I for the first time in my life last night had an ephinany and realized how ****ed up my mind is.
My OCD has gotten so bad I don't even notice the rituals or complusions any more and think its so normal that other people must do it.
Like my OCD isn't something physical, it isn't I have to wash my hands or call my friends 3 times a day or eat everything with my left hand, etc.
Mine are in my head they are more mental rituals about certain thoughts I have ranging from sex to seeing a hot girl to tasks to just random thoughts and I have to recite them or have them go through certain rituals in an odd number format till I reach a complete number like 33 or 5 or 13 and than compelte the thought or else I think it will hurt me or some dumb shit.
Now I do all these in my head and if you saw me doing it you wouldnt think I was doing anything as I can multiple task while doing it.
So basically I need stuff that will not trigger aniexty which in turn triggers my OCD, I just want some piece in my mind it feels like my mind is always racing or there is a commotion in my head wether its the anxiety, depression, OCD, or body image disorder.