ForeverTrying
Hi im new to the forums so i wanted to introduce myself n explain y im here, im not that literate so please go easy on me.
Im 19 years old, the youngest in my family ive always been looked down by my 2 brothers as i always use to get bullied n was just weak and skinny-fat really this led to me having to go to the hospital a couple times had to have surgery on my head as my skull got cracked by the boys when i was 14 i had to get stiches was weird that i survived, ive switched schools many times n not been able to go cuz id be so beaten up that id be home for months cuz of injurys this caused me to fail all my grades as i always missed out on my education even tho i knew i could of done really good, but ive always been a victim in some way, even my parents treat me different just cuz of the way i am compared to my brothers, 1 brother is 21 years old hes really strong he does muay thai n does alot of fights he is very fit n muscular gets all the girls has a car a really good job, goes gym, always tells me y am i so different to the 2 brothers, really makes me feel bad about myself as they have a reputation, my oldest brother who is 23 is very bulky n strong like those bouncers on tv n is very intimidating.
Y am i so different? Y cant i be strong n built? Wanting to feel good about myself? Want to make my family proud make them notice me they would make fun of me saying hows he gna get a girlfriend hes so lanky n skinny-fat (6ft) so weak.
At the beggining of this year is when i told myself i need to start doing something im tired of being labelled a victim all the time, i couldnt even do 1 push up, yh 1 push up? Pathetic? My brother can do 100 so easily i always see him so vain always looking at himself in the mirror.
I started working out mostly because i found someone who accepts me for who i am, she makes me happy n made me forget about alot of things, but i dont get what she sees in me, shes amazing, beautiful way out of my league, shes very athletic n sporty she does professional netball n is a part time model, how did i get her? I really dont know what she sees in me but she always tells me i make her the happiest girl alive n i always make her smile, even my brothers dont understand how i managed to get with her, she always has guys much more better looking trying it on her but she always gets angry n doesnt pay any attention to them at all, i can tell she really loves me n hopefully well get somewhere.
Ive been trying to get in shape for me n for her, i do wna look good for her n i wna be able to look in the mirror n be happy with what i see, i dnt wna be treated like a victim all the time, she lost her virginity to me so shes seen me how i look but she always says she doesnt care n im perfect just the way i am, but i just wna look better cuz she deserves better i feel pathetic when i look at myself ive always felt pathetic.
Since ive been working out ive finally been able to do a pushup, i can do 8-10 before i have to rest so i can see ive made some difference and i can do 15 pullups which ive never been able to do before, i train at least 3 times a week minimum at my local gym, i train really hard i push myself i love going to the gym n working out it makes me feel good helps me get away from everything makes me smile, i dont really have any friends so i dont go out much i have only 1 friend i actually see on rare occasions like if im passing the area.
I need help y dont i see much gains? Im not happy with the progress im making, my brothers always take the piss out of me saying i go all the time train so hard but ur hardly making any progress, i have so many supplements to help me such as whey protein concentrate, isolate, casein protein n creatine i also have bcaa, hmb, mct , d-aspartic acid, beta alanine, maltodextrin, omega 3,6,9, CLA loads of stuff i dont really need i should of just got the whey protein n creatine but to be honest i was desperate n was just gullable when it came to products, y am i not seeing any gains?
My gut is discusting it looks like im pregnant from the side as it sticks out quite alot from the bottom n i have "love handles" but i dont get it, i dont eat chocolates, sweets, fizzy drinks, junk food i try to eat as clean as i can possibly but its very hard wen my mum doesnt make healthy food n i dont really have enough money to buy my own food.
I need help on what to do, i feel like an outcast in my family n i just feel like crap when i look at myself. Please help