loose all my gains after pct cycle
hi guys, its been a while , i turn 50 next month, just came off lets say 3rd cycle, went from 180 pds back down to my misserable 168 pds, i cant even go on the scale or look in the mirror without feeling like crying, i was looking great feeling strong, was on about 4 months , and my busy work shedule started so i figure 4 months is about it so i did the whole hcg thing and clomid ect ect, i realize that i was probably retaining a bit of water, but mass is way down, now one of my pals at the gym , stays on test peranently, just at low dosages, but im not sure i want to shut the balls down permanenly and have to pin for the rest of my life, another one of my friends is a long time ibbf pro and he told me once every cycle can produce 2-5 pounds mass that you may be able to retain, but the way its seems to be going is i gain then i loose, so how the hell do you still keep the size without coming off cycle or is this not possible, how is for the pro,s do they ever come off, or cruize for a bit, is it not supposed to be 3 months on and 3 months of, if so i cant see getting to a decent size ever at this point, appreciate any advise, thanks ,loosing my mind here !!