need some "serious" relatioship advice

[gixxerboy1]

i dont think she is taking it to far. She was yelling (she was wrong) you yelled louder (wrong) Then you shattered your windshield. You freaked and she is probably scared. Maybe next time you will hit her. I don't know many girls that would stick around after that.

[BIGMAC250]

i dont think she is taking it to far. She was yelling (she was wrong) you yelled louder (wrong) Then you shattered your windshield. You freaked and she is probably scared. Maybe next time you will hit her. I don't know many girls that would stick around after that.

and your 100% right...i dont disagree at all.....and where i ****ed up was way b4 that...when i met her she had a job that she though was going somewhere and she was happy with herself and i got to see the best of her.....when i moved i knew her situation was different but not to the extent to where she wasnt happy with herself......and i wasnt expecting her to act the way she did towards me....cause it got really harsh at times and thats what made me yell....so after coming into something completely different than what i expected and what i was used to i went into deffense mode.....cause i was in unfamiliar territory...and i really didnt get like that untill the end of the second week of it all....and by the third week is when i was trying to work things out but everything i said didnt make sense to her...it only made it worse....no matter how i would put things...everything that came out of my mouth made her feel like a peice of shit (so she says) when all i was trying to do was explain myself and why i felt the way i did......and that was the week i shattered my windshield....i wasnt in front of her though.....i was at my place and she was at hers...she didnt find out untill the next day when she saw it......and this is why i feel so bad about a lot of what i did especially the windshield..........she does come from an abusive relationship....2 actually...1 mental and 1 physical......and i know this and i would never even think about hitting a female much less showing physical behavior in front of her thats she may have caused......and the dude that mentally abused her did a # on her....i mean everything i said she would get down on herself...and i dont want to see that......she really is a handful and i know that but no woman deserves that....she told me and her mom told me.....and the thing that pisses me off and really hurts me know that people have said this to her and thats "no guy is ever gonna be happy with you and they are never gonna stay with you or be around you".....and this also sounds shitty but i dont think she has ever had someone that truly cared for her and truly loved her....and i really truly do care for and love her to death....and thats why i feel so terrible about everything that happened and alli want to do is show her thats not me..cause its really not...but at the same time i also feel like all those years of abuse and not being able to speak her mind with out fears of getting one.....are getting taken out on me and its hard.....because im not a pushover like i once was in past relationships.....ill say what i have to say but in her case i really feel it is differnt.....but was only able to keep my cool for so long......i dont even know if she realizes howmuch she would talk down to me....and thats what pushed the button and it would get pushed more than once.....and it just stayed happening.....its just hard....because u feel like you have to watch everything you say or do.....but no matter how much i did....it all comeout bad....and in the end i really felt like shit...especially knowing the past....and thats why im so stuck on proving to her im not like that.....actions speak louder than words....she hears the words but not giving me the chance to do the actions

[BIGMAC250]

Agreed. She can't read your mind so you need to be upfront and honest with her, communication is key to a successful relationship

Bro, tell her how you feel you seem pretty open in here. Its better to tell her than not

ive been trying...everytime i do she gets mad and says im making her feel like shit....even when i tell her how much i care for and love her......but im getting all off subject....hahaha ive been typing so much cause ive got so much to explain for everyone to fully get the full story.......but other than all that bs......she actually gave me a chance today to see her..and before i even talked to her today i had some flowers and a little teddy bear sent to her work while i was driving home from school and she said i could see her before she even got them.....i had no intentions of talking about anything from these past weeks...i just wanted to see her....and say high and just be around her.....well things started to get tlked about.....she started getting loud with me (cause thats just her and thats something ive learned and dealing with very well) and i didnt even raise my voice to put emphasis on words.......and thats how its been almost everyday this past week.....one day i got loud with her but thats because i was getting tired of her avoiding everything.....but after a while of me staying chill and her getting loud it just kind of calmed down......and she hit me with everything......and thats why im confused.....is she going back on a lot of what she said because of the past weeks and she is just thinking into everything....andher outlook will change over the next few weeks even though she is sticking to her word.....or is she really doing this for school....or is a mixture of the 2.........all i want is for things to get back to good again before this whole slow down really starts......it would just be easier on me not wanting this...knowing that we ar on good terms and i dont have to worry about anything

[40plusnewbie]

i dont think she is taking it to far. She was yelling (she was wrong) you yelled louder (wrong) Then you shattered your windshield. You freaked and she is probably scared. Maybe next time you will hit her. I don't know many girls that would stick around after that.

When I was dating my (now) wife one time when we were driving and arguing about something I got really upset and yelled really really loud at her. Like I screamed at her. We were dating about a year and I was very much in love with her. The 15 years before that I was a man whore banging random chicks and never having a girlfriend. Anyway she told me to pull over the car and kept telling me to pull over so I did. She told me she was getting out and I told her let me just drive you home. She said no I want to get out. I put my hand on her shoulder gently, not preventing her from leaving, but apologizing and asking her to not get out. She told me she did not want to talk to me anymore and to please let her leave. I wasn't preventing her but took my hand off of her anyway and she left and walked away. I felt terrible. I really had no practice at relationships and don't think I screamed at anyone like that in probably 20 years before that day.

I called her to apologize a cpl days later and she still told me to leave her alone. I talked to a confidante about this as I felt like shit about myself and he told me that if there is love there she will call you. After about a week she did.

I was pretty freaked and she was very scared of me when it happened. I couldn't really grasp that at the time (and still kinda have a hard time doing so fully) but I guess a man doing that to a woman is really scary, different than a guy yelling at another guy...if your friends already. Your really not gonna feel scared even if he is 3x your size b/c you know he's not gonna whale on you but it's different for girls I guess. They start to imagine the worst after that and if your gonna escalate next time and do something worse. And it's really messed up because your in a relationship so it's kinda like you take your little neice or nephew into a room and get right in their face and start screaming at them. They will friggin freak and be scared as hell of you. Same thing (or worse) if you physically act out and break something while yelling at them. They get scared next time it's gonna be their head.