really random question

[newbie82]

what do you guys think about someone who will never look you in the eyes?

i know its a weird question. just something i have been pondering of late.

[DamnYouMSN]

not good news.

[Myka]

means they dont want to look at you...I hate looking in ppls eyes...my reason is that I think most ppl are ugly...especially close up...

[Pooks]

shy maybe.

depends how old this guys is.

Read somewhere when guys talk to each other, etc, they like to sit next to each other and stare into space, never making eye contact..

of course if u're with a girl, thats just rude, and u're not giving her attention.

but if he hasn't had experience dealing with girls, only his friends, than maybe he's stuck in that habit.

I dunno, u really didnt give much detail to exactly what is going on..
but if he's not very old, i'm sure he can learn a new trick LOL
just toss him some scooby snacks for every 10min he stares at you in the eyes LOL.

and like new kid says sometimes its just hard to look at one person for a very long time, i had a gf like that, and i think she's very beutiful but couldnt really stare at her for more than like 2 or 3 minutes LOL

[steve0]

means they are weak minded, no self confidence, or there lieing. depens on the situation

[newbie82]

newkid....you have made me laugh my ass off from the day i met you.

anyway..no we dated for around five years. kind of talking again. except he has never been able to hold eye contact with me, or with anyone. i asked him about it, he says i dont' know i just don't.

its getting a little old, for some reason it unsettles me. stupid thing to be unsettled about i'm sure, but i always look everyone straight in the eye.

just wondering what anyone else thinks about it or if it is a stupid thing to ponder.

[ultimo]

i dont think i would trust someone who didnt look at me straight in the eyes...i mean they dont have to the whole time they are talking to me but you know...if they NEVER looked at me it would be kind of strange..

[Myka]

newkid....you have made me laugh my ass off from the day i met you.

anyway..no we dated for around five years. kind of talking again. except he has never been able to hold eye contact with me, or with anyone. i asked him about it, he says i dont' know i just don't.

its getting a little old, for some reason it unsettles me. stupid thing to be unsettled about i'm sure, but i always look everyone straight in the eye.

just wondering what anyone else thinks about it or if it is a stupid thing to ponder.

glad I could make you smile

well its not stupid if it matters to you...I suppose the reasoning behind it just depends on the person...I would say that some ppl make too much effort to make eye contact to give the illusion of confidence and he just doesnt feel the need...

[Pooks]

glad I could make you smile

well its not stupid if it matters to you...I suppose the reasoning behind it just depends on the person...I would say that some ppl make too much effort to make eye contact to give the illusion of confidence and he just doesnt feel the need...

yah prolly a sort of introverted person, artistic or something... am i stereotyping? god i'm ignorant LOL

[Mizfit]

I have trouble looking at people in the eyes.. (peoples eyes wear every sorrow they have ever felt.. something i don't always wanna know right off the bat.. when i get to know someone a bit more i can do it)

I think eyes r windows to the soul and it's something i don't want to share.

Most people assume it's a confidence thing with most individuals, it may well be. I'm a bit shy but i'm confident.

Anyhow if someone close to you does it.. i would ask them if it bothers u so much.

[newbie82]

no, it makes him uncomfortable. he told me himself. i'm not going to tell him it makes me uncomfortable, b/c that would just further his little complex along i think. it starts out with me looking at him, i'll hold his gaze until he looks away, usually about five seconds. and then he looks towards the ground to finish his sentences.

[Mizfit]

no, it makes him uncomfortable. he told me himself. i'm not going to tell him it makes me uncomfortable, b/c that would just further his little complex along i think. it starts out with me looking at him, i'll hold his gaze until he looks away, usually about five seconds. and then he looks towards the ground to finish his sentences.

In my opinion you should let it be and let him look you straight in the eye when he is ready.

[Pooks]

no, it makes him uncomfortable. he told me himself. i'm not going to tell him it makes me uncomfortable, b/c that would just further his little complex along i think. it starts out with me looking at him, i'll hold his gaze until he looks away, usually about five seconds. and then he looks towards the ground to finish his sentences.

LOL i usually start looking at the sky

[Mizfit]

An article i found

Eye Contact


Eye contact is a form of communication. However, there is supposed to be a shared language between two people when eye contact is made. A person should be able to read what the other person is thinking and feeling. That is the way nonautistic eye contact works. On the spectrum, that is usually not the case.

First, eye contact is not something, that is natural or even desirable to us. We have a problem with the interpretation of this language. There are many reasons why we cannot share the language. First, looking at someone's eyes is very uncomfortable. As a friend of mine on the spectrum says, it is like looking into the headlights of a train. Eyes flicker and move, which is uncomfortable for people on the spectrum. Even if we do make eye contact, we don't know the unspoken language. We have to learn each thing that the eyes tell us, from very obvious to very subtle.
The next problem is in what we send. I have no idea about what messages I am sending with my eyes. That causes confusion for the person who is trying to read me, because I do not send obvious messages. With that confusion on both sides, communication using this medium does not work very well. The big deal about this whole eye contact thing is that our society has built in a lot of meaning into the use of eye contact. We have interpreted this as a sign of honesty and not hiding something, being comfortable, and the art of listening.

These are the expectations that are put on everybody in this society, whether we can make eye contact or not. If you do not use it, you are accused of lying, not being comfortable, having something to hide, not listening, etc. This does not make sense when one is on the spectrum. I have yet to meet people on the spectrum who are natural liars. Some of us have had to learn to be devious when we have to be and tell the little white lies, so that we do not hurt the feelings of nonautistic people. Bluntness has never killed anybody. We lie only when we must and it is not very natural to us. Therefore, thinking that we lie because of not having eye contact makes no sense.
Eye contact has nothing to do with listening. The eyes and the ears are not connected on the same band. I can hear and learn without having to really look at someone. There is also peripheral vision, which is looking but of the sides of the eyes. Nonautistic people think that if the eye contact is not full in the face, it is not eye contact. I can be comfortable and not give eye contact. In fact, I am less comfortable if I have to give it all of the time. It is stressful and takes away from my self-ease. In fact, if I meet someone that I do not know, I do not give eye contact. I cannot stress myself to give eye contact and have a conversation at the same time.

This is not possible for me if I am using all of my energy to make eye contact. I am not very happy about the emphasis put on making children on the spectrum do eye contact against their will. It is a very stressful thing and almost like torture (for reasons that I have given earlier) for children and adults. To me, eye contact is for the benefit of nonautistic people and not much of a benefit for us on the spectrum. We cannot do it very well, nor communicate it very well. It also stresses us and makes us uncomfortable. There is no need to put those kinds of stressors on us.

[farrebarre]

not beeing able to hold eye contact with someone is proof of insecurity, i think you found an insecure guy.

[Mizfit]

LOL i usually start looking at the sky

I look to the left or the right..

People read way too much into my eyes.. they have a precocious nature.

The word devious comes up a lot..

[Pooks]

I look to the left or the right..

People read way too much into my eyes.. they have a precocious nature.

The word devious comes up a lot..

yah people think i'm looking over their sometimes when i talk to them.. but i'm actually starting right at them LOL
unless i'm flirting i really dont pay much attention to how much i look at a person in the eyes.. I make my points, give them my attention, help them solve their complaints and done deal lol

[Mizfit]

yah people think i'm looking over their sometimes when i talk to them.. but i'm actually starting right at them LOL
unless i'm flirting i really dont pay much attention to how much i look at a person in the eyes.. I make my points, give them my attention, help them solve their complaints and done deal lol

Also i wonder why the hell r u looking at my eyes

[Mizfit]

I c u

[newbie82]

hmm. interesting article but i disagree on some points. but i'm glad i asked this question b/c i have gotten alot of insight i would not have acheived on my own.....

[newbie82]

heheh that was funny

[ironmike250]

If I'm really not into a chick, I won't look her in the eyes. Likewise, if I'm trying to really lay it on, or if I just really like her, I will make constant eye contact and find myself smiling alot when we talk.

[FranKieC]

I always look into people eyes to see if they are mking contact. Also when asking people questions it's important because if they look to the right when you are trying to ask them something it means they are using the "Creative" part of their brain and making something up

[RuhlFreak55]

hmmm.....i've been acused of doing that on occasion......usually with girls i don't feel worthy of i think

[RuhlFreak55]

or people i don't know really well

[Mizfit]

I always look into people eyes to see if they are mking contact. Also when asking people questions it's important because if they look to the right when you are trying to ask them something it means they are using the "Creative" part of their brain and making something up

Maybe that's just what i want you to believe

[newbie82]

if it was just me i would say yeah, amybe he' not that in to me..but actually he is in love with me..and he even does it to his family...everyone he knows. i'm with most people it jsut make me feel like he's hiding something.

[D7M]

could be some sort of defense mechanism he developed over the years. which doesn't necessarily mean he lacks self-confidence now, but may have in the past.

[*Narkissos*]

I can't hold eye contact. Doesn't matter what i'm talking about, or who i'm with, or what they mean to me.

Eye contact makes me uncomfortable

Makes me feel like people can read my soul... my most innate thoughts: my memories...me

And it disconcerts me.

Nice article Mizfit.

[newbie82]

hmm. so in actuality it might not be that he's hiding something, it might just be he doesn't feel comfortable sharing himself and his soul. he is terribly emotionally constipated more so than the usual man (jj)

so now we are getting somewhere. hmmm. Nark, is it that you HAVE to look away, like its an OCD twitch or something, or do you choose to?

[Mizfit]

I can't hold eye contact. Doesn't matter what i'm talking about, or who i'm with, or what they mean to me.

Eye contact makes me uncomfortable

Makes me feel like people can read my soul... my most innate thoughts: my memories...me

And it disconcerts me.

Nice article Mizfit.

too look someone in the Eye for me.. implies they have my trust.. so hard..

My soul is not meant for the average person to look at

[Myka]

too look someone in the Eye for me.. implies they have my trust.. so hard..

My soul is not meant for the average person to look at

but your entire body is for everyone to look at

[Myka]

[QuieTSToRM33]

eye contact is over-rated

[Mizfit]

but your entire body is for everyone to look at

I'm not shy

[Myka]

I'm not shy

your eye is pretty

[cfiler]

If I don't want to make eye contact, I'll look at someone's nose, or forehead, o the best their eyebrows. They think I'm still making eye contact, but I don't have to.

Allows me to lie easier (have to do quite abit of that with my job, and school too)

[*Narkissos*]

so now we are getting somewhere. hmmm. Nark, is it that you HAVE to look away, like its an OCD twitch or something, or do you choose to?

No choice in the matter.

Fighting against it is like trying to swim up a waterfall.

[*Narkissos*]

If I don't want to make eye contact, I'll look at someone's nose, or forehead, o the best their eyebrows. They think I'm still making eye contact, but I don't have to.

Allows me to lie easier (have to do quite abit of that with my job, and school too)

lol.. i think you missed the operative question

[chest6]

I look away a lot..no matter who I am talking to. I can hold contact for a little bit but I'll look off pretty quickly for awhile..then every once in a while glace back..