Your girl dancing with another man? I snapped

[Bojangles69]

that photo just gave me adhd =[

[taiboxa]

that photo just gave me adhd =[

ITS HORRIBLE!
i was watching like a top 10 videogame ninja video thingy and like ... HOLY FUX one time the flash that pic up.. only for like 3/10ths of a second and it for ever burned its horrific image into my retinas.. so i figured if i had to have it for ever ingrained in my mind.. i wasnt going to be alone!

[buffgator]

Anyone saying "I wouldn't let my girl dance with a guy" she's not your fvcking slave. If you feel the need to control her like that your not respecting her as an independent human being who makes her own choices.
If you have a problem with it thats YOUR hang up.
A secure man shouldn't be affected by shit like that.

As far as the hitting I'm not going to judge you. Everyone knows good people make bad decisions and humans are emotional creatures, shit happens. You obviously had a wealth of factors interacting at once that lead to that event. You saw her with a guy, you were inebriated, she slapped you and you reacted. Did you OVERreact? Yeh, I mean that had to be a hard ass slap to dislocate her jaw. I wouldn't even call it a "slap". Even if your hand was open I've punched people before w/out dislocating jaws. So regardless of the shape your hand was in when it hit her face you put A LOT of force into it and for a woman, the gender that lives with an instinctual fear of the other sex, that would be quite a traumatizing event for her, drunk or not.

And she has a reason to fear you now. Its not so important what you settle with her but what you settle with YOURSELF now. You must know & believe yourself that shit like that won't happen again. If a women smacks you theres a million other mature ways to handle the situation than to smack her back. She ALSO did not have the right to lay a hand on you. So SHE overreacted just as well. But ethically speaking, the majority would be more empathetic of her position.
Don't blame her. Don't blame yourself. Blame doesn't fix problems.
Once you KNOW you can control yourself that will be conveyed to her as time passes regardless of what you actually say to her.
An apology is ok, but don't let her think your 100% at fault.

The best thing to do.. and the HARDEST would actually be to distance yourself from her emotionally for a bit. She will FEEL that and she will REALIZE that you were truley affected by what happened. You can have a logical conversation about what happened but try not to act so emotionally invested in her or the situation. Remember, EMOTIONS are what got you into this situation. If she sees you have control over your emotions, by pulling back for a bit, she will fear your emotions LESS. It will draw her towards you.

You have to understand if she sees you overly emotional about what happened your communicating to her that your still the same. That your emotions are still controlling YOU, not the other way around. Pay close attention to that aspect of your behavoir. Don't fear she'll leave by you doing that. Absence of presence creates desire. More than anything you can NEVER be completely sure of how things will work out. Just do the mature manly thing and all you can do is hope she forgives you. Trust will reinstate itself with time.
And don't beat yourself up over it. Your human. Humans make mistakes. The whole point is to GROW and EVOLVE from those mistakes.

G/luck -Bo

No one is saying that a girl has to do what a guy says, we are saying if she had any respect or consideration she would not be in that situation to begin with, and if she is in that situation then she is hardly worth having a relationship with.

[Bojangles69]

No one is saying that a girl has to do what a guy says, we are saying if she had any respect or consideration she would not be in that situation to begin with, and if she is in that situation then she is hardly worth having a relationship with.

So a girl dancing with a guy is an act of "disrespect" to you?

I call it innocent fun. If she makes out with him now, thats another story. Woman like to dance. I know a million guys who don't dance period and are absolutely fine with thier GF dancing with other men.
It doesn't bother me because it shouldn't.

It *fun, not sex. The whole "disrespectful" plea wreaks of insecurity. But to each his own.

[taiboxa]

So a girl dancing with a guy is an act of "disrespect" to you?

I call it innocent fun. If she makes out with him now, thats another story. Woman like to dance. I know a million guys who don't dance period and are absolutely fine with thier GF dancing with other men.
It doesn't bother me because it shouldn't.

It *fun, not sex. The whole "disrespectful" plea wreaks of insecurity. But to each his own.

is it.. the mormons or the ninjas that say...
DANCING is the same as having sex.. only your clothes are on!

[Bojangles69]

is it.. the mormons or the ninjas that say...
DANCING is the same as having sex.. only your clothes are on!

I heard ninjas don't like women anyway.

[peteroy01]

I caught my girl dancing with another man where I said before that I didn't want her to do that ever.

she did disrespect him if he told her before he didnt want her dancing with other dudes. we all have our little quirks. his is not liking his GF dancing with other people.

[billybambam]

she did disrespect him if he told her before he didnt want her dancing with other dudes. we all have our little quirks. his is not liking his GF dancing with other people.

Amen Brother!
That is exactly right. She showed him no respect, and showed that she did not care about how he felt. She knew it would bother and hurt him, yet decided to go ahead and do it.
I would kick her to the curb.
Find a woman that loves and respects you, and you won't have this poblem. My wife loves to dance. I don't care for it. When we first met, she would want to go dance, and I would take her. It only took a few times and she knew it bothered me to see her dancing with her guy friends. So,.. she stopped, and have never seen her dance with another man since. Now we are married, going on 13 years, and have 4 kids.
I really agree with the posts on the drinkng being involved. That will cause women and men to make stupid decissions. Always!

[5ifthCitizen]

Oh, and I got arrested for it too. Funny part is that the cops said they woulda done the same thing. It was my animal instinct that came out I believe to this day. When I walked in I guess the first thing taht entered my mind was that this guy was rapeing (no lie, that is what entered my mind the second I saw it then I snapped) the girl i loved.

i dont think any guy can blame u there. anybody in their right mind would react that way, too bad u got caught for it tho...

[Jenseno9]

obviously you can't control your emotions and you ARE not very intelligent. Your girl is immature, well you both are.

I'm glad you said you are taking actions to better yourself with anger management. I commend you. I hope everything works out for you.

What are you in high school? Being drunk is no longer an excuse! YOU HIT A WOMAN.

[qualityclrk1]

if you and ur girl have already had the discussion "hey i don't want you going to this bar and dancing on other guys" and she gave you the "alright babe it won't happen"....and then you catch her doing it..then you have every right in the world to get shitty as hell with her. Not to hit her, but to get shitty as hell.

[Jenseno9]

Been in this situation, but instead of her dancing with the guy she was in our bed with some guy she met out with her friends. I think they probably danced together too.

I snapped. I don't remember much of what I did, but I guess I knocked the guys front teeth out, snashed his orbital socket and broke his nose.

I have since been in therapy.

Didn't do anything to her, actually tried to get her back after that night too (she left me after i basically disfigured the guy).

Well you did the right thing if he knew that the girl he had his dick in was actually yours. Otherwise she is just a huge whore and why the **** would you care about her?

[Flagg]

REX, let me ask you something...did you honestly expect her to be leaving the club with this guy to **** his brains out? If you seriously have that many insecurity problems and obviously have a problem with trust then you need to tell her its you or nothing. Simple as that.

As for her I doubt very much she's EVER gonna trust you, you BROKE HER ****ING JAW! Dress it up all you want, you did something to someone who cant fight back and you should be ****ing appalled at yourself.

I hope she has a much larger brother than you that's going to repay you in kind cause you deserve it.

[ginkobulloba]

I'm in agreement with Bo on the dancing thing.

In regards to hitting her. Let me tell you about a situation that happened to me about 7 months ago...

My girl is a high status, high maintenance ho. She pulled some stupid shit at a restaurant once and we left, arguing the entire way to her car. So she gets in the driver's seat and me in the passenger's and the argument is escalating. She is driving down a somewhat busy city street and all of a sudden, the bitch starts swinging on me- and connecting. These aren't your typical girl punches, she busted me in my lip and I tasted blood.

What happened next? On instinct, I guess, I jacked her back. Right in the kisser. Apparently twice. I really only remember once, but the evidence says it was twice. It was just like a gut reaction to getting smacked in the face. I never thought I would hit a girl, but yeah, I did. I felt real bad about it almost instantly. She flipped out and basically I am lucky this one didn't have me killed or some other crazy shit like that. No kidding.

Anyway, it all worked out eventually and it's not something that has had any real long term effects on our crazy relationship.

[BOOST]

1) No way, the wife knows it will not fly with me peroid. If she did it, I would strip and start grinding on anyone, guys, girls I would not care. This tells me your girl does not respect your wishes.

2) No I would not have hit her, I would have slapped the guy grinding on her after she hit me, then I would have left. I never hit a women and never plan to.

[RA]

Theres no need for this. If you cant tone down your posts, dont post.

obviously you can't control your emotions and you ARE not very intelligent. Your girl is immature, well you both are.

I'm glad you said you are taking actions to better yourself with anger management. I commend you. I hope everything works out for you.

What are you in high school? Being drunk is no longer an excuse! I have a sister and if you were to hit her I would ****ing humiliate your ass and then ****ing murder you. YOU HIT A WOMAN. POS. And I dont even know your gf.

[gixxerboy1]

Gixxer boy and dsm why do you guys act so shocked that people have boundaries. Not everyone enjoys watching their girl dance with other guys like you do. You guys sound like you could care less what your girls do as long as they come home at night. Its not a control jelousey or insecurity issue. Its things that people have decided in their relationship is crossing the line. If you think that your girl paying attention to other men is ok more power to you. I think that it is rude and imature. You have to draw the line somewhere, where do you guys draw it then?

the problem it doesn't sound like the people in the relationship made or agreed on the boundaries. Just 1 person is making the rules

[ftony]

If you guys ever have read in the news threads posted on this forum.You would see gixxerboy1 actually makes comments on how gay guys hit on him and want 2 hook up with him at the clubs he goes too.With that being said ,He is a much more open minded person than most of us simple old school guys....Personnaly If I bring my girl out and she dances with somebody else.or I come to a club we frequent and she's dancing with somebody else.Well that's a no brainier,first off you look like a douche to all your friends who know you as a "couple" (Im not talking about the guy who rolls with a different chick every couple months)....Secondly, I know from experiences, I Have never had a dance with a girl that didn't follow with a phone number at the least,and most of the time some drinks, and an occasional BJ in the restroom is possible.Maybe some of you guys are bi and get turned on, and allow your chicks to dance and hook up with other dudes,Maybe some just don't care....Im not going to comment on the slap,I wasn't there....

[gixxerboy1]

If you guys ever have read in the news threads posted on this forum.You would see gixxerboy1 actually makes comments on how gay guys hit on him and want 2 hook up with him at the clubs he goes too.With that being said ,He is a much more open minded person than most of us simple old school guys....Personnaly If I bring my girl out and she dances with somebody else.or I come to a club we frequent and she's dancing with somebody else.Well that's a no brainier,first off you look like a douche to all your friends who know you as a "couple" (Im not talking about the guy who rolls with a different chick every couple months)....Secondly I'm no douche I know from experiences I Have never had a dance with a girl that didn't follow with a phone number at the least,and most of the time after drinks, and an occasional BJ in the restroom is possible.Maybe some of you guys are bi and get turned on and allow your chicks to dance and hook up with other dudes,Maybe some just don't care....Im not going to comment on the slap,I wasn't there....

LOL I can control who hits on me? sorry I'm a good looking guy and people try and pick me up. I live in a big city there are gay guys at clubs.

I just trust my girl that dancing is dancing. Its not going to turn into a bj. Also if your girl wants to give another guy a bj telling her not to dance at a club isn't going to stop that. You either trust her or you dont.

[ftony]

LOL I can control who hits on me? sorry I'm a good looking guy and people try and pick me up. I live in a big city there are gay guys at clubs.

I just trust my girl that dancing is dancing. Its not going to turn into a bj. Also if your girl wants to give another guy a bj telling her not to dance at a club isn't going to stop that. You either trust her or you dont.

LOL!Im cracking myself up over here..Anyway,ya if she wants to give a dude a bj,dancing with him is a good start.Ps can i get a dance with your chic...lol

[gixxerboy1]

LOL!Im cracking myself up over here..Anyway,ya if she wants to give a dude a bj,dancing with him is a good start.Ps can i get a dance with your chic...lol

Sure you can. I cant promise she doesn't kick your ass if you try something.

[ftony]

Sure you can. I cant promise she doesn't kick your ass if you try something.

I like it rough.lol

[buffgator]

the problem it doesn't sound like the people in the relationship made or agreed on the boundaries. Just 1 person is making the rules

oh yeah I can see where your coming from there.

[dwaynewade]

I dont mean any offense by it.

It's just that us guys who have been there before you, see things a little clearer (hindsight is 20/20).

She is only 19. And if she is out dancing in clubs with guys behind your back ALREADY (they usually dont go through that phase until 21 or so), then your relationship was already doomed before you DISLOCATED HER JAW.

Agree.

[buffgator]

So a girl dancing with a guy is an act of "disrespect" to you?

I call it innocent fun. If she makes out with him now, thats another story. Woman like to dance. I know a million guys who don't dance period and are absolutely fine with thier GF dancing with other men.
It doesn't bother me because it shouldn't.

It *fun, not sex. The whole "disrespectful" plea wreaks of insecurity. But to each his own.

Its rather childish of you to call people insecure just because they have different standards then you. The line has to be drawn somewhere so people draw it at an earlier spot than others. If you dont have a problem with guys dancing with your girl, how about cuddling with them, holding hands, giving them a little peck, maybe buying them a drink, maybe just macking on them for a few inoccent seconds of fun. Where do you draw the line, since you are obviousley the expert because you must know where it goes from having fun to being insecure. Or maybe you draw no lines because you are to insecure that she will leave you if you dont out up with her doing anything she wants. You say its fun not sex, so can your girl do anything thats "fun" as long as its not sex.

[bpm1]

i think most of u are basically agreeing with each other, the thing ur arent agreeing on is where the boundaries should be.buffgator im like u in the fact that my wife and i have boundaries like u've stated. i feel like that its about repecting our relationship and the boundaries WE are comfortable with. gixxer on the other hand is comfortable with his girl dancing and chatting it up with other dudes and if thats good with him so be it (seems like the big city mentality)(probably cause gay guys hit on him,lol, thats my favorite comment yet) yet odviously kissing or sex is out of line(what about flirting gixxer?). like i said they have boundaries as well just diff than ours, i dont understand it either but if they are comfortable with it well.............

[bpm1]

oh and people coming out and saying ur insecure cause ur not ok with it is just plain bullsh*t

[scaramouche]

right then,everyone over to bpm1's house for a swinging party,dont forget to bring ur gf's

[bpm1]

right then,everyone over to bpm1's house for a swinging party,dont forget to bring ur gf's

party on! nobody's dancin with my wife though,lol

[Mogamedogz]

This is where the phrase...

"You cant turn a Whore into a housewife" comes from.

I dont have any stories like this to share with you guys from my early 20's, because I always made it a point not to get into a relationship with ANY girls who went out drinking and Partying in clubs/bars. I liked them for a good blow job, or fVck friends, but nothing more.

[buffgator]

This is where the phrase...

"You cant turn a Whore into a housewife" comes from.

I dont have any stories like this to share with you guys from my early 20's, because I always made it a point not to get into a relationship with ANY girls who went out drinking and Partying in clubs/bars. I liked them for a good blow job, or fVck friends, but nothing more.

Very good words of wisdom Mogamedogz

[gixxerboy1]

i think most of u are basically agreeing with each other, the thing ur arent agreeing on is where the boundaries should be.buffgator im like u in the fact that my wife and i have boundaries like u've stated. i feel like that its about repecting our relationship and the boundaries WE are comfortable with. gixxer on the other hand is comfortable with his girl dancing and chatting it up with other dudes and if thats good with him so be it (seems like the big city mentality)(probably cause gay guys hit on him,lol, thats my favorite comment yet) yet odviously kissing or sex is out of line(what about flirting gixxer?). like i said they have boundaries as well just diff than ours, i dont understand it either but if they are comfortable with it well.............

Her is how i am with my girl. If I'm out with her she shouldn't be dancing with random dudes. Then she is picking them over me. Now other guys if they are friends is fine. That's because i might be dancing with her friends also.

If she goes out with the girls. I'm sure she dances and some guys might dance with her. I dont care. As far as flirting. IDK I'm a flirt. I flirt with girls when i go out. I have no intentions of doing anything and i have been offered. But its fun to flirt and know you still can. I think what turns something from innocent fun to something bad is the intentions behind it. I trust my girl and her intentions.

BTW. I dated a lot of strippers. There are some good ones even though rare. Maybe that's why I'm more comfortable. Sometimes a dance doesn't mean shit

[buffgator]

Yeah I can for sure see where you are coming from now gixxer. If you have dated girls that strip then surely a dance would be no big deal.

[bpm1]

Her is how i am with my girl. If I'm out with her she shouldn't be dancing with random dudes. Then she is picking them over me. Now other guys if they are friends is fine. That's because i might be dancing with her friends also.

If she goes out with the girls. I'm sure she dances and some guys might dance with her. I dont care. As far as flirting. IDK I'm a flirt. I flirt with girls when i go out. I have no intentions of doing anything and i have been offered. But its fun to flirt and know you still can. I think what turns something from innocent fun to something bad is the intentions behind it. I trust my girl and her intentions.

BTW. I dated a lot of strippers. There are some good ones even though rare. Maybe that's why I'm more comfortable. Sometimes a dance doesn't mean shit

it comes down to what we are all comfortable with but we all have lines and its is based on our experiences and reference points. i find it amusing though that people(im not saying you did this) want to point and say a guy is insecure or has some personal flaw for having tighter boundaries.. peace bro

[ReX357]

Thanks for all the replies guys. Different people with different opinions make good points for and against it in this thread. I respect all opinions even tho they were not all worded properly. I'm gonna stick it out and see what happens. I love the girl and I know she loves me. We're just both very aggressive people and we're gonna go into counselling to change our behaviors so it doesn't ruin our lifes. If it's meant to be, it's gonna work... If it's not, at least we will of tried and learned something from it.

I'm done with alcohol. I never really drank heavily, once a month or so but everytime it kicks me in the *ss so it's just a good thing that I get that out of my life. I never needed it anyways.

As for the hitting thing, in a no way do I condone my action. I went against all my principles and values and this is very bad for me. All I can say for my defense is that I was so drunk and the aggression made me do something I thought I would never of done and that I will never do again.

Thanks again guys, I love the AR family.

[taiboxa]

there is always one movie i can always turn to.. to answer any LIFE ALTERING ISSUES.

"Saving Silverman"

all ya gotta do is..

SNUFF THAT BITCH

[domeyeahaigh]

did not really read everyones thread but to say this man i would NEVER hit a girl EVER yeah girls will hit you but if you are going to put your hands on em just simply hold their hands down to their sides and neutralize em...had to do this plenty of times be careful they will try to kick you in the balls

[taiboxa]

did not really read everyones thread but to say this man i would NEVER hit a girl EVER yeah girls will hit you but if you are going to put your hands on em just simply hold their hands down to their sides and neutralize em...had to do this plenty of times be careful they will try to kick you in the balls

so hold hteir hands down.. and HEAD BUTT EM!

[Bojangles69]

she did disrespect him if he told her before he didnt want her dancing with other dudes. we all have our little quirks. his is not liking his GF dancing with other people.

That doesn't mean anything.
You can tell your girl she can't drive or leave the house but your not the brightest if you expect her to listen to you.

I never tell a woman what she can and can't do. I do however tell my dog. But she still doesn't listen.
Everytime a couple gets married they sign legal documents, swear vows, & make promises they'll never cheat or leave each other ("till death do us apart"). 50% of those marraiges still end in divorce.
Another 20% cheat but stay together.
The other 30% at one point or another still strays from either thier vows, verbal restrictions from thier partner (could be as simple as your wife saying "i don't want you to play golf" one day and you do.) or defy anything said or written on paper thats suppose to control someones behavoir who isn't YOU.

What have we learned? You DON'T try to control ANYONE in ANYWAY because it DOESN'T MEAN SHIT. I might get married one day and recite the vows outta conformity but I'll still realize the mundanity of it.

[taiboxa]

That doesn't mean anything.
You can tell your girl she can't drive or leave the house but your not the brightest if you expect her to listen to you.

I never tell a woman what she can and can't do. I do however tell my dog. But she still doesn't listen.
Everytime a couple gets married they sign legal documents, swear vows, & make promises they'll never cheat or leave each other ("till death do us apart"). 50% of those marraiges still end in divorce.
Another 20% cheat but stay together.
The other 30% at one point or another still strays from either thier vows, verbal restrictions from thier partner (could be as simple as your wife saying "i don't want you to play golf" one day and you do.) or defy anything said or written on paper thats suppose to control someones behavoir who isn't YOU.

What have we learned? You DON'T try to control ANYONE in ANYWAY because it DOESN'T MEAN SHIT. I might get married one day and recite the vows outta conformity but I'll still realize the mundanity of it.

everyone needs a starter marriage!
and a protractor!