Well, this one is a little bit of a downer.,
Do you ever look in the mirror and realize you really haven't changed at all, in years?
I get off work, get home at 6, take my shirt off and I'm still not happy with what I see. Still got moobs, still can't see my abs. People say you need to change your workout, you need to train more intensely. I damn near have a heart attack each day I train. Every joint in my body aches. My shoulder cracks and pops like crazy, and you can hear it clearly. Hurts to do certain movements. I know cuts are made in the kitchen, but I'm already down to 233 from 255 and still no sign of abs at 6'2". I would have to be like 205 to look how I want to look, and that means looking like a string bean. I feel like part of my size is just fucking fat.
I feel like my best years in training are way behind me. When I was 22-23, I felt my strongest. I was a natural then. I had no joint issues at all. I felt like a beast. Every now and then I watch guys on YouTube benching like 4 plates and squatting 5 and they're smaller than me, and I don't get it. How the hell is that even possible? It pisses me off knowing how much work I put in and literally the only thing changing is my joints hurting more and more over the years.
Don't get me wrong, I look better than the average joe. But I always wanted to achieve that superman look where you just look flawless. I don't see it happening anymore. I couldn't do it when I had nothing to do but train and eat all day, so how the hell could I do it now? I know it's a negative outlook and if you don't believe it won't happen, but I'm just being real with myself. I have to be happy with a less than ideal physique, in my eyes. I have to be happy with fat titties that look like shit unless they're cold. Unless I want to spend 8k in surgery, which I don't have. And then I would have to take off work at least a week, which I don't have time for either.
I always figured that even if everything else in my life sucks, at least I'll have a great physique. I don't know, whatever. Fuck it.