My wonderful and somewhat curious Test Enanthate log

[HeadForTheHills]

Grab a proteinshake and some energybars - this might be a long (but interesting) read.

So, here we are, at the doorstep of something strange and scary.
As I log my progress here, I will first say alittle about myself, and then proceed with my thoughts and feelings along the way.

I am a 34 year old man who has been working out alot in my 20s, allthought it was martial arts and not lifting weights. A few years back I started learning how to lift properly and gave it a good shot. Some gains were made, but nothing significant. Last year my friend (let's call him BWAAAAGGH) wanted us to start teaming up at the gym and get serious. It was great - I grew in a natural rate, taking Jack3d as pre workout supplement, Cell-Tech Pro as creatine mix, and lots and lots of protein, both through shakes and food.

One day, BWAAAAGGH suggested we started on testosterone injections, and hey while we're at it, some orals as well. It would be great fun for sure, and soon enough we would be feared greek gods striding through the streets dressed in red cape and scepter in hand. Sounded awesome!

But oh, there were a few problems.

Problem number 1: First of all, I have had a huge anxiety of needles. I have had it since I was very young, and is not very logical. My friends have been telling me "but it doesn't hurt much", and they just haven't gotten the point. It's not about the pain, it's anxiety. The pain BEFORE the pain, if you will! As a grown up man I would find myself having to take a flu shot or something, sweating all day, getting headaches, starting to cry, or even faint. Men don't like to admit they have anxiety, it's not considered very "manly". But there I was with one, and it's damn hard to hide it when this kind of suggestion comes up. It would mean taking a needle and inject yourself with it, once, maybe twice a week! To me - unthinkable. At the same time, hey maybe this was a good time to deal with my anxiety and get rid of it once and for all?

Problem number 2: The wife. I love my wife to death, she is awesome. But she is at the same time very dramatic, and would cause hell if she ever found out I was juicing up. She made clear that if I ever used dr*gs (meaning for recreational purposes - [here i listed up some different types, but apparently the forum won't allow me to do that since I am below 25 posts]) she wouldn't be able to be with me anymore. Some might say this is a bit too much, but the backstory here is a very bad history with dr*g use / people using dr*gs. I totally understand her side of it. At the same time, jumping on the testosterone carousel might not be in the same category? I am not so sure, it might be for her, but at least it's a gray area and I am guessing I would get away with it if she found out.
Oh. Did I mention she is a doctor?

Problem number 3: I am a fairly successful musician, and I perform around the world every second week or so. I attract thousands of people on my performances, and I love my life. Living the dream you could say! The problem is travelling - I do have to travel alot. I worry about having to suddenly travel and miss my scheduled shots.

Now for how I planned to solve these problems.
The first one, well, there's not many ways to do this. Man up and deal with it, and hope that after a few shots I would be able to cope. Deal with your fears by facing them. Read on, my friend, and you'll see how this went.
The second problem would be an ongoing thing. I want to hide this whole project as long as possible to avoid discussions. The way I am thinking is that what I am gonna do is legal, and it's something I would be doing to myself. She would say it's dangerous and she would worry alot. She IS a doctor, and I expect her to find out one day sooner or later. Hopefully later.
As when it comes to the third problem, I am setting up scheduled shots for monday and thursday. Most travelling is in the weekends, so this will hopefully work out. I'm gonna do some more research as well when it comes to changing days if I have to. I am not gonna travel across borders with test.

BACKSTORY DONE I guess!
So let's go straight to yesterday. My friend BWAAAAGGH called me up around 8 in the evening saying "it's time. come now." Holy shit, it was going DOWNS. My fear started kicking in, I stuttered something in lines of "uhm. yes. haha. yes. ok see you there." I walk up to my wife and with a sweaty face and shaking hands look into her confused eyes and go:

"Hi."

At that moment I knew this was gonna go bad if I didn't pull myself together. She is a smart woman and I don't have much lying experience. "What's wrong?" she asked. I tried to calm the **** down, and say that I was feeling a bit sick, but BWAAAAGGH (hm i might need to change this alias at one point) wanted me to come over. It sounded serious, so couldn't keep him waiting! Hey it was true-ish, no need to give me the bad eye.

You know when you reeeeally have to take a piss, and you are on your way home? The closer you get to the bathroom the more you have to go? Well, the closer I got to my friends place the more scared I got. I wanted to turn and go back home every second, but managed to get there eventually, meeting our link in the door. Our guy was gonna teach us how to do things, what to do and what not to do. If we didn't have someone to do that I would never have even considered this. Some of you in this forum might take these things for granted, but I didn't even know how to break the Test E vial up, where to inject, what to do if "something happens". He gave himself an injection in the thigh first, and then he gave me one. SCARIEST SHIT I EVER EXPERIENCED. It went well, wasn't too painful, and then it was BWAAAAGGH's turn (you know what, suggest some names for my friend, i'll change it in later posts) and he refused to lie down for it, him being a manly man and all wanted to take it standing up. Good for you, sir!

The rest of the night, I'll make it short. Trying to sleep was next to impossible. I wasn't in pain, I didn't get a fever or get sick, there was nothing "wrong", I just couldn't sleep. Thinking about it kept me up, and when I finally fell asleep at 5 in the morning, getting up at 6 for my workout session felt out of reach. And sure enough, waking up one hour later I found myself too weak to go. And when I say weak, I mean not being able to hold my phone to send a text that I wasn't coming. Slept for a few more hours and felt much much better.

And here we are!
Will follow up with posts as this progresses.

HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

[HeadForTheHills]

Oh, right, some info perhaps?
Plan is to take 250mg of Test E monday and thursday.
We do have some dbol as well, but I have decided not to take it since it's my first run. My buddy is going all out here.
Also, we got some Letro. Our link says it's all we need. People on different forums have mixed opinions about it, see my first post in the PCT section to see what I mean (nobody seems to know).

There it is!

[JackSwole]

Well, if the music business doesn't work out for you... at least you'll have a future in writing. I'll be following along for sure - if for no other reason than pure entertainment value. Great post man.

[JonnyConcrete]

Sounds good bro. What's your diet like?

[MickeyKnox]

yeah man, fabulous post! can't wait for the next installment. and times two on the fall back - your writing skills are terrific. what's the name of your band? kidding..haha

i'm also interested in your diet. and could you please post your complete cycle, including PCT, here so we all have a look?

thanks and good luck!

[C-BuZz]

Yeah, pretty cool story bro. But I reckon you should probably be honest with your girl, it is fairly deceitful. It's going to be a hell of a lot worse if she finds out & you didn't tell her about it.

[JackSwole]

Yeah, pretty cool story bro. But I reckon you should probably be honest with your girl, it is fairly deceitful. It's going to be a hell of a lot worse if she finds out & you didn't tell her about it.

Completely agree. When I first told my wife I was considering doing this, she was not on board, to say the least. However, I say her down talked to her about it, explained the serious misconceptions that surround AAS. I even had her watch 'Bigger, Stronger, Faster' and a few YouTube videos. She's come around now and we have an agreement that the first time I lose my temper out of the norm, I'm off. Hopefully, you can come up with something too.

[MickeyKnox]

Completely agree. When I first told my wife I was considering doing this, she was not on board, to say the least. However, I say her down talked to her about it, explained the serious misconceptions that surround AAS. I even had her watch 'Bigger, Stronger, Faster' and a few YouTube videos. She's come around now and we have an agreement that the first time I lose my temper out of the norm, I'm off. Hopefully, you can come up with something too.

so if you beat her more than once a week, that's it huh? she's putting her foot down?

[JackSwole]

^^^ LOL, yeah that's the running joke around here.

[HeadForTheHills]

Hello my new friends!
I'll make a couple of posts. First up, a story I like to call

* HONESTY *

It's a true story, and I am sure you will appreciate it. Here we go!
So, I have this other friend. Or, well, I am not sure if we are friends anymore. He doesn't answer the phone anymore, I am pretty sure he thinks I am a dick. It's a long story.
But I digress! I had this friend, as previously mentioned. We met at martial arts school, trained alot, and after a while started sharing stories from our lives. One day he told me that in addition to his girlfriend, he had one more! ooooh snaaaap, that's not gonna end well, I told him - and urged him to choose one and leave the other, and never speak of it again. He thought of it for a while, turned to me, and said :

"No. Honesty is better. If I'm HONEST to them both, they will appreciate my honesty and respect me for it."

Before I managed the good old slow motion movie cliché "nnnoooooooo!" he was off to be honest about everything.
Now, before the conclusion of this story, and I am sure you my readers already can guess, I will come with one thought. If you are ALWAYS honest, that's the best thing. If you do something DISHONEST and then be honest about your dishonesty, that won't necessarily end well. And that's exactly what happened to my friend. His girlfriend #1 got sad and left him, girlfriend #2 got sad and left him, they never spoke with him again, and he ended up sad and lonely and bitter. The world is sadly not like the romantic comedies out there, where the guy screws up, his girlfriend leaves him, then he "understands" his mistakes, becomes a better person, and they find eachother again in a beautiful sunset by a beach I could never afford to go to.

The end!

Now, for my situation. I already feel a bit dishonest by doing something I know she wouldn't like. If I told her before my first pin on monday, she would have refused, and we wouldn't have been writing / reading this thread right now. Anyways, now that we in this thread have become good friends, you have persuaded me that what I have done is wrong, and I should definately tell my wife. Did I tell you she is a very dramatic person? We met at martial arts school, she is very good at hitting very hard.

I am considering waiting a few weeks until I am medically more confident it will surely work out. Thoughts?

HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

[HeadForTheHills]

yeah man, fabulous post! can't wait for the next installment. and times two on the fall back - your writing skills are terrific. what's the name of your band? kidding..haha

i'm also interested in your diet. and could you please post your complete cycle, including PCT, here so we all have a look?

thanks and good luck!

Hah! My band.. let's just say I make electronic music. I'll post some photos of my shows eventually.

Diet: I haven't had a set diet until now. Tonight I am gonna prepare some chicken meals and stack it in tupperware for the whole week. Thinking 150-200 grams per meal, and some boiled broccoli for taste stuck in there. One before working out (I work out at 7 in the morning), one shortly after, and the third one around 2 o clock. Then, for dinner I will change it up a bit - heavy on the steaks and fish. Protein shakes, stack up on creatine (Cell Tech), start my day with a few scoops Jack3d. Will also take these huuuuge pills of vitamin / mineral supplements which BWAAAAGGH got me, they look quite intimidating! Fish oil because I was told it's awesome.
I am not very good at this food thing, I might have to balance it out once I start it !

My complete cycle is pretty simple: 250mg Test E every monday and thursday. No orals. (BWAAAAGGH is going with some cute heart shaped dbol in addition to that, I'm not gonna.) for 10 weeks.
PCT : well, I have Letro. I still have problems in getting answers in how the best way to use Letro as PCT, and my link tells me that for my cycle it's better to just have Letro handy and it should be fine. I am a bit unsure though, and I am looking into getting some Nolva from this other guy, but who knows man. Not me! My first post in this forum was a question if Letro could work as PCT or if I should do something else. People didn't seem to know for sure! So much bro-science.

HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

[Blaz Kavlic]

Interesting read bru and I wish you luck with your cycle. However with all this travelling for your musical career, are you confident you maintain a strict diet and training regime?

[ghettoboyd]

letro is an a.i and a powerfull one at that...it is to be used on cycle if estrogen type side appear to combat gyno...the problem with letro as opposed to aromasin is that it kills most if not all estrogen in the body and the fact is you need estrogen to some degree to grow...you need to do some reasurch in the pct forum so you can become familliar with a standard pct comprised of serms like nolva/clomid...thats what you need for a proper pct...dont listen to those that say you dont need pct cus its your first cycle or whatever...they dont have your best intrest in mind...goodluck...

[HeadForTheHills]

Interesting read bru and I wish you luck with your cycle. However with all this travelling for your musical career, are you confident you maintain a strict diet and training regime?

This is of course a bit of a problem, BUT i do have a strict raider and I usually have no problems setting my meal demands. I usually leave out on fridays and come back on sundays, so as long as they stick to my demands I'll be fine. I CAN refuse a gig unless they do as I say, and some times I simply find my own restaurant and go nuts. Off-weekend gigs is usually just for tours, and I won't put up any until the cycle is over... when I will perform in my Leonidas cape and sword! *fingers crossed*

[HeadForTheHills]

letro is an a.i and a powerfull one at that...it is to be used on cycle if estrogen type side appear to combat gyno...the problem with letro as opposed to aromasin is that it kills most if not all estrogen in the body and the fact is you need estrogen to some degree to grow...you need to do some reasurch in the pct forum so you can become familliar with a standard pct comprised of serms like nolva/clomid...thats what you need for a proper pct...dont listen to those that say you dont need pct cus its your first cycle or whatever...they dont have your best intrest in mind...goodluck...

I do agree. I'll try to get some Nolva as soon as possible!
Letro is good to have handy in case of emergencies as I understand.

[MickeyKnox]

Hah! My band.. let's just say I make electronic music. I'll post some photos of my shows eventually.

Diet: I haven't had a set diet until now. Tonight I am gonna prepare some chicken meals and stack it in tupperware for the whole week. Thinking 150-200 grams per meal, and some boiled broccoli for taste stuck in there. One before working out (I work out at 7 in the morning), one shortly after, and the third one around 2 o clock. Then, for dinner I will change it up a bit - heavy on the steaks and fish. Protein shakes, stack up on creatine (Cell Tech), start my day with a few scoops Jack3d. Will also take these huuuuge pills of vitamin / mineral supplements which BWAAAAGGH got me, they look quite intimidating! Fish oil because I was told it's awesome.
I am not very good at this food thing, I might have to balance it out once I start it !

My complete cycle is pretty simple: 250mg Test E every monday and thursday. No orals. (BWAAAAGGH is going with some cute heart shaped dbol in addition to that, I'm not gonna.) for 10 weeks.
PCT : well, I have Letro. I still have problems in getting answers in how the best way to use Letro as PCT, and my link tells me that for my cycle it's better to just have Letro handy and it should be fine. I am a bit unsure though, and I am looking into getting some Nolva from this other guy, but who knows man. Not me! My first post in this forum was a question if Letro could work as PCT or if I should do something else. People didn't seem to know for sure! So much bro-science.

HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

you need to eat more bro..seriously. you cant skip from pwo am meal until 2pm without putting food in your mouth?? eat something clean(protein, cplex carb,) at least one or two more times before 2pm.

and make sure you have a SOLID pct on hand like nolva AND clomid. this is your first cycle and you want to be double sure your bases covered - you don't know how your body is going to react and finding out the hard way will not be pretty. having letro on hand is always a good idea. but unless you know what you're doing, that's like trying to train a budgie bird with a 12 gauge shotgun.

i would recommend Aromisin(Stane) 12.5mg eod on cycle as well if you can get it. and i think hcg is out because of the additional needles required. too bad though - great stuff for your "boyz"..prevents testicular atrophy.

anyway, a standard pct for a beginner is something like this:

Clomid : 50/50/50/25
Nolva: 40/40/20/20
DAA (test booster)

and here is a sample diet for you to use as a template:

Meal Plan

5 eggs(2 whole)
2 Multi-Grn w/Ntrl P Butter
1 Orange

Snack = Banana or Yogurt/Whey/Ntrl P Butter

2 Fillet fish or 15 med shrimp or chicken breast or tuna
1/2 cup Broccoli or sweet potato
1/2cup Brown rice
1 Banana

WORKOUT

(during workout)
25 grams whey isolate
5 grams BCAA
5 grams creatine

(post workout)
50 grams whey isolate
10 grams glutamine
5 grams BCAA
DAA

PWO Meal 30min later..
Tuna (no mayo)
10 Almonds

2 Fillet fish or 15 med shrimp or chicken breast or tuna
1/2 cup Brown Rice or sweet potato
1/2 cup Broccoli

Snack = 5oz Tuna and 10 Almonds

Bedtime Meal
250ml Cottage cheese
25g Whey Protein

any other questions, just keep plugging away in here. there's heap of solid info and experience right here in these forums.

good luck

[HeadForTheHills]

GOT IT!

Thanx for the meal advice. Man oh man, I'm gonna be stuffin myself like a turkey on christmas, aren't I ? Sounds awesome! I'll try this diet EXACTLY.
The PCT also sounds logical. Having some problems finding it though! I'll work on that.

Thanx again!

HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

[JAB1]

ar-r banner at top of page- they have ai and pct avail, look no further...

Took me a while to understand all the names and abbriviations when I started researching too.
AI (aromitase inhibitor)-to be taken on cycle. Some people say just have it on hand. Others say take it sparingly to be proactive. I take adex(liquidex form ar-r) at .25mg eod(every other day), my first cycle and would rather prevent issue than treat it.
SERM-for pct(post cycle treatment) Nolva and clomid are what everyone seems to recommend for basic cycles

[DeadlyD]

This is a great read, I will be following, I'm am starting the exact same cycle today!! Good luck

[HeadForTheHills]

ar-r banner at top of page- they have ai and pct avail, look no further...

I am very uncertain if that will get past customs... I will do some research!

[MickeyKnox]

I am very uncertain if that will get past customs... I will do some research!

it has no problem going to the US or Canada or UK..but a bit sticky in Aussie land i think. where are you on this great planet of ours?

[HeadForTheHills]

it has no problem going to the US or Canada or UK..but a bit sticky in Aussie land i think. where are you on this great planet of ours?

Norway.

[MickeyKnox]

Norway.

post your question in here and you'll have an answer shortly:

http://forums.steroid.com/forumdispl...S#.TzwJTVF3k34

[HeadForTheHills]

Good morning my new friends! From now on I'll try to start my updates with pure data, and then maybe some storytelling. For your entertainment, of course! (also, been browsing through these threads I always wanted some more personal thoughts on things and not just pure updates).

WORKOUT SESSION : BACK

(PS: I have a history of a weak back so I am not pushing it too much. Please be nice.

Deadlifts
80kg x 8
90kg x 8
90kg x 10 (with straps)
Personal comment: Having a bad grip, been trying to avoid straps for a while to strengthen it, but will use it more from now on

Pulldowns
47.3kg x 10
54.3kg x 8
Personal comment: Feeling good, increase next week

Rows, tight grip
59kg x 8
59kg x 8
Personal comment: Not too happy with my form, don't increase next week and focus on better form

Dumbbell rows
35kg x 8
37.5kg x 8
Personal comment: Feeling good, increase next week

Back extentions
5kg x 12
5kg x 8
Personal comment: This exercise gives me good pump in my lower back. Keep same level for next week. Focus on good form due to weak back.

General comment: I have had backproblems for many years, it's ok now but I don't want to push it too much. Two months back I went for 100kg in deadlifts, fell out of form and got damage, set me back a few weeks. Slowly increase in deadlifts next week, maybe add 5kg max, and see how it goes - use belt and straps. Be careful, future HeadForTheHills!

ANXIETY UPDATE
Today was time for second pin. As mentioned before, I have serious needle anxiety - it's not a fear of pain, it's unlogical fear which makes me freak out. When I took the first pin on Monday I had an experienced guy who did everything for us, taught us how to do it, and set the needle. I freaked out as always, but at least I didn't start crying like a baby girl and fainted all over the place. To me it was a great success, even though I was very unhappy. Today was the first day me and BWAAAAGGH were gonna do this without professional assistance. I set on him and he set on me. BWAAAAGGHs buttcheek looked like a WARZONE (no homo), a pretty nasty black and blue circle where the pin was set on Monday. Decided to turn the other cheek (bdm pssh!) and I am pretty pleased with myself. He then fixed me up in a very heterosexual fashion too, and I was very surprised how little freaked out I was! To me this is AMAZING news. I might actually get past my worst angst and have it dealt with. I am not ready to sort myself out, but maybe that will work out later on. High five!

STORYTELLING TIME : THE GLOVES
So, after our link sorted us out on Monday, we figured we needed some supplies. You know, alcohol for sterilization, cotton, some gloves... we are pretty thurough with the hygiene. I don't want to look like a makak monkey (google search that and you'll get it) not do I need to have the lean junkie look when I take a shower at the gym. So far so good, no sores or warzone there yet. Anyways, BWAAAAGGH got the alcohol and cotton, as well as correct pins (we had the wrong ones before), and I went to get some gloves. I enter a local pharmacy and realize I had no idea what to ask for.
"Good sir! Some rubber gloves, please!"
"Sure, we got gloves. Do you need vinyl or latex?"
"... ... I don't know!" (Feeling a bit silly here)
"What do you need them for?" (oh snap!)
"... uhm... you know... sore treatment?"

I got sort of a funny look at first, then a weeeeird smirk. Tell you what, go to youtube and search for "sexy smile", the first video that pops up ... that's the way he looked at me. Remember, I am a bit paranoid at this point, breaking the law type of feeling, even though I'm not. So I responded the best way I could at the time: (see video again). Perfect!

Today I'm gonna head down to the supermarket and get me a bunch of tupperwear and get serious with my diet (yes, MickeyKnox, I am listening to your tips!)
I do have to figure out how to administer that diet though, as the first thing I do in the morning is work out. I start my sessions at 6:30 in the morning, Monday/Tuesday/Thursday/Friday.
Starting on cardio exercises in addition to this in the afternoons after the weekend.

So, as always, HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

[HeadForTheHills]

Oh, week looks like this:

Mondays: Chest and biceps
Tuesdays: Legs
Thursdays : Back
Fridays: Shoulders and triceps

Might change the program a bit, BWAAAAGGH has a few in his book.

[HeadForTheHills]

I'm not a big guy, nor am I very strong. At the same time, I see a good progress in what I am lifting, which I like to see as the most important thing. If I can keep increasing the weights I am lifting, then I assume I am doing something right. I try to do everything "correct", no jerking or explosive moves, and always lift then lower slowly. I feel better burn if I don't rush it.

WORKOUT SESSION : SHOULDERS AND TRICEPS

Millitary press
40kg x 8
40kg x 8
40kg x 8
Personal comment: have had good gains in shoulders lately, will increase next week

Upright rows and flies
32.5kg x 12 / 7kg x 12
32.5kg x 12 / 7kg x 10
Personal comment: The flies right after the upright rows buuuurns through my shoulders! Will increase next week to try to max at 8 reps.

Shrugs
60kg x 12 + 30kg x 15
60kg x 12 + 30kg x 15
Personal comment: Will increase next week to 70kg and 40kg

Frontraise plate
15kg x 10
15kg x 10
Personal comment: Tried 20kg plate but was too heavy. Keep same size plate for at least another week.

Bench, tight grip
50kg x 10
60kg x 8
60kg x 8
Personal comment: Feels good, will try to increase next week.

Pushdowns
32kg x 12
32kg x 10
32kg x 10
Personal comment: Up from 27kg last week and felt good, should try one level up next week even.

Skullcrushers
25kg x 8 + 10 benchpress tight grip
25kg x 8 + 12 benchpress tight grip
Personal comment: At this point I was pretty empty. Still gives me a pretty decent pump. Stick to same weight next week and then look to increase.

[HeadForTheHills]

How I feel: Normal, healthy
Anxiety level: Much better. I might get through this and sort out my issues.
Diet: Not good enough, but starting this weekend to prepare meals for a week at a time to make sure I can keep a tight regime.
Injection site pain: A bit sore, not too much, it's weird though, I can sit down and I don't feel a thing, but wake up in the middle of the night feeling like someone pinches my ass. Get sad realizing it's not my girl but needle pain Wake up and it's gone again. Funny jokes, body! ha ha!

Other: My link can't get me Nolva. I am not sure if I can order it online without getting into problems. I have a jar of dbol which I am not gonna use, and I just got a batch of VAR too, but without any Nolva I am not even gonna consider that. I do have my Letro handy, but I am smart enough to realize this is my first cycle and should stick to pure test injections for now. I need to find other suppliers so I can get PCT stash, it's gonna be difficult. I have a show this weekend, and next weekend I am playing in two different countries. Really looking forward to the shows, they are gonna be huge.

[HeadForTheHills]

Also, really need to get a picture taken this weekend or early next week. I'll regret it at the end of the cycle if I don't.

[MickeyKnox]

....Other: My link can't get me Nolva. I am not sure if I can order it online without getting into problems....

ar-r banner at top of page- they have ai and pct avail, look no further...

this is your answer right here ^^. nolva, clomid, stane..it's all there.

everything looks great man. just make sure you have a proper pct lined up.

and don't forget to take some photos - you'll be kicking yourself if you don't

[JackSwole]

Yo man... as always, good read. Even my wife is getting in on this and reading your thread.

As far as the nolva, I can tell you ar-r is awesome, legit, and fast. Of course, I'm in the States and I'm sure it's easier to get shipments sent to my house than it is abroad. A first timer myself, I'd be apprehensive about customs too, but at the same time I'd be kicking BWAAAAGGH's ass for getting you on board and not having things in order here. Still, it seems a man of your stature (read reputation/fame) would be able to find someone, somewhere that could help you. Good luck, can't wait for more.

[HeadForTheHills]

Pin #3 today.

How I feel: Normal, healthy, but shaky .. because of:
Anxiety level: Today was terrible. I was in good spirit and felt pretty good heading towards my training partners place to deal with the injections, since the last two times worked out for me and my anxiety. I was feeling I was getting past it, something which has made me very happy all week. I think BWAAAAGGH hit a nerve, cuz it hurt like a motherffff... Now, the pain I can take, but my anxiety doesn't cope well with this. I panicked, but managed to keep calm until the pin was out. Started sweating, got pale, wanted to throw up, and had to lie down. My needle anxiety is totally unlogical but it's very severe. I feel like crying and I feel very very sick when it hits me. It's the main reason why I have been avoiding needles, even necessary ones, for over 10 years, something which hasn't helped at all. I have friends with different anxieties, but none of them wants to talk about it. I think it's considered very little manly to do so, but I think the best way to deal with it is to admit it and try to work with it. Talking to friends is good. They will understand. In fact, I have a story about talking about stuff which worries you which I will take in a seperate post. You might enjoy that one. Stay tuned!
Diet: Finally sorted out my week diet, or rather on my way to sort it. This weekend I got 3.5kg (8 pounds) of chicken filets. Cooked them up and boiled some broccoli and put them in 10 plastic boxes, 2 for each weekday. I still need to add some carbs, planning some wholegrain pasta. Om nom nom nom! I'm eating chicken right now!

Other: A new link has emerged. Turning up at BWAAAAGGH's place today saying he can definately get some Nolva, this is AWESOME NEWS. Also he dropped me some var. So, now I have, in addition to my shots, a batch of dbol and var as well. Still, I am keeping to my original plan to just do the test. Maybe towards the end of my cycle I might be super hyped and just throw in some orals and go crazy. Sounds smart to me! What can go wrong!

[HeadForTheHills]

Todays workout session started with me feeling really bad because of the anxiety mentioned in the post above. Still, my friends got my spirit up and I had some gains since last week. That made me feel much better!

WORKOUT SESSION : CHEST AND BICEPS

Bench press
50kg x 12 (110 pounds)
70kg x 8 (154 pounds)
70kg x 6 (154 pounds)
70kg x 6 (154 pounds)
Personal comment: 70 was max last week too, still hard to push these out without a spotter, do 70 next week as well and check progress. Still, 6 months ago I did 40kg. I am awesome.

Evelated bench (weight per hand)
27.5kg x 8 (60.5 pounds)
27.5kg x 8 (60.5 pounds)
27.5kg x 6 (60.5 pounds)
Personal comment: Last week I was at 25kg, so this is good. Try 30kg next week maybe, with spotter.

Pec flies
54kg x 8 (120 pounds)
54kg x 8 (120 pounds)
54kg x 8 (120 pounds)
Personal comment: This is GREAT. Last week I did 45kg, so a gain of 9kg is something I am very happy about. I have no idea why this is going fast, I am pretty sure I can increase next week as well. The universe will implode.

Armcurlz
27.5kg x 10 (60.5 pounds)
27.5kg x 10 (60.5 pounds)
30kg x 10 (66 pounds)
Personal comment: yaaaaay! 27.5kg has been my max a few weeks now, 30kg didn't seem too heavy. Next week to all reps at 30 and try to increase to 32.5. That will be the max weight they have at the weight rack. Time to move on to the adult department I guess (squat bar for arm curls).

[HeadForTheHills]

STORYTIME : The Shower Incident

It was summer, say 15 years ago or so, and I was at a beachhouse with around 30 others. The property was huge, with several houses with beds, one big kitchen, and a livingroom house. The place also had its own pier, boat and jetski. Awesome place to hang out with good friends. The showers were seperated into one for girls and one for boys, you know, because it's more decent and all that. The showers were seperated with hanging plastic covers which you can pull aside if you wanna get really social with your neighbour shower-guy. This didn't happen too much. So, anyways, I was in the shower when I hear someone else come in and goes into the one next to mine. I was whistling a happy tune and my showerbuddy next to me joins in and takes at one point we get some good chords in. Yeah man, we are guys in the shower, getting clean and being men.
Whistling men.
Then all of a sudden, we get more serious. Whistling stops, and it gets pretty quiet. I am not gonna start saying anything, I liked the vibes as they were already, besides I had soap in my eyes and I had a mission to accomplish to get it out. I was just in a brand new relationship and was eager to go see my new girl and grind her up crazy with my new clean lean mean body! Then the guy suddenly goes:
"Soooo.... a question."
Probably wants to know who I am or something, I thought, but no.
".... I don't know how to say this, but ... do you also have these small bumps around the head of your penis?"

oooooh shhhhhhiiit ! Now don't get me wrong. I was actually SUPER HAPPY he asked. Apparently, ALOT OF GUYS have small bumps around the bell-end, and nobody (at my age at the time, 17 or 18 or so) knows ANYTHING about what is normal on their dicks. I thought for a long time I had super tiny cancer stuff going on, and I was afraid my new girlfriend was gonna think it was disguisting or ask if I had any diseases (i didn't. i don't.). Apparently this is something called "pearly penile papules" and up to 48% of all men have it. It's not a disease, not a sign of bad hygiene, nothing is wrong. After this day, me and my showerbuddy (no homo) talked out loud about pearly penile papules to all guys and they all got a huuuge sign of relief.

I guess my conclusion is, it's good to talk to bros about bro-stuff. I do it more now.
True story!

HEAD FOR THE HILLS !

[HeadForTheHills]

Dear diary.

Please, God, no more chicken.
Holy crap.

Sincerly,
HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

[shutup]

I am unsure what I just read! Lol

[HeadForTheHills]

I am unsure what I just read! Lol

I try to do my daily log in three parts. One training session log, one about how I am feeling (due to my anxiety), and a story.
Everybody loves stories!

Today I had a forth post, because I tried to eat 7 chicken filets at work and it was damn difficult !

[HeadForTheHills]

Ok, so I promise never to write about my penis again. I don't know man, I was tired and had my anxiety attack that day, seemed appropriate to me at the time. Who cares about logical reactions anyways. Moving on!
I'll mention weight in pounds as well for you americans.

** DAY #8 **

WORKOUT SESSION : LEGS

Squats
20kg x 15 (44 pounds) warmup
60kg x 12 (132 pounds) warmup
90kg x 8 (200 pounds)
90kg x 8 (200 pounds)
90kg x 8 (200 pounds)
Personal comment: I feel like I am stagnating here. I had a working set at 100kg (220 pounds) a month back or so, but as I am trying to go deeper I am finding it harder to increase weights. BWAAAAGGH had a MAJOR gain today where he lifted 140kg (308 pounds), he is also on dbol and he was pretty surprised himself. Good for him! Might take a few weeks for me to feel any benefit since I am only doing test e.

Lunges
32.5kg x 10 (71.5 pounds)
32.5kg x 10 (71.5 pounds)
Personal comment: Working on my form here. Have been at the same weight for a long time, but will increase next week. Problem is that to increase now I need to use the squat bar. Oh well, will look way more macho. Boom!

Leg press
220kg x 8 (485 pounds)
220kg x 10 (485 pounds)
Personal comment: Increase next week.

Leg extentions
86kg x 10 (190 pounds)
93kg x 10 (205 pounds)
Personal comment: Major increase since last time, will go with 93kg (205 pounds) next week also and then increase.

Leg curlz
54kg x 10 (120 pounds)
59kg x 8 (130 pounds)
Personal comment: 59 is level up! Do a full set on 59 next week, and if I feel the rage, even try to increase! For some reason I am stronger than BWAAAAGGH here. God knows why, must be the chicken.

[HeadForTheHills]

How I feel: Normal, healthy
Anxiety level: Yesterdays anxiety attack was bad, but today I am feeling good. Just hope it will work out on thursday when I do this shit again.
Diet: Started my all out chicken binge yesterday and almost threw up all day long. I'll keep eating what I pre-made for this week, but I realize it doesn't have enough carbs, and probably way too much protein. I am not gonna be able to feed myself carbs with this amount of chicken and broccoli. Oh well, first week, I'll adjust to next week! Great help to read about peoples diets on this forum, but I don't really understand how to get all that food down. It's damn hard!

Other: Got some pics taken today, in the gym wardrobe. Now I got some "before" photos anyways! I used my wifes brand new camera which she got for christmas. Boy is she gonna be surprised when she browses through her pictures with her girlfriends!

[HeadForTheHills]

I have two huuuge shows this weekend. Still considering if I should turtle up for them. Problem is that it gets soooo hot as it's quite energetic... Still deciding!
Expecting thousands of people at the shows!

[HeadForTheHills]

Boy do I feel awesome! Must be because I am!

DAY #10 : PIN #4

WORKOUT SESSION : BACK

Deadlifts
60kg x 15 (132 pounds) warmup
90kg x 10 (200 pounds)
95kg x 8 (210 pounds)
95kg x 8 (210 pounds)
Personal comment: When I damaged my back a bit when going for 100kg two months back or so, I had to take it down to 80 and slowly build it back up. Now I feel way stronger and ready for it, 95kg is good for me having a bad back from before, and I might take on 100 next week. Awesome!

Pulldowns
59kg x 10 (130 pounds)
66kg x 10 (145 pounds)
Personal comment: This feels easy now. Must be my AWESOMENESS shining through! I might even take it up a notch next week. RaAaaaarrhh! (Awesome.)

Rows, tight grip
66kg x 8 (145 pounds)
66kg x 8 (145 pounds)
Personal comment: Awesome. Increasing weights since last time. Awesome. That's how I feel.

Dumbbell rows
27.5kg x 8 (60.5 pounds)
27.5kg x 8 (60.5 pounds)
Personal comment: Also awesome. Was at 25kg last week and I am gonna go for 30kg next week. Everything today is awesome.

Back extentions
I was out of time and had to skip this. Not very awesome!