Watch who you speak around.

[DSM4Life]

I am not out at work since it would have a negative impact on my career (I know this for a fact cause another coworker came out before I was there) but a couple of "work buddies" today were talking all kinds of gay bashing bull$hit. Mind you I don’t "act gay" at all so none of my coworkers have a clue I’m gay. It’s just interesting to see people’s true colors come out. They joke with me, call me to talk and even look to me for advice yet if they knew the truth about my sexuality I bet they would stop talking to me.

I don't know if i should be mad or just feel sorry for them.

[sorel_C]

That must be one perplexing situation,, its like you have a a secret identiy. People will always bash what they fear/are against/ dont understand. its just a matter of how you respond that really matters

[naturalsux]

I am not out at work since it would have a negative impact on my career (I know this for a fact cause another coworker came out before I was there) but a couple of "work buddies" today were talking all kinds of gay bashing bull$hit. Mind you I don’t "act gay" at all so none of my coworkers have a clue I’m gay. It’s just interesting to see people’s true colors come out. They joke with me, call me to talk and even look to me for advice yet if they knew the truth about my sexuality I bet they would stop talking to me.

I don't know if i should be mad or just feel sorry for them.

they would most likely stop talking to you. i guess just feel sorry for them.

it sucks but its reality.

[DSM4Life]

That must be one perplexing situation,, its like you have a a secret identiy. People will always bash what they fear/are against/ dont understand. its just a matter of how you respond that really matters

How am i suppose to respond? I don't want to come out.

My last job a "gay acting" guy came into our store and a fellow sales guy said "Look at this fa**ot, doesn't it make you sick?" I said no. He gave me this odd look and said "Why not, the stuff they do with other guys ewww." I said, not in a cocky way mind you, that what they do doesn't affect me at all so what do i care ? I followed that by asking him how he would feel if one of his kids turned out to be gay(he has young children). I kid you not he was looking at me speechless. He totally didn't expect a "manly guy" like me to challenge his homophobic views.

[DSM4Life]

they would most likely stop talking to you. i guess just feel sorry for them.

it sucks but its reality.

I am so curious to see if that would be the case. If this was just a "normal" job i would test it out but this is a possible career job so i don’t want to mess with it.

[naturalsux]

I am so curious to see if that would be the case. If this was just a "normal" job i would test it out but this is a possible career job so i don’t want to mess with it.

thats the smart thing to do. you dont really care bout what they think anyway.

[sorel_C]

How am i suppose to respond? I don't want to come out.

My last job a "gay acting" guy came into our store and a fellow sales guy said "Look at this fa**ot, doesn't it make you sick?" I said no. He gave me this odd look and said "Why not, the stuff they do with other guys ewww." I said, not in a cocky way mind you, that what they do doesn't affect me at all so what do i care ? I followed that by asking him how he would feel if one of his kids turned out to be gay(he has young children). I kid you not he was looking at me speechless. He totally didn't expect a "manly guy" like me to challenge his homophobic views.

Bro in a perfect world you would be able to speack your mind, voice your opion and they would acually listen,,,,,,,,,..... now for the reality check,,, your finicial status depends on this job right and is a carrer step? i say be the bigger person and let thier comments bounce off you,, no need to stick your neck out,, if the outcome may be against you

[firmechicano831]

Yeah just brush it off for now.

[DSM4Life]

I wouldn't say anything for the facts that i stated in my eariler posts.

[Johny-too-small]

Well sir, I think everyone keeps some aspects of their life "hidden" from others to avoid judgement and other risks. For example, I dont share my anabolic lifestyle with most people, even though I am leading a healthier lifestyle than most.

Check out the book, "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman.

[SMCengineer]

How am i suppose to respond? I don't want to come out.

My last job a "gay acting" guy came into our store and a fellow sales guy said "Look at this fa**ot, doesn't it make you sick?" I said no. He gave me this odd look and said "Why not, the stuff they do with other guys ewww." I said, not in a cocky way mind you, that what they do doesn't affect me at all so what do i care ? I followed that by asking him how he would feel if one of his kids turned out to be gay(he has young children). I kid you not he was looking at me speechless. He totally didn't expect a "manly guy" like me to challenge his homophobic views.

That's just plain ignorance and most likely insecurity with himself. He was probably looking to you, being more "manly," for approval.

As to the original post, I'm actually curious as to whether your offended or not by the comments they make. I mean you don't seem to be or at least don't show it, which is a respectable trait to say the least. I'm also not sure as to what context the "gay bashing" was in. Where they calling each other gay like most guys do to each other or was it like the other guy who was just blatantly homophobic. The reason I'm asking is because I have a few family members who are gay and have been out for longer than I've been alive and every time they're around all my brothers make it a point not to say anything to each other regarding "gay" comments. We always joke around about it, but none of us are even close to homophobic.

[DSM4Life]

Well sir, I think everyone keeps some aspects of their life "hidden" from others to avoid judgement and other risks. For example, I dont share my anabolic lifestyle with most people, even though I am leading a healthier lifestyle than most.

Check out the book, "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman.

I do need a new book, i'll check that out. Thanks

That's just plain ignorance and most likely insecurity with himself. He was probably looking to you, being more "manly," for approval.

As to the original post, I'm actually curious as to whether your offended or not by the comments they make. I mean you don't seem to be or at least don't show it, which is a respectable trait to say the least. I'm also not sure as to what context the "gay bashing" was in. Where they calling each other gay like most guys do to each other or was it like the other guy who was just blatantly homophobic. The reason I'm asking is because I have a few family members who are gay and have been out for longer than I've been alive and every time they're around all my brothers make it a point not to say anything to each other regarding "gay" comments. We always joke around about it, but none of us are even close to homophobic.

I don't get offended easily. My brother calls me gay and/or f@g but he says it in a joking way. I could care less if people use these words its how they use them. You can tell from how they said it and the context that they used they have pure hatred for gays.

It just makes me think less. Also makes me second guess if i would give them a needed hand in the future if they asked for it.

[Kratos]

It's an insecurity thing, I wouldn't let it bother you.

If things are going well at work, and it isn't hurting your personal life to keep it a secrect at work, why bother being open if it is just going to be used against you. Best to keep work and personal life seperate. You seem like a smart guy and I would hate to see the glass ceiling get ya.

[goodcents]

I'm not gay and I don't allow that homophobic/racial shlt at my stores. When members make racial or homophobic comments I just change the subject to make them feel uncomfortable, if that doesn't work I just tell them we don't think that way and they stop. You should not have to listen to this shlt at work. I have a mexican store next door and always hearing the whispering "what do they sell over there" but you know how they mean it. I just tell them what they sell and blow them off, they want you to get into a racial knock.

[goodcents]

I think everyone should keep their personal lives at home, they are there to work and get paid. I don't hang anti/pro abortion stickers in my stores ( I hate when contractors hang that shlt on their vehichles) Those guys should keep their mouths shut. I have no personal beliefs at work

[PEWN]

It's an insecurity thing, I wouldn't let it bother you.

If things are going well at work, and it isn't hurting your personal life to keep it a secrect at work, why bother being open if it is just going to be used against you. Best to keep work and personal life seperate. You seem like a smart guy and I would hate to see the glass ceiling get ya.

kratos with a great post once again....

[DSM4Life]

I think everyone should keep their personal lives at home, they are there to work and get paid. I don't hang anti/pro abortion stickers in my stores ( I hate when contractors hang that shlt on their vehichles) Those guys should keep their mouths shut. I have no personal beliefs at work:lol:

I agree. I am the same way.

[SMCengineer]

Also makes me second guess if i would give them a needed hand in the future if they asked for it.

That's could be a double edged sword. Not helping them might give you some retribution, but it could hurt your chances of advancement in the company.

[DSM4Life]

That's could be a double edged sword. Not helping them might give you some retribution, but it could hurt your chances of advancement in the company.

That came out wrong so let me rephrase that. I wont go out of my way to help them.

[feanixco]

I get a made fun of all the time at work because everyone thinks I am gay, but I'm not. My boss even throws in a few zingers every now and then. I live in the south and just because I wear designer suits and clothes they think I am gay. I don't say anything and just try to let it roll off my shoulder but I cant imagine how much it might hurt if I truly was gay. Oh well, they are just jealous because I am in shape and I dress sharper and all the women in my office give me a lot of attention.

[legobricks]

^^^ They call that metro sexual. I think if you are gay or a sharp dresser, take the time to look good when you go out most men will give you crap about it and call you gay or a homo or whatever negative thing they can think of. I'm not gay but do have some gay friends and I hear negative things all the time from people and it kind of irritates me. I think most guys now a days are just jealous and insecure with themselves that they have to pick on the guys who actually care about how they look, smell, or even there sexual preference. I mean look at America, most of America is obese, out of shape, doesnt care about their self image. It irritates the crap outta me.

[Kale]

Become Bi like me and you can happily bash both sides depending on how you are feeling on the day

[Carlos_E]

I am not out at work since it would have a negative impact on my career (I know this for a fact cause another coworker came out before I was there) but a couple of "work buddies" today were talking all kinds of gay bashing bull$hit. Mind you I don’t "act gay" at all so none of my coworkers have a clue I’m gay. It’s just interesting to see people’s true colors come out. They joke with me, call me to talk and even look to me for advice yet if they knew the truth about my sexuality I bet they would stop talking to me.

I don't know if i should be mad or just feel sorry for them.

Gay bashing at work? fuck that. Report them to HR. They should be fired for creating a hostile environment. I reported some guys at work for repeatedly making gay comments. They were warned, written up then fired. Your state should have laws against this. I know New York does.

Do you work in an office or professional environment?

[gixxerboy1]

Gay bashing at work? fuck that. Report them to HR. They should be fired for creating a hostile environment. I reported some guys at work for repeatedly making gay comments. They were warned, written up then fired. Your state should have laws against this. I know New York does.

Do you work in an office or professional environment?

I agree. You shouldnt have to deal with it

[Carlos_E]

When I reported guys at my job to their manager, the VP of our department solution was to move me to a bigger office away from them. He was trying to shut me up. "Maybe if we offer him a huge office where he can't hear them he won't make an issue of it." I told them, no, I don't want to move. I'm fine where I am. Thank you for the offer." By turning them down it made him get off his ass and do something. The 2nd time they made comments instead of going to him I went direct to HR. I should have done that in the first place. The guys were sent to HR, written up and sent home.

If you report them to your HR department and the company does nothing you can sue the company. Make a shit load money and go work some where else.

[crazycrab]

Gay bashing at work? fuck that. Report them to HR. They should be fired for creating a hostile environment. I reported some guys at work for repeatedly making gay comments. They were warned, written up then fired. Your state should have laws against this. I know New York does.

Do you work in an office or professional environment?

Agreed!!
Years ago I thought the same way as people at your work. These things are beat into you when you are born.
Now I own my own bussiness and the gay population is some of my best customers. After meeting some of them you can see they are people just like us.

Report their a**es. You should not have to put up with that s**t at work.

[Renesis]

When I reported guys at my job to their manager, the VP of our department solution was to move me to a bigger office away from them. He was trying to shut me up. "Maybe if we offer him a huge office where he can't hear them he won't make an issue of it." I told them, no, I don't want to move. I'm fine where I am. Thank you for the offer." By turning them down it made him get off his ass and do something. The 2nd time they made comments instead of going to him I went direct to HR. I should have done that in the first place. The guys were sent to HR, written up and sent home.

If you report them to your HR department and the company does nothing you can sue the company. Make a shit load money and go work some where else.

Shouldve taken the office and then reported them

[goodcents]

I've been known to fuk with more than a few people and say "I'm gay" just to see them shut up

[gixxerboy1]

What ever guy is the most offensive i think you should out him. Tell everyone how he grabbed you package at the urinal

[peteroy01]

but if your going to make a career with this job do you really want to hide your sexuality for the rest of your working life?

[Kratos]

I understand what carlos is saying and in a perfect world you shouldn't need to put up with it. There are laws and by law you don't have to put up with it.

Here's the catch, an engineer (black), who works for the same company as me which is a big one made a big deal about racial comment that was made in his presence. He probably would have went far with the company. Everyone and I mean everybody within the company knows what went down and I'm talking about thousands of people. They dealt with the situation and nobody makes those comments around him anymore. I don't see him getting his own projects though, nobody wants to work with him and management is afraid of him. How did I hear about the racial comment and what happened as a result? From someone high up in the company. They won't fire you and may even make special provisions for you. They won't look at you as part of the team though and that's just the real world.

[G-1000]

Carlos is 100% right on this one. Also H.R will not and can not tell anyone who reported them.

[G-1000]

I understand what carlos is saying and in a perfect world you shouldn't need to put up with it. There are laws and by law you don't have to put up with it.

Here's the catch, an engineer (black), who works for the same company as me which is a big one made a big deal about racial comment that was made in his presence. He probably would have went far with the company. Everyone and I mean everybody within the company knows what went down and I'm talking about thousands of people. They dealt with the situation and nobody makes those comments around him anymore. I don't see him getting his own projects though, nobody wants to work with him and management is afraid of him. How did I hear about the racial comment and what happened as a result? From someone high up in the company. They won't fire you and may even make special provisions for you. They won't look at you as part of the team though and that's just the real world.

If he is the only black guy in the group they know who is complaining. In his case no one could or would even know. If he tells h.r as just being a concern they wont think any thing of him.

[Tock]

I am not out at work since it would have a negative impact on my career (I know this for a fact cause another coworker came out before I was there) but a couple of "work buddies" today were talking all kinds of gay bashing bull$hit. Mind you I don’t "act gay" at all so none of my coworkers have a clue I’m gay. It’s just interesting to see people’s true colors come out. They joke with me, call me to talk and even look to me for advice yet if they knew the truth about my sexuality I bet they would stop talking to me.

I don't know if i should be mad or just feel sorry for them.

Both, probably.

I spent over 20 years in a multi-national corporation, and I didn't hide being gay. It didn't help my career. But ultimately, it helped educate a lot of upper level executives, and they created some tough anti-antigay rules. Life is easier now for lot of other people, which is something that I am very proud of.

It takes a certain sort of person to be "out," especially in a hostile environment. There's always a price to be paid if you do. And sometimes there's a price to be paid if you don't. Only you know if that is an adventure for you.

[Carlos_E]

I understand what carlos is saying and in a perfect world you shouldn't need to put up with it. There are laws and by law you don't have to put up with it.

Here's the catch, an engineer (black), who works for the same company as me which is a big one made a big deal about racial comment that was made in his presence. He probably would have went far with the company. Everyone and I mean everybody within the company knows what went down and I'm talking about thousands of people. They dealt with the situation and nobody makes those comments around him anymore. I don't see him getting his own projects though, nobody wants to work with him and management is afraid of him. How did I hear about the racial comment and what happened as a result? From someone high up in the company. They won't fire you and may even make special provisions for you. They won't look at you as part of the team though and that's just the real world.

Then you work for a piss poor company. I have been promoted and I've gotten 2 raises since. Why? Because I do ,u work and know my shit. The guys mouthing off on the other hand were a waste of space and people were happy when they were fired.

[DSM4Life]

I work for a very well known company so i am not going to risk it. Like i said before i have seen how they acted with the guy that came out before i started, not worth it at all. In a perfect world i would be able to stand up but not here.

[Carlos_E]

I work for a very well known company so i am not going to risk it. Like i said before i have seen how they acted with the guy that came out before i started, not worth it at all. In a perfect world i would be able to stand up but not here.

A well known company and you don't trust their HR? Come on, I work for Sony. You can't get much bigger than that. If your company does not treat gay and straight employees fairly then they need to be sued to get their act together. There is absolutely NO REASON for you to feel uncomfortable at work. None. I wish I worked there. Given time I'd be runnin' the place.

[Dukkit]

if you let it affect you, then their views are becoming more then that. they become feelings, misconceptions and prejudices. to win that battle, you need to not let it bring any type of reaction. whether its feeling sad for them or, being angry.

[novastepp]

pathetic that people still talk about this shit. it in NO WAY involves them. i know quite a few gy guys and i am totally cool around them, and them with me. it's not like they are interested in me. they know i'm not gay and are fine with it. i would try to find out what your policies are on that kind of behavior, just to cover your ass. but if it persists, you need to report it. zero tolerance as far as i'm concerned.

[SlammiN]

hi there.
in my opinion your sex life shouldn't have to be known to anyone that you don't want to.
take me for instance, i'm straight but there are certain things that really turn me on that other people find disgusting. but when people at my work have said it's disgusting it didn't make me feel bad, they just don't know i like it. its each to their own and we all have different sex lives. if ya get me.