Hi all,
I feel as if i am at a big decision in my life around whether to go on TRT for the rest of my days. Im 33, no kids yet, FYI.
My story goes like this:
Since my late teens i have suffered from anxiety and depression. On the face of it, I have achieved alot: I finished a bachelors degree, and a masters degree (neuroscience) during that time. I trained and got a decent body naturally. Until late 2013 I had an amazing woman.
In 2013 my relationship broke down as a result of what i see now as a lack of "drive to do fun things", probably a lack a sexual interest, and my career not going anywhere. I was miserable and my social relationships where always very tenuous and I was never in the "in crowd" at work. I resented this because underneath my anxiety I wanted to have energy, I wanted to be sociable, and i 100% had the ability to take on more complicated + higher paid job positions. I just struggled with communication and building trust.
In 2014 I did my first cycle and basically my life changed forever.
Within a short space of time I was in job interviews. I was dating like never before and I suddenly had a "clarity of mind" I hadnt had for many, many years. I realised how much i had been struggling over the years with all of those things. BASIC things like being able to think straight and communicate effectively now came easily.
Fastforward to now and Ive doubled my salary, I have lots of new friends, and my employee values me very highly. I now have very little stress in my life, my ezcema has gone, I no longer get shortness of breath and my outlook on life is overwhelming positive.
In terms of roids, Ive basically been on-and-off 3 cycles over the past 24 months. First was 3 months, 2nd was 4 months, last about 4. I do around 500mg per week sust, so not huge cycles, but im finding I am stretching out the cycle length, which I know can be detrimental.
With all this change and positivity in my life I am struggling to see how i could let it all go - i.e. give up cycling. My mind is telling me, categorically, that I have a dependency issue. It is not a nice feeling.
Ive always had the option of antidepressents from the doc, or anti-anxiety drugs, but refused on the bad press they get. I didnt want to become dependent. Now I am dependent on black-market steriods.
Judge me if you want to. Tell me ive got a problem. However I feel test has given me so much "normality" in my life that perhaps I was suffering from low T in the first place. The difficulty is, though, is even though my life was miserable, if i go onto TRT I am basically kissing by to a "me" that i will never be able to get back - i.e. natty me.
I rarely train on riods now. Its really all about maintaining a positive life from a psychological point of view.
So Im looking at the 10 years+ TRT guys who can offer some advice. Im worried about long term TRT - what if it stops working for me? What if i get permanant ED? Should i go on TRT from the doc and then "cycle" to keep the option of going back?
Thoughts appreciated.
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Originally Posted by CobraMustangSVT
