I think I just give up

[J-Dogg]

More of a vent than anything…..

Girls will be the end of me though. 9 months ago, my girl of 5 years wanted “I need a break, just for a little”. Me, being the proud man I am, forget you then. I cried, sure, I laid around for 2 days, I had a really good friend to get me though it. I forgot about her.

Eventually, I started to see a girl, she was a great girl super cute. You ever just sense that someone is genuinely a good person? A caring person, my judgment was clouded apparently because she wanted a “break” also and was sleeping with another guy 2 days later.

There is another, oh yes, one more for your entertainment on the worse aspect of my life (relationships). Start messing around with this girl, we do the hunka chunka a few times, hang out, watch movies. Eventually I ask her about this guy she talks about. I just flat out ask her about him, she says “I think we were meant to be together, we are so compatible. Even a close friend of ours has said it to me. I just really like him rite now though”. Cool…..2 weeks later she confesses she’s been in love with me for a year and has went through 3 boyfriends because she compares them to me and they don’t match up. Shoo shoo, get lost girl.

Now I’m having problems, I start seeing this really cute girl. She’s a models part time, body to die for. Works really hard, started in a situation like me I guess. Came from nothing and working to achieve more. Super caring, adores me, would spend every minute of every day with me. She’s 20, I’m 27 (almost 28). She’s going though that drinking stage, likes to party. It just does not fit in my lifestyle of work, build career, build a family to support.

Now I feel awful because she is a crying mess because I don’t think things could work because of our life style differences. Even though she is the only girl of the last 4 not to screw me over. While the other girls make comments about my “perfect life” she wrote me a letter saying she will never regret the time we spent together.

It’s just annoying. I have every aspect of my life in check. My career is great, I have great close friends (few but they will punch you in the face if you say my farts stink), I’m healthy, my family loves me and I love them. My mother is a good mom, she sucked at relationships to, I don’t know if I’m stuck in her patern from learned behavior growing up though 3 marriages/devoirces.

I’m about to start popping the lexapro or something.

To top it off, I was thinking about my ex (of 5 years first one) today and thinking how happy we were together. Later, I find out she has a girl friend.

[outofthebox]

More of a vent than anything…..
....
To top it off, I was thinking about my ex (of 5 years first one) today and thinking how happy we were together. Later, I find out she has a girl friend.

dude, been there done that...so what if she has a g/f... girls that are lezzies will be lezzies, its not something you can change... stop thinking about the ex, move on it does nothing for you to hang on to the past

I will tell you though, it is said that it takes atleast 50% of the time spent together to get over someone in a serious relationship

have a good time, it sounds like the younger girl may be a good run for you, after all, she'll pull out of the party lifestyle quickly, especially if she actually DOES have some feelings for you and you show your dislike...word of advice, let her do her party thing...just dont participate, she'll learn fast and you'll ge her where u want her =) not to mention, whats wrong with lettin some dude spend his money getting ur girl drunk if you are the one she's back with ever night =) heh

[N*E*R*D]

Stick with her bro, shes good for you.

[GT2]

dude, been there done that...so what if she has a g/f... girls that are lezzies will be lezzies, its not something you can change... stop thinking about the ex, move on it does nothing for you to hang on to the past

I will tell you though, it is said that it takes atleast 50% of the time spent together to get over someone in a serious relationship

have a good time, it sounds like the younger girl may be a good run for you, after all, she'll pull out of the party lifestyle quickly, especially if she actually DOES have some feelings for you and you show your dislike...word of advice, let her do her party thing...just dont participate, she'll learn fast and you'll ge her where u want her =) not to mention, whats wrong with lettin some dude spend his money getting ur girl drunk if you are the one she's back with ever night =) heh

I couldn't stand the thought of another guy buying my gf drinks, trying to hook in with her. Unlike you, I actually like my girlfriend, and don't treat her like a piece of meat i.e. "you are the one she's back with every night".

[outofthebox]

I couldn't stand the thought of another guy buying my gf drinks, trying to hook in with her. Unlike you, I actually like my girlfriend, and don't treat her like a piece of meat i.e. "you are the one she's back with every night".

eh, to each his own...i have a very trusting relationship with my current g/f...i know she's faithful =)

[GT2]

eh, to each his own...i have a very trusting relationship with my current g/f...i know she's faithful =)

I have a very trusting relationship too, been 1.5 years together, but I think you missed the point. Either way, I'm glad your relationship is working out

[Amorphic]

im kind of in the same boat as you J-dogg, just keep your head up and try not to get your judgement too clouded. girls come and go and it can be tough along the way. do what feels right and hopefully its the right thing

[Skully44420]

i say stick with the one that you know will be there for you...even if shes in her party mode right now...maybe let her know how you feel about it?...i have had to deal with that same thing and let the girl go...now i regret it

[J-Dogg]

i say stick with the one that you know will be there for you...even if shes in her party mode right now...maybe let her know how you feel about it?...i have had to deal with that same thing and let the girl go...now i regret it

I thought about that, she said she would change. I don't want anyone to change for ME though. Eventually, you ask someone to change, it leads to them feeling you are controling, they become spiteful.

She's 20, she deserves her time to grow into a woman. I'm sad because she is a sweet heart. But I can't ask her to deprive her of what she is so she can be with me.

[Skully44420]

well yeah you got a good point there...i used to hate when girls would ask me to change something about myself for them...i guess you can't change unless you want to...and if she truly cares for you and sees what you really want with her then maybe she will decide for herself that is what she wants

[daem]

I thought about that, she said she would change. I don't want anyone to change for ME though. Eventually, you ask someone to change, it leads to them feeling you are controling, they become spiteful.

She's 20, she deserves her time to grow into a woman. I'm sad because she is a sweet heart. But I can't ask her to deprive her of what she is so she can be with me.

Bro, obviously none of us know all the factors in the equation other than what you shared, but I'll give you some advice.

If you go looking for someone that is "perfect" on a checklist, you'll go through life miserable. If you look for someone that "perfectly" complements your weaknesses, you'll go much further.

Personally, I'd be cautious that a 20 year old "knows" what love is and would be ready for something more. I had a situation very close to that 3 years ago and thank CHRIST that I didn't try to make it work. She was a whore, always will be a whore, and took advantage of my generosity/kindness.

I'd do this: Say "When you go out all the time and get wasted, I worry if I'll get a phone call that something bad happened to you"

If she gets defensive or pretends like what you are saying is a shock, you've gotta just cut your losses and let her live life, make some mistakes, and learn. You can't break a wild philly.

If she is truly mature, she will understand ON HER OWN that you are basically saying "Choose partying or choose me."

Let HER make the choice and change her habits to fit into YOUR life. If she wants it that badly, she can make sacrifices the same that you might have to.

Love and relationships are based on the spirit of compromise, and not absolutes. She should push you when you are stuck, you should pull her when she falls behind, and the cycle continues as your life trajectory changes arc or momentum.

This one might not be ready to get on the path and hold your hand until the sun sets, but this might teach you the lesson NOT to get involved with young girls that are in a different place mentally.

I learned that and have been MUCH better off...No 18-21 year old ass is worth the drama/fantasy that age range is living in.

I feel for you...Good luck.

[gixxerboy1]

If the only problem with this girl is she like to go out i would keep her around. If you are looking long term. going out you grow out of. Also thats soemthing you can compromise on. Go out with her soem times. Let her go out with her friends. I dont see that being a big deal

[gixxerboy1]

I couldn't stand the thought of another guy buying my gf drinks, trying to hook in with her. Unlike you, I actually like my girlfriend, and don't treat her like a piece of meat i.e. "you are the one she's back with every night".

I agree. I made a joke to my girl once. She said she wasnt gonig out with the girls one night becasue she didnt want to spend the money. I said like you buy drinks. Dont tell me guys arent getting them for you girls all night. She got all pissed that she thought she would do that.

[J-Dogg]

Bro, obviously none of us know all the factors in the equation other than what you shared, but I'll give you some advice.

If you go looking for someone that is "perfect" on a checklist, you'll go through life miserable. If you look for someone that "perfectly" complements your weaknesses, you'll go much further.

Personally, I'd be cautious that a 20 year old "knows" what love is and would be ready for something more. I had a situation very close to that 3 years ago and thank CHRIST that I didn't try to make it work. She was a whore, always will be a whore, and took advantage of my generosity/kindness.

I'd do this: Say "When you go out all the time and get wasted, I worry if I'll get a phone call that something bad happened to you"

If she gets defensive or pretends like what you are saying is a shock, you've gotta just cut your losses and let her live life, make some mistakes, and learn. You can't break a wild philly.

If she is truly mature, she will understand ON HER OWN that you are basically saying "Choose partying or choose me."

Let HER make the choice and change her habits to fit into YOUR life. If she wants it that badly, she can make sacrifices the same that you might have to.

Love and relationships are based on the spirit of compromise, and not absolutes. She should push you when you are stuck, you should pull her when she falls behind, and the cycle continues as your life trajectory changes arc or momentum.

This one might not be ready to get on the path and hold your hand until the sun sets, but this might teach you the lesson NOT to get involved with young girls that are in a different place mentally.

I learned that and have been MUCH better off...No 18-21 year old ass is worth the drama/fantasy that age range is living in.

I feel for you...Good luck.

Thanks for the words and the advice.
I just don’t want her to feel she has to do what I want to be with me. My older sister and younger sister are amazing women and they each have told me something that stuck with me on my initial break up.

My younger sister (23yr old mother yet so wise)

“Can you accept her for her flaws and mistakes? If not, let go….if you can…move forward”

My older sister (29yr old mother of 3, wife, strongest person I know)

“Can you see yourself marrying this girl? If not, you are wasting your time and setting yourself up for hurt”

They both made a great deal of sense to me coming from them. If you can’t see yourself being with someone for the rest of your life, you plan on ending things eventually. The longer you put it off, the more it hurts you both. I can’t see myself getting married to this one at this point. I don’t know what she’ll become and I can’t control the outcome.

I just want a good woman I can take care of. I like to make a girls friends say “You are so lucky!”. I like to tease them and make them laugh, tickle them. Cook them dinner out on the grill in the summer every night. Watch a movie, go to see a movie. Take my dog for a walk downtown to the ice cream stand and get some peanut butter cup waffle cones. I just can’t find the girl who wants this.

I don’t mind going out on occasion. I honestly do it more than most. But I have a business to operate, every day I’m hung over and am not at 100%, someone else is. I have to work hard, but the trade off is I do well, I’ll retire early, I enjoy what I do. I have nice things but I have no one to share them with and I don’t want to retire being a playboy.

[J-Dogg]

If the only problem with this girl is she like to go out i would keep her around. If you are looking long term. going out you grow out of. Also thats soemthing you can compromise on. Go out with her soem times. Let her go out with her friends. I dont see that being a big deal

It’s not just the going out, the entire life style. Everything outside of being at work seems to revolve around drinking, partying. Get a promotion, go out and get wasted to celebrate.

I go out semi frequently. Sometimes a few times a week, sometimes 1 time every few weeks, I have no problem with a girl going out on occasion but I don’t want their lifestyle to reflect that of a bar fly. When she drinks, we normally end up in a fight, I turn off my phone, I get a few pissed off text from the night before when I turn it on, followed by 3 I’m sorry text in the morning.

Some girls can go out, drink, have fun with the girls, brush off the guys and come home at a reasonable hour happy to see their man. I just don’t know if that is the case with this one. She likes to stay out until 4am and normally calls me at 4am for a ride because she wants to stay the night.

[daem]

She likes to stay out until 4am and normally calls me at 4am for a ride because she wants to stay the night.

That's a big warning sign. Despite what she says to you when she is sober, I think that drunken actions reveal people's true flaws.

If that's the case, she might be on the "I've got a good thing going with J-Dogg bc I can call him at 4am to come get me regardless, and he'll bring me home safely after I've had fun."

That sounds awfully suspect to me and I'd get the impression that I was being used if that happened more than 1 time a month.

If it's prearranged, fine...But if you are woken up at 4am and she's begging for your charity, that's another thing.

Classic young girl taking advantage of generosity.

[gst528i]

IF she parties with her friends let her. But if this happens every night or has something to do with her friends when you may have something planned than it's time to cut her loose. I had a gurl that would rather spend time with me but if one her gurl's had a party or wanted to have a gurl's night than she would beg to get out of something that we may have planned. Just disrespect generally. Just depend's on you.

[gixxerboy1]

IF she parties with her friends let her. But if this happens every night or has something to do with her friends when you may have something planned than it's time to cut her loose. I had a gurl that would rather spend time with me but if one her gurl's had a party or wanted to have a gurl's night than she would beg to get out of something that we may have planned. Just disrespect generally. Just depend's on you.

I agree. Its good that she has her own life too.

[Panzerfaust]

I might start dating this chick I have been seeing for a few weeks. I have been out of it for 1.5yrs

But your story was the shit. You can't win can you. haha

[PT]

That's a big warning sign. Despite what she says to you when she is sober, I think that drunken actions reveal people's true flaws.

If that's the case, she might be on the "I've got a good thing going with J-Dogg bc I can call him at 4am to come get me regardless, and he'll bring me home safely after I've had fun."

That sounds awfully suspect to me and I'd get the impression that I was being used if that happened more than 1 time a month.

If it's prearranged, fine...But if you are woken up at 4am and she's begging for your charity, that's another thing.

Classic young girl taking advantage of generosity.

i agree with this 100% and even though i almost never drink anymore i used to take every new date out for drinks and give her one to many everytime just to get her in bed. just joking, i would get her buzzed up so i can learn more secrets and see who she really was and it worked great.

[wilson9d]

I thought about that, she said she would change. I don't want anyone to change for ME though. Eventually, you ask someone to change, it leads to them feeling you are controling, they become spiteful.

She's 20, she deserves her time to grow into a woman. I'm sad because she is a sweet heart. But I can't ask her to deprive her of what she is so she can be with me.

I went through the same thing with my wife bro. maybe you need to rethink this decision. My wife was 19 when we met in college parting with her friends and I was about to turn 27. We fooled around a bit because she was super hot. I had no intentions of making anything serious about out of it. A few month went by and she wanted to make our relationship more I told her I don’t think that’s a good idea and I don’t think it would go any farther than this and maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. She was upset and i told her I am 27 I am focused on my career and moving in to the next phase of my life and the parting thing doesn’t fly with me. Its not that I am controlling or jealous, It’s that I have been there done that and moved beyond that. i am not going to go out with you while you go through your party phase. And I am not going to sit and wait around for you to go through it. That’s just not what i want for my life right now. She made the decision to give up the parting to be with me. i did not make her, it was a choice she made for her life just like i made a choice about where i wanted to go with my life. Her and i had similar goals in life. She was smart enough to know that there was nothing good about the party life so she quit. Now we are married. it worked out for the best because she was young, she had no baggage to bring to the relationship. i am the only serious relationship she had ever had. so if i where you i would maybe not write off the 20yo girl. she may be smart enough to know what’s is important in life.

i would just tell her what i told my wife. Your a great girl i like you and i think things good go someplace with this relationship. But i am in a different place in my life than you are so i don’t think its going to work out. i would never tell you that you cant go out and party but its not where i am now. i am not going to go out with you while you go through your party phase. and i am not going to sit and wait around for you to go through it. That’s just not what i want for my life right now.

my wife always new she wanted to get married and have a family so it was easy for her to quit going out she didn’t like it all that much anyway. so if this girl is a good girl and the same kind of person maybe she doesn’t like it all that much anyway.

[Tock]

My mother is a good mom, she sucked at relationships to, I don’t know if I’m stuck in her patern from learned behavior growing up though 3 marriages/devoirces.

I saw a shrink for about a year to deal with my own childhood horrors, and he's of the opinion that only 25% of Americans are suited for marriage-type relationships. Said half of everybody who gets married gets a divorce, and half of the rest want one.

Pretty much, if your parents didn't model psychologically and emotionally healthy behaviours, then you didn't learn them. And if you didn't learn how to have a healthy relationship, you aren't gonna have one.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that's the way it is. Much better to stay single than repeat your parent's mistakes. Only way out is to spend years and years living with a couple who do have a happy and healthy relationship, while doing counseling with a good shrink to undo the BS you inadvertantly learned from years of watching your folks.

To top it off, I was thinking about my ex (of 5 years first one) today and thinking how happy we were together. Later, I find out she has a girl friend.

I can relate. A guy I was seeing for a while broke off with me and got a girlfriend. Now he's divorced, teaches english, thinks he's straight, and writes weird homo-erotic plays.

Geez, this is a weird planet . . .

I've had 3 ex's, and have sense enough not to go looking for number 4.