So, 5 years since I was in Afghanistan and the PTSD is really getting to me now.

[Atomini]

Hey, if anyone here served and did any tours anywhere (whether that be in Iraq, Afghanistan, or many years ago), please chime in here.

I did a tour in that dust bin back in the summer of 2005, spent 2 and a half months there until I got wounded and had to get pulled from it alltogether (internal hemmorhaging from an explosion). After recovering, I was sent to see a shrink, whom after spending days with, told me I had PTSD of which I was categorized into some "C" criteria, and that I had some sort of inverted and slow onset form of PTSD (I can't remember the exact words he used). At the time I had no problem, so I looked him square in the face and told him he's full of shit and that i'm fine. He just looked at me plainly and said "you say that NOW, but give it 3-10 years and it will hit you", so I still insisted that i'm fine and I told him thanks for the advice and I left.

Well, it's been 5 years now and he was right. 2 years ago I went back to him because I started having issues... I get these moments where I feel on-edge and nervous for no reason from time to time, and it occurs randomly (I haven't found yet that anything triggers it). And it's been happening A LOT more frequently over the last year. I got perscribed beta blockers for that, but I ONLY take them when I have a very bad episode (if it gets to the point where the anxiety is becoming a big problem).

I'm having certain sleep problems I never had before, and another significant thing is that MOST of what I remember from being over there was a blur, but as time goes on over the days and years, I suddenly remember something new - and it can happen anywhere. A couple of days ago I had horrible feeling inside, and then I stopped in my tracks, something came to mind, and I almost fvcking threw up. This started happening more frequently since it finally hit me 2 weeks ago that it really has been 5 years already...

Lately I don't like hanging around crowds or large groups of people either, and it's affecting my social life. WHen asked if i'd like to come out with friends, I don't even make excuses anymore, I just say "I don't want to go out tonight". Occasionally I can get out though, but sometimes i'm having a problem with it. I'm worried this is going to fvck with my social life now.

I don't even know if this is just a post to get this out of my system out to people who might listen to what I have to say even though most people dont understand whats going on (****, even I dont really understand whats going on!), but have any other veterans, or anyone else experienced this and how to keep control on it?

The help i've been getting from Veterans Affairs Canada has been great, but it feels like no matter what i'm doing to improve this, nothing is working as well as i'd like it to and i'm losing control!

[ReX357]

I have no experience with anything you just talked about, except for the fact that I naturally stopped going out. I just feel like chilling instead of going out and getting drunk with my friends. I think it's just growing up. I wouldn't worry too much about that symptom.

[Igifuno]

Damn brutha I don't know anything about it and I couldn't imagine going through that.. All the best to you though and I hope you can recover sooner or later.. thanks for your service (even though I'm in the US)..

[Atomini]

I have no experience with anything you just talked about, except for the fact that I naturally stopped going out. I just feel like chilling instead of going out and getting drunk with my friends. I think it's just growing up. I wouldn't worry too much about that symptom.

Yeah I don't go out partying or drinking very much with friends to begin with either, but that's why it bugs me, because of how little I already go out to do that stuff. And for the rare few times I might want to go, I can't.

[LatissimusaurousRex]

I have no PTSD. I wish I would have flashbacks though; So I could see how badass I was. I loved deployment and just don't get what all the fuss is about. Hope you get better though. Take Care.

[LatissimusaurousRex]

I also stopped going out though, I thought it was like the other guy said and I was just growing up though.

[Vitruvian-Man]

Yeah I don't go out partying or drinking very much with friends to begin with either, but that's why it bugs me, because of how little I already go out to do that stuff. And for the rare few times I might want to go, I can't.

I feel for you man... Post-traumatic stress disorder is awful. All I can tell you is that I have studied it quite a bit...

Many people who suffer from this disorder get their first flashback months or years after the inital truama happened. It basically boils down to an event that causes an overactive adrenaline response... and as a result of that enormous hormone fluctuate your brain stores the event as a very ingrained memory, often brought on by a tigger.

In my experience people who suffered from war induced PSTD often have fears about going into public areas etc, because those were some of the most dangerous places to be in the Middle East. Unfortunately PSTD can cause such terrible anxiety problems that people begin to mimic systems of someone with agoraphobia.

You should continue to talk to your phyciatrist because there have been advances in medications to specifically treat PSTD.

In any case, I'm sure this is all stuff your doc has probably discussed with you, so I'll stop blabbering.. ...

I wish you best of luck with your recovery though bro...

-VM

[lovbyts]

I understand what you are saying but remember something, not EVERYTHING is associated to the PTSD
As we get older (1, 3, 5 years counts) we can develop sleep issues for many reasons. We also can develop anxiety for different reasons so dont lump it all into the PTSD or it will seem worse.

concentrate on each individual problem separately, not as a whole or it will be overwhelming.

[cherrydrpepper]

I know im stating the obvious but are you still lifting regularly? I dont have ptsd but I have suffered with depression and I noticed it tries to creep back into my life if I don't workout regularly and get outside some.

[Bryan2]

I dealt with PTSD for a bit and I feel for you man!

Took me a couple years to get over it completely....

Anxiety, not wanting to be around people, Panic attacks, random negative thoughts, irrational guilt

The advice I can give to you in order for you to get over this..... Is take your time.
Expect this to be around for a while as its not an easy thing to 'learn'


And I use that word specifically.

As you get more accustomed to it you will learn when it is starting to happen.
I tried all kinds of things to conquer it, Ended up moving and leaving everyone i know to get away from my life for about 6 months.

Got very into health and focused as much as I could into self improvement as possible, lifting, started juicing(which helped due to the endorphines im guessing and overall sense of well being)
I read as much as I could an bought all kinds of books in things I wanted to excel in and learn in general. Studied how the brain works and the breakdown of neurochemicals.

If I could reccomend a book that helped me understand some things and point me into the right direction the owners manual to the brain by pierce howard.

Ultimately What you to learn in dealing with this is learning to recognize your triggers or just when it is starting to happen. Learn to recognize it starting to happen. Its a split second type of thing that your going to have top train yourself on and when that second happens you have to totally change your thought process. At first you should start with distraction when you feel those thoughts happening. Recognize it and then think about your dog or your job or ****ing anything other than what is currently going on in your dome.

Change the environment by leaving to a different room until it passes. Soon you will be able to make it less and less, Trick yourself into believing that if you take a few steps to the left its a better spot in the room than you were just in and where it doesnt happen.

The key is to be able to recognize that split second and change your thoughts ,location/ feelings to offset it from happening. Im sure everyone trains their mind in a different fashion but my preference was distraction, physically and then mentally.

Good Luck bro...

[NVR2BIG1]

I dont think its so much PTSD, its an anxiety disorder and the reason I say this is b/ my friend has that, and his symptoms are exactly like yours, maybe worse. It got to the point he couldn't even lift. He also told me he would just be sitting there at work and all of a sudden get this feeling, like he had to go hide b/ something was getting ready to happen to him. It got so bad he would almost pass out in the shower, something about the running water started freaking him out. He eventually stopped leaving his own damn house out of paranoia. He ended up getting tons of tests done, and finally ended up at the Mayo Clinic. Long story short, he was never in the service, but was put on some meds to raise his Saratonin and help him. He said it was almost like a chemical imbalance sort of deal. Hope this may help a little

[DSM4Life]

First step to recover, get a avatar like NVR2

[F4iGuy]

Have you considered hypnotherapy? It's inexpensive and effective. I'd give it 3-4 sessions before deciding if its helping.

A cognitive behavior therapist can help train you to recognize and readjust your thoughts.

You should get a journal and record three things an 'episode' occurs.

1. Antecedant. What happened immediately before you began to panick? Make note of your surroundings. More detail is better. Where were you? What objects/people? What were you thinking?

2. Behavior. This is the 'moment' you're feeling uneasy. What images are you seeing? What's your mood like? How are you feeling physically? Any change in heart rate?

3. Consequence. Write down what you do, where you go, etc. IMMEDIATELY after the behavior occurs.

Keep a journal around, in you car maybe? Write all this down for a bit. Go seek out a certified behavior analyst (not a doc, they don't specialize in this) and share what you've written. Many people make the mistake of just analyzing the behavior. That's not going to help, you need to look at everything surrounding the behavior too. Send me a PM if you'd like some more info. I'm not against meds but feel they should be used as a last resort or in addition to professional assitance. Fix the problem don't put a band aide over it.

[Atomini]

Thanks for all the responses everyone.

I dont think its so much PTSD, its an anxiety disorder and the reason I say this is b/ my friend has that, and his symptoms are exactly like yours, maybe worse. It got to the point he couldn't even lift. He also told me he would just be sitting there at work and all of a sudden get this feeling, like he had to go hide b/ something was getting ready to happen to him. It got so bad he would almost pass out in the shower, something about the running water started freaking him out. He eventually stopped leaving his own damn house out of paranoia. He ended up getting tons of tests done, and finally ended up at the Mayo Clinic. Long story short, he was never in the service, but was put on some meds to raise his Saratonin and help him. He said it was almost like a chemical imbalance sort of deal. Hope this may help a little

I haven't had panic attacks (not YET anyways), and I don't freak out about things. In most all cases, I have been in control of myself and what is going on. This is why when/if I tell new people I meet that I have PTSD, they say "wow I never would have known". I think it also has to do with the type of PTSD I was told I have. But the anxiety comes from the PTSD. And it's the PTSD that is probably causing some sort of a mini anxiety disorder.

F4iGuy, good advice, I will start a journal for this purpose. I swear the anxiety episodes occur randomly and I have yet to find or notice a trigger. I figured this comes from what I was doing when I was overseas. i.e. always being on-edge and expecting danger at any moment. A journal should help with this.

[6ft5]

I've never been in a gun battle, but have battled w myself doing A LOT of crazy and stoopid stuff. years of drug abuse, drinkn, lsd, majic mishrooms, ect.
I get stressed out, nervouse, sweaty, I freak out every oncwe in a whyle, don't like being around a lot of poeple or anyone sometimes. Other than my usual things I like to do. I'm shure my brain chemisty has changed a little. Other than that I'm just happy to be alive! I think shrinks can help you understand and manage your reactions to thing. I should probobly go to one too. I'd just try and keep things simple and figure it all out as you go. Best luck man!

[Older lifter]

Looked at this thread a few times, not being sure weather i have anything good to give. I have been in situations similar to yours i guess, Iraq, Congo, Somalia and other s**t holes. Got hi-jacked in Iraq etc, you know the s**t.
Can i ask mate if you have anyone close that has been throu the same sort of stuff? I don't have the problems that you are having at all, but can't help wondering if part of it can be due to not being able to release it to a mate that truely understands. As i am sure you know there are things you just can't say to people that have not been in that situation. Also enviroment, how much time do you have for thinking,,,,,,,, I understand the levels of what are important change but they have to be changed back, you need to get more involved etc in things that can create more interest in this time now..

I don't know mate but i wish you luck

[Atomini]

Looked at this thread a few times, not being sure weather i have anything good to give. I have been in situations similar to yours i guess, Iraq, Congo, Somalia and other s**t holes. Got hi-jacked in Iraq etc, you know the s**t.
Can i ask mate if you have anyone close that has been throu the same sort of stuff? I don't have the problems that you are having at all, but can't help wondering if part of it can be due to not being able to release it to a mate that truely understands. As i am sure you know there are things you just can't say to people that have not been in that situation. Also enviroment, how much time do you have for thinking,,,,,,,, I understand the levels of what are important change but they have to be changed back, you need to get more involved etc in things that can create more interest in this time now..

I don't know mate but i wish you luck

This is correct, I really don't have a good friend or anyone that I can talk to about some of this stuff. Even bros who I served with, I couldn't open up. I have a real good friend who was in the army as well, but long before me, who served in Bosnia and went through some pretty crazy things. I tried once to tell him about something that really really shocked me and I couldn't even do it, I just froze. He understood what was going on and just said to me "look, if you can't talk about it, then don't, you should not force anything". And this guy is far more fvcked up than me. He and I like to joke around, he says "you're screwed up, but i'm fvcked up. There's a difference there."

[sunshine69]

This is correct, I really don't have a good friend or anyone that I can talk to about some of this stuff. Even bros who I served with, I couldn't open up. I have a real good friend who was in the army as well, but long before me, who served in Bosnia and went through some pretty crazy things. I tried once to tell him about something that really really shocked me and I couldn't even do it, I just froze. He understood what was going on and just said to me "look, if you can't talk about it, then don't, you should not force anything". And this guy is far more fvcked up than me. He and I like to joke around, he says "you're screwed up, but i'm fvcked up. There's a difference there."

Dude, I read all your posts on this and what we spoke about, don't forget what I mentioned to you ok. No matter what, trust me please, I've never fvcked you over and never will and I don't plan to, friends dont do that! I've known you for a long time now and you should know that real friends stick around no matter what!

green

[Kibble]

Went to Ramadi, Iraq from September 2003-September 2004. Went to Al Asad from September 2006-October 2007. Both times as an Infantryman. I had several problems after the first deployment. I drank heavily, got a DUI (I was 19), fought several times, and had sex with several girls without a condom. I also almost blew my brains out one night.

I don't claim PTSD..... not at all. Instead it is a hatred for 90% of things in life. I have never woken up to nightmares, or thought about suicide. I just hate everything and have turned into a different person.

If you ever wanna talk bro, let me know. I got over my problems by drinking with buddies and sharing war stories for hours on end. That made me realize how many guys been through the same shit. Then I realized that they are doing fine by traditional standards. It helped me to dig down and get my shit straight. Ended up getting married and having kids. I am deploying to Afghanistan in a few months.

Lifting weights takes my mind off of everything. That is why I love it. Now I look at my deployments and see the positive. Gyms are open 24/7, and the dining facility is open 4 times a day with all-you-can eat food Bring it on bitches