Pretty Sure My Wife is Leaving Me...

[LawMan018]

These threads always depress me, I never thought I'd be making one myself... Basically it's been a roller coaster ride our entire relationship. We met back in 2007 and started out as friends. I joined the Air Force, came back on leave and started getting closer. When I got to my first duty station (halfway across the U.S.) we started a long distance relationship. I visited a few times before I got a big chunk of leave about 6 months in and towards the end asked her to marry me... She said yes.

Fast forward another 6 months, we had our wedding at her Church back home. Now, we had some up and down moments prior to getting married, ex's coming back into her life harassing her, her friends taking her to parties and ditching her for a guy leaving her alone. I trust she never did anything, as when these events occured she'd call me, let me know, and be very upset. Along with these there were moments when she tried to end it... Her friends telling her she was holding me back, an ex she dated for awhile she found out cheated on her... I would say fine, if that's what you want... And a day or two later she'd tell me she wanted me back and what not.

So as you can see there was already a bit of... Weirdness I guess you could say? I figured it was because we were apart... And unsure of our future but I went with it because I loved her. I mean hell, we didn't even have sex until 6 months into our relationship.

So fast forward again and we're married. Things are going good but then she starts having up and down moments. One minute she's happy, the next we get in a small argument and it's the end of the world and she wants to go back home. This would happen off and on every few weeks or so.... Things would be going perfect and BAM! She wants out...

Well, just imagine this going on for a year and a half... We had a little argument the other day and she of course blew everything out of proportion. It's like I'm not allowed to be upset at all, and the moment I am, she has to one up me and everything turns to hell and again... It's the end of the world!

We've tried a counselor... The day of our second appointment she got mad and didn't want to go... And then when I didn't go she's mad that I didn't schedule another appointment... EVen though she bailed on the last moment of the second? SHe refused to see a Church pastor, even though at first she was all about going...

I just don't know what to do anymore... She tells me she's happy, loves me ,etc. etc. Then with this latest fight she tells me how miserable and unloved she feels, and how she never really felt happy she was just pretending... It's like a crazy roller coaster and I don't know what to do anymore... I love her to death and wish she was just "steady", because she's amazing when these mood swings do not occur. But I always wonder what if down the road we have a child and she pulls these stunts? It's been a reoccuring thing prior and during our marriage... Will it ever stop?

I'm sorry this is so long, and I'm sorry I'm dumping this on you guys. I'm usually a very upbeat person and I feel like complete shit right now. My phones broken... So I can't call family... I'm at a loss of what to do next...

[Brewster]

Fuk bro,
No relationship is ever perfect. It probly will never stop and only get worse.

I would really sit down yourself and evaluate the situation.

This can go either way.... You either stick around and make it work (and it might not work)
or
You cut your losses and leave now

[stack_it]

It's been going on since you've known her. It's not gonna stop now. You have two choices here. Either stick around and Live your life like and emotional roller coaster or move on and find somebody who is less insane and more steady hearted.

[Shol'va]

For gods sake man, do not I repeat do not even think about having any kids at this time. Way big mistake. Somehow a lot of troubled married couples think this will solve their marital problems, and it only adds to the already untenable situation. From what you have posted it sounds like your wife is either unhappy in this marriage or is having some major psycholgical issues Which can only be helped by professionals and with her refusing to go see anyone, I'm afraid your choices are limited on what you can do. Either confront her and offer to go with her to therapy for the sake of saving your marriage or if she refuses then you either stick it out staying miserable the rest of your marriage and end up cheating, seeking comfort in someone elses arms, or you pull the plug on the marriage and move on. I wish you well and this is just my opinion only but take it for what its worth.

[D3m3nt3d]

Bro I swear you just wrote my life, all the way down to the year you guys met and everything. My wife has a lot of instability emotionally and sounds like yours does as well. I know mine is Bi-polar, also possible Borderline personality. We are separated of course, and she refuses to think it's her, it's always the guys fault when the relationship ends.

You can't fix people like that bro sorry to say, not without them acknowledging they have a problem and them be willing to go to therapy and take meds. Life will be hell like this forever man, trust me.

[LawMan018]

Thanks for the replies guys... I would never think about having a kid... I want to wait till my 30's before that, I'm pretty sure I'm too immature still to raise a child anyways. Another factor may be the fact that we're both from Southern California, and I'm stationed in Missouri... The middle of Missouri... Hours away from actual civilization. There's outdoors stuff to do in the Spring and Summer time, but middle of Winter? Our ooptions are limited... I don't know... I really do love and care for this woman, and even though I'm young... We were good friends and clicked real well before we even started a relationship, and when things aren't rocky, we get along great. It's just hard for me to comprehend why she responds the way she does, and why she handles things the way she does. She grew up with divorced parents constantly fighting, while myself in contrast had great parents who are still together.

[ghettoboyd]

im normally the guy who is the voice of reason when it comes to marrige advise and in most cases i would advise you to try all avenues to try to work things out as its obvious that you love her....but i think you already know the answer to your question if you have listened back to what you have told us....if you havent come to a conclusion as of yet then let me spell it out for you...RUN....run like hell...and with that all said i am truly sorry you are having a difficult time as of late...

[DSM4Life]

Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. People change. Good luck with everything.

[D3m3nt3d]

Thanks for the replies guys... I would never think about having a kid... I want to wait till my 30's before that, I'm pretty sure I'm too immature still to raise a child anyways. Another factor may be the fact that we're both from Southern California, and I'm stationed in Missouri... The middle of Missouri... Hours away from actual civilization. There's outdoors stuff to do in the Spring and Summer time, but middle of Winter? Our ooptions are limited... I don't know... I really do love and care for this woman, and even though I'm young... We were good friends and clicked real well before we even started a relationship, and when things aren't rocky, we get along great. It's just hard for me to comprehend why she responds the way she does, and why she handles things the way she does. She grew up with divorced parents constantly fighting, while myself in contrast had great parents who are still together.

When I get time I am going to shoot you a PM bro. Maybe I can help explain some of this since I've been in therapy since my separation. I'm at work at the moment.

[calgarian]

These threads always depress me, I never thought I'd be making one myself... Basically it's been a roller coaster ride our entire relationship. We met back in 2007 and started out as friends. I joined the Air Force, came back on leave and started getting closer. When I got to my first duty station (halfway across the U.S.) we started a long distance relationship. I visited a few times before I got a big chunk of leave about 6 months in and towards the end asked her to marry me... She said yes.

Fast forward another 6 months, we had our wedding at her Church back home. Now, we had some up and down moments prior to getting married, ex's coming back into her life harassing her, her friends taking her to parties and ditching her for a guy leaving her alone. I trust she never did anything, as when these events occured she'd call me, let me know, and be very upset. Along with these there were moments when she tried to end it... Her friends telling her she was holding me back, an ex she dated for awhile she found out cheated on her... I would say fine, if that's what you want... And a day or two later she'd tell me she wanted me back and what not.

So as you can see there was already a bit of... Weirdness I guess you could say? I figured it was because we were apart... And unsure of our future but I went with it because I loved her. I mean hell, we didn't even have sex until 6 months into our relationship.

So fast forward again and we're married. Things are going good but then she starts having up and down moments. One minute she's happy, the next we get in a small argument and it's the end of the world and she wants to go back home. This would happen off and on every few weeks or so.... Things would be going perfect and BAM! She wants out...

Well, just imagine this going on for a year and a half... We had a little argument the other day and she of course blew everything out of proportion. It's like I'm not allowed to be upset at all, and the moment I am, she has to one up me and everything turns to hell and again... It's the end of the world!

We've tried a counselor... The day of our second appointment she got mad and didn't want to go... And then when I didn't go she's mad that I didn't schedule another appointment... EVen though she bailed on the last moment of the second? SHe refused to see a Church pastor, even though at first she was all about going...

I just don't know what to do anymore... She tells me she's happy, loves me ,etc. etc. Then with this latest fight she tells me how miserable and unloved she feels, and how she never really felt happy she was just pretending... It's like a crazy roller coaster and I don't know what to do anymore... I love her to death and wish she was just "steady", because she's amazing when these mood swings do not occur. But I always wonder what if down the road we have a child and she pulls these stunts? It's been a reoccuring thing prior and during our marriage... Will it ever stop?

I'm sorry this is so long, and I'm sorry I'm dumping this on you guys. I'm usually a very upbeat person and I feel like complete shit right now. My phones broken... So I can't call family... I'm at a loss of what to do next...

first off I am sorry that you have to live through it. Is she a bi-polar? from the looks of things she is the person who wonders "what if" in her life alot. cpl of things u said led to ask the bi-polar question.
what you describe WILL not change and if you walk away you will keep getting I miss you till u change your number or get back together and it will start all over again
didnt she got mad on you making breakfast and threw muffins in the garbage?

[D3m3nt3d]

first off I am sorry that you have to live through it. Is she a bi-polar? from the looks of things she is the person who wonders "what if" in her life alot. cpl of things u said led to ask the bi-polar question.
didnt she got married on you making breakfast and threw muffins in the garbage?

I said this myself, sounds like some bi-polar traits

[vettewreck]

Im so sorry for you man. I know what its like to be with a chick with crazy mood swings. Its almost unimaginable how it can turn on a dime. Just doesnt make sense at all and the TRUE SAD PART IS... you simply cannot reason with someone like that. Its a chemical imbalance in THEIR head, not yours man. You cant do anything to fix it. There is no reasoning. Meds is the only true attempt at fixing that. And even then, its only a maybe with other side effects.

[Times Roman]

better now at the three year mark than at the ten year mark.

[JohnnyVegas]

I was thinking something like bi-polar as well, mostly because I went through the exact same thing with my first wife. In my first wife's case it was hormonal (early onset menopause) and was fixed with hormone replacement. I know that probably isn't the case with your wife as I assume she is in her twenties like you, but it could be something not entirely within her control (without meds).

Having said that, don't stay in an unhappy relationship if one, or both of you won't give 100%.

[calgarian]

Im so sorry for you man. I know what its like to be with a chick with crazy mood swings. Its almost unimaginable how it can turn on a dime. Just doesnt make sense at all and the TRUE SAD PART IS... you simply cannot reason with someone like that. Its a chemical imbalance in THEIR head, not yours man. You cant do anything to fix it. There is no reasoning. Meds is the only true attempt at fixing that. And even then, its only a maybe with other side effects.

Dr Cal prescribed..........Lithium and Affexor.(sp)....to cure her mood swings.

[stack_it]

Thanks for the replies guys... I would never think about having a kid... I want to wait till my 30's before that, I'm pretty sure I'm too immature still to raise a child anyways. Another factor may be the fact that we're both from Southern California, and I'm stationed in Missouri... The middle of Missouri... Hours away from actual civilization. There's outdoors stuff to do in the Spring and Summer time, but middle of Winter? Our ooptions are limited... I don't know... I really do love and care for this woman, and even though I'm young... We were good friends and clicked real well before we even started a relationship, and when things aren't rocky, we get along great. It's just hard for me to comprehend why she responds the way she does, and why she handles things the way she does. She grew up with divorced parents constantly fighting, while myself in contrast had great parents who are still together.

Me and my ex were always great friends when we were not together. We split up and then after getting along (as friends) got back together and it failed again. This happened twice and I'm still recovering financially from the last time it happened. It will not change and it will not get better. Take our advice and run like I wish I would have when cal warned me to over a year ago. It will be hard in the beginning but it will get easier and you will be happier.

[stack_it]

Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. People change. Good luck with everything.

I don't believe people change. They just reveal there true selves.

[calgarian]

Me and my ex were always great friends when we were not together. We split up and then after getting along (as friends) got back together and it failed again. This happened twice and I'm still recovering financially from the last time it happened. It will not change and it will not get better. Take our advice and run like I wish I would have when cal warned me to over a year ago. It will be hard in the beginning but it will get easier and you will be happier.

thank you......

[D3m3nt3d]

thank you......

I will be thanking you one day

[calgarian]

I will be thanking you one day

no worries man I will keep punching u on whatever left of ur balls till u get the message

[D3m3nt3d]

no worries man I will keep punching u on whatever left of ur balls till u get the message

I think thats an excuse to touch them

[LawMan018]

I too think she may ahve some bi-polar issues... I know her Father has them, but she's never admitted to it. Well... Another update. As I left for work she told me she was leaving and not coming back. I got a message on facebook saying how horrible I am and that she's getting a plane ticket home... What a great ****ing Christmas...

[calgarian]

I too think she may ahve some bi-polar issues... I know her Father has them, but she's never admitted to it. Well... Another update. As I left for work she told me she was leaving and not coming back. I got a message on facebook saying how horrible I am and that she's getting a plane ticket home... What a great ****ing Christmas...

Dont fall for the trap.....i know hard times during holidays.....let her go give her till new year she is calling u with "missing u" message or text.

[calgarian]

I think thats an excuse to touch them

i will WHEN u have them

[Shol'va]

Does this look familiar lawman?

[The Toad]

I agree with the Bi-Polar thought. I had a friend that was diagnosed and he acted the same as you described. I wish you the best

[LawMan018]

Does this look familiar lawman?

A little too familiar... I see them day to day, haha. And ever since that second one had a fire in Guam, we at the fire department have to constantly do standbys on them everytime they run the engine... It's retarded... Like they actually think a Fire truck standing by is going to "prevent" a fire. Not to mention it takes like 30 seconds from the time we leave the station to the time we're on scene with one of those...

[LGM]

Agree with the overall assesment that your girl is dealing with emotional issues. I hope you can figure out a way to find out for sure, and work through it if that's what you want. Otherwise, I hope the end is relatively quick and as pain free as possible. Good luck bro.

[calgarian]

Agree with the overall assesment that your girl is dealing with emotional issues. I hope you can figure out a way to find out for sure, and work through it if that's what you want. Otherwise, I hope the end is relatively quick and as pain free as possible. Good luck bro.

i was going to give him same advise but then again how many times he has to do it....She will not change....

[LawMan018]

i was going to give him same advise but then again how many times he has to do it....She will not change....

Yah... I don't know. This royally sucks balls. We get along great (not fighting), we have the same interests and basically everything meshes.. It's just how we deal with arguments that I guess we really butt heads. But instead of handling them calmly she blows everything out of proportion and throws around the divorce card like it's nothing...

[MaNiCC]

Sorry but alot of you seem to have a misunderstanding of the condition of Bi-Polar, Unless they have had a very manic stage they are no were near being bi-polar. I see alot of people who have mood swings being "labelled" Bi-polar. Your wife in my opinion is displaying traits of a personality disorder, Perhaps borderline personality disorder. However these traits may only be present due to current pressure. Cal mentioned lithium above^^, i would not want my worst enemy to go on that stuff, its poison.

[D3m3nt3d]

Yah... I don't know. This royally sucks balls. We get along great (not fighting), we have the same interests and basically everything meshes.. It's just how we deal with arguments that I guess we really butt heads. But instead of handling them calmly she blows everything out of proportion and throws around the divorce card like it's nothing...

This is because if she does have the emotional problems we keep mentioning, she is not capable of sustaining adult love. She loves, like a child loves her father when she gets everything she wants, and then hates him when she can't have something. Trust me bro, my wife was my left hand to my right, I would have bet my life on our marriage. It's nothing you can fix without therapy and probably medication.

Also, you had my childhood, my wife had one similiar to your wifes. It triggers abandonment issues and chaos rather she knows it or not. It is in her subconscious.

[D3m3nt3d]

Sorry but alot of you seem to have a misunderstanding of the condition of Bi-Polar, Unless they have had a very manic stage they are no were near being bi-polar. I see alot of people who have mood swings being "labelled" Bi-polar. Your wife in my opinion is displaying traits of a personality disorder, Perhaps borderline personality disorder. However these traits may only be present due to current pressure. Cal mentioned lithium above^^, i would not want my worst enemy to go on that stuff, its poison.

I said either bi-polar or borderline personality. A lot of people can have both, and a lot are misdiagnosed.

[calgarian]

Yah... I don't know. This royally sucks balls. We get along great (not fighting), we have the same interests and basically everything meshes.. It's just how we deal with arguments that I guess we really butt heads. But instead of handling them calmly she blows everything out of proportion and throws around the divorce card like it's nothing...

i would take her up on that and see how far she goes......

[calgarian]

Sorry but alot of you seem to have a misunderstanding of the condition of Bi-Polar, Unless they have had a very manic stage they are no were near being bi-polar. I see alot of people who have mood swings being "labelled" Bi-polar. Your wife in my opinion is displaying traits of a personality disorder, Perhaps borderline personality disorder. However these traits may only be present due to current pressure. Cal mentioned lithium above^^, i would not want my worst enemy to go on that stuff, its poison.

thats what my buddy was given after he was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. When it comes to figuring out issues with head I will not argue with you ...you know your shit.....

[MaNiCC]

I said either bi-polar or borderline personality. A lot of people can have both, and a lot are misdiagnosed.

I know this to well

[LawMan018]

i would take her up on that and see how far she goes......

I know I should... But at the same time I'm afraid, I married this woman because I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. To think otherwise just kills me...

[Shol'va]

A little too familiar... I see them day to day, haha. And ever since that second one had a fire in Guam, we at the fire department have to constantly do standbys on them everytime they run the engine... It's retarded... Like they actually think a Fire truck standing by is going to "prevent" a fire. Not to mention it takes like 30 seconds from the time we leave the station to the time we're on scene with one of those...

My folks are from southern mo. and I remember as a kid always seeing the blue airforce trucks from knob always checking the minute men Galaxy series silos around the area. I always thought that would be a neat job to have. Also when I'm down I usually get to see those birds fly over the farm and what is cool is that I can wave at them and they'll tip their wings in recognition. Sweet. Didn't mean to hijack your thread just reflecting when you mentioned stationed in mid mo.

[D3m3nt3d]

I know I should... But at the same time I'm afraid, I married this woman because I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. To think otherwise just kills me...

It did me too bro, 6 months later it still hurts. But I can tell you, coming from the person who thought he would never get thru it, it DOES get easier. I still love my wife to no end, but i'm afraid it may be a losing battle unless you can get her to see a Dr atleast

[ReX357]

I know I should... But at the same time I'm afraid, I married this woman because I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. To think otherwise just kills me...

Please so many of our members were in your shoes before, notably demented, and CherryDrPepper soon. Do yourself a favor and leave her. Demented is finally getting over his ex and starting to get laid again. The more you wait, the more you will lose. She's not gonna change. Everyone will tell you. We've all been there. Cut your losses now and move on with your life.