Didn't know where else to put this...

[The Deuce]

Ok so.. right now.. Im cruisin along.. 200mgs of test cyp ew...

Been off my cycle now... for oh 5 almost 6 weeks now..

But for some reason.. MY STRENGTH is through the roof.. I am moving more weight then I have in over 5 years...


But for some reason.. even though my strength is continuely improving,.. like drastically...

For instance.. today I did Legs.. during my Squat routine..I can usually get 4 out no problem with 405... but today... BANG 10 REPS.. and I felt as if I could have done more.. I probably should have but i racked the weight and looked in the mirror in front of me all like WTF!!!

I havent exactly been measuring,, I probably should have been because I dont know how big my wheels were when I first started up my strict training regimen 6 months ago... but currently my thighs are 27"... I think I measured them accurately.. anyways...

My whole point is.. even though my strength seems to be unrelenting AS FAR AS I SEE .. I am not seeing a big change in size.. is this because I am looking at my own body and critiquing it and kinda putting mysellf down because i dont consider myself big at all yet everyone around me either 1. calls me an animal.. 2. says HOLY FVCK MAN YOU ARE HUGE !! 3. Purposely makes sure there is enough distance to allow myself to move around..

I know I am a big,scary,intimidating man.. but what I am wondering is.. can strength come without size or is the size coming and I am just being such an over critiquing bastid that i dont see the own monstrous growth that I am achieving ???

maybe i am being too hard on myself... I believe i suffer from bigarexia.. seriously...

[T-MOS]

Have you seen a professional yet? It might do you good to talk to someone

[The Deuce]

Yah I do see a professional bro, he informed me that although Bigerexia is a condition that he is not all too familiar with but he knows it is a serious thing and does exist and suggested that I stop going to the gym for awhile..

STOP GOING TO THE GYM ?!?! Great professional advice Doc...

So I dont know..

I am sure to an extent everyone of us suffer from this.. but .. my drive is different.. I need it to survive.. its weird.. professional help?? maybe.. what I more need is friends in my life that dont screw me over... HENCE why I am a member here.. I feel more in touch with people here than in the real world.. and why you may ask.. because we are all here for the same goal... TO IMPROVE OUR BODIES.... By any means NECESSARY !!

What I had for friends before was a bunch of JUNKIES going nowhere in life.. no set plan.. no future.. nothing to hold on to...

Here everyone has a goal.. has a life.. grant it we are an online community but I feel safe here.. I know that none of you will screw me over ... well at least to my face...