Sanity Check. Ever get the feeling people are testing you?

[Too-$mall]

This is me being completely open and honest about my psychology right now. I ask that you please show respect, but feel free to take your shots I guess.

I feel like random idiots are bowing up to me. As if. it's really dumbfounding me. I'm in my head like "what the F46k. was that for me???" I'm not sure if I'm putting out some kind of weakness vibe. I don't feel weak mentally, physically, and i have not been in fear. i'm pretty sure i'm not afraid to fight. i don't think I'm fearful. i dont FEEL that WAY! I'm 186lb, 12% body fat, I run my dogs daily, and go to jiujitsu 3 times a week. I've been in 3 bloody street fights, had my ass beat quite a few times by various people in my life, been picked on a LOT and i DO have anger problems. juice makes them worse, but I've got above average self control. more than a few people in Jiu class have told me I'm strong, I'm always like thanks but "I don't feel strong lol" people even tell me I'm a "big guy" again same response! i dress the same. i see it in facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. it even feels like random strangers are talking shit behind me back. it's starting to irritate me at home. doing something in public, in a non self defense capacity, or looking like a crazy person would not be ok. I'm pretty sure I'm capable of whooping many asses. i would not want to ruin my career, or start something only to back down because I'm afraid of the consequences!

so i missed a bunch of TRT shots, then I made up a new batch of test cyp which I'm currently on. i also bumped up the dosage. I haven't become more aggressive either, but i feel like I'm close. I'm angry at home. is this the test making me more aggressive and my brain F#$king with me? it's a very unusual vibe and feeling. Am I putting out vibes to other men that are threatening? that why they start getting aggressive with me?

I have a Doberman pinscher. he's the sweetest damn dog and when i take him to the dog beach he has a super good time-soo happy! but every single time i take to the beach little bitch dogs that have no business testing him test him. i can count on it every single time. they start shit and sure enough every single time my sweet Doberman becomes the damn asshole dog that every dog owner hates. he starts picking on every dog that he doesn't like. I have to put a shock collar on him now. dogs still test him, but I keep him in check with the collar for his own good.

I'm not sure what I'm doing that asks for disrespect. you ever get a strange vibe that everyone around you has gone a little crazy? I don't feel like I'm going crazy. if i fought everyone that I thought was starting shit I'd be dead or in prison. I need an adult answer that's not based on stereo types. it has to be from personal experience, or be based on formal psychology education. I would love nothing more than to just take off on someone that disturbs me but I cant. And I will not let toxic masculine stereo types and bad examples in my life dictate my psychology and behavior. maybe this has something to do with my last couple of jiu jitsu classes.

last couple classes I've been getting my ass handed to me. class before that i crushed it. was kind of a blow to the ego. this has happened to me before though as if I'm a a magnet for hatred. I was thinking about doing my test shot early tonight, but maybe i better get my head right before increasing serum levels to fast

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Young children don't differentiate between what they are and what they experience. If a young child sees a car crash, they think "I'm that car crash".

Our minds change a lot as we develop from a child into an adult, but even as adults as we go through periods of great stress or distress, child-like processes can start to play out in our minds, and one of these processes is to do with how we view ourselves, and how we let our perception of our environment affect our own personal view of ourselves.

People going through emotional upheaval, for example death of a spouse, loss of reputation, can enter into a temporary, transient child-like state of mind that waxes and wanes. These people can find themselves becoming fascinated with colours, animals, pretty much anything -- it's almost like they're seeing everything again for the first time and it's all mesmorizing.

I haven't been inside your head and I don't know what you're dealing with (whether it's something recent, or something that happened 20 years ago). I don't know what you're carrying in your day to day life. You seem like an exciting motivated guy, but from reading your post just now I wouldn't say that you are grounded.

Sounds like you love your dog and that you relate to him.

last couple classes I've been getting my ass handed to me. class before that i crushed it.

I've competed in Thai boxing 3 times, and I've trained the new-comers to the club. It sounds to me like the guys in your club noticed your improvement and so now they are going harder on you. I'd do the same thing if I saw improvement in a person I was training. Keep going.

[Too-$mall]

I didn't read the response yet. it happened again! I feel like I'm going nuts... just people interacting with me funny. rubbing me the wrong way. so many. there was this kid at a register when i went to a burger joint tonight. he had the stupid twitter e boy haircut and he was so confident. skinny AF, and pretty. i wanted to beat him senseless for talking to me so confidently. then there was this guy at a local pub earlier today. thought he was a tuff guy. was acting like a tough guy. seriously he was. soo macho. he started a convo with me about my dog and we just got to talking about random shit. it was a pleasant convo, but i felt like he was checking me out. I didn't like his bravado, or his macho vibe. i haven't done anything stupid thank god. you know i love it when i can hide my emotion so well that people cant see... maybe they can see I'm irritated... maybe my jiu jitsu losses are getting to me, or maybe it's the way i talk. i hate the way i talk. i stumble over my words often and i slur sometimes too. some people tell me i'm smart, but others assume i'm a numbskull because i'm not well spoken and i use a lot of ghetto slang. bad habits! it sucks because i'm angry at home too... fudge. i want to mellow the F down. I'm hitting my weights now to at home compulsively and angrily. i might need to give blood and check my estro. dont know!

[Too-$mall]

thanks kimbo. the problem is that i dont know what i'm going through either. it doesn't bother me to lose in Jiu, or at least i thought it didn't bother me. maybe it did?

[XnavyHMCS]

I didn't read the response yet. it happened again! I feel like I'm going nuts... just people interacting with me funny. rubbing me the wrong way. so many. there was this kid at a register when i went to a burger joint tonight. he had the stupid twitter e boy haircut and he was so confident. skinny AF, and pretty. i wanted to beat him senseless for talking to me so confidently. then there was this guy at a local pub earlier today. thought he was a tuff guy. was acting like a tough guy. seriously he was. soo macho. he started a convo with me about my dog and we just got to talking about random shit. it was a pleasant convo, but i felt like he was checking me out. I didn't like his bravado, or his macho vibe. i haven't done anything stupid thank god. you know i love it when i can hide my emotion so well that people cant see... maybe they can see I'm irritated... maybe my jiu jitsu losses are getting to me, or maybe it's the way i talk. i hate the way i talk. i stumble over my words often and i slur sometimes too. some people tell me i'm smart, but others assume i'm a numbskull because i'm not well spoken and i use a lot of ghetto slang. bad habits! it sucks because i'm angry at home too... fudge. i want to mellow the F down. I'm hitting my weights now to at home compulsively and angrily. i might need to give blood and check my estro. dont know!

Sorry bro; sounds like the problem is you...

Maybe the cycle you are on currently, is affecting you and your perception...?

I fully understand that AAS are not necessarily mind altering, "psychotropic" drugs, but they certainly affect us psychologically.

Good luck.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Maybe the cycle you are on currently, is affecting you and your perception...?

I think this is a possibility, or that the AAS are just making things worse than they already are.

You know how they say that we have 5 senses... we smell with our nose, we see with our eyes, we hear with our ears, we taste with our tongue, etc.

At any one time we can focus our attention on one of our senses, like I can focus on my hearing right now and listen very carefully.

Buddhists believe that the mind is the 6th sense. Just like how the eyes gives us visions, and the ears give us sounds, Buddhists believe that the mind gives us thoughts and feelings.

The mind can be observed and focused on just like any other sense. You can also focus your attention away from it just like any other sense.

I think you pay too much attention to your mind. Just like any other sense, if you focus on it intently for a long period of time, you'll observe all sorts of stimuli. Your mind begins to wander and gives you a swirl of thoughts and feelings.

A good way to get out of the habit of focusing on your mind too much is to get out into nature... walk through a forest and listen to the sounds while looking around. If the ground isn't too cold then take your shoes off too and feel the dirt on your feet. Your mind won't wander so much and provide so much stimulus if it isn't getting so much attention.

[almostgone]

Without seeing what you're experiencing, I tend to agree with the others.
It falls under an old AAS adage. Either you control the compound or the compound will control you.
I recommend dropping back to your old dosage.

[Chark]

There's an old saying "if you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole." I'm NOT saying you're an asshole, only that the principle applies. The good part is you have enough self-awareness to consider that it may be your own doing. There is a psychology term called projection where we, as a defense mechanism will place our own insecurities/negative thoughts/emotions/behaviors/bad qualities onto others...we all do it in some form. Often times the qualities we hate most in others are because we see them in ourselves. Maybe there's a part of you that feels insecure and you're worried others are picking up on it. I don't know if that's going on in your situation or what but it's very mature and strong of you to examine whether it's reality or your perception.

[Mooseman33]

first, we are all brothers and most, including myself have been where u are at before. Here is the truth, you are being an asshole. just by how u described the burger joint issue, this is all on you.
again, we have been there so relax, im not attacking you.

look in the mirror and relax big fella. slow everything down and enjoy the day instead of fight it.

[Test Monsterone]

I had a good friend, known him for 20 years, who I can't hang out with anymore because he developed some sort of complex like you're describing, OP. Everywhere I took him, he would somehow find a way to get in an argument with someone, stare someone down, think the waitress is fucking with him, etc. Literally everywhere. We'd walk down the street and I look the other way for 1 second, look back, and he's arguing with some guy in his car across the street cause he thought he was looking at him funny. Then he would get disrespectful with people who had no intention of being disrespectful to him. He got kicked out of at least 4 gyms. He started viewing the world like everyone is against him, women are all whores, etc. Everything became an issue. I just couldn't stand being around him any longer and stopped responding to his phone calls or text messages. Haven't seen him in 2 years.

What you're describing sounds like what I went through when I was a teenager. I had a chip on my shoulder and started acting like a badass and getting into trouble. It went away for me. The gym was my outlet. I think your hormones are probably out of whack, and that's why you're feeling this way, especially if it wasn't like this in the past. I hate how aggressive I feel on cycle... I interpret things incorrectly, as disrespect, when it's just people being stupid. It's well documented that high testosterone levels puts men in a state of fight or flight on a consistent basis and everything becomes a possible threat or an opportunity to show your dominance. It's not a nice feeling, imo. Yeah, I get days when on cycle where I just feel good and confident, but mostly I feel irritated and on edge. I would run bloodwork, drop the dose down to 100-150 mg/week for a couple of months, and go from there. Tackle the obvious first, and if it's not that, go on to the next possibility.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Quick question: Are you taking Tren?

[Cylon357]

OP, you probably need to chill for a bit. It is unlikely that the world is out to get you and everybody is f*cking with you. Also, consider that there is something beyond "being alpha". I don't know what the word for it is, but it is the feeling of "yeah, I'm one bad mf'er, but I don't have to prove it to anybody". I suspect it is a combination of maturity and alpha feelings... It isn't false bravado or over confidence or arrogance, it is simply a zen state of mind combined with the knowledge that you won't be controlled by other people, but if put into a spot, you can stomp a mudhole in someone's a** and walk it dry.

I other words, if a person feels the need to act like a bada** all the time, and feels the need to demonstrate it, they might not really be a bad a**. They might just be an under confident, immature, little putz.

Source: in my youth, I bloodied the nose of many false alphas that just couldn't leave well enough alone and mistook calmness for weakness.

PS - In fairness, I feel like I should add that something like a 1-andro can have me ready to fight a humpback whale, so compounds do make a difference...

[wango]

OP, you probably need to chill for a bit.

PS - In fairness, I feel like I should add that something like a 1-andro can have me ready to fight a humpback whale, so compounds do make a difference...

Kind of mixed messages there, but can’t believe that you tangled with one of those as well. I swear, I’m out snorkeling in Hawaii & this Humpback starts bumping against my wife. I mean chill goes right out the window and it’s immediately WTF dude, this shit is going down. Apologize or suffer the consequences MFr.

Thank goodness he backed off, because I’ve never fought with fins and a mask on before.

[Cylon357]

Kind of mixed messages there, but can’t believe that you tangled with one of those as well. I swear, I’m out snorkeling in Hawaii & this Humpback starts bumping against my wife. I mean chill goes right out the window and it’s immediately WTF dude, this shit is going down. Apologize or suffer the consequences MFr.

Thank goodness he backed off, because I’ve never fought with fins and a mask on before.

Ah, let me clarify and simplify.

Chill, until it is time to not be chill.

Compounds, IMO, can absolutely make a difference in how we feel and act. I'm pretty damn easy going, by and large, but certain molecules can alter my behavior significantly. I'm not 100% on board with the idea that compounds can't alter your behavior, though they aren't an excuse for being a dick. In that spot, drop or lower the compound in question.

And for future reference, you want to get the whale to "step out of the water" ie take the fight to dry land. You'll have an easier time with it

[Fluidic Kimbo]

If you told me that you spoke face-to-face with 100 people yesterday, and that all 100 of them were nice to you, I'd have difficulty believing you. If you said 90 of them were nice to you yesterday then I'd say ok that's possible.

Other contributors in this thread have already made the point that if you have trouble everywhere you go, e.g. an argument a McDonald's, then an argument at the grocery store, then an argument at the bowling alley, then an argument at the bar, then you're the problem. There are exceptions to this assertion though.

If you walked around Germany in the 1940's with a star on the front of your coat, then you might have had bad experiences with people everywhere you went -- irrespective of how polite and considerate you were to them.

Nowadays if you're a man who wears lipstick and a dress, you also might be treated unfavourably most places you go. Or if you have facial tattoos, or if you're obese. Or if you're black.

Even Jesus got a hard time most places he went.

It isn't always as simple as "I get into an argument everywhere I go and so I must be the one with the bad attitude".

If you're taking Tren right now, swap it out for Deca. And maybe lower all your doses by 25%.

Walk through the forest or find a meditation centre.

[wango]

Ah, let me clarify and simplify.

Chill, until it is time to not be chill.

Compounds, IMO, can absolutely make a difference in how we feel and act. I'm pretty damn easy going, by and large, but certain molecules can alter my behavior significantly. I'm not 100% on board with the idea that compounds can't alter your behavior, though they aren't an excuse for being a dick. In that spot, drop or lower the compound in question.

And for future reference, you want to get the whale to "step out of the water" ie take the fight to dry land. You'll have an easier time with it

Oh, I got you - no need to clarify.

Nah, the whale would step out of the water using previously undetected legs, sprout arms, thump me good and begin a new evolutionary species that takes over mankind.

On a more pertinent note, even 100 mg. of tren changed me for the worse. I had to put on relaxing music for the PITA commute home after work or road rage would have created serious issues.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

On a more pertinent note, even 100 mg. of tren changed me for the worse.

I think I masculinised some parts of my brain when I was on 1.2g Tren E per week.

I'm half-considering doing 8 - 12 weeks of Tren A @ 150mg EOD. However when you're taking stuff from an illegal laboratory, you never know what the dosage really is.

[wango]

I think I masculinised some parts of my brain when I was on 1.2g Tren E per week.

I'm half-considering doing 8 - 12 weeks of Tren A @ 150mg EOD. However when you're taking stuff from an illegal laboratory, you never know what the dosage really is.

I don’t really associate being an a-hole with masculinity. I guess aggression to some degree is, sure. And I have no problem with being aggressive without AAS (or being an a-hole). However, losing the ability to consciously control those two, isn’t ideal if you’re trying to be civil.

[XnavyHMCS]

first, we are all brothers and most, including myself have been where u are at before. Here is the truth, you are being an asshole. just by how u described the burger joint issue, this is all on you.
again, we have been there so relax, im not attacking you.

look in the mirror and relax big fella. slow everything down and enjoy the day instead of fight it.

BINGO...!!!

"The Moose is loose"...

[XnavyHMCS]

Quick question: Are you taking Tren?

Ha Ha Ha...!!!

Where is fuck is Obs, when we need him...?