My 16 year old daughter needs help

[Flier]

From childhood, she has always been just a little bigger than "normal".
Maybe a little belly, maybe a little waist, a little on the butt.
Cold be hidden with clothes, but made her embarrassed in a bikini.
Made her very self conscious, trying to hide her belly with her arms sitting down.

She started enjoying dance a few years ago, and now with a dance group and competing. Working out like crazy for the past year....but still, a bit chunky.

I really don´t understand, almost like she lived a secret life, eating snicker bars at night. Because as much as she worked out, she should be skinny.

I am a single Dad, and very fit myself, but I work out every day (6'4"/240lbs/14BF)
I am terrible in the kitchen, don´t make dinners, but we don´t have junk in the house.

She is 5'9"/150 lbs. But big boned, wide shoulders.
I think she could easily loose 10 lbs and be healthy.

She just started a dance college, jazz, ballet etc.
Tight clothes. She feels very bad about herself.
I need to help her, it´s affecting her self image, and her life.

My suggestion:
Eat every 3-4 hours.
Breakfast: 2 sandwiches w/deli meat, or whole grain cereal, or banana w/cottege cheese, maybe coupled with one of my shakes?

Lunchat school), a meal consisting of the same as breakfast.

After school no more bread or milk products....right?
No cottage cheese, milk, yoghurt etc

After school snack: Soup, or salad with tuna, or chicken with rice cake, or one of my shakes?

Dinner: Here I need to step up to the plate as a father, and make a nice healthy dinner at the same time every day.
Potatoes, rice, or pasta, with chicken, fish or meat, with a good portion of different veggies.

Evening snack: No carbs. Piece of leftover meat and veggie from dinner, a fish cake on rice bread, or one of my Casein shakes?


What about my shakes? Can they add/supplement her diet? Replace a meal?
I use different shakes, right now Muscle Milk.
What about a protein bar?

Thanks a lot. We are starting this new process today.
For dinner I will make Pesto Pasta with grilled Salmon, and cherry tomatoes on the side.

[SlimmerMe]

Thinking......going to get a cup of coffee....

[Flier]

Thank you.
A little background.
I´ve had har by myself since she was 6 (10 years)
SO this is obviously my fault.
I love cabinet foods, and I am a big snacker.
Got pretty fat myself 4 years ago, when I said enuff is enuff, and hit the gym. Went from 28BF to 12.

She says she spend a lot of time every morning picking clothes that makes her look skinnier and covers her belly.
She says her friends have always been skinnier than her.
Her main concern is her waist..
It makes her very unhappy, and she cries herself to sleep many nights.
At 16, she also gets self conscious bc of boys.
Besides her 10lbs too much...maybe 15, she is gorgeous, seriously. Half Scandinavian half Persian.
....but she don´t feel pretty.
I am taking her for counseling, re other issues....lack of Mom, self worth issues..etc.

[gbrice75]

Have you ever had her thyroid checked? I suggest she have full blood work and hormone panel completed asap if not... she may have an issue that diet alone cannot fix. I hope not, but just saying, it's a possibility.

Good luck, keep us posted.

[SlimmerMe]

From childhood, she has always been just a little bigger than "normal".
Maybe a little belly, maybe a little waist, a little on the butt.
Cold be hidden with clothes, but made her embarrassed in a bikini.
Made her very self conscious, trying to hide her belly with her arms sitting down.

She started enjoying dance a few years ago, and now with a dance group Very good and competing. Working out like crazy for the past year....but still, a bit chunky.

I really don´t understand, almost like she lived a secret life, eating snicker bars at night. She isn't the first Because as much as she worked out, she should be skinny.

I am a single Dad, and very fit myself, but I work out every day (6'4"/240lbs/14BF)
I am terrible in the kitchen, don´t make dinners, but we don´t have junk in the house.

She is 5'9"/150 lbs. But big boned, wide shoulders.
I think she could easily loose 10 lbs and be healthy.

She just started a dance college, jazz, ballet etc.
Tight clothes. She feels very bad about herself.
I need to help her, it´s affecting her self image, and her life. This is tough at 16

My suggestion:
Eat every 3-4 hours.
Breakfast: 2 sandwiches w/deli meat, or whole grain cereal, or banana w/cottege cheese, maybe coupled with one of my shakes? deli meat and bread? nope! For a quick meal how about just plain old fashioned oatmeal with some berries or find some Kashi GoLean with skim milk and a banana or Oat pancakes and make a big batch for later ( will give recipe)

Lunchat school), a meal consisting of the same as breakfast. This will be worked on as the thread continues for choices at school or can she pack something?

After school no more bread or milk products....right?
No cottage cheese, milk, yoghurt etc FF cottage cheese would be fine late at night and there is a recipe for an ice-cream dessert which has been pre-approved by Gbrice in the recipe section... I would add the link but will slow down this thread
After school snack: Soup, or salad with tuna, or chicken with rice cake, or one of my shakes? what kind of soup? and what shake? Want to make sure low to no sugar and not something loaded with calories

Dinner: Here I need to step up to the plate as a father, and make a nice healthy dinner at the same time every day.
Potatoes, rice, or pasta, with chicken, fish or meat, with a good portion of different veggies. NO pasta for her at this point as it will sit in her tummy and hips and not a good thing

Evening snack: No carbs. Piece of leftover meat and veggie from dinner, a fish cake on rice bread, or one of my Casein shakes?
will come up with some dinners specifically


What about my shakes? Can they add/supplement her diet? Replace a meal?
I use different shakes, right now Muscle Milk.
What about a protein bar? Depends on the brand. I use Cliff Builder as it seems to be a better choice but try to limit them

Thanks a lot. We are starting this new process today.
For dinner I will make Pesto Pasta with grilled Salmon, and cherry tomatoes on the side.LEAVE out the pasta and keep to the salmon and tomatoes

Oh FLier....I hear ya. And my heart goes out to a 16 yr old girl. That is such a tough time especially since all the girls compare themselves to magazines and each other CONSTANTLY. And the skinny size 00 seems to be the goal when in fact sometimes a dangerous goal. Is she a skinny fat? Does she have tone? I know a girl at the gym who is 5'5" and weighs 140 and she is darn right skinny. And wears a size 2 even at 140. And your daughter is 5'9" which tells me if she is chunky then more than likely not tight and toned.

Let's try to get her to find foods which she will like to eat. Foods which are good for her and easy for you both. This is a lifestyle change for you both it seems as you try to change habits of just grabbing something to eat. I understand the sneak eating. This is very typical especially for 16. Many do it. And the sugar high is making it worse. Been there done that. Again, we need to find something else like Almonds or sunflower seeds. SOmething for her to snack on which will not spike her insulin.

Have you read my thread? I bet if you would read it front to back you would see my challenge of trying to change my habits and the help I got to tweak along the way. Plus you can get some food ideas. Like picking Greek non-fat plain yogurt for the yogurt choice. My first log had Dannon and I got creamed for it not knowing about the Greek yogurt. It is the little things like this which will add up or down. Plus the Oat pancake recipe. I can tell you this. If it were not for the pancakes? I would not be where I am today. They taste just fine and are easy to make and made with all pre-approved foods and will keep her energy up for hours.

I hope some of this helps. To be continued.....

[JohnnyVegas]

This thread is going in a good direction. As someone with body image issues, I totally understand her not feeling pretty. That is the main reason I once lost 75 pounds (although I over did it). It takes not only work, but knowledge. There are a lot of books available, but I have read many of them and find them to be complicated in order to try and suit peoples tastes and need for food to be exciting.

The nutrition advice you will get here will be more simple, and if she (and maybe you) can stick with some repetition, she will probably be able to make great strides. Once the plan starts to work, it is easier to keep going.

Maybe someone here can get you started with figuring out her lean body mass, and an approximate calorie maintenance amount so you can compare the number of calories she eats to the amount she is currently eating. Eating a few hundred calories less than maintenance should result in gradual, healthy weight loss.

Having her blood work done (mentioned above) will let you know if you are dealing with a tougher problem.

[SexySweetheart]

I think your on track with Therapy as well. She maybe self-sabotaging and not be fully aware of it.
D ont
E ven
N otice
I
A m
L ying
Loss of a parent in any situation effects kids so deeply in such a varied of ways, its prob leaking into her self-esteem/eating habits.
She is a very lucky girl to have a daddy that is concerned, open/ looking for outside advice and taking action.
Be prepared for high emotions and keep in mind that any feelings coming out are a good sign. Getting them out/to the surface and analyzing them is a way of release and steps to freedom.

[Flier]

Very informative responses.
I will respond to the diet issues in a second, but first another post on her emotional health.

I truly, seriously trusted her.
Therefore she has had more or less free access to money, (only for the last few months after turning sixteen)
I though she was one of the "good girls".
We are very fortunate, living in the best part of town, in a very nice place, vacationing a lot, and she gets pretty much anything she wants.
People always say I spoil her.
I have always disagreed we should teach our children that life is tough, that you have to work hard for the money, once you put in your time, then you reek the rewards.
My philosophy has been, life is easy, spend money as there are more coming tomorrow, reward yourself today without "earning" it.
But my ways may have been wrong.
I have strict rules agains alcohol, sex, boys in our place when I´m gone, and we together firmly agreed on rules for when I am away, and she is home alone.
I just spent 2 weeks in Italy, and she was home alone.
She planned and executed 2 big parties, 60 people +., Guest list, All 16 year olds, lots of alcohol, several people spending the night, even boys, even in my bed. Everybody wearing shoes inside, glass breaking, vase broken, floor scratched, couch stained, black high gloss kitchen table majorly scratched, very loud music.
We just moved here, and bought all new furniture.
She was observed as "drunk", and perceived as being in the arms of some boy on the tram.
Neighbors complaining both nights threatening to call police.
She claims she just had some girlfriends over, having soda and chips, and 1 girlfriend spent the night.
She doesen´t know everything I know. I have the password (which she gave me) to her Facebook, and it´s aaaaaaall there, planned days ahead, right after I left for Italy.
This is a major betrayal, she had so much privileges and freedom based on our trust.
She has already suffered some consequences, and there will be more. I´m not mean, but her freedom will be severely restricted....for a while.
I´m waiting for her to come clean with the rest of the story...
Back to her weight issue......

[Flier]

Slim...
Oatmeal is a great idea..duh..that´s what I have every morning, why not her..
Lunch, no choices at school, we don´t have cafeterias here, so she will bring from home. Tomorrow leftover salmon and pasta from todays dinner.
So cottage cheese ok at night...ok.
My shakes are protein shakes, little to no carbs. But we will restrict to max one/day if needed to replace a meal.
No pasta?...even whole grain?
How about for sanity, pasta once per week?

Question re pasta: Just came back from 2 weeks in Italy. Why didn´t I see ONE fat Italian?

Gbrice...
Excellent call. I thought about it few months ago, then forgot.
I will call tomorrow for an appointment.

Johnny...
She is more motivated than ever due to the bodyimage issues at her new dance school.
I was afraid she is not strong enough to stick with a boring diet plan, but she came to me today and said, "Dad when are we getting started?"
And I got her started with a Pesto Pasta dish....and got flamed by Slim...
I´m just so inspired from my Italy vacation...but I´m going to limit the pasta to once per week.

Sexy...
No other comment needed than, Nail on the head, every word, exactly my thoughts.

[Flier]

Oh yes, I forgot, Slim I´ll take that pancake recipe and we´ll make it together tomorrow.

And another thing, she just spent a week in CA.
As I was moving her stuff around, I found Fatburners, Carb blockers and Nutralett shakes.
I confronted her with it when she returned.
I was not upset, but told her this is not the way to do it. We´ll do it together through healthy diet.
She also admitted she has tried dieting by starving herself.....and it kinda worked.
But I explained to her what that really does to the metabolism, and she understood.

[JohnnyVegas]

Great posts Flier. Sounds like you have a good handle on what is going on. Hopefully she doesn't believe the lies that fat burners and carb blockers allow one to lose weight without changing their eating habits. If it was true, this nation wouldn't be so pudgy.

My wife cannot come close to eating my diet either. But, your daughter isn't trying to put on a lot of muscle so I would think simple calories-in vs. calories-out would be a great start. Knowing how many calories to eat is key...and then she needs to eat less than that. Easy peasy. Yeah, I know, it isn't easy, but the concept is.

For example, here is my daily diet (without quantities since everyone is different):
Breakfast: Egg whites
Snack: Chicken, broccoli, almonds
Lunch: Chicken, brown rice, asparagus
Snack: Chicken, almonds, broccoli if I can take three portions in a day
Dinner: Fish, salad, asparagus
Snack: Protein shake or cottage cheese, almonds

I change the diet slightly every week, but I eat the same thing every day. That is the complete list. No sauces, no cheese on top, nothing.

I do 30 minutes cardio 3-5 days a week.

I lost 15 pounds of mostly fat in four weeks. I am still doing it...until I see abs.

Crap, gotta go, time for lunch. :-)

[SlimmerMe]

Oat Pancakes:

1 cup oats (just regular old fashioned oats)
1 cup egg whites (about 7 large eggs)
1 cup fat free cottage cheese (or 1% if you desire)

Splenda all you want
nutmeg, dash if you so desire
drop of vanilla, if desired
baking powder about 2 teaspoons

First: Blend the oats in a blender until real powdery (no water just blend dry )
Add all the above ingredients and blend until a good consistency for a pancake

Cook on griddle/pan which should be real hot after sprayed with Pam....and then cook like a regular pancake

TOP with:
Sugar free syrup
and banana or raspberries with a dollop of plain Greek yogurt to spread around the pancake and sprinkle some splenda on top of the yogurt
-or-
fry an egg with Pam and top your pancake with the egg

ENJOY!

MAKES 3 BIG PANCAKES! so good for 3 meals.

[SlimmerMe]

Here is what I would concentrate on for her:

For breakfast choices:
Oat pancakes
Kashi Golean cereal with skim milk and banana
Oatmeal with berries
Egg white omelet

Lunch:
tuna with lettuce tomato
caesar salad with grilled chicken
mixed greens with grilled chicken and some walnuts and strawberries
Any of above packed separately in tupperware for school

Snacks:
Almonds
sunflower seeds
Plain greek yogurt with splenda and something like blueberries and I prefer frozen blueberries to give a crunch

Dinner:
Grilled chicken
Grilled salmon
Grilled pork loin
Shrimp, lobster
all above with salad and veggies
and baked potato preferably sweet potato or rice, preferably basmati or brown

And as far as pasta and the Italians? They walk so many places plus the portions are smaller plus could just be genetics. I know it doesn't make sense. I wish!

Try to get her to pick foods she likes so she DOES NOT feel like she is on a diet. This word or mind set could set her back.
Could she do some fasted cardio? just out the door first thing for about 25 minutes? that would help knock off the BF real fast.

And as far as 16 and the party? Try to keep her new way of eating apart from her new restricted house rules since that could REALLY backfire and she could rebel and eat more just to make you mad.

And the real savior on all of this? Shakes. I have at least one a day. Sometimes even 3. They appeal to us girls in a big way. I like to put frozen raspberries ( which I blend first) in my vanilla whey and it taste just like a milk shake. And it keeps me full and energized and the pounds are still dropping off. One day I made a thread called "Pancakes and shakes! OH MY!" Every girls dream come true....

[Flier]

Here is what I would concentrate on for her:

For breakfast choices:
Oat pancakes
Kashi Golean cereal with skim milk and banana
Oatmeal with berries
Egg white omelet

Lunch:
tuna with lettuce tomato
caesar salad with grilled chicken
mixed greens with grilled chicken and some walnuts and strawberries
Any of above packed separately in tupperware for school

Snacks:
Almonds
sunflower seeds
Plain greek yogurt with splenda and something like blueberries and I prefer frozen blueberries to give a crunch

Dinner:
Grilled chicken
Grilled salmon
Grilled pork loin
Shrimp, lobster
all above with salad and veggies
and baked potato preferably sweet potato or rice, preferably basmati or brown

And as far as pasta and the Italians? They walk so many places plus the portions are smaller plus could just be genetics. I know it doesn't make sense. I wish!

Try to get her to pick foods she likes so she DOES NOT feel like she is on a diet. This word or mind set could set her back.
Could she do some fasted cardio? just out the door first thing for about 25 minutes? that would help knock off the BF real fast.

And as far as 16 and the party? Try to keep her new way of eating apart from her new restricted house rules since that could REALLY backfire and she could rebel and eat more just to make you mad.

And the real savior on all of this? Shakes. I have at least one a day. Sometimes even 3. They appeal to us girls in a big way. I like to put frozen raspberries ( which I blend first) in my vanilla whey and it taste just like a milk shake. And it keeps me full and energized and the pounds are still dropping off. One day I made a thread called "Pancakes and shakes! OH MY!" Every girls dream come true....

Awesome!

I´m gonna look through this with her tomorrow.
Its night time here.
Tomorrow I will also go shopping for the items you list. I don´t know about availability, but we should have similar ingredients.
She said she wanter meat tomorrow, so I´ll get a nice steak, with potatoes I already bought, and salad with blueberries.
I will look for Sweet potatoes.
I will propose fasted card to her, but not likely. She gets up at 7 to go to school. (I sleep till 9-10 lol). On weekends she could.
I will look more into a shake for her.
I was thinking of posting a pic, but posting a pic of my 16 year old in underwear on open forum might put me away...lol. I´ll pm one to you.
Suger free syrup, really? Sounds awful. I will look and try, but how about honey?

[SlimmerMe]

Steak sounds perfect. Forgot to list the red meat. I would stay away from anything that would spike her insulin for now and that would include honey. Hopefully you can find some sugar free syrup which is quite good and if not, order it online where it is easy to find.

And on weekends try to get her to do a fasted cardio. It doesn't have to be high intensity. Just a fast brisk walk especially since in a fasted state. Otherwise, try to get her to do some cardio later in the day as much as possible. This will help a lot. And the afternoon cardio can be higher intensity.

[benchingover500]

The thyroid suggestion is a good idea. Studies show that what the mother eats when she is pregnant has a great impact on the eating habits of the child when she is born. Aside from diet, you may just want to enroll her in something like soccer, volleyball, softball, or gymnastics. Sure it will be tough for a month or so on her, but long term it will increase her metabolism and body development.

[Flier]

The thyroid suggestion is a good idea. Studies show that what the mother eats when she is pregnant has a great impact on the eating habits of the child when she is born. Aside from diet, you may just want to enroll her in something like soccer, volleyball, softball, or gymnastics. Sure it will be tough for a month or so on her, but long term it will increase her metabolism and body development.

That is interesting, I have never heard. It makes a little sense. Maybe that is where we get our cravings from.
Her Mom, which is a health freak, was in the aerobics class into the 8´th month.
But like most pregnant women she got the craving for junkfood. Had some but I don´t think too much.

She is a dancer. Last year, hours every day + jogging 2-3 times/week. Why she didn´t loose her flab, is a mystery.
I am waiting for her to get from school, so I know when to make her doc appointment for her thyroid.
I´m hoping they find something, so we can identify a cause to this, and do something about it.
She has a friend that plays tennis every single day for as long as I known her. SHe is 16 also, and already won some FL championships. She has always been chunky, from when I first met her 10 years ago.
We had a 25 year class reunion not too long ago, and I haven´t seen hardly any of them in 25 years. Amazing, everybody had the same body composition as 25 years ago. Chunky-chunky, skinny-skinny, personalities also identical, just as when we lost touch at the age of 15, very interesting!
It´s tough to change your figure, so much DNA to overpower.

[SlimmerMe]

Do you think she is chunky and if so do you tell her she is chunky? Or does this come just from her? curious....

[RaginCajun]

That is interesting, I have never heard. It makes a little sense. Maybe that is where we get our cravings from.
Her Mom, which is a health freak, was in the aerobics class into the 8´th month.
But like most pregnant women she got the craving for junkfood. Had some but I don´t think too much.

She is a dancer. Last year, hours every day + jogging 2-3 times/week. Why she didn´t loose her flab, is a mystery.
I am waiting for her to get from school, so I know when to make her doc appointment for her thyroid.
I´m hoping they find something, so we can identify a cause to this, and do something about it.
She has a friend that plays tennis every single day for as long as I known her. SHe is 16 also, and already won some FL championships. She has always been chunky, from when I first met her 10 years ago.
We had a 25 year class reunion not too long ago, and I haven´t seen hardly any of them in 25 years. Amazing, everybody had the same body composition as 25 years ago. Chunky-chunky, skinny-skinny, personalities also identical, just as when we lost touch at the age of 15, very interesting!
It´s tough to change your figure, so much DNA to overpower.

why do you want to find something? i think that she needs to be taught this new LIFESTYLE by you and now yall can do this together. it will bring your daughter and you closer together but be careful on how you approach this. teenagers are really sensitive so presentation on this material will need to be planned out. you will really have to focus on positives and set small/reachable goals together. good luck!

[JohnnyVegas]

Awesome!

I´m gonna look through this with her tomorrow.
Its night time here.
Tomorrow I will also go shopping for the items you list. I don´t know about availability, but we should have similar ingredients.
She said she wanter meat tomorrow, so I´ll get a nice steak, with potatoes I already bought, and salad with blueberries.
I will look for Sweet potatoes.
I will propose fasted card to her, but not likely. She gets up at 7 to go to school. (I sleep till 9-10 lol). On weekends she could.
I will look more into a shake for her.
I was thinking of posting a pic, but posting a pic of my 16 year old in underwear on open forum might put me away...lol. I´ll pm one to you.
Suger free syrup, really? Sounds awful. I will look and try, but how about honey?

One concern: SlimmerMe's suggestions are full of win, but it is easy to get/stay fat on ANY diet without knowing how many calories you need. Then you can figure out quantities for the foods in her list. Same with the snacks. "Snacks" doesn't mean you can snack on them anytime and they are healthy. I have almonds three times a day as a "snack" but only 1/8 cup at a time...and I weigh almost 200 pounds.

If we don't get an approximate maintenance calorie amount, this will be frustrating for you guys. You will feel like the diet is "healthy," but eating too much will still be a definite possibility. Oftentimes people eat more when they think what they are eating is healthy.

Not trying to be a downer, I am just worried that I see lots of discussion about what kinds of foods to eat, but not how much...which is the problem. Seriously, I could lose weight eating nothing but donuts, as long as I eat less than 1,700 calories a day. Or, I could eat 3,000 calories a day of "healthy" foods and get fat.

I hope it is obvious that I very much want to help, not just be a thorn in your side.

[SlimmerMe]

Baby steps......

[JohnnyVegas]

^^^^ Gotcha!

[Flier]

Do you think she is chunky and if so do you tell her she is chunky? Or does this come just from her? curious....

I know what you´re getting at.
We have 10 years of history.
I am very conscious of what I´m saying, and always try to weigh my words.

Just had a tearful 3 hour conversation over dinner.
This is more serious than I thought.
She started "starving" herself about 6 months ago.
And she read a lot online on how do do it and trick your parents.
Like make sure you remove food from the fridge, so it looks like you´re eating.
She said our dog loved it, because he got a lot of tuna, chicken and deli meats...
But I think we caught this early, and now she is super motivated to do this the right way.
She has been dizzy, at school and at home. The dance teacher asked if she is dieting, but ofcourse she said no.
I will also have bloodwork done on her to check her Iron level. If she has been starving herself, she may be anemic.
This school is known to have anorexic girls, and at least 5-6 per class with diet issues, so the teacher knows to be on lookout for signs.
Just finished dinner, Steak, salad, and potatoes. She cut up the rest of her steak, and put it with her salad to bring for school lunch tomorrow.

To your q. Yes, I think she is chunky. Do I tell her....loaded question. I guess yes, in many ways, through the years, trying to get her to exercise with me, telling her what not to eat....etc.
But this, in my opinion comes from her, objectively.
This is what the 3 hour conversation was jut about. When it started, how bad it makes her feel, how hard she has been working to slim down. How appearance has taken control of her whole life the last year.
Do I lie to her? no. I just told her now, absolutely she should, could loose 10-15 lbs. Ofcourse she will look much better, ofcourse clothes will look much better on her. She says she hates it when people telling her she looks fine, great, don´t worry, and I know exactly what she means.
I told her, the great thing is, we can do something about this, and we will. With you guys, with the doc visit, and I´m setting her up with a personal trainer at my gym. I talked to her about fasted cardio, and she will do it fri, sat and sun.
We have a goal, not weight wise really, but to be in much better shape by Feb.
There is a big dance comp, and her whole new school will be watching.
Tomorrow morning she will be trying a oat shake that I think gbrice posted i another thread, and tomorrow I will get the ingredients for the pancakes.
There is so much more guys, but so time-consuming to type, so maybe some reading between the lines...hehe

Ragincajun.....I don´t know, would just be nice to find a cause.
Ok..diet, but other kids eat much worse than her, and are slim.
Does she have a slower metabolism? Would be nice to know.
Because of thyroid? Maybe it can be fixed.

Slim, I took pics, will send to you.

[RaginCajun]

she definitely has a slow metabolism since she was starving herself in the past so raising her metabolism up is a great starting point. get everything checked out that way yall can rule out anything, i understand what your thinking is here. i think that you have her headed in the right direction and you have to instill in her that consistency is the key to this thing, there are no shortcuts, period! i still suggest to do shorter termed goals, at least it helps me stay focused! one other thing, try to make this sound like a lifestyle, and not so much a diet, since that is ultimately what it is.

[Flier]

she definitely has a slow metabolism since she was starving herself in the past so raising her metabolism up is a great starting point. get everything checked out that way yall can rule out anything, i understand what your thinking is here. i think that you have her headed in the right direction and you have to instill in her that consistency is the key to this thing, there are no shortcuts, period! i still suggest to do shorter termed goals, at least it helps me stay focused! one other thing, try to make this sound like a lifestyle, and not so much a diet, since that is ultimately what it is.

Yes, we did talk about the lifestyle change just now.
ANd she is totally on board.
Before, when I tried to talk about this, I could see the resistance.
Now she is the one bringing it up, ready to learn, ready to exercise.
No way I could force her to do fasted cardio 6 months ago, now I can´t stop her.
And a major lifestyle change will come with her membership to the gym and personal trainer.
The age limit is 16 for a reason, but now she is there, and ready for a lifetime of different memberships, and dopamine releasing, fun fitness classes, and many satisfying hours at the machines. I started myself at 17, and weights and jogging has filled my life with tons of joy.

[RaginCajun]

Yes, we did talk about the lifestyle change just now.
ANd she is totally on board.
Before, when I tried to talk about this, I could see the resistance.
Now she is the one bringing it up, ready to learn, ready to exercise.
No way I could force her to do fasted cardio 6 months ago, now I can´t stop her.
And a major lifestyle change will come with her membership to the gym and personal trainer.
The age limit is 16 for a reason, but now she is there, and ready for a lifetime of different memberships, and dopamine releasing, fun fitness classes, and many satisfying hours at the machines. I started myself at 17, and weights and jogging has filled my life with tons of joy.

thats great news my man! i had to change my 'lifestyle', in order to get like this. wasn't too long ago i was 16 and was overweight and didn't know how to diet! i joined this board at the beginning of this year and it was the best move i have ever made.

[JohnnyVegas]

If you guys are being honest with each other, you might want to find out if she is starving herself, or if she is binging and then starving herself. Binging seems like the only way she could be starving herself AND staying heavy. Whatever your daughter might be going through, I know it sucks. It took a caring girlfriend (now wife) to pull me back from anorexia. I really hope she gets this sorted out, because self loathing and bad eating habits are all-consuming and miserable.

If she does have an eating disorder, keep your eye on her, because she is right...a lot of lying goes on.

It is great that you guys are communicating!

[SlimmerMe]

Man the plot thickens. So sorry to hear.

Also something I want to mention. Once this new program starts I suggest you honestly ask her how you are to react to her eating. In other words, you want to make sure you do not come across as a "food cop." And this means whether she is doing something good or bad. For example just saying something as simple as, " I am so happy to see you are not putting butter on your baked potato" could trigger a reaction from her even though you were complimenting her. This is going to be an emotional challenge since you will be involved. Many people who have eating disorders react to just about anything said to them when it comes to someone mentioning anything about their food choice.

Just giving you head's up so you are prepared in dealing with this. You might talk this out with her and ask her what you are to do and how involved you are supposed to be. Are you to ask her if she ate and what she ate? Are you to ask her if she was cardio? Are you to comment on anything regarding food period? And if not, then what is your role? And if actually allowed to be involved, is there some kind of wording or code you might both agree upon when mentioning something regarding food/exercise since most anything could trigger her the deeper you get into this.

I hope for both of you this does not present itself as an issue. But just warning you about this possibility.

[Flier]

If you guys are being honest with each other, you might want to find out if she is starving herself, or if she is binging and then starving herself. Binging seems like the only way she could be starving herself AND staying heavy. Whatever your daughter might be going through, I know it sucks. It took a caring girlfriend (now wife) to pull me back from anorexia. I really hope she gets this sorted out, because self loathing and bad eating habits are all-consuming and miserable.

If she does have an eating disorder, keep your eye on her, because she is right...a lot of lying goes on.

It is great that you guys are communicating!

I am pretty sure we are open and honest with each other at this point.
If you have sen what we have been through and the changes that have happened here in our house the last 2 weeks, I think you would agree.
I guess she was starving herself when I was not watching.
The time we spent together this summer, home and vacationing she was eating properly.....or as I write this, maybe not.
We are spending time in hotels, and sometimes she and friends run down for breakfast before me, and I don´t really know what she eats....and so on...
Wow...a male anorexic. I have just never heard of it. Usually we think we are too skinny. I will admit even at 250lbs during my first and last cycle this year, I kinda still thought I looked skinny....hehe. Maybe at 300lbs I would look thick enough.
A lot of lying HAS been going on, but I really think we are past it.
She put all the cards on the table yesterday, because I told her she might as well, I know everything anyway.
So she told me she has also been drinking at the parties, Smirnoff which a friend brought. But she tells me she "acts" drunk instead of being, and I believe her, and I understand. When everybody else are drinking, what u supposed to do?...be an outcast?
I´ve seen pics of her friends at dinners, they ALL....ALL have beer or those girlie drinks (smirnoff ice, zima..etc) in front of them. These girls are all 16, but they started at least 1 year ago, some 2. And I know who the early starters were.
What the fukk is wrong with parents??
This girl that brought Smirnoff to share with my daughter has always had easy access to alcohol.
"It takes a village to raise a child"....and this village is fukked up!
We do have a unique drinking culture in Scandinavia. We drink to get waisted, not to have good time.
If you vacation in Europe...Italy, France, Spain, Austria...and you hear drunken yelling, puking, singing, stumbling...I guarantee they are Scandinavians, not locals.
Like I said, I just spend 2 weeks in Italy, staying up past midnight almost every night...not one drunk person. Try the same in Scandinavia.

Man the plot thickens. So sorry to hear.

Also something I want to mention. Once this new program starts I suggest you honestly ask her how you are to react to her eating. In other words, you want to make sure you do not come across as a "food cop." And this means whether she is doing something good or bad. For example just saying something as simple as, " I am so happy to see you are not putting butter on your baked potato" could trigger a reaction from her even though you were complimenting her. This is going to be an emotional challenge since you will be involved. Many people who have eating disorders react to just about anything said to them when it comes to someone mentioning anything about their food choice.

Just giving you head's up so you are prepared in dealing with this. You might talk this out with her and ask her what you are to do and how involved you are supposed to be. Are you to ask her if she ate and what she ate? Are you to ask her if she was cardio? Are you to comment on anything regarding food period? And if not, then what is your role? And if actually allowed to be involved, is there some kind of wording or code you might both agree upon when mentioning something regarding food/exercise since most anything could trigger her the deeper you get into this.

I hope for both of you this does not present itself as an issue. But just warning you about this possibility.

I know what you mean.
I guess I have been a foodcop for years. It is very tiring when I´ve faced so much resistance. We are vacationing, and I love eating myself, trying different restaurants and foods, and I always want her to have a good time too, but it puts a damper on the mood if I have to pick her menu all the time, so I let it slide a lot.
I can not force anything. Like you say, she has to decide how much involved I should be. Thats why I love it now, that she comes to me and asks what, when, how much. I printed pretty much all in this thread to read, except for when we discus her emotional health...etc.
The same with my dog, or dogs. You have to let the dog come to you, to get acquainted. You approach the dog too abruptly, you will get bit.
I come with some careful suggestions, and watch her response. Like when I suggested gym/personal trainer. No resistance whatsoever, she immediately said yes, with some enthusiasm..

She woke me up this morning to make her the Oatmeal shake.
3/4 cup oats, half banana, 1 scoop of my Casein powder, and about 1,5 cup 1%milk (didn´t measure).
She downed it in 2 minutes, and said it tasted great.
Awkward though, I kinda felt she didn´t have a proper breakfast. But she did, right?
I´m just used to this thing about solid foods and a large breakfast since it´s the "most important meal of the day".

Gonna shop for your recipe now, and see what I find for dinner.

[RaginCajun]

that's a good enough breakfast. i would do without the milk and maybe try some almond milk (only 45 cals per serving), just to lower the sugar intake from the milk. like slim said, baby steps. see will love the oatmeal pancakes and will craving them soon. just curious, what did she take with her for the day to eat?

[Flier]

that's a good enough breakfast. i would do without the milk and maybe try some almond milk (only 45 cals per serving), just to lower the sugar intake from the milk. like slim said, baby steps. see will love the oatmeal pancakes and will craving them soon. just curious, what did she take with her for the day to eat?

Yes I forgot about the almond milk. How about Soya milk, or rice milk?
Just came from the store and got everything for the pancakes except sugarfree syrup. Hard enough to find plain syrup.
When it comes to fatfree and sugarfree stuff, US is the big consumer.
I never liked it. When I look at the ingredients of these "diet" products, they have so much crap in them to substitute for the fat or sugar. That can´t be good for us either. Butter for instance is cream and salt, but the butter substitutes has a long list of foreign substances.
How is it possible to extract the sugar from syrup?

She brought the leftover from her steak last night, on top of salad.

Making dinner now. Chicken with Risotto and salad.

[SlimmerMe]

then if you can't find the sugar free you could order it should you so desire or just add some plain greek yogurt with some sugar free sprinkled on top to spread around the pancake and it will mimic whipped cream! I like Chobani if you can find it....

I hear ya on the artificial sweeteners but the alternative is an insulin spike which we want to avoid at all cost for now. Getting the sweet tooth to go away is paramount. I have an entire thread about my incidents...I will find for you and post so you can print it out for her.

[Flier]

then if you can't find the sugar free you could order it should you so desire or just add some plain greek yogurt with some sugar free sprinkled on top to spread around the pancake and it will mimic whipped cream! I like Chobani if you can find it....

I hear ya on the artificial sweeteners but the alternative is an insulin spike which we want to avoid at all cost for now. Getting the sweet tooth to go away is paramount. I have an entire thread about my incidents...I will find for you and post so you can print it out for her.

I actually found the greek yogurt, amazing.
What´s the deal with the greek yogurt? I guess just less sugar than other yogurts?

I got some honey to use instead of syrup, which I always use when I´m in the US having my Belgian Waffles...mmmm
But I guess the honey would be bad then? Even for breakfast?
We will try without.

We don´t have time to make the waffles tonight, so we´ll prepare the mixer instead with the oats, half banana, some blueberries, and a scoop casein tonight, so all she has to do tomorrow is to add the milk, and breakfast will be ready in 1 minute. She can ofcourse try with water instead.

[SlimmerMe]

I actually found the greek yogurt, amazing.
What´s the deal with the greek yogurt? I guess just less sugar than other yogurts?

I got some honey to use instead of syrup, which I always use when I´m in the US having my Belgian Waffles...mmmm
But I guess the honey would be bad then? Even for breakfast?
We will try without.

We don´t have time to make the waffles tonight, so we´ll prepare the mixer instead with the oats, half banana, some blueberries, and a scoop casein tonight, so all she has to do tomorrow is to add the milk, and breakfast will be ready in 1 minute. She can ofcourse try with water instead.

much higher protein and a lot less sugar...that is if PLAIN which is important. Then you add what you want if she wants some berries. Fage is also a great brand.

Sounding better and better....but please watch the honey as we want to keep her sweets down to avoid the spike

[JohnnyVegas]

I am pretty sure we are open and honest with each other at this point.
If you have sen what we have been through and the changes that have happened here in our house the last 2 weeks, I think you would agree.
I guess she was starving herself when I was not watching.
The time we spent together this summer, home and vacationing she was eating properly.....or as I write this, maybe not.
We are spending time in hotels, and sometimes she and friends run down for breakfast before me, and I don´t really know what she eats....and so on...
Wow...a male anorexic. I have just never heard of it. Usually we think we are too skinny. I will admit even at 250lbs during my first and last cycle this year, I kinda still thought I looked skinny....hehe. Maybe at 300lbs I would look thick enough.
A lot of lying HAS been going on, but I really think we are past it.
She put all the cards on the table yesterday, because I told her she might as well, I know everything anyway.

Believe it or not, there are a LOT of male anorexics.

Communication is important. My wife was supportive of me not eating because she knew I had lost 70 pounds and tend to have an "over-do it, or don't do it" mentality. She became nervous when I was finally honest about taking laxatives any time I ate more than a few bites of food. I was 160 pounds and still losing pretty fast...and thought I was still fat. I was unhealthy and she started to realize that. She really helped a lot after that, mostly with support rather than being bossy (which I don't respond to). Eating was a challenge for a while, but then I over did it the other way and started eating too much. Obviously my relationship with food is a mess, but getting back into the gym last December (six years off from a back injury) brought stability back into my life.

I hope you daughter gets that stability. She will be so much happier.

[SlimmerMe]

If indeed sugar is a big issue for her then hopefully this thread will help.....I just re-read it and man I was on a roll.....

http://forums.steroid.com/showthread...=#.TpZHaxw0i6Y

[Flier]

Believe it or not, there are a LOT of male anorexics.

Communication is important. My wife was supportive of me not eating because she knew I had lost 70 pounds and tend to have an "over-do it, or don't do it" mentality. She became nervous when I was finally honest about taking laxatives any time I ate more than a few bites of food. I was 160 pounds and still losing pretty fast...and thought I was still fat. I was unhealthy and she started to realize that. She really helped a lot after that, mostly with support rather than being bossy (which I don't respond to). Eating was a challenge for a while, but then I over did it the other way and started eating too much. Obviously my relationship with food is a mess, but getting back into the gym last December (six years off from a back injury) brought stability back into my life.

I hope you daughter gets that stability. She will be so much happier.

Informative post. I´m gonna let her read it.

Oatmeal shake for breakfast again today. (2/3 cup oatmeal, half banana, some strawberries, some cinnamon, 1 scoop Casein, mixed with water....I think, I was sleeping)
Don´t know what she took for lunch.
This shake is really working, awesome, it even tastes good, and so fast to prepare and drink.
I think we will order Sushi for dinner today, she asked yesterday. When in the US, we probably have Sushi 3-4 times/week, Lunch or dinner.

Long talk yesterday. I explained our joint efforts towards a new healthy lifestyle is apart from her new restricted life as a result of the broken trust from throwing parties, drinking alcohol, and a dozen other things she did against our house rules.
You will think I am way too tough on her, but hard to explain a relationship 16 years evolving.
She is not to go to any parties again until 18. (1,5 years from now).
What she is to do now, is school, dance, and home where she will do homework, take care of the dog and herself. Not one of her friends that attended her parties, are to set foot in my house again. She can see her friends during the day, cafe, park whatever.
Tough, but "out there" in "real life", if you lie and manipulate, you loose friends, you loose jobs, you loose your partner. Better learn at 16, when you make a choice, that choice has consequences. Everytime any of us are facing a choice, that choice will lead us down 2 different paths, we will only experience 1 of them. Which one do we choose?
Life becomes easier, in my mind, if we become amateur visionaries, the ability to view the paths and see the end result of our choice.
....ah ranting...sorry...lol

[GirlyGymRat]

she should be thankful to have you as a dad. that fact that you care enough to get involved.

as for your daughter...she can do this...I was never "thin" always muscular....until I hit mid 30's and then had a string of really bad luck - several surgerys, mulliple car accidents, slip and fell down the stairs........all on top of a stressful job. after 9 years of all this bad stuff happening to me I seemed to settle into the 165 - 170 range. but last year, in NOvember, I decided I needed to make a change and lost 35 pounds in 5 months...and been keeing it off. I am so happy, feel SOOOOOO much better and can't ever imagine gaining it back!!!! Once she starts eating better, she'll be feeling very proud of herself. Wishing you and her the best!!!!

[Flier]

she should be thankful to have you as a dad. that fact that you care enough to get involved.

as for your daughter...she can do this...I was never "thin" always muscular....until I hit mid 30's and then had a string of really bad luck - several surgerys, mulliple car accidents, slip and fell down the stairs........all on top of a stressful job. after 9 years of all this bad stuff happening to me I seemed to settle into the 165 - 170 range. but last year, in NOvember, I decided I needed to make a change and lost 35 pounds in 5 months...and been keeing it off. I am so happy, feel SOOOOOO much better and can't ever imagine gaining it back!!!! Once she starts eating better, she'll be feeling very proud of herself. Wishing you and her the best!!!!

Thanks a lot, and congrats to you!
Had a long talk to my GF yesterday, and she kinda set me straight.
I´ve been too tough on my daughter re her 2 parties while I was gone.
I´ve been furious, and as a result, cold. Cold is not good nomatter how furious we are. Furious/Anger comes from the mind, not the heart.
Ego speaks from the mind, Love speaks from the heart. And I have for years practiced differentiating, so I know.
I´ll have a talk with her from my heart today, which I haven´t in about 3 weeks.

[Flier]

Re. her morning Oatmeal shake, which she has been having for 3 weeks now.
Does she really need the scoop of Casein?
She does 3/4 cup oats, Casein, half banana, some blueberries, cinnamon, mixed with water.
Without the Casein she does not get much protein in the morning, but does it matter?
She´s after all not trying to put on muscle, only to loose fat.