Abused or Abandoned?

[PitMaster]

Bare with I'm in that frame of mind. I have always wondered which is the lesser of two evils.

To grow up abused by your parents or parent, which in turn makes u angry, withdrawn, untrusting. (you guys can fill in the blanks here) However else this makes u turn out I would like to hear this. I think this makes it hard to hold relationships with either sex or letting people close.

or

To not have a parent, whether it be mother or father or neither. I think in turn makes u clingy, vulnerable or easy prey. The feeling of not being loved or wanted must be damaging.

So are we better off abused or left for scrap metal?
Do u think any of this impacts u now as an adult?

Obviously no one needs to give personal exp. Views or thoughts?

[PurpleOnes]

Well I think second one is better, because abused kids have scars for life.

My parents only were together until I was 11 and then they split up, but I don't really miss my dad , because he had alcohol problems and he didn't spend much time with me.

[gbrice75]

Great topic, and I need to gather my thoughts but am interested to see what others have to say for now.

[redz]

Well I had my birth father and step father both abonded me which sucked at the time but I became more of a man for it. I always love to remind myself how much more succesful I am than they could ever be. I am not damaged, nor do I have problems because of what happend. Life happens, you can cry about it or pull your shit together and move foward which is what I chose to do.

[Shol'va]

Abandonment is by far the lessor of two evils. Abuse leaves a lifetime of scars, some that never heal and are transferred to others.

[calgarian]

how about neither?

[PitMaster]

how about neither?

I did take that into consideration but left it out to not complicate things anymore. I suppose there is less of what your talking about or it just doesn't get talked about because it didn't make enough of an impact. But that alone would have some type of repercussions to it.

I think this is a tough subject and for people not to get personal about it would make it hard to discuss. Notice I didn't list my personal exp. with it. I didn't want it to turn into a woe is me thing, I guess this might make it unavoidable.

[calgarian]

what i dont get is this............how can u abuse or abandon your own fleshing blood......i cant imagine doing it someone else child but again I wouldnt know. My childhood as pretty safe thanks to my parents. so i will just read cause i have nothing to contribute

[JiveTurkey01]

I'd have to venture to say that it does not matter what the situation is.

Yes I believe certain environments can nurture certain personality transformations later in life. But we clearly see in the real world people that are subjected to similar situations yet every person grows up into a totally different person. Like you have Oprah who was abused and went on to live a rather epic life. Than you have others who are abused and go on abusing others.

It is so relative to the persons personality and specific life experiences (other than just neglect or abuse) that to answer this question honestly, I'd have to say I simply do not know.

[Tigershark]

People who abuse kids should have a bullet put into thier head. No excuse for it ever.

[calgarian]

People who abuse kids should have a bullet put into thier head. No excuse for it ever.

i am with you there ...just make sure u chop off their nuts first.

[SexySweetheart]

I'd have to venture to say that it does not matter what the situation is.

Yes I believe certain environments can nurture certain personality transformations later in life. But we clearly see in the real world people that are subjected to similar situations yet every person grows up into a totally different person. Like you have Oprah who was abused and went on to live a rather epic life. Than you have others who are abused and go on abusing others.

It is so relative to the persons personality and specific life experiences (other than just neglect or abuse) that to answer this question honestly, I'd have to say I simply do not know.

agree with this completely.
both will leave some sort of scar and people usualy have the same type of scars but too different degrees.
from what i have seen and worked with I would pick abandonment, the kiddos that are abandoned usualy have trust issues and will do stuff too push people away/test their devotion for them/ have attatchment issues that can basicly leave them with very few people in their lives that care for them~its sad to see that what they crave most, they sabbatage cuz they would rather push a friend ect away than repeat the abandonment BUT kiddos that are abused have a whole slue off issues to work through as well as being physicaly hurt. imo

[lovbyts]

Agreed with all the above. Abandonment you can get over via rationalizing it and growing to understand why if possible. Physical abuse you never really get over, only learn to cope with it hopefully.

You also have to take into consideration people have different definitions of what abuse and abandonment is. Some people consider abuse yelling or even a spanking where others draw the line at hitting, slapping or other types of physical abuse.

Some people consider abandonment their parents not coming to plays, talent shows, baseball games etc. while others it's the mom/dad left the family with no contact or support.

It's all on perspective and just as real to each person.

[Flagg]

I believe everything in life is 100% situational, and people cannot rationalise an opinion on something they have no experience of.

It's easy for someone to say option 1/2 is more favourable than 2/1 but how would they know?

Likewise, victims of 1 would say 1 is worse, where as victims of 2 would say 2 is worse.

You're looking at physical abuse versus mental abuse. Neglect/Abandomnent is a type of abuse in itself.

It's a shitty world, and when you hear about parents harming/neglecting their own children, it only reaffirms that people are shit.