What types of people are working out at your gym?

[tt333]

I found this artical in Muscle Mag.

The Half Repper- As the name implies, this jabronie absolutely never completes a full rep, regardless of the exercise. He is notorious for putting way too much weight on the bar and completing half a rep, if he's lucky. This often is most obvious when he attacks the squat rack. After making a great show of putting three plates on each side of the bar, he only squats down a whopping six inches! And he wonders why his legs wont grow.

The 80's Bodybuilder- This bodybuilding throwback just cant get past the fact that the 80's have come and gone...especially when it comes to bodybuilding fashion. He must have absolutely every possible pair of baggy clown pants ever designed hanging in his closet. You'll also catch him wearing those silly ragtops that show half of his underdeveloped pecs, plus those dated shoes that look like high top ballet slippers

The Screamer- This wannabe bodybuilder has to be one of the most annonying of all gym freaks. He wants everyone to know he's big, strong, and hardcore. To accomplish this he indulges in completly unnecessary howls. With each rep, he grunts,groans, and screams louder and louder, untill finally-when the set is over-he stands up to see how many people saw hs incredible performance...Not!

Mr.ILS- Everyone, and I mean everyone has seen at least one Mr. ILS or Mr. Imaginary Lat Syndrome. This is the clown who looks like he's carrying a watermelon under each arm, supposedly trying to convince the rest of us that his back is so big he cant put his arms down by his side. If only these buffoons knew how ridiculous the looked.

The Upper Bodybuilder- Up to 75 percent of every single gym is made up of "Upper Bodybuilders". One guy I knew was also known as The Flamingo or The Tank Top. Why? Because of his chicken legs and nonexistent calf development. The name says it all. This joker only trains his upper body. You'll never see these guys in a pair of shorts. If by chance you do, it's those Bahama shorts that go past the knee.


I see more Half Reppers and the Upper Bodybuilder.

[shorty2big]

I read that article. It was funny but true.

[Sicilian30]

Funny.;. but there is alot of truth there.

[AnabolLecter75]

I saw these awhle ago, they are pretty acurate as far as my gym goes


STEVE STICKFIGURE- Steve goes from gym to gym, and has the remarkable ability to let everyone in the gym know how GREAT his body is. He wears all the latest bodybuilding clothes Crazeewear, Otomix, etc. Steve knows more than anyone about training, and is more than happy to share his knowledge. Of course this generally happens when you're in the middle of a rep. It's to bad Steve weighs 135lbs. cell phone, and gold chains included.

THE PEC-DECK POSSE- They generally move in groups of five, so beware!! No one knows for sure how many teams there are, but they run from gym to gym surrounding the pec-deck machine. A word of caution, DO NOT try to enter their circle!! It's a shame they cannot bench their own body weight.

CARLA COROLLA- Carla is quite the ledgend! No one has bigger balls than Carla when it comes to wearing spandex to smooth out cellulite. You can recognize her by the 1/2 inch of cake she wears on her face to smooth out the divots. Carla's name comes from the famous Toyota Corolla than runs forever, and Carla runs from one gym to the next...forever!

ANNA DROL- Anna is the chick that looks like Chyna, benches more than half the dudes in the gym, and has sexual organs longer than a footlong hot dog. Her voice sounds like Tone Loc when she asks for a spot, and stretch marks accross her pecs that would rival the hardest core lifter. After her workout, she disappears in the locker room, only to emerge looking like a monkey wearing a mini skirt...Stretch really digs this chick!

BILL FLOODGATE- Nerdy looking clown, headphones, popular science magazines, I'm sure you've seen him. Fifteen minutes into his workout, he leaves a puddle of sweat on everything he touches. Towels will not work on Bill, so use caution when approaching him!

RANDY RATCHETJAW- This Bozo never works out, stays in the gym for three hours, greets everyone like he's known them for life, and constantly spews forth babble from that wadgobbling hole under his nose. Randy is easy to overcome, a simple slap usually will suffice, but the best method is to inform him that Bill Floodgate needs a spot...Heh heh heh!

LITTLE COUSIN BOBBY- This is the slightly(mentally) challenged guy who works the front desk. Bobby is VERY intense, and generally foams at the mouth when you forget your membership card. DO NOT make Bobby mad!

AUNT BEE- Aqua Net hairdo, leaves a waif of perfume vapor that lingers for three days, sits on a machine for 1 hour showing pictures of her grandchild Opie that looks like the missing link. I know you've seen her....Never discuss a recipe with this broad!!

THE BENCH BUNCH- I don't need to go into this to much. They are three guys who hog the bench, never do legs, and will pile on three times the weight they can actually bench. Their reps consist of the bar dropping at a rapid rate to their chest, while the other two pop blood vessels in their heads to get the bar back up. Once the rep is complete, there are high fives all the way around. Indented chests, and hockey stick legs identify these clowns!

CANDY CARDIOBUNNY- The absolute treadmill wonder of the gym. One solid hour at warp speed for this chick, and all without a rest. Never lifts weights because she doesn't want to look " Bulky " . Candy can be identified simply because she looks as though she could hang glide from a Dorito Chip!

BEN BACKINTHEDAY- Ben's a hoot. He comes up with long lost exercises, and training methods that have been locked away in the pyramids. Poor Ben suffers from ELS, a very rare disorder for which there is no cure. Around the gym it's known as Exageratted Lat Syndrom, which forces the afflicted to walk around bellowing while the arms are extended at 45 degree angles giving the impression of huge, Coleman-like lats. Wide-grip chins have been reported to reduce the effects of this grossly deforming disease.

BUNNY SPANDEX- Gotta love Bunny. She has the unearthly ability to stop workouts, make older men act 18, and has an ass that could crack walnuts whole! She wears the latest " Show me everything " attire, blonde hair, perky breasts, and has a following that would rival Jesus at the gym. Generally accompanied by Arnold Roidhead, so beware!

ARNOLD ROIDHEAD- No gym is complete without a few Arnolds around. Most of the time, the biggest, loudest, and most obnoxious guy there. He has a following of slaves that worship his every move and slobber over him and his bulging roidgut. Careful with Arnold though, he will swell up to imense proportions when Bunny Spandex walks in, and it's best not to make eye contact with him or her until she leaves. Arnold must see a doctor at least once per month to have new parts placed in his head to maintain bodily functions.

GARY GOATFARMER- Gary is one of the most hated guys in the gym. Comes in straight off the farm, goatshit splattered boots, dirty jeans, and removes his flannel shirt down to a yellow-stained tee shirt to work out in. Gary can simply clear a room by his presence alone. There is no known defense for Gary, but it has been reputed that soap may reduce the after burner qualities he has!

WILLIE WIFEBEATER- They travel in groups of 2 to 12. Pants straight from MC Hammer's wardrobe with ground dragging crotch. White wifebeater shirts, pasty white skin, hats turned backwards, and at least 10 body peircings spread out all over their 110lb. bodies. Their function at the gym remains uknown at this point.

LARRY LOCKERROOM- Most of the time Larry is in his 70's or 80's at least, no one knows for sure. Larry, after his workout, likes to spend at least an hour in the locker room naked, prancing around with elephant like wrinkles, and more chins than a Chinese Resturant. He will use the blow dryer to dry private parts of his body, and feels no shame at striking up a conversation with you at this point in time. I think my training partner Stretch has the best cure for this. He calls it ABC!! Absolute Bowel Control, as he puts it, his squat hardned ass doesn't hit procelin until Larry has cleared the locker room. I feel this is sound advice and should be followed at all times.

FRED FITNESSTRAINER- Fred has all the certifications, and has passed all the written requirements, he just seemed to forget the physical ones. Usually can be seen with 2 to 3 others built like him, and can be heard telling them what everyone is doing wrong. This of course is bewteen bites from his Twinkies while proclaiming he is bulking for some non-existent powerlifting meet he has been training for, for the last 12 years. Need training? Submit application to Stretch or myself, photo's must be included.

JIMMY CHIA-PET- Jimmy can make the most hard core lifters shudder! He seems normal when he walks in and heads to the locker room, but what exits is straight from the jungles of Bangledash!! Very tight onion-skin running shorts left over from the mid 80's, and nipple showing lifting tee's straight from any hard core BB magazine, and with no socks or shoes, Jimmy is awe inspiring!! He has thick, gorilla-coarse hair that covers every inch of his troll like body, it actually grows up his neck, though generally clean shaved, it's still a very scary site. If you've never seen Jimmy at your gym, see the movie Lord of the Rings, he had several parts in that flick I've been told. I cannot bring myself to see it at this point.

GREG GORILLABOY- Greg works out alone, and is the oppisite of the Benchbunch gang. Greg has very short legs, but his arms drag the gound. Greg can be identified by the roller skates he wears on his hands so his knuckles won't scrape the carpet. Never does bench, he just squats. All of Greg's pants must be special ordered from K-mart.

THE GERBIL- " SHUDDER " I'd rather not go into this, but he's the guy that hides back in the corner watching all the big guys pound iron. Looks like Hannible Lecter, and talks with a lisp. Never make eye contact with him, act like he's not there. Avoid at all costs unless you want a 6 foot by 3 foot plot of ground in his back yard!!

SALLY SPREADLEGS- She comes to the gym to pick up Iron Brothers. Never works out, and can ruin a good workout with one Pall Mall voiced sentence. Has the IQ of a cricket, and can be identified when leaving by the eight children she has in tow. Avoid at all costs, or your gym carrer is over!

KENNY KNOWSTHEMALL- Kenny knows everyone, and he's the GREATEST! If you don't believe him, just ask him. His advice starts out with, " Ronnie told me " or the famous, " Flex has said many times " and lest we not forget " King Kamali and I did " These types generally cannot distinguish between fantasy land and the real gym. It's also a known fact they cannot enter any bodybuilding function due to the pending stalking charges. Depending on your physique level, you may wish to avoid, usually gives sound advice to Arnold Roidhead.

MARK MrO- Marks been training for the Mr. O for many years, very much like Stretch and myself. And Mark is the first to let you know he's going this year, of course we did as well, but our tickets had better seats than his did. Harmless, but can be irritating.

PETER POPAZIT- This gym wonder forgot side effects of steroids and has a roadmap atlas of zits accross his back and chest. He gets his name due to the popping noise his zits make when doing heavy bench and bent over rows...For safety reasons, you should wear goggles when working around Peter!

CARLY CAMELTOE- Carly is AMAZING!! Straight off the treadmill, nice sweat going on, and straight to the weight room for the intense workout protion of her day. Face down on the leg curl machine, tight shorts, up the legs go......Need I say more? Heh heh heh....Although Stretch and I enjoy her presence very much I must add!!

HARLOD HOCKEYSTICKS- The upper body wonder of the gym scene people. Upper body is flawlees in every respect, and actually seems to be a nice guy in a way. Wears nice baggies to workout in, decent shoes, good form, what else could you want. When you see him at the beach is when the shock sets in, Harold never works legs, and in the tight swim suit he's wearing his legs look like hockey sticks, or perhaps he's riding a chicken...Stretch and I are undecided at thias point though.

THE HALF-REP GURUGODS- A must for every gym, and not complete without them. Most of the time huddled around the squat rack with 5 plates on each side. The noise they emit from their pie holes is staggering and done to ensure everyone will pause to watch the enormous feat coming up! I must admit Stretch and I have fallen victim to them at least once or twice. The first of the group bangs head off the bar until blood flows from his forehead(a hardcore habit), unracks the bar emitting a Tarzan like scream, lowers 4 inches into a squat, then stands erect once again to complete the awe inspiring rep. We are generally left dumbfounded by the sheer stupidity of this act, yet they precieve it to be God-Like looks of worship...Ignore them and move on!

HAL HALITOSIS- AVOID at all costs. Hal's diet consists of shitburgers for every meal, and his breath reeks of their after effects. If you're caught unaware and he starts a conversation with you, Stretch has the best advice. Take deep breath, turn face to the side, and close one eye, as Stretch puts it, " It's better to be blind in one eye than both eyes! " Truly a nightmare.

DEREK DRUNKGUY- Gibbering to himself, covered in filth, eating his own toenail clippings, curling in the squat rack. There's no end to his perversions!

THE SUPERHERO GANG- Skin tight spandex showing off disgustingly perfect bodies, flying here and there like giant mosquitoes, throwing lightning bolts at each other and saving the world between sets. I hate these guys!

ANGIE DIMPLEKNEES- The self proclaimed Oreo-Cookie Queen of Bodybuilding. Easily spotted due to the fact you'd have to roll her in flour to find a wet spot. She appears out of hibernation January 2nd, but her life is short lived and returns to hibernation Febuary 3rd for another year. Harmless, but a GREAT cook!!

[BigGreen]

Anabolecter: I'm printing this out and posting it in the corner of my gym under the cover of "darkness"...it'll last all of ten minutes before some floor manager sees it, but what a grand ten minutes it'll be.

[AnabolLecter75]

Originally posted by BigGreen
Anabolecter: I'm printing this out and posting it in the corner of my gym under the cover of "darkness"...it'll last all of ten minutes before some floor manager sees it, but what a grand ten minutes it'll be.

Sweet!

[DOUGTM1SS]

Awesome post's guys I haven't laughed so hard in a longtime

[seniormateus]

Oh God...HaHahaha...this is the funniest damn post I've read so far on AR! I bump to make this an educational one for all newbies!

[Warrior]

Originally posted by tt333
The Screamer- This wannabe bodybuilder has to be one of the most annonying of all gym freaks. He wants everyone to know he's big, strong, and hardcore. To accomplish this he indulges in completly unnecessary howls. With each rep, he grunts,groans, and screams louder and louder, untill finally-when the set is over-he stands up to see how many people saw hs incredible performance...Not!

LMAO - had one of these guys in a gym I used to use. The braddah would scream and grunt even when at the water fountain He was in his late 40's with not too much goin' on physique wise - but hell... he was sure tryin'!

[ripped4fsu]

DAMN TT333,, thats some funny shit.... and too true.

Mr ILS is my favorite,,, theres a TON of those bozo's at my gym,,, and you'd think with all the mirrors in there they'd know how stupid they look.

[Red Ketchup]

Saw a truly scary one yesterday...

Wearing a bright yellow 70's addidas track suit (remember those? with the stripes on the sides)

Dude was frightning!

Red

[Strut99GT]

Damn, this is the best post I've ever read...classic!

[tt333]

Sad thing is my dad is one of the Mr.ILS. He's always doing that shit, and I try to make fun of him everytime!

[testaprim]

I know a couple of Mr. ILS they turned out to be pretty cool guys, once i got to know them i asked if they had an armpit rash? since then they dont seem to do it as much.

great post

[Shredz]

Now that I think about it..my gym has one of each and everyone of those. But it makes for some amusement

[Red Ketchup]

You know since this thread started I notice the gym morons a lot more now

Today I went to the gym a little earlier than usual. Saw these 2 kids, probably in their late teens, walking around with the 45° arms and chest puffed out to there... Never mind that their arms were twigs and I've seen more chest on a 6 year old girl...

What do they do? 1 set of this 1 set of that, 1/4 dips, all sorts of incomplete curls... all this while grunting and yelling encouragements at each other in Arabic at the top of their lungs...

Does anyone here realize how HARD it is to do squats when you want to burst out laughing? All I could think of was this thread.

Mercyfully they only lasted about 15-20 minutes in the gym and left.

Red

[BASK8KACE]

Originally posted by BigGreen
Anabolecter: I'm printing this out and posting it in the corner of my gym under the cover of "darkness"...it'll last all of ten minutes before some floor manager sees it, but what a grand ten minutes it'll be.

ROTF-LMAO

[AnabolLecter75]

Bump....any characters you guys don't see on the list?

[DOUGTM1SS]

Oh yeah I got one i call him Inch High, because that's as far as the bar or platform travels, this guy will load the bar say in the power rack to do squats with five to six plates, get underneath it stand up ok and then go down an inch or three and do that for a few reps when done with his set he has to go outside to have a cigarette, the same thing happens on the 45 degree leg press, loads that baby up I mean plates ready to fall off the thing, dumbbells added, looks really impressive, and again just moves it and inch or three, I asked him one day how many sets he had left one day and he told me he was finished the guy had a total of 28 45lb plates on the leg press, told him too when he was done to go ahead and clear off the center post (held like 8 plates and the dumbbells) and I'll warmup with whats left, note I'm a firm believer in the full range of motion after training with powerlifters for years, oh yeah Inch High sweats like a glazed donut but atleast he doesn't make a sound when he's moving, and to see him psych himself up like pacing back and forth, all the while listening to a headset styled radio, and acting like he's going to explode when all you see is a poof.

[Yung Wun]

acting like he's going to explode and all you see is poof

[BULKING_N]

Ok this post has made my day LMAO thanks

I got one in my gym, he says his name is ICON, he wants everyone to call him ICON because he is an ICON of fitness and health. Man, I always want to knock that conceited pri*k ,for hes always decked out like this Olympian but squats with two tylenols attached to the bar.

[West Coast All Star]

STEVE STICKFIGURE- Steve goes from gym to gym, and has the remarkable ability to let everyone in the gym know how GREAT his body is. He wears all the latest bodybuilding clothes Crazeewear, Otomix, etc. Steve knows more than anyone about training, and is more than happy to share his knowledge. Of course this generally happens when you're in the middle of a rep. It's to bad Steve weighs 135lbs. cell phone, and gold chains included.

LMFAO I love Steve Stickfigure. Everyone knows one.

[SplinterCell]

What about underarmour guy? I swear to God I work out at the college gym and every guy and his father works out in these...only problem is that it compresses thier fat into strategically places pouches....you gotta see it to understand

[drdeath613]

man i workout at powerhouse i swear to god its old people over 50 and school kids from 13-17 in my gym theres like only 10 guys my own age at my gym