Need help to do things right
Summary:
I have been on testosterone Enanth 500mg EW dose for last 6 months and I feel that I need a more stable and reasonable TRT dose. Any help is appreciated.
Full Story of why I started using 500mg and stay on it for 6 months!
9 years ago I suffered from bad ED (I was 30 at that time), Initially used Viagra and Cialis and was happy with them but then those stopped working on me. As a frustrated man I took I started tripling the doses (still nothing happened). Doctor did all the tests possible (every part of my body was good, no heart issues, I was not fat, I didn't drink, I never smoked, I never did drugs) My relationship started suffering, my work started suffering, my life started suffering, my kickboxing (the only sport I loved) started suffering. I started feeling weaker and weaker. When these pills stopped working I went to doctor heartbroken asking him to do blood test again. He did it again and again and again but my test level was low as 70 years old but still in the range of 'provided range scale' 1% above the last scale. He never said I had low testosterone and sent me to a urologist, him did the same thing and sent me to a psychologist , I went to a psychologist for about an year (while still suffering from ED) then involved my partner and took her to psychologist. Nothing worked, went back to urologist and he prescribed injections for my penis to get erections. Being scared of injections I know how hard it was for me to inject medicine into my penis while many times hurting like hell. No pleasure for me, just erected penis full of pain for my gf (I did it for her, it was hell for me) then penis injection started giving me semi erections (most likely due to the pain I was in during the erections). Went back to doctor, doctor closed the file saying the reason of his ED is 'unknown' (trust me, these was the exact words he wrote on my file) where the idiot should have known that my test levels was down to bottom. So I went to 3 other doctors in different cities, as soon as they will see the test levels in range they will say no test levels are in range and you are healthy so get mental health. Months past, I tried everything, exercise, gym, healthy eating, everything I could to get rid of my ED and nothing worked. So once again I went to a doctor, lucky or unlucky this time my test levels came below the standard level line. He said he can give me some Testosterone injection (testosterone Cyp) and I can take one injection every 2 weeks from nurse, it was 100mg injection, so basically 100mg testosterone every 2 weeks. I knew nothing about trt so I was happy to have hope (was not consultanted at all in regards to natural production being shutdown neither HCG was given), Anyway I took the first injection, waited two weeks (didn't feel a thing) went back to get the 2nd injection and Doctor refused saying he will be in trouble giving me testosterone at this young age regardless of my levels unless it is validated by a uralogist, so I went to another uralogist and told him the story, he called the doctor an idiot and sent me home saying seek mental health as at this age I should be able to get my testosterone back naturally.
At that point things between my girlfriend and me was at the breaking point. My penis size started to reduce (not joking, literally), I said to her one night to go and leave me while I was crying, she didn't reply, but after a month or so I found out that she was cheating on me (a long relationship went to shit). I don't blame her at all, she did what she could. When we started seeing we had the best sex of our lives. I left the house, went to suicide and so close to jump off the building because I knew I am going to die alone. I was put on antidepressants and sleeping pills which kinda prevented me to commit a suicide and it helped me to find another job. So I started working again as a zombie, stopped talking to family and friends, I hated myself but again wanted to give it another try, started gym again with zero energy, saw a doctor, he was getting medicines from compounding pharmacies and knew a bit about testosterone etc. he said my test levels are down to bottom but still he doesn't have authority to give me Testosterone, the only thing he can do is hit me with few things such as HCG and Clomid, well I took that, nothing changed, he Also gave me DHEA, if I remember I paid about more than $10,000 for that treatment in total as it also included the laser ray blast on your penis which could heal ED. Well Clomid/HCG or laser ray blast on penis, nothing worked. but he said it may or may not work and obviously it didn't work. I was already depressed, started looking for drugs to give me peace because I really believed I will never have a family or ever be able to satisfy a woman and I will definitely die alone. I everyday inside I was dying, I see any girl I like and feel miserable because I could never go forward or even talk to girls knowing that I am going to end up in embarrassment so what's the point. Completely lost interest in sex, didn't even masterbate or have will to masterbate for months and still didn't feel anything. I don't know what was holding me back not to commit suicide, always I have been so close, so close guys, but at the end I will backoff. In the mean while I was continually on antidepressants and working with psychologist 2 sessions a week supported by my work as I fucking couldn't afford it, I was a zombie.
Now check this out, About 6 months ago I said to myself, I will have to find a solution for my problem. I stopped going to psychologist as for years it didn't help, I stopped going and seeking another doctor to go through all those tests and pain again but I thought There is no way someone or something cannot help me in my situation. Come on its 2019..... I started reading about ED, I read that if pills or injections don't work on penis there is still a thing called penis implants as a final solution (put my hopes up). Reading through I came across so many articles talking about low testosterone and it's issues on human body. So I decided, hey I have low testosterone and I don't have anything to lose, how about I just inject testosterone myself. What wrong can happen? I will die? Sure I am already dead. Kill me sooner than later. I got some Testosterone Enanth, I loaded 250mg and shaved it in my leg saying exact these words 'fuck my life, I am done with it' , well started injecting twice a week. (I know that's not TRT dose but I didn't know a thing, I read that on bodybuilding forums and thought fuck it what I have to lose). I read that Testosterone Enanth takes 3-4 weeks to kick in so I waited, waited, week 3 comes. Fuck..... I am horny, I felt like having sex first time, my brain started feeling sexually dirty, my sexual fantasies were coming back, my heart started beeping so fast...... Fuck is this really happening, I waited couple of days and my penis will get erections when I even think about something dirty, oh my god my penis was getting erections...... I just don't know how to describe my feelings. I waited to see how long I will last, week 3, day 3 I sat down and started masterbating because I couldn't hold it (the best masterbation I had in years and years) fuck I cried and cried looking at my erected penis, it wanted me to do it again, I did it again and again. Next day I am horny again fuck me it's really happening ..... My penis is erected during night, morning woods are regular. Oh god it's really happening.... I started losing my mind, started touching myself everyday few times a day like I just missed it so much (yes I missed masterbation)...
I felt strong, I knew I will be rock hard with a girl but just to avoid any anxiety situation, I started booking girls thinking i don't care about embarrassment with them but had sex like a porn star, had 3some and had sex with both girls at the same time while maintaining my erection. Sex was awesome. I last so long then I could even remember in my life, started bookings girls every night for months (spent all my savings, didn't care, I was having sex or should I say I was able to have sex made me a different person) once savings ended I started dating again. went with few girls, had sex, started seeing girls everywhere. Gained confident at work again (before I was easily bullied and so easy to break), everyone at work is like wtf happened to you, 3 months ago met a beautiful girl and dating her since. Sex is awesome, I started kickboxing again, I am so strong so powerful so much energy and full of fuel :) I just don't know who to share this with? Guys be part of my happiness. I just want to scream and scream and tell everyone how awesome my life has become and hey my penis is fully functional hahahhaha ....... I have sex (without any pill or bloody injections), I also masterbate everyday alongside sex still want more. I have the best fitness in life and I feel like a king........
Guys .......... What the fuck........ Why the fuck I didn't do this before, I can't believe I was going to commit a suicide where the solution was sitting right next to me the whole time.
I just wanted to share.... I am just so fucking happy, my life has changed, completely...............
I wish one doctor could have figured out my issue so I didn't have to suffer for long 9/10 years of my life (I could have done so much in life, I could have been a successful businessman, successful husband and a father)
well I am excited to start over again :)
Testosterone Enath is my baby, my love, my life, my everything.. If using steroids kills you (all Doctors told me) I will be so happy to die any day then living depressed, suicidal, misreble ED embarrassed life. I am still learning, just glad I didn't kill myself and somehow injected testosterone into my body to end the suffering of my 9 long years.............. Guys I love everything again, I love weather, I love birds , I love the girl I am seeing crazy about her...
Thanks for listening guys, the purpose of this whole story is, before I break up with my ex I was on this forum reading through stuff, I can't remember my account but there was something stuck in my mind that TRT might be the solution to my problem. Obviously everything went shit from there and I lost track on everything for years, anyway guys I need some guidelines to how to continue my self TRT and don't suffer from ED again, unfortunately I have been on same dose 500mg test a week which is way higher than a regular TRT dose. I would like to know what you guys think as I have been on this dose for last 6 months and having a dream life, how do i do a proper TRT without losing benifits, this is more like bodybuilding doses and I don't want that... Please guide me with the doses and what testosterone should I use or in general what should I do now? I don't want my life to go back to shit,
In all honesty I am so scared to change anything in my life especially the dosage of testosterone, thought of dropping the dose last month but got scared thinking what if I lose the sex again and what I have right now, the awesome girl, awesome life, awesome health so I kept going and going, now it's 6 months and I feel like I need to come out of the Honeymoon period, calm down and think about trt professionally as it is going to be for life, that's where I need help from you guys.
Thank you guys..... any feedback advice is welcome