I'm selling a great new product called Excessanon. It is intended for people with a lack of motivation. How does it work, you ask? Well, I come over to your house, eat your food, sleep on your couch and annoy the hell out of you. I'll follow you wherever you go, unless you go to the gym. If you've ever met me, you'd know that you'd be spending a lot of time at the gym.

$100/day, cash only please!