Divorce help!

[firmechicano831]

So I've been married to my wife for two years now. She's stopped working out, getting ready to look good and many things. I no longer have any feelings for her or love. I haven't talked to her about it yet but just wondering if anyone has gone thru this already?

[xelnaga]

I hope the first 3 reasons you mentioned aren't your top 3 reasons for wanting a divorce.

[firmechicano831]

I no longer love her. I get home and we longer talk, she goes upstairs and I stay down stairs.

[xelnaga]

Do you have kids?

[FONZY007]

Damn maybe you need to talk her... She can always get into shape bro...

[firmechicano831]

no kids, I've tried everything in the books Fonzy. She was 140 pounds when we met, now at 180.

[Hazard]

You definately should talk to her..... tell her how you feel. Find out if she even loves you anymore.... if it's mutual - do the damn thing. If she's still in love..... maybe some counceling would benefit..... maybe not.

~Haz~

[xelnaga]

no kids, I've tried everything in the books Fonzy. She was 140 pounds when we met, now at 180.

My boy and I were hashing this one out the other night at chipotle mexican grill. He has a girl friend that packed on 20lbs after they started dating. He's tried every kosher nice guy way of communicating his feelings about her endless bulking diet. Eventually he decided to just be honest and tell her that it was becoming an issue. She flipped and they basically fight about it as a matter of habit now. We made a few conclusions during this conversation. First, that you can't force someone to care about their appearance. Second, if they are willing to get fat, they are willing to get even fatter. Third, they would rather argue about you noticing they are fat than try to lose it.

[SexySweetheart]

20 or 40 lbs isnt much ... most gals do gain when they feel safe and secure in a relationship (guys too for that matter) from a girls point a view I can say she probly was hurt and so got angry ( in her mid) that you only care about what she looks like, not who she is... and this can back fire ~ she may have an F-U attidute gain more lbs to see if you do only care about her being your arm candy, or she may have a I'LL SHOW HIM responce and loose lbs

I would consider not talking to her further...you made it clear to her already regardless of what or how you told her (believe me it registered to her....and the friends she b!tching about you too lol)

now if you think its JUST the pounds take action...become a personal trainer to your tuffest client (someone that doesnt want your help lol)
only buy healthy food for the house, eat out at only healthy places, work out and encourage her to join, point out every timy acomplishment she makes with much praise and happyness...and the tuffest part, take NO actions that would sabbatage her sucess. thats all you can realy do, the rest is up to her.

if you dont love her, please dont make her feel bad about herself or body.
you may not want her, but I can promis you 15 + other guys will chase her regardless ...so cut her loose and let her find love and be charished by a man that will adore HER and find her curves sexy and let her be happy.... and you

[FONZY007]

My wife was 128 and now is a little thicker but it doesn't bother me.. I didn't marry her just based off her looks plus she gave me a babygirl how can I not expect her to gain weight?

I love her no less honestly

[lovbyts]

Do everything you can to get her to get a full hormonal panel done and see if there isnt something wrong she doesnt realize. Many women suffer from hormone issues just like or worse than us guys who go through Low T.

[SexySweetheart]

btw.... for gals, weight gain is not always about not caring about what you look like... 1 in almost 3 girls are sexually abused or molested in life ~and weight gain is a subconscious defense of keeping predator’s away

It’s known that victims tend to gain weight when in relationships almost as a weird way of reassuring themselves that the spouse loves THEM not just the body they want to use... it’s a pretty efficient survival defense mechanism actually when ya think about it. They are not aware they do this but it happens.
So maybe understanding would go further than disgust....just sayin

[xelnaga]

btw.... for gals, weight gain is not always about not caring about what you look like... 1 in almost 3 girls are sexually abused or molested in life ~and weight gain is a subconscious defense of keeping predator’s away

It’s known that victims tend to gain weight when in relationships almost as a weird way of reassuring themselves that the spouse loves THEM not just the body they want to use... it’s a pretty efficient survival defense mechanism actually when ya think about it. They are not aware they do this but it happens.
So maybe understanding would go further than disgust....just sayin

I've read about this phenomenon. Typically the weight gain takes place during or shortly after the abuse. However, the victim may prefer to maintain an "unappealing" physique through the rest of her life.

[Razor]

Im never getting married again

[xelnaga]

Another possible phenomenon is once a person knows they are in a solid relationship they no longer feel the need to worry about their appearance.

[Razor]

Another possible phenomenon is once a person knows they are in a solid relationship they no longer feel the need to worry about their appearance.

Ever see those really fat women with skinny stick dudes?

[xelnaga]

Ever see those really fat women with skinny stick dudes?

Lol. Who can afford to pay for 2 bulking diets at a time. One of them has to cut.

[Razor]

Lol. Who can afford to pay for 2 bulking diets at a time. One of them has to cut.

I throw up in my mouth when I see that and cry a tear for that guy....if only he looked at the mom b4 marrying her

[DSM4Life]

Divorce for 40lbs and they say gays will ruin marriage !

[SEOINAGE]

Any marriage can lose a little bit of its excitement, that's why unless both of you are willing to work really hard at it it won't work. More than likely you need to start making things more interesting, if not romantic, do something exciting and fun more often. I know how you feel, and many others have been through similar things. But I'm guessing if you got a divorce, you would have some excitement for a while being a bachelor then eventually marry again, and then a couple years later go through the same thing. you need to talk to her about your feelings not being as strong for her, she might flip but if you are willing to work on it and say you want a stronger relationship it can only get better with communication. I would read some books, and figure out how to complement each other and make it interesting.

[gixxerboy1]

there is a weight limit in my pre-nup

[lovbyts]

there is a weight limit in my pre-nup

I have a better pre nup than you.
1st wife is deceased. We were getting divorced
2nd wife is deceased. We got divorced
3rd, do you really want a divorce????

[Hazard]

I have a better pre nup than you.
1st wife is deceased. We were getting divorced
2nd wife is deceased. We got divorced
3rd, do you really want a divorce????

You're even too scarey for DSM

~Haz~

[lovbyts]

Scary part is factually it's all true

[spywizard]

You no longer "feel" that you are in love with her..

another reason i always suggest that men wait to age 30 to get married for the 1st time..

In your case, i'd suggest that divorce is the perfect solution, and please go get a vasectomy, (it can be reversed later) many men go through a stage where "they" are more important than anything else, and thus need to have the ability to explore who and what they are..

In your wife's case, you need to tell her that the two of you no longer have anything in common, and you are no longer willing to keep taking advantage of her since there isn't a future..Now the issue she will have is divorce is seen as a "failure", and it is, but people get divorced later in life because of what you are going through, they no longer want to be in the situation that they are in..

good luck

[JD250]

As always....S4MS has given some good insight into a womans heart and mind. After 2 years you're ready to divorce her because she put on weight and doesn't seem social to you......sorry bro but that is a poor excuse for a commitment. I've been married for nearly 27 years and if that was the worst thing we ever had to deal with in that time I would stand on the street corner and shout out to everyone that I had the PERFECT life. And if you really want to hear some interesting shit you could listen to my wifes side of the story, and I'm sure your wife could tell us about YOU and your little problems too, yes? My point is that you need to be serious about your marriage and act like a man not a little boy, look at YOURSELF first.

I'm gonna tell you the one thing that drastically changed my marriage, after years of partying and working too much and being an asshole to her and being unfaithful I found myself feeling the same way, there was no lost love between us, how do you suppose she felt? I made up my mind that at any cost I would TREAT HER LIKE THE WOMAN I WANTED HER TO BE. I didn't say I would treat her the way I felt she deserved or the way I wanted to because we weren't in love or the way my pride wanted me to treat her, I treat her exactly the way I would treat THE PERFECT WIFE. It freakin sucked!! But I did it anyway and after a while I started seeing changes in her and in me, after a year we actually found that we loved each other as much as we did when we started this venture, after a couple years we are more in love than ever, we communicate well, we are on the same page about most things in life and there are no more anger driven fights in this house.


She took it upon herself to get in shape!!! I said NOTHING about it!! She walks several miles, she lifts weights, she does all sorts of cardio, she trys to eat right and I can tell you with a great deal of certainty that she feels GREAT about herself, not just because of the exercise, she exercises because she felt good about herself which is the result of the effort we both put into our relationship.......which brings me back to my point......I was the one who put my pride on the shelf and took the initial actions, someone has to be the first and guess what bro.....you got the testicles so act like it, any little boy can throw a fit because things arent perfect at home but it takes a man to make an honest effort to correct it.


I'm sure you'll recieve all sorts of "manly" advice about getting rid of her and a whole raft of other useless shit that will serve you poorly throughout your entire life but I'm not gonna pull punches on this one. You've only been together 2 years, I've got underwear older than that for christ sake. If you married her because you loved her than stop being a whiner, let your guard down a little, put your pride on the shelf and go make an honest effort to correct the thing that is wrong between you and you sweetheart.


I'm not saying you need to be a spineless worm and grovel at her feet in fact I'm saying the exact opposite, reach down in your shorts and see if you still have a set, if you do go and start acting like it. There is no guarentee that anything will change but dammit as a man you ought to sleep better at night for the rest of your days knowing that you did everything in your power to make it work. If you root around and dont find any cojones then cut her free so she doesn't have to suffer through life with someone who doesn't have balls or love her anymore.

Take it for what it's worth but I like what Ziggler says "you can't argue with success" success can be interpreted in many ways, you can succeed in saving your marriage.....you can succeed in doing your absolute best at trying.......and you can succeed in fvcking it up royally........it's your choice.

[Honkey_Kong]

OP, if you don't love her, there is no saving the marriage. I suggest you get a good family law attorney. She can easily take you to the cleaners. You want to protect your assets and future earnings. Vagina money is no joke. She can easily get a judge to rule that you'll be paying a lot for that pu$sy you used to be fvcking.

But you know why divorces are so expensive? They're worth it.

[SexySweetheart]

As always....S4MS has given some good insight into a womans heart and mind. After 2 years you're ready to divorce her because she put on weight and doesn't seem social to you......sorry bro but that is a poor excuse for a commitment. I've been married for nearly 27 years and if that was the worst thing we ever had to deal with in that time I would stand on the street corner and shout out to everyone that I had the PERFECT life. And if you really want to hear some interesting shit you could listen to my wifes side of the story, and I'm sure your wife could tell us about YOU and your little problems too, yes? My point is that you need to be serious about your marriage and act like a man not a little boy, look at YOURSELF first.

I'm gonna tell you the one thing that drastically changed my marriage, after years of partying and working too much and being an asshole to her and being unfaithful I found myself feeling the same way, there was no lost love between us, how do you suppose she felt? I made up my mind that at any cost I would TREAT HER LIKE THE WOMAN I WANTED HER TO BE. I didn't say I would treat her the way I felt she deserved or the way I wanted to because we weren't in love or the way my pride wanted me to treat her, I treat her exactly the way I would treat THE PERFECT WIFE. It freakin sucked!! But I did it anyway and after a while I started seeing changes in her and in me, after a year we actually found that we loved each other as much as we did when we started this venture, after a couple years we are more in love than ever, we communicate well, we are on the same page about most things in life and there are no more anger driven fights in this house.


She took it upon herself to get in shape!!! I said NOTHING about it!! She walks several miles, she lifts weights, she does all sorts of cardio, she trys to eat right and I can tell you with a great deal of certainty that she feels GREAT about herself, not just because of the exercise, she exercises because she felt good about herself which is the result of the effort we both put into our relationship.......which brings me back to my point......I was the one who put my pride on the shelf and took the initial actions, someone has to be the first and guess what bro.....you got the testicles so act like it, any little boy can throw a fit because things arent perfect at home but it takes a man to make an honest effort to correct it.


I'm sure you'll recieve all sorts of "manly" advice about getting rid of her and a whole raft of other useless shit that will serve you poorly throughout your entire life but I'm not gonna pull punches on this one. You've only been together 2 years, I've got underwear older than that for christ sake. If you married her because you loved her than stop being a whiner, let your guard down a little, put your pride on the shelf and go make an honest effort to correct the thing that is wrong between you and you sweetheart.


I'm not saying you need to be a spineless worm and grovel at her feet in fact I'm saying the exact opposite, reach down in your shorts and see if you still have a set, if you do go and start acting like it. There is no guarentee that anything will change but dammit as a man you ought to sleep better at night for the rest of your days knowing that you did everything in your power to make it work. If you root around and dont find any cojones then cut her free so she doesn't have to suffer through life with someone who doesn't have balls or love her anymore.

Take it for what it's worth but I like what Ziggler says "you can't argue with success" success can be interpreted in many ways, you can succeed in saving your marriage.....you can succeed in doing your absolute best at trying.......and you can succeed in fvcking it up royally........it's your choice.

a rear serious post from you lol, but BRILLANT!
whats in bold: I LOVE THIS!
I actualy 1st heard it from some marriage counselor on a TV show years ago... (it works with kids too) or anyone for that matter. sound advise IMO

[warchild]

alot of these responses are giving advice on how to fix the marriage. maybe they jumped into it and made a mistake and its over cus the marriage is not working. id say talk to your wife and see where she is at with the marriage. if its over and you both agree get divorced. why live unhappy?

[JD250]

^^^ that's a possibility too. And good advice, go talk to her and make an effort to understand what has happened. I do feel the reasons given are petty though.



S4MS.....Thanks, I appreciate that! I do joke around about grabbing boobies and dry humping sometimes and I always hope people see that it's a joke but I can't watch a 2 year marriage be thrown a way over nothing, I truly hope they can work it out, we all have issues but I can't imagine not having a loving wife by my side at this point in life. I wish the OP the very best, even if I came across as harsh. And I know that you and several others feel somewhat the same way about it.

[JD250]

And one more thing S4MS, I appreciate when you and some of the other gals post in these threads, I think that stuff is GOLD, anytime I get a glimpse into what a women thinks about any given situation I pay attention and see if there is something that I've been missing in my relationship with my wife. It's like having the answers to a test.

[SexySweetheart]

"anytime I get a glimpse into what a women thinks about any given situation I pay attention and see if there is something that I've been missing in my relationship with my wife. It's like having the answers to a test "

hahahahahahaa

well I hope your wifey feels the same and doesnt tell you one day "wth are you doing! you better stop listening to other peoles advice cuz your p!ssing me off" lol

[supersize me]

Divorce for 40lbs and they say gays will ruin marriage !

Hahaha. So true.

[havehotasianwife]

I throw up in my mouth when I see that and cry a tear for that guy....if only he looked at the mom b4 marrying her

i looked at my wifes mom before getting married..... yup,, im set... (mom is on the right in green shirt)

[ghettoboyd]

As always....S4MS has given some good insight into a womans heart and mind. After 2 years you're ready to divorce her because she put on weight and doesn't seem social to you......sorry bro but that is a poor excuse for a commitment. I've been married for nearly 27 years and if that was the worst thing we ever had to deal with in that time I would stand on the street corner and shout out to everyone that I had the PERFECT life. And if you really want to hear some interesting shit you could listen to my wifes side of the story, and I'm sure your wife could tell us about YOU and your little problems too, yes? My point is that you need to be serious about your marriage and act like a man not a little boy, look at YOURSELF first.

I'm gonna tell you the one thing that drastically changed my marriage, after years of partying and working too much and being an asshole to her and being unfaithful I found myself feeling the same way, there was no lost love between us, how do you suppose she felt? I made up my mind that at any cost I would TREAT HER LIKE THE WOMAN I WANTED HER TO BE. I didn't say I would treat her the way I felt she deserved or the way I wanted to because we weren't in love or the way my pride wanted me to treat her, I treat her exactly the way I would treat THE PERFECT WIFE. It freakin sucked!! But I did it anyway and after a while I started seeing changes in her and in me, after a year we actually found that we loved each other as much as we did when we started this venture, after a couple years we are more in love than ever, we communicate well, we are on the same page about most things in life and there are no more anger driven fights in this house.


She took it upon herself to get in shape!!! I said NOTHING about it!! She walks several miles, she lifts weights, she does all sorts of cardio, she trys to eat right and I can tell you with a great deal of certainty that she feels GREAT about herself, not just because of the exercise, she exercises because she felt good about herself which is the result of the effort we both put into our relationship.......which brings me back to my point......I was the one who put my pride on the shelf and took the initial actions, someone has to be the first and guess what bro.....you got the testicles so act like it, any little boy can throw a fit because things arent perfect at home but it takes a man to make an honest effort to correct it.


I'm sure you'll recieve all sorts of "manly" advice about getting rid of her and a whole raft of other useless shit that will serve you poorly throughout your entire life but I'm not gonna pull punches on this one. You've only been together 2 years, I've got underwear older than that for christ sake. If you married her because you loved her than stop being a whiner, let your guard down a little, put your pride on the shelf and go make an honest effort to correct the thing that is wrong between you and you sweetheart.


I'm not saying you need to be a spineless worm and grovel at her feet in fact I'm saying the exact opposite, reach down in your shorts and see if you still have a set, if you do go and start acting like it. There is no guarentee that anything will change but dammit as a man you ought to sleep better at night for the rest of your days knowing that you did everything in your power to make it work. If you root around and dont find any cojones then cut her free so she doesn't have to suffer through life with someone who doesn't have balls or love her anymore.

Take it for what it's worth but I like what Ziggler says "you can't argue with success" success can be interpreted in many ways, you can succeed in saving your marriage.....you can succeed in doing your absolute best at trying.......and you can succeed in fvcking it up royally........it's your choice.

bravo man bravo!!!and well said...our backstorys about marrige are quite simmilar...my marrige now is better than ever as well...but op man seriously your ready to call it quits after two years?...its a shame now that people treat marrigle like dateting...

[havehotasianwife]

bravo man bravo!!!and well said...our backstorys about marrige are quite simmilar...my marrige now is better than ever as well...but op man seriously your ready to call it quits after two years?...its a shame now that people treat marrigle like dateting...

your awesome. im pretty sure it cant be said better than you just did

[Honkey_Kong]

bravo man bravo!!!and well said...our backstorys about marrige are quite simmilar...my marrige now is better than ever as well...but op man seriously your ready to call it quits after two years?...its a shame now that people treat marrigle like dateting...

Marriage in today's world is just like when you "go steady" in high school. But in all seriousness, there really isn't any benefit TO get married, much less staying married (especially when he doesn't love her and there are no kids involved).

[FONZY007]

Another possible phenomenon is once a person knows they are in a solid relationship they no longer feel the need to worry about their appearance.

True that lol

[JD250]

hahahahahahaa

well I hope your wifey feels the same and doesnt tell you one day "wth are you doing! you better stop listening to other peoles advice cuz your p!ssing me off" lol

LOL, you know it really wouldn't make any difference to her, I'm totally honest with her and let her know everything, even if I took bad advice that pissed her off a little she would still get all mushy because she loves the effort that I put into her and our relationship and quite honestly I enjoy doing it because she's worth it. Besides, you gals never give bad advice, do you?

[Schmidty]

i dont beleive in divorce. When you say till death do we part then you should mean it. Then again im not married and never have been. But I dont think people just fall out of love, it doesnt just happen like that. One of you(doesnt matter who) quit trying to reach out and communicate with the other for what ever reason and its gone on long enough that you feel so distant that you want a divorce. What happened in the past 2 years to make you feel in love to not? aside from 40lbs. Im a prick and will tell any girl i hate fat and fat people gross me out, it just sows how much one cares for about there body and self and if you dont care about your own body and self then how can you about sumbody else? I hope things work out for you both and end up happy one way or the other