Are you sociable?

[Obs]

I finally got some down time, girlfriend wants to go out to a bar with me and her friends. I say no. Not on cycle and not that bar (she works there). I am well known there and liked but I just can't. I told her to go and have fun and she feels guilty for going without me.

Countless times she has wanted me to go out with her and her friends on various outings and I always say no. Secretly it is because I can't stand her friends. Her friends and their boyfriends/husbands talk about meaningless shit and take nothing seriously.
Factly, the only ones I have met and liked were the few that have convictions of some sort.

All this leaves me sitting at the house (glad for the alone time) but feeling like a true asshole. I am older than my girlfriend, I have seen more and my real true friends are settled down successful business people that attend social gatherings by requirement.
Most of her friends have zero fucking foresight as to what they want to do in life, no kids, and few responsibilities. This is why they talk about shit that I see as meaningless and we have nothing in common.

I tried to explain this a while back and it nearly caused an argument. I can't figure out a way to explain that I am past this point in my life without her thinking I am just an antisocial prick. This time I told her a little more in depth why I wont go out late drinking on cycle and it helped zero.

Yes, I can go talk to some of my friends and have a few drinks (on cycle or not) and be just fine. That is because we have things in common like a freaking career and goals. Her friends vary greatly in age but they all share this "whatever man" personality that I don't blend with.

On second thought... Wtf is she attached to these sort? She has goals, a family, career, and takes shit very seriously, especially money. She doesn't have the "idgaf what anyone thinks of me mindset", like most of them do.

Anyway, I like to avoid confrontation before it starts, because once it starts I will undoubtedly run it down and kill it. So here I sit and I am just fine with that but she is not.
She wants me to go out with her and her friends but I won't. Probably ever.

Is this because I am a jerkwad?
Does anyone else face this dilemma?

Lol!

I never thought I would be saying things like this! I sound like a lame ass old man! Whatever though, I know what I have to do to be effective and successful. I have fun an entirely different way.

Something else:
I see sooo many people saying, "I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me." I notice a similarity about the people who actually live up to this saying...
They are all of little to no consequence to anyone or anything.

Successful people have to maintain their image.
Can't stand that "idgaf" attitude!

[Max562]

Me personally I go out with just the g.f....never her friends...don't want to meet them hang out with him or share in there adventure....it's not that I'm anti social it's just that I want to be wrapped up in her...somewhere out of the way..preferably where we know no one...little dives in the French Quarter...I have zero tolerance for dumb shit..I appear to get along better with strangers then her friends...


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[Max562]

Him is suppose to be them[emoji23]


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[austinite]

That's interesting and I can relate (from the past). She does not feel guilty, she is actually upset that you won't join her. Especially when her friends bring their boyfriends/husbands along. She feels lonely and women hate to answer the question "Where's your boyfriend"?

It's a maturity thing. My current fiance is the most outgoing person I know. She hikes and bikes and loves to travel and go to the beach and loves to meet new people and the list goes on and on. Everything that I am not. But I had a discussion with her. I told her my limits and made a deal with her. I told her that I will absolutely not participate in ALL things she does. But I would do things with her when I can, and even when I can't muster up the mindset to go. That's just a compromise. Now, if she was going out and drinking with friends everyday, I would not be with her. Her activities are harmless and mostly involve being in nature.

The problem that I've found in the past with being much older than my ex's, is that you just are not on the same wave. You won't be until they mature to a level that is closer to your wave. Usually that is when women start to think that they are getting close to an age where they won't be able to have kids. But that also comes with an emotional roller coaster.

The thing is, I realized that I am better with her, than without her. (We recently broke up and got back together). I don't want to grow old alone, not that there is anything wrong with that. But my life of coming home to an empty, seemingly lifeless home was miserable. I'd rather have her there and deal with the little things that shouldn't make or break a relationship.

Honestly, you need to have the compromise conversation with her. And you have to be willing to compromise a little. If your request for her to compromise is to stay at home with you and watch a movie, she should be willing to do it without hesitation if she loves you. The result of the conversation I had and the proof afterwards is what brought me back to my fiance. If she wasn't willing, I couldn't have continued.

There will always be issues like this when age varies too much between the two. It can work, but history would prove that major age differences are less likely to be compatible. Most relationships start from simple attraction, and even grow before you discover the many incompatibilities. Some realize it too late, some realize and find a way to make it work.

If you read what you wrote, you will notice that your concerns reside within her, but you have to start looking at her needs and what she is concerned about you. I'm not saying she is the right one, but it will never work unless both partners communicate and identify issues with each other.

Best of luck to you, I know you will be in a better place soon.

Have a powerful day.

[yeahbuddy289]

I love this lifestyle but it has turned me into a hermit. I don't even like to see my own friends anymore. Because literally every single thing they do involves alcohol. None of them workout so they look at you like you have three heads when you pass on a beer. I'd rather just stay home to avoid the "why aren't you drinking?" Or "why aren't you eating any food?" Questions. And it all just compounds because the more I avoid them, the less I seem to know them and the less we share in common. So to some degree this lifestyle has driven a wedge between my friends and I.
But we're all getting older and moving and settling down so it was bound to happen on its own eventually. I do think it puts a strain on my relationship too. Because I know she would like to go out and have some drinks and have a good time but I just have no desire to do that.

[Obs]

Me personally I go out with just the g.f....never her friends...don't want to meet them hang out with him or share in there adventure....it's not that I'm anti social it's just that I want to be wrapped up in her...somewhere out of the way..preferably where we know no one...little dives in the French Quarter...I have zero tolerance for dumb shit..I appear to get along better with strangers then her friends...


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There you go! Alone with each other in a strange place with new people! Thats my idea of hanging out

[Obs]

That's interesting and I can relate (from the past). She does not feel guilty, she is actually upset that you won't join her. Especially when her friends bring their boyfriends/husbands along. She feels lonely and women hate to answer the question "Where's your boyfriend"?

It's a maturity thing. My current fiance is the most outgoing person I know. She hikes and bikes and loves to travel and go to the beach and loves to meet new people and the list goes on and on. Everything that I am not. But I had a discussion with her. I told her my limits and made a deal with her. I told her that I will absolutely not participate in ALL things she does. But I would do things with her when I can, and even when I can't muster up the mindset to go. That's just a compromise. Now, if she was going out and drinking with friends everyday, I would not be with her. Her activities are harmless and mostly involve being in nature.

The problem that I've found in the past with being much older than my ex's, is that you just are not on the same wave. You won't be until they mature to a level that is closer to your wave. Usually that is when women start to think that they are getting close to an age where they won't be able to have kids. But that also comes with an emotional roller coaster.

The thing is, I realized that I am better with her, than without her. (We recently broke up and got back together). I don't want to grow old alone, not that there is anything wrong with that. But my life of coming home to an empty, seemingly lifeless home was miserable. I'd rather have her there and deal with the little things that shouldn't make or break a relationship.

Honestly, you need to have the compromise conversation with her. And you have to be willing to compromise a little. If your request for her to compromise is to stay at home with you and watch a movie, she should be willing to do it without hesitation if she loves you. The result of the conversation I had and the proof afterwards is what brought me back to my fiance. If she wasn't willing, I couldn't have continued.

There will always be issues like this when age varies too much between the two. It can work, but history would prove that major age differences are less likely to be compatible. Most relationships start from simple attraction, and even grow before you discover the many incompatibilities. Some realize it too late, some realize and find a way to make it work.

If you read what you wrote, you will notice that your concerns reside within her, but you have to start looking at her needs and what she is concerned about you. I'm not saying she is the right one, but it will never work unless both partners communicate and identify issues with each other.

Best of luck to you, I know you will be in a better place soon.

Have a powerful day.

Thanks for writing all that. We get along great when we are out , its just that as you said, I won't attend certain outings for a reason. She is a great girl and more energetic than anyone I have met. She is crazy about me to say the least.

I will probably have to wait a few years for her to change too.

[Obs]

I love this lifestyle but it has turned me into a hermit. I don't even like to see my own friends anymore. Because literally every single thing they do involves alcohol. None of them workout so they look at you like you have three heads when you pass on a beer. I'd rather just stay home to avoid the "why aren't you drinking?" Or "why aren't you eating any food?" Questions. And it all just compounds because the more I avoid them, the less I seem to know them and the less we share in common. So to some degree this lifestyle has driven a wedge between my friends and I.
But we're all getting older and moving and settling down so it was bound to happen on its own eventually. I do think it puts a strain on my relationship too. Because I know she would like to go out and have some drinks and have a good time but I just have no desire to do that.

I cant blame you there. Its certainly not an anabolic thing to put in your body! I feel bad about it when I drink.

[Sh0tsf1red]

I can relate

I don't drink, pretty much everyone else does

But I say fuck em

[guitarzan]

Me and the wife at a confederate railroad concert at the lake Labor Day weekend. We don't get out much anymore, since having kids, but when we do we turn it on. We both are red and puffy from bein on the lake all day. I probably drank well over 20 beers that day/night, while on a tren and anavar cycle. Had the worst heartburn of my life that night. Won't do that again!

[diesel101]

My wife and I do not go out to bars much, normally have friends over or go to their house. The funny part is if we go to any of her friends house she will remind me to be "nice". I asked her the first time what she meant and she informed me that my friends and myself are such assholes to each other that most people cannot take the amount of sarcasm and BS that we give each other. I informed her that her friends husbands are a bunch of pu$$ys and should toughen up a little she looked at me and said "I know but can you try to be nice for just a few hours". The things I do because I love my wife.

[songdog]

Sometimes you got to do wat you got to do.You got to things she likes to do or it will end.No one said relationships were easy but you need to give if you want to keep her.

[Obs]

My wife and I do not go out to bars much, normally have friends over or go to their house. The funny part is if we go to any of her friends house she will remind me to be "nice". I asked her the first time what she meant and she informed me that my friends and myself are such assholes to each other that most people cannot take the amount of sarcasm and BS that we give each other. I informed her that her friends husbands are a bunch of pu$$ys and should toughen up a little she looked at me and said "I know but can you try to be nice for just a few hours". The things I do because I love my wife.

Sometimes you got to do wat you got to do.You got to things she likes to do or it will end.No one said relationships were easy but you need to give if you want to keep her.

No doubt, I keep her happy though. Occasionally I gotta let her down. I had a good talk with her and explained in detail what my deal is. She said she understands and that she mainly feels guilty because she is not used to someone who trusts her.

She is undoubtedly used to insecure little boys that wouldn't let her out of their sight. I told her she doesn't need to check in every five minutes when she goes out.
I explained that she doesn't need to feel guilty being out without me because she is her own person and must have her own life and friends at times. She cried and we got naked and smelled each others armpits a few times.

[Obs]

My wife and I do not go out to bars much, normally have friends over or go to their house. The funny part is if we go to any of her friends house she will remind me to be "nice". I asked her the first time what she meant and she informed me that my friends and myself are such assholes to each other that most people cannot take the amount of sarcasm and BS that we give each other. I informed her that her friends husbands are a bunch of pu$$ys and should toughen up a little she looked at me and said "I know but can you try to be nice for just a few hours". The things I do because I love my wife.

They are pussies too! One of my biggest issues with her friends husbands and boyfriends! Valley girl talking, dead fish handing, girlymen.

[diesel101]

They are pussies too! One of my biggest issues with her friends husbands and boyfriends! Valley girl talking, dead fish handing, girlymen.

The way to tell a true friend is when you insult them they come back at you with a worse insult.
How can a person go through life without being sarcastic? Sarcasm is 50% of may daily dialogue.

[guitarzan]

I am fortunate that me and the wife have the same friends, and same interests as far as going out. Either one of us seldom wants to go out, other than to eat and have a few drinks every now and then.

[songdog]

My Idea going out is running my trap line or sitting on my deer stand I do very little else these days.Ok maybe a movie but the prices are getting out of hand.

[marcus300]

Obs, would love to contribute to your thread which may help or give insight but just a little busy to type everything out in my head but when I have time I will.

[charger69]

Well, this conversation is rather timely. My wife just recently complained about me never wanting to go out to eat because of my diet and always having to make it to the gym. Never skipping a workout and never having a cheat meal.
I just have my sights on my next competition. She made me realize that I am ignoring her through my focus. Even after 26 years of marriage, she has certain needs of companionship that I have been ignoring.
I am not a shrink nor do I know your girlfriend however you may also want to consider that she may be proud to have you by her side and be with her.
I have learned over time to lighten up. Sometimes it is good to stop acting serious and just enjoy whatever situation is handed to you independent of the company. It takes a little work, but now I can be around people with very little in common with me and still have fun.


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[Obs]

Well, this conversation is rather timely. My wife just recently complained about me never wanting to go out to eat because of my diet and always having to make it to the gym. Never skipping a workout and never having a cheat meal.
I just have my sights on my next competition. She made me realize that I am ignoring her through my focus. Even after 26 years of marriage, she has certain needs of companionship that I have been ignoring.
I am not a shrink nor do I know your girlfriend however you may also want to consider that she may be proud to have you by her side and be with her.
I have learned over time to lighten up. Sometimes it is good to stop acting serious and just enjoy whatever situation is handed to you independent of the company. It takes a little work, but now I can be around people with very little in common with me and still have fun.


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I see what you mean I have been accused of putting too much into this as well. I don't handle being told that very well because my last marriage was eight years of not being allowed to be myself. I had small electronics hobbies, hunting, fishing, and working on my truck. Any time I would spend even five minutes doing any one of these things my ex would say, "Yoi care about this more than me."

In hindsight I shpuld have said, "yep, not gonna be whoever it is you are wanting, lets het a divorce."

I stuck it out till she left for someone else and she begged for me back for a year after that relationship failed. I totally changed in my mind since then. Now when my girlfriend says something about me cycling or lifting my ears perk up and my hair stands on end. I spent years being allowed to do nothing and having to pretend I was something I wasn't. Gf smokes herb, I don't. She says, "thanks for not judging me." I tell her thanks for not judging me for being a juice monkey.

I have told her from the start though exactly why I wont be controlled. As soon as I sense someone trying to manipulate me to be something they want that I am not.... I will run like a mofo. I don't expect her to change herself to suit me because I already love her for who she is. I expect the same in return.

She has complained of my lifting and I said, "Gonna do it anyway, someone who makes me choose between them and who I am, has no future with me." She looked hurt, but I won't go where I have been. In the same token I could say, "you care aboit your friends more than me." I would never say that, but its the same thing in my eyes.

It's not a pissing match between me and her but I hope she fully understands what I mean. I would drop lifting in a second if her well being depended on it, but not for no reason other than her insecurities. I think 99% of it is she doesn't like how girls look at me or talk about me. She can rest easy though. I have had many many opportunities to cheat and I won't be doing that. I would sooner die.

She is a sweetheart and we have a great chemistry together, especially in bed, but also in daily life. I can't see us seperating anytime but I do want to be sure I make her happy any way I can.

[RaginCajun]

I am very sociable and approachable.

Relationships are tough, requires 100% and 100% from both parties. Have to have some give and take. If you don't give her the attention she will seek it elsewhere and vice versa.

[Obs]

Well subject came up again tonight!

She says, "Why don't you have any friends, all your friends are online on your stupid forum".

I explained that when I get sick of you all I just hit the home button and I ain't gotta hear any more...

No progress.
I guess I will just have to be the asshole in this department. The more it gets shoved in my face, the more reluctant I am to go make meaningless talk with people I have nothing in common with.
Fast forward in my mind, some stoner is going to be telling me about his video gaming experience at a bar, while my gf hams it up with her bestie.

I already wanna knock his lights out and tell him to grow the F up and get a real job and quit destroying my already failing intelligence with his bantering about pokemon or whatever the hell!

I AM NOT GOING TO A BAR ON TREN THIS TIME !!!
I AM NOT DRINKING ON TREN THIS TIME !!!

I will stay in my damn dungeon while she goes out and when someone asks her "where is powerstroke" she can say he is cracked out on eca shooting trenbolone and cursing the heavens trying to get one more rep!
The cunts already know anyway, they only ask her as part of the meaningless small talk before getting down to the real shit, "xbox!"

[RaginCajun]

Sounds like a lovely convo

[Obs]

Sounds like a lovely convo

Its a full blown argument now. Been going on off and on for a while.
Damn.

[TRA]

I finally got some down time, girlfriend wants to go out to a bar with me and her friends. I say no. Not on cycle and not that bar (she works there). I am well known there and liked but I just can't. I told her to go and have fun and she feels guilty for going without me.

Countless times she has wanted me to go out with her and her friends on various outings and I always say no. Secretly it is because I can't stand her friends. Her friends and their boyfriends/husbands talk about meaningless shit and take nothing seriously.
Factly, the only ones I have met and liked were the few that have convictions of some sort.

All this leaves me sitting at the house (glad for the alone time) but feeling like a true asshole. I am older than my girlfriend, I have seen more and my real true friends are settled down successful business people that attend social gatherings by requirement.
Most of her friends have zero fucking foresight as to what they want to do in life, no kids, and few responsibilities. This is why they talk about shit that I see as meaningless and we have nothing in common.

I tried to explain this a while back and it nearly caused an argument. I can't figure out a way to explain that I am past this point in my life without her thinking I am just an antisocial prick. This time I told her a little more in depth why I wont go out late drinking on cycle and it helped zero.

Yes, I can go talk to some of my friends and have a few drinks (on cycle or not) and be just fine. That is because we have things in common like a freaking career and goals. Her friends vary greatly in age but they all share this "whatever man" personality that I don't blend with.

On second thought... Wtf is she attached to these sort? She has goals, a family, career, and takes shit very seriously, especially money. She doesn't have the "idgaf what anyone thinks of me mindset", like most of them do.

Anyway, I like to avoid confrontation before it starts, because once it starts I will undoubtedly run it down and kill it. So here I sit and I am just fine with that but she is not.
She wants me to go out with her and her friends but I won't. Probably ever.

Is this because I am a jerkwad?
Does anyone else face this dilemma?

Lol!

I never thought I would be saying things like this! I sound like a lame ass old man! Whatever though, I know what I have to do to be effective and successful. I have fun an entirely different way.

Something else:
I see sooo many people saying, "I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me." I notice a similarity about the people who actually live up to this saying...
They are all of little to no consequence to anyone or anything.

Successful people have to maintain their image.
Can't stand that "idgaf" attitude!

I've been through a couple of divorces and realized I will likely never meet the "perfect woman." And that's because I am who I am. I won't bore you with the details, but I share similarities with you and some of the others posting up. However, a series of personal insights has led me to the point that I really just try to be of loving service to my girlfriend, who is now my fiancé. I went to her book signing last night and it meant so much to her that I was there and it took such little effort. I will easily blow away a couple of hours total online and even though it's getting good motivation and information from the forum, it isn't actively contributing to my relationship. So I figure if I'm willing to do that why am I not willing to make her happy. I just try to put her first because I'm confident in myself and know I'll never "lose myself" or be controlled. Women are such beautiful creatures when they're happy and for me, there is nothing that beats the glow my fiancé gets when I do something that is important to her and makes her happy. Beats the hell out of how I feel when I'm selfish and feeling guilty. If I do it because it's my choice and it makes her happy, it's a win/win. But that's just me and I wouldn't impose that on anyone. It's just where I'm at after a lot of thought and I guess with age. And no, my e2 levels are not high.

[RaginCajun]

Its a full blown argument now. Been going on off and on for a while.
Damn.

Sounds healthy

[Obs]

Sounds healthy

Least Im not taliking about video games and mj.

[Obs]

Going to a party cook out with a normal guy hosting! Score one for the stroke!

[Obs]

It was a trap.

[guitarzan]

Haha, had a feeling you were being set up!

[Obs]

Haha, had a feeling you were being set up!

Its ok! I am burying myself in my phone!

[GirlyGymRat]

I'm social but I also like me time! I'ld do just about anything if it meant something special to him or he really enjoyed. I would hope he has differing interests cuz I do not like clingy, suffocating, insecure men. I'm expecting he wouldn't get his boy shorts all bundled up when I met up with my posse as I wouldn't when he rode with his!

You can make it work....for the right person. ❤️

Edit- wouldn't (not would) get his boy shorts..

[Obs]

I'm social but I also like me time! I'ld do just about anything if it meant something special to him or he really enjoyed. I would hope he has differing interests cuz I do not like clingy, suffocating, insecure men. I'm expecting he would get his boy shorts all bundled up when I met up with my posse as I wouldn't when he rode with his!

You can make it work....for the right person. ❤️

Good to hear a mature lady's opinion on this!

[TRA]

It was a trap.

Haha!

[Obs]

Haha!

Nice! Saved that pic