Wow...........finally, what a long ass road. Not quite all the way back to "home base", but I can finally see it in plain view, and no longer have to look on a map to see what direction I am heading in. What the hell am I talking/babbling about now, right? Well, read on............
Yesterday I did chest/sh/tri's. Did lots of pre-exhuast stuff, trying to shock my muscles, etc. I was in the gym thinking about life, the future, the past, etc. Thinking about how hard it's been to recover from surgery and to get my knees back to where they need to be in order to "complete" my look. I could recall the multitude of days that I had very bad mental "states of mind", simply because my d*mn knees affected everything I was doing. My love, my past-time, my hobby, my business, my LIFE! My life was scarred........far worse scars than the ones that lace both of my kneecaps, in the form of two 5 inch incisions.
I sat there during my rest intervals, massaging the scar tissue on both knees, I find myself doing that now every chance I get. I was a bit too cautious in recovery, simply because of the severity of what happened to BOTH of my legs, and the thought of never walking again. I did as I was told post-op, to not do anything "stupid" until the internal sutures were no longer holding everything together, and to avoid pulling out any of the 4 anchors in the bottom of my knee-caps. Remembering how it felt to have my lower legs fold back uncontrollably onto my hamstrings, was more than enough motivation to not do anything, and be extra cautious. So, leg immobilizers it was, and for a good deal of time! You all remember those pics, if not, I still have them.
Good side here was that I avoided ripping out the anchors and/or tearing sutures. So, no need for another surgery to attach things again, and have to wait all over again w/even worse recovery the 2nd time around. Bad side here is that SO MUCH SCAR TISSUE built up 360 degrees around both tendons due to me not getting into at least some "mild" action when it was medically okay to do so, that flexion and the ability of the tendon to move/slide as it needs to, is "not allowed" due to all of the hard scar tissue. I tell you it's like CONCRETE!!! I was a bit too cautious in moving too soon, but again no one told me "when" to begin to exercise, and I had that horrid rememberance that made me not really want to move.
So! I now fight the battle of time and scar tissue and impeccable training and stretching and ultrasonic massage, and I just introduced a TENS unit to my knees 2 times per day, started this a.m. I have a theory on how this will speed the healing, as it's a frequency much like the "massager" I was told to use, however it has the ability to cover all areas at once, and I can be on the cpu!! I don't have to hold the hand help massager, although I will also continue to do that. So, my legs look pretty good, I can see more definition/seperation every week as the scar tissue allows more of my muscle to be recruited to flex, as there was a point in time where only the upper part of my quads would move! I thought I wouldn't atrophy a lot, then after 2-3 months I guess I got used to how everything looked/felt, because it did not appear that I had gotten smaller. Well, B.S., because I soon realized when I was training that I had lost a lot of what I had. I was forced to use my hamstrings when I could not bend my knees in those immobilizers, so my hams have DEFINITELY gotten quite a bit bigger, that makes me happy. But my quads had suffered, and the teardrop was gone!!!!! The outer sweep, GONE!!! Quads are NOW back to where they were about 3/4 of the leg, the only part still healing and that I am busting ass on now, is the outer portion by the kneecaps.......the "sweep" is there, but it needs to be bigger, and will only do so if I get that scar tissue GONE so all muscle can flex/build/get worked to get bigger. The teardrops I have all back, and they are already cryin'!! Those suckers came back fast, and I need those strong as well to keep my kneecaps in line w/my legs. It's amazing how fast the size has come back (I still need more but I speak of the pace that it's returning as the knee gets better), so I know I'll continue to grow as I heal. One benefit of being bigger before is that when you atrophy, once you begin to work that part out again, it "arrives" about 10 times faster than when you first "built" it.
So, part of my rambling point ----> I'm still re-habbing my knees daily from the surgery I had done on both. However, I can see that around the new year or so (nothing definitive), I should be able to produce some pictures that really showcase dedication, and dedication through straight TRAGEDY. Hell, I may write a REHAB BOOK for those who suffer major injuries.......how to cope, what to do mentally more-so than physically, what the games you have to play are, how you'll deal w/shrinking, etc. It's bullsh*t to have to go through if you love this lifestyle, it REALLY IS!!!
Then, the killer w/image and all. It sucks when everyone around you tells you that you look great, you get re-assurance daily from friends/gym-goers/people in grocery stores, etc. that you look great, and that you are "different" from what is the norm at all times, usually wherever you are.
Many of you know how that feels and can relate.
To me, all of that hasn't mattered one d*mn bit. Just yesterday (I put this on my life) some guy at my gym who just moved here from Fresno, said, "F*ck dude, you look like a f*ckin' statue.....your shoulders are crazy, and your guns, crazy proportions. Do you compete?"
I smiled and said, "Nah, I ain't nuthin'........yeah, I did compete though, right now I'm re-habbin' the knees". Then went on to explain to him the story, much like I am doing here. My point: I wasn't even able to accept a compliment! I haven't been able to do that lately. I used to get those comments/compliments, and believe them. Not cocky, just confident and full of fire. My accident took that all away. Not the compliments, but the belief that I did look good. The belief that I did have "crazy proportions", etc. Then, I realized on the way home that I liked the fact that this gentleman's compliments meant NOTHING to me, because it gives me that fire. When only I can make myself happy and like how I look, I've got that fire. That fire has returned when it gets to that point, and I hadn't been to that point in over 15 months, my body simply would not allow it, and when it did, I didn't know it!
Well, that's exactly how it is right about f*ckin' now. I've got that fire.
It's leg day America.
~SC~
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Originally Posted by SMYL_GR8
that's enought to drive me now...i will be back in no time now...i know it's nothing to campare to you Swole with your surgery...but that's been my battle...
