The odd one

[PrinceofSpoons]

First of all, I didn't know where to post this. I'm male, but my body didn't get the memo. I'm a female-to-male transgender, pre-hormones, pre-surgery, that wishes to gradually transition while waiting for the shrink to call back. So, yes, boys, that's pretty odd already.

But things get even more unusual: I'm also a twiggy, flimsy cripple that doesn't work out at all. I would like to, but even breathing is pretty much of a big painful work-out for me. I do however think steroids could help me get more tolerant to pain (as proved in some research, but my doctors are idiots) and get stronger without killing myself.

I never took any for now: the only "steroid" i could get was Danazol at a pretty low dose, and as far as I can tell it's as effective as a peanut butter jelly sandwich - minus the good taste.

So, this is my attempt at educating myself. I guess?

Aside from that, I really like Doctor Who, House MD, japanese animation and sleeping. I'm very uninteresting.

[stpete]

Welcome

[PrinceofSpoons]

Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention, but I'm 5'6.5'' and weigh between 100 to 110 pounds. So. Another oddity. I suppose. I have no idea what percentage of body fat makes it up, but. Yeah. Pretty much.

[austinite]

Welcome!

[BIGGUNSWANTED]

no flaming here my friend welcome and good luck in your search

[MickeyKnox]

Welcome

[brazey]

Welcome to the Board...

[BlueWaffle21]

Welcome to the site!!

[JTrain999]

Welcome!

[JohnnyVegas]

First of all, I didn't know where to post this. I'm male, but my body didn't get the memo. I'm a female-to-male transgender, pre-hormones, pre-surgery, that wishes to gradually transition while waiting for the shrink to call back. So, yes, boys, that's pretty odd already.

But things get even more unusual: I'm also a twiggy, flimsy cripple that doesn't work out at all. I would like to, but even breathing is pretty much of a big painful work-out for me. I do however think steroids could help me get more tolerant to pain (as proved in some research, but my doctors are idiots) and get stronger without killing myself.

I never took any for now: the only "steroid" i could get was Danazol at a pretty low dose, and as far as I can tell it's as effective as a peanut butter jelly sandwich - minus the good taste.

So, this is my attempt at educating myself. I guess?

Aside from that, I really like Doctor Who, House MD, japanese animation and sleeping. I'm very uninteresting.

Welcome.

You can definitely find solid advice here on steroids. Same goes for exercising and diet. Not sure how literal you are about not being able to exercise...do you really have problems or are you just saying you are thin and weak?

I love me some House and Japanese anime as well.

[RUI-Products]

Welcome!

[fit2bOld]

Welcome

[PrinceofSpoons]

First of all, thank you all for welcoming me. This means a lot to me

Welcome.

[...]Not sure how literal you are about not being able to exercise...do you really have problems or are you just saying you are thin and weak?

[...]

In fact, I have fibromyalgia at a rather severe stage(18 tender points on 18). I rely on opiates and muscle relaxants to be able to do something else than suffer in my days (If I don't take my medicine, I have very busy days converting oxygen into carbon dioxyde). I'm always tired because I haven't had a decent night of sleep in around 6 years. I walk with a cane (which strenghtened my grip, but only on one arm...Blergh) and even then, it hurts like hell, it just distributes the pain.

On fibromyalgiacoalition dot org, you can see a list of 100 symptoms related to my illness.

GENERAL

Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
Recurrent flu-like illness
Sore throat
Hoarseness
Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especially in neck and underarms Shortness of breath (air hunger) with little or no exertion
Frequent sighing
Tremor or trembling
Severe nasal allergies (new allergies or worsening of previous allergies)
Cough
Night sweats
Low-grade fevers
Feeling cold often
Feeling hot often
Cold extremities (hands and feet)
Low body temperature (below 97.6)
Low blood pressure (below 110/70)
Heart palpitations
Dryness of eyes and/or mouth
Increased thirst
Symptoms worsened by temperature changes
Symptoms worsened by air travel
Symptoms worsened by stress


PAIN

Headache
Tender points or trigger points
Muscle pain
Muscle twitching
Muscle weakness
Paralysis or severe weakness of an arm or leg
Joint pain
TMJ syndrome
Chest pain


GENERAL NEUROLOGICAL

Lightheadedness; feeling "spaced out"
Inability to think clearly ("brain fog")
Seizures
Seizure-like episodes
Syncope (fainting) or blackouts
Sensation that you might faint
Vertigo or dizziness
Numbness or tingling sensations
Tinnitus (ringing in one or both ears)
Photophobia (sensitivity to light)
Noise intolerance


EQUILIBRIUM / PERCEPTION

Feeling spatially disoriented
Dysequilibrium (balance difficulty)
Staggering gait (clumsy walking; bumping into things)
Dropping things frequently
Difficulty judging distances (e.g. when driving; placing objects on surfaces)
"Not quite seeing" what you are looking at


SLEEP

Hypersomnia (excessive sleeping)
Sleep disturbance: unrefreshing or non-restorative sleep
Sleep disturbance: difficulty falling asleep
Sleep disturbance: difficulty staying asleep (frequent awakenings)
Sleep disturbance: vivid or disturbing dreams or nightmares
Altered sleep/wake schedule (alertness/energy best late at night)


MOOD / EMOTIONS

Depressed mood
Suicidal thoughts
Suicide attempts
Feeling worthless
Frequent crying
Feeling helpless and/or hopeless
Inability to enjoy previously enjoyed activities
Increased appetite
Decreased appetite
Anxiety or fear when there is no obvious cause
Panic attacks
Irritability; overreaction
Rage attacks: anger outbursts with little or no cause
Abrupt, unpredictable mood swings
Phobias (irrational fears)
Personality changes


EYES AND VISION

Eye pain
Changes in visual acuity (frequent changes in ability to see well)
Difficulty with accommodation (switching focus from one thing to another)
Blind spots in vision


SENSITIVITIES

Sensitivities to medications (unable to tolerate "normal" dosage)
Sensitivities to odors (e.g., cleaning products, exhaust fumes, colognes, hair sprays)
Sensitivities to foods
Alcohol intolerance
Alteration of taste, smell, and/or hearing


UROGENITAL

Frequent urination
Painful urination or bladder pain
Prostate pain
Impotence
Endometriosis
Worsening of premenstrual syndrome (PMS)
Decreased libido (sex drive)


GASTROINTESTINAL

Stomach ache; abdominal cramps
Nausea
Vomiting
Esophageal reflux (heartburn)
Frequent diarrhea
Frequent constipation
Bloating; intestinal gas
Decreased appetite
Increased appetite
Food cravings
Weight gain
Weight loss


SKIN

Rashes or sores
Eczema or psoriasis


OTHER

Hair loss
Mitral valve prolapse
Cancer
Dental problems
Periodontal (gum) disease
Aphthous ulcers (canker sores)


COGNITIVE

Difficulty with simple calculations (e.g., balancing checkbook)
Word-finding difficulty
Using the wrong word
Difficulty expressing ideas in words
Difficulty moving your mouth to speak
Slowed speech
Stuttering; stammering
Impaired ability to concentrate
Easily distracted during a task
Difficulty paying attention
Difficulty following a conversation when background noise is present
Losing your train of thought in the middle of a sentence
Difficulty putting tasks or things in proper sequence
Losing track in the middle of a task (remembering what to do next)
Difficulty with short-term memory
Difficulty with long-term memory
Forgetting how to do routine things
Difficulty understanding what you read
Switching left and right
Transposition (reversal) of numbers, words and/or letters when you speak
Transposition (reversal) of numbers, words and/or letters when you write
Difficulty remembering names of objects
Difficulty remembering names of people
Difficulty recognizing faces
Difficulty following simple written instructions
Difficulty following complicated written instructions
Difficulty following simple oral (spoken) instructions
Difficulty following complicated oral (spoken) instructions
Poor judgment
Difficulty making decisions
Difficulty integrating information (putting ideas together to form a complete picture or concept)
Difficulty following directions while driving
Becoming lost in familiar locations when driving
Feeling too disoriented to drive

Additional information.....


AGGRAVATING FACTORS:

overexertion
stress
hormonal changes
premenstrual
anxiety
changes in weather
cold or drafty environment
anger
depression
alcohol

I have practically all of them but those who apply to an anatomy I don't have (prostate problems and such.. As much as I would like to have a prostate, yeah). The only other symptoms on the list I don't have are low-grade fevers (I usually have a low body temperature, around 97.6 F), seizures, blind spots, endometriosis (which is another illness), mitral valve prolapse, cancer, canker sores (which are other illnesses aswell), poor judgement and difficulty integrating information. I also have co-morbid illnesses that aren't mentionned in this document: erythromelalgia and raynaud's phenomenon. I also have some hypermobility, it touches around 11 of my joints. I also have chronic migraines, but they tend not to last as much as when I was a child, and I don't have them everyday now. Basically I'm a wreck. Hah'

Oh well. TMI ~ Yay

[Gonzo877]

Welcome to the forum!! I hope you find the information you are looking for. Best of luck on your journey.

[clarky.]

welcome.

[PrinceofSpoons]

Thanks everyone! I'll try and read the boards. However, I'm a bit discouraged. How does one find a source? I'm a flimsy cripple, and I fear I'd get beat up if I even suggest a bulky guy is using steroids... I thought about going like :" Dayum guy, this all must have taken a lot of hard work, you seem to know your way around a gym, would you know who I should talk to if I wanted to try some T?".. But I'm shy and I'm pretty sure they'd be insulted.

[MuscleInk]

Thanks everyone! I'll try and read the boards. However, I'm a bit discouraged. How does one find a source? I'm a flimsy cripple, and I fear I'd get beat up if I even suggest a bulky guy is using steroids... I thought about going like :" Dayum guy, this all must have taken a lot of hard work, you seem to know your way around a gym, would you know who I should talk to if I wanted to try some T?".. But I'm shy and I'm pretty sure they'd be insulted.

Sorry. We can't help with sources. It's a violation of the rules here.

Like the rest of us, you do your homework, and you eventually work up the nerve to ask people you can TRUST.

[JohnnyVegas]

What does it take for you to get on hormone therapy? I see that you are waiting for psychiatrist approval...is that in order to start the whole process?

I am asking this because being on Test by prescription is probably preferable for you. The drugs are guaranteed to be what the label says, they are sterile and consistently dosed. You will have fewer variables, fewer problems and fewer worries.

[PrinceofSpoons]

Sorry, MuscleInk. My question was more of a "is this offensive to ask this? Would you be offended if someone asked you this in this way?" than a "give me a source here and now!". I'm very sorry if this sounded like the latter. English is not my primary language, even if I do think I'm doing fairly well for a foreigner. Am I not?

JohnnyVegas, there is a lot of wait to get my first appointement with the psychiatrist. I had my appointement with the nurse but it's been nearly 6 months and they didn't call back yet. I'm at a point in my life where my illness, for which testosterone is an experimental treatment (which was denied to me because I don't have a penis) is also taking over, which aggravates me a lot. I feel like I just can't wait anymore. It's destroying me from the inside. It takes a lot of will inside me not to have any other self-destructive behaviours. I probably could get in a psych ward for a while, but I'm closeted and I have way too much courses I'd miss at school. I don't think I'd have the strenght to take them again, since I'm closeted BECAUSE of my major, which is very conservative (I'm also closeted to my parents but that's another story, and they'll think I'm taking T as a cure for my illness not because I'm trans).

I'm not even sure T will be prescribed to me in the first appointement, since I'm a feminine gay guy, and transmen are held up to higher standards of masculinity because they somewhat have to "prove" they are male? Oh well.