing to work at it and make the relationship a priority.

[Hunter-S-Thompson]

I am married to the absolute best woman in the world and couldnt be any happier. It is possible if you find the right one and are willing to work at it and make the relationship a priority.

well that's refreshing to hear, especially b/c I'm in the process of mayb getting back with my ex haha... anyway to the OP if that's the only problems your having it sounds like they can easily be worked out if your willing to, I've been in that situation before (not married) but you really just have to sit her down and explain to her that it's a big deal to you to have your free time with your friends, make her understand what's goin on in your hear

[Polska]

I am married to the absolute best woman in the world and couldnt be any happier. It is possible if you find the right one and are willing to work at it and make the relationship a priority.

I agree, it's all about finding the right woman. It's hard, but that's why you date date date before you settle down.

[RA]

Are you on cycle?

[Polska]

Anybody else in this situation. I have been married for 4 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and our second one due any day now. I am having feelings that I just dont want to be married to her anymore but I feel like I am staying in the relationship for the kids. She was a completely different girl when we were dating. Thats why i married her.

Communication is the key. Did you talk to her about it? How has she changed since you married?

[Mase33]

it just sucks to be in this situation!!

[Mase33]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

[jfalco]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Is she a stay at home mom?

It sounds like she's bored stuck at home with the kids all the time and taking it out on you. She gets mad when you want to play golf or go out with your friends because she has nothing to do and she wants you to entertain her.

[PittBoy]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Been there. But I had to realize I needed to change things about me. Once I did that things went great.

If you want to work it out I recommend some counseling and do some reading on marriage.

Relationships take crazy amounts of work. You can fall in love with your spouse over and over again though so if you have any thoughts of wanting to work on it there is always hope.

Start with the 5 love languages book(I listened to the audio). That opened my eyes to things that I didn't realize I even needed.

The reality is.......marriage is harder than bodybuilding and we all know how much discipline and research that takes.

Good luck

[F4iGuy]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Sounds like she's insecure?

[higherdesire]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Dude is my wife leading a double life? Sounds like her. Listen man, she is acting like that in all liklihood becasue there is a reason. THey change into that because we have exhibited behavior that leads them to that.

I bet when ya'll first got together it was ok for you to go out and party with the boys? And you had a lot more latitude when it came to when and where you spent your money? Along the way the relationship got more and more serious, and the criteria for staying in the healthy relationship changes. So you either adapt to that by including her in the financial decisions and staying home more and when you do go out being responsable instead of acting like you're on furlough from prison, or you don't move into a serious relationship.

It is niave to expect the same protocol to exist five years down the road. She may well be trying to steer you in the land flowing with milk and honey. Over compensate for a year and do it her way knowing that it should instill confidence in her towards you and then see how things are. Don't look at it like being a punk, look at it like this is what it takes for me to get what I want which is a women that trusts me, and that I want to be around. It is a lot of work. If you handle your end flawlessly then maybe you save the marriage. If you don't want to put in the effort then bail out but don't set an expamplle for your kids that is disfunctional.

Good luck.

[BIG_TRUCK]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Divorce that.

That would piss me off extremely.

[scerpico22]

Divorce that.

That would piss me off extremely.

4 years of marriage and two kids...and because she calls 20x's a day and gets upset for the hanging out...just divorce that...yup thats just great advice right there...

[B.E.N.]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

You sound pretty immature to me bro.

Why has no one else picked up on this?!?! She is PREGNANT! She is VERY emotional right now of course. She needs a MAN to be there for her. She needs a FATHER to take care of her/his duaghter so she can concentrate on taking care of herself and the child (YOUR's) growing inside her.

Sounds like she is insecure? Yeah right...sounds like you are insecure. Golf? Beer with friends? Your wife is at home pregnant genius with a three year old...who are not easy to take care of. Priorities. Self Discipline.

This is what you signed up for when you got married. You know for better or worse. Now is the worse! So stand up and be a man now.

[Nicotine]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

i hate to sound like an asshole...

but when someone USUALLY gets super paranoid like that - it's because they are guilty of something themselves.

how much do you TRUST her?....

anytime i dated in the past - the minute they got all paranoid/super possessive/checking in all the time, it's because they were fuking around and had a guilty conscience.....

[BuffedGuy]

anytime i dated in the past - the minute they got all paranoid/super possessive/checking in all the time, it's because they were fuking around and had a guilty conscience.....

Hmm, I don't know about that. I was engaged to this one girl, who I was 100000000% loyal to me, and I only got paranoid/possessive when she gave me cause to be that way, and in the end, she did in fact cheat on me. But I was totally trusting in the beginning...it was only over time that I turned that way due to her suspicious behavior.

[jfalco]

If you can't work it out, don't stay together just for the kids. If your kids watch you fight with your wife for 15 or 20 years, it will **** them up a lot more than if you are able to seperate amicably and devolpe a relationship where you can still work together as parents even though you lead seperate lives.

Don't take this the wrong way. By all means do what you can to work it out, but cut your losses before it is too late. You don't want to end up hating the mother of your children and you don't want your kids to resent you because you were too busy fighting with their mom to raise them.

I watched my parents hate each other for 20 years wishing the whole time that they would just get divorced. When I got to high school I started getting high every day and avoiding going home as much as possible, because I couldn't stand it. I didn't like to have friends over because I was afraid my parents would get into it and embarras me. Now my brother and sister havn't talked to my mom for almost 10 years. All this because they stayed together for the kids. Not to mention that my mother feels like my father was planning on leaving for years, but just waiting for the kids to grow up.

Just my 2 cents. I'm not married, so I have no idea what you're going through.

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moidPfDvRic

[Mase33]

Thats a huge thing with me right now. I dont want to wake up 10 years from now feeling the same way and the situation be the same and i just wasted 10 years of my life and my kids life.

[Mase33]

And i dont know if all women are like this but everytime we fight its because of me. my fault. And everything that has gone wrong in our marriage is because of me and im the one that needs to change.

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

Ages?

[Mase33]

Thats just it. she is not a stay at home mom. i think she gets really mad because i have hobbies outside of just her and my kids. its like she is jealous of them.

[PittBoy]

Thats just it. she is not a stay at home mom. i think she gets really mad because i have hobbies outside of just her and my kids. its like she is jealous of them.

Plan an evening for just the 2 of you. Don't tell her you are doing it. Make arrangements for a sitter and give her all your attention for the evening. Do that while expecting nothing in return.

I'm willing to bet if you did that a few times there wouldn't be much of an issue with your hobbies(as long as they weren't being given more time than your family).

Of course these are just suggestions and there is always the chance they may not work but I've seen them work more often than not.

[countrybhoy]

Thats just it. she is not a stay at home mom. i think she gets really mad because i have hobbies outside of just her and my kids. its like she is jealous of them.

get her intrested in a hobby . my mrs used to go nuts if i wasnt at work i was at the gym .i had friends out side our circle . i got her to join a gym a different one from me im not stupid. you cant live in each others pockets . but put at least one day a week by for just you and her . i know its hard when you got kids to do this (i have 5) but its worth it . your sex life improves your feelings for each get better you start remembering why you feel in love in the first place m8 . its hard work some times i know we are togther 20 years but like anything worth while it takes a lot of effort

[ghettoboyd]

[QUOTE=countrybhoy;4555055]get her intrested in a hobby . my mrs used to go nuts if i wasnt at work i was at the gym .i had friends out side our circle . i got her to join a gym a different one from me . you cant live in each others pockets . but put at least one day a week by for just you and her . i know its hard when you got kids to do this (i have 5) but its worth it . your sex life improves your feelings for each get better you start remembering why you feel in love in the first place m8 . its hard work some times i know we are togther 20 years but like anything worth while it takes a lot of effort[/QUOTwell said bro,both peeps gotta want it to work and work hard for it. when thay do like in my case,marrage can be fantastic.and yes the sex has never been better.were still crazy for each other after 15 yrs(10 married).dont give up.

[Mase33]

Marriage is crazy amounts of hard work. I am trying to find the reasons that I married her in the first place. If i can find those reasons maybe we can work things out.

[Mase33]

Have you ever seen the movie Fireproof?

[PittBoy]

yeah

[Mase33]

what did you think of it? it was suggested that I should watch it by someone.

[PittBoy]

I liked it. I could relate to a lot of the movie too with the things my wife and I have

been through. All I can say is this. I got married while I was a junior in high school.

I am still married to the same wonderful woman and I'm 32. There were some really rough

patches but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. There have been a few times

I didn't think we were gonna make it and once we actually talked about divorcing but I

had to take the initiative and take a real hard look at myself. I made a lot of changes

which made her change just because of the things I was doing.

Every relationship gets stale after a certain amount of time, trust me they all do.

You can get back to that happy time....you can even surpass it but it's gonna be

work. You just have to figure out if you want to do it or not.

[Mase33]

i thought i had found the perfect woman but like i said she is a totally different person then she was before we got married.

[PittBoy]

i thought i had found the perfect woman but like i said she is a totally different person then she was before we got married.

Ask yourself this, not trying to get on your or anything, but are you the same now as you were before you got married?

[jimmyinkedup]

Take it from someone that is going through a divorce right now - if you have the opportunity...try all you can - counseling talking etc..... If it doesnt work out a clear conscience will go a long way for you. If the chance exists to try to work it out..id give it 100% before making this decision... its only fair to you her and your children - JMO.....