I know I left here on a bad note, and I just wanted to say a few things.
First, before I get into anything, I know that I was banned. I assumed that I was going to be banned before I left, and I know this means I am nolonger welcome here. As such, I am expecting this account to be deleted shortly after I post this (for obvious reasons).
I did, however, want to formally apologize.
I first started reading this forum when I was just 15 years old, but did not create an account, or take part in anything. I did frequently utilize this sight, and all of the available information, though.
In June of last year, I decided I would give the forums a try. I have never been into video games, computers, forums, etc, so I had no experience in a virtual community, and was never quite sure how to just let some things go, or deal with problems I encountered. Also, as was made obvious, I did not have the best manners.
I never hid my face, my name, or my details. These were personal choices made for personal reasons. For any of you who spoke with me on a private level, you may remember me trying to stress that I did not, and still do not, feel that I am better than anyone else, and of all the faiths or beliefs someone could have, my individual beliefs fall very close to Buddhism.
Unfortunately, I never conducted myself in a way that would portray that. The way I live my every day life, deal with real world problems, etc. is something I am very comfortable with, and have gotten better at over the years. As most of you probably remember, though, I was very bad at dealing with my frustrations and problems here.
To get to the point.
I love every aspect of working out, and the lifestyle surrounding it. I have always trained more for powerlifting, with a very short run at bodybuilding, which I discovered did not suit me at all. I do love to be apart of all aspects of fitness, though. I enjoy and appreciate reading, talking about, and listening to everyone's individual goals, aspirations, and experiences.
When I started posting here, I did not take it very seriously. Over time, though, I began to take it more and more seriously, to a point where I always had the AR window open on my computer, so I could keep track of all the latest threads, posts, etc. I began to remember individuals, learn their personality types (if only their virtual personality), the senses of humor, etc.
I crossed a line, though. Unfortunately, I forgot to separate the forum from real life. Late last year, I started having a lot of personal issues, relating to my marriage, my family, my job, my friends, etc. When the stress got to high, and I was having a hard time dealing with things, I would come to this forum for an "escape". Well, that was a bad move, because suddenly I was becoming outraged and pissed off about things that would have never bothered me before. Eventually, I lost it.
I have no excuse for how I acted. I do not offer any reasoning as justification of the things I said. I recently went back and read that post, and I can honestly say that I didn't even recognize it. I could not believe it was me writing those things. I do not know now what I was thinking, or what I felt was being accomplished, but I am sorry for it.
I do not expect a "welcome back". I do not expect people to tell me it was ok. I do not expect anything, really.
I just wanted to let every here know that I enjoyed their company very much. I enjoyed the jokes, the humor, the knowledge, the advice, etc.
DSM, I am sorry calling you out individually. From my very first day here, I actually always hoped to get along with you, as you have always come across as being very well educated, even tempered, and funny.
Fireguy, I appreciate all the advice you gave me when I wanted to do a bodybuilding show. Even when i was saying some stupid sh1t that you have probably heard a thousand times, you were still very patient, and very helpful. Thankyou.
Cal, I enjoyed your reactions to KP and other members ALMOST as much as you enjoy fat women.
KP, you are ugly as fvck, but you are also as wide as a house, so it's ok.
Marcus, I don't need to remind you of anything you already know as far as your status goes. I did want to show my appreciation to you and the work you do here before I left. Rather than the very last post I make being an irrational one.
Standby, you have a strange talent. You have always been the one member on this board who can agree or disagree with anyone, at any time, about anything, and someone never offend a single person, ever. I really appreciated you having my back on a few of the older post, and helping me find the words when I was too computer illiterate you know how to transfer my thoughts onto a post.
Slimmer, we never interacted much, but I did call you out for no reason. You have accomplished a record amount in an unbelievably short time on this board, and you have earned every thing you have received (praise, friendship, title, etc). You are one of the few female members I ever came across that had a true passion for what you are doing, and actually wanted to spend your time helping people, even the people who probably didn't deserve it. I congratulate you on your new title, and apologize for any negativity I showed you.
Shol'va, you were always a good dude to me. Your humor is a little corny and dry, but you make up for it. Thanks for letting me vent to you so many times when I let stupid shit get to me.
I know there are a lot more people here, but I have already drug this out pretty far, and I don't want this to be any longer than it has to be.
I appreciate this board, the forums, the site, the vast amount of knowledge made available, and the dedication that so many of you show, by sacrificing your personal time and devoting it to helping thousands of people, free of charge. What I did was uncool, uncalled for, and I deserved to be banned.
P.S.
Haz, if you thought I would actually come back and write this entire thing and not mention you, you are getting rusty. I hate your enormous triceps, if you were really a good dude, and wanted to help the members of this board, you should consider donating some of that excess tricep of yours to KP, god knows he needs all he can get. (just joking, all in good fun).
And to all a good night
Reply With Quote
